Hi-energy boy and yet more video clips!

Thank you for the nice comments on the video clips I posted last entry!! :) How funny that our accents seem "cute", hehehe! I suppose they're just normal flat old English accents to me, and American accents have a twang that perks up my interest whenever I hear it. I never thought about Arthur having an accent as such, already. But of course he would. Neil's accent used to be northern, and he lost most of it living down in the south of England for all these years, but he still says, "Gras" for "grass" instead of "grarse" like I do :) I like that because I can tell sometimes when Arthur has learnt a word from Neil instead of me. He learnt "glasses" from me, because he pronounces them, "gar-gee" but he learnt giraffe from Neil, pronouncing it, "gaff" rather than "garf".

I must update my “Arthur’s Video Clips” page. I forgot it was there and it only has clips up to 10 months old, so there are lots still to add to it! I have uploaded some more recent video clips today so I’ll post them with this entry (if you’re not too overloaded with my clips already!). There are some of Matthew, and he hasn’t had ANY footage of him posted at my diaries so far, so it’s high time I put some here!

Yesterday we made it to playgroup for almost the whole 2 hours – go me!! :) Arthur had a great time, as always. He did a lovely painting, but we forgot it at the end, and it’s still there in the drying racks. We’ll have to pick it up on Monday when we go again. I really like that playgroup. It’s soooo huge with so many kids, but it’s great fun for them. I kind of like the busy-ness of it. Arthur mostly likes to ride on EVERY single ride-on toy. He is so excited about it! He yells (over the absolute din of the noise of 50 toddlers!) out the name of the thing he’s riding over and over as he rides it, hehe! He ran off there while I was still signing us in when we arrived, and by the time I made it to the big hall with Matthew in the sling on my front, he was riding a bike thingy, well a trike really, his face absolutely shining with delight, shouting, “Bipe! Bipe! Biiiipe!!!” He climbs UP the slides and goes down the ladders, funny boy! He tries hats on and gives the ironing board a quick whizz with the iron. He pushes toy cars around and “cleans” the floor with the toy hoover. He was so busy with the big floor toys that he wasn’t even interested in Duplo, Stickle Bricks and jigsaws that they had out in the other room on tables. He has those in abundance at home though, so maybe that’s why he’d rather play with other things when we’re out at groups? He also did some playdough but only sat still long enough to press two cutters into it and then leave again!

He just mostly loves to RUN. He runs and runs wherever there is space. He is different to any of the other children I see at playgroups, even such a big one as this. I try to watch him as one of the whole bunch of kids, rather than focusing on him and zoning out all the other kids. It’s an interesting different perspective for me. But when I do that, I really see how high-energy he is, compared with other kids. He seem to do everything at twice the speed and with twice the intensity. He is the only child whose hair is wet through with sweat by halfway through the morning, just from how much he is racing about and how intensely he does everything. It was at soft play last week that I started to worry a bit about that. Do you think it’s okay that he’s like this? No matter how energetic the other kids were, none of them showed much sign of perspiration. Arthur hair is always wet to the tips, seriously. But he really does seem to do things at double speed ALL the time. I should try him on fish oils like Jemma suggested. Heather once posted me a link to a study on toddlers and fish oils – I can’t remember where it was though, now. Anyway it said something about fish oils in toddlers’ diets being low because they are no longer breastfed into toddlerhood, so I wondered if that would not apply to Arthur since he is still breastfed. But maybe my own diet isn’t so hot on fish oils, so it might be something to try him on in any case? Otherwise I am wondering if I should just run it by my GP – his sweats and crazy high energy-ness. I mean, he seems perfectly normal in his behaviour, except for the SPEED of it! I think he just sweats like that because of the amount of heat he’s generating through his activity. Or something. I don’t know.

Anyway. So playgroup was good. Matthew stayed awake and alert for the whole two hours, watching everything from the Baby Bjorn. It’s hard work on my back now. I think when the weather gets a little cooler I will wear him facing out in the Hug-a-Bub. It’s a pain to fiddle with getting it on and off, but since I am discovering that Matthew will happily sit there for the duration and not need taking out, I might as well wrap him to me in the Hug-a-Bub before we go to playgroup and then take him out when we get home. That would be easy. Plus it’s comfier and easier on my back. And I can lean RIGHT down to the ground without him leaning away from my body in that sling, it’s great. The Baby Bjorn is SO easy to use but he’s outgrowing it quite quickly, as Arthur did, and I find it gets too heavy for my back and shoulders. And Matthew is such a strong and eager baby. He leeeans and leans all the time, and the Baby Bjorn lets him lean quite a way out from my body, which makes it all the more difficult for my back. Plus I know the Hug-a-Bub looks so cool – people will notice it and comment, and that’s always nice :) But we’d both be too warm in it right now, so I’ll wait a while longer.

I’ve given up trying to get Arthur to sit down on the carpet and stay put for the singing time at the end of playgroup. He just won’t, and it’s a real battle! He just wants to keep on running and playing with toys. It’s such hard work with Matthew on my front, to wrangle him. So this time I just gave up. It was MUCH less stressful for me, and I’m sure Arthur appreciated it too! I just stayed in the singing area and let Arthur run back to the big hall where they were putting the floor toys away. I know they would let him ride the toys till they needed to put them away, and then they would either encourage him to go back to the singing area or help them put the toys away. He’d probably choose to help tidy. He loves to tidy. I told him that Mummy and Matthew were going to stay and do the singing, and off he went. It was nice to relax about it, and I could actually SIT DOWN for the first time in the 2 hour slot (!!) and just sing the sweet kiddie songs that I remember from when I was at nursery school, some of them anyway. Matthew LOVES singing, and being sung to, so it was nice to just focus that time on him without Arthur’s distraction. I moved his tiny hands to the actions and sang for him, and he was transfixed by the children doing the actions and seemed to love it all. I found Arthur sort-of-helping with the last few toys that were being put away after song time had finished!

Today we went to Fellowship Group at one of the mums’ houses, but we didn’t get there till quite late, which was a shame. Arthur did every possible thing to keep me off my bum, and Matthew had woken up really early this morning and so his naps were all out of whack. He was exhausted when we arrived and fell asleep in my arms, so it was REALLY hard to keep track of Arthur with a sleeping baby in my arms. In the end I asked if people would sit there and watch him if I put him down on the sofa, because he can roll now, and I needed to keep an eye on Arthur. Urgh. He drove toy cars on clean painted walls, as hard and fast as he could (back and forth, like a scribbling action), he banged on glass windows, he yanked the inner part of their letter box till it came OFF, he climbed the stairs numerous times, climbed on furniture, opened the piano lid and nearly shut it on his fingers twice, took a toy phone from Joshua and wouldn’t give it back, opened cupboard doors and drawers in the kitchen over and over, and generally just ran and ran and ran around the house without stopping. It just seems like he has too much energy, and that amount of energy is increasing week by week or something. It was such hard work. I really wanted to join in the conversations that the other mums were having, but I seemed to be the only one whose child was not sitting and playing nicely with the HUGE array of toys on the floor. I was the only one who had to get up at least twice in every minute to get Arthur down from somewhere. He wasn’t being naughty or menacing in anything he did, he just seemed overwhelmed with energy and like he didn’t know what to do with himself to release it. It’s so hard with a baby as well as a toddler that active, and doubly hard this morning because I guess I spoke too soon last entry – I have come down with Arthur’s cold today. I had a sore throat in the night and it’s still there now but not too bad. I just feel crappy and virusy and achy today. I had a bad headache at Fellowship Group. It just felt such hard work. I really sometimes wish I could just call in sick from my “job” sometimes, pull the covers over my head, and stay in bed all day. But I can’t ever do that!

I feel like I could moan a lot right now, but thankfully I don’t have the energy required, so you are all spared, haha! Hopefully my cold will be as mild as Arthur’s has been. Neil and Matthew still seem fine. Neil is EXHAUSTED from a really heavy day’s work on the garden. Today he hired out a petrol-powered turf cutter, and stripped the old turf from the lawn in the back garden. Yesterday he smashed the brick-built barbeque to smithereens with his new 10lb sledgehammer! The new turf is coming tomorrow and it has to be laid the same day it arrives so that it doesn’t dry out. He also has to return the turf cutter in the morning, but he hasn’t quite finished removing the old turf yet, as he got so tired out and his muscles so sore that his arms started shaking – poor Neil! He’s not used to this kind of work and he has really been working hard at it. I did take some “before” photos – I hope I still have them on the computer because I’ve erased them from my camera! I’ll be sure to post them with some “after” photos when it’s all done!

Okay, time for bed. I feel like poo so it’s definitely time to hit the hay. But before I go, here are the new video clips for you guys to see my sweet Mathie-Moo and also some footage of Arthur from TODAY!

The first video clip is really long – just under 4 minutes – I hope it loads okay and works for everyone to see it. It was taken a week ago, the day Matthew turned 14 weeks – he’s 15 weeks old now, that’s soooo many weeks old! I should stop counting in weeks already. Anyway, he was sitting in his Bumbo seat on the sofa with me talking to him. And Arthur was pottering around playing with toys in the background. When you hear him calling, “Nana?” he was calling for his police car. I still have NO idea why he calls police cars, “nana”!! Also you see him trying to “ride” his toy car, hehe! Sorry if it’s a bit long and drawn out. I make the clips to send to my parents and they love long, drawn-out clips, hehe!

These next two clips were taken this afternoon, when Neil took Arthur to the park again. They go there a LOT. It’s huge and there are so many different areas to go and walk or run, and lots to see. In the first clip, Arthur was running and found some rabbit poo, hehehe! He generally likes to touch or pick up deer or rabbit poo (urrrrgh) but obviously we make a BIG deal about him not doing that! He didn’t touch it this time, so maybe he’s getting the message. See how he calls Neil by saying, “Mumma, Daddeee!” even though I wasn’t there? He does that sometimes when only one of us is there, I’m not sure why.

Here’s another clip taken a little bit later at the park. They were in the trees by then, and Neil told me he had been teaching Arthur “uphill” and “downhill”, and they had been practising saying it whilst running up and down some slopes! After that, Neil would hide behind a tree and Arthur would call him and then “find” him. To my over-sensitive (or over-protective) mummyness, this seems horrendously cruel to my little tiny boy, all on his own in the park – as far as he knows once Daddy has disappeared!! But he seemed unscathed and enjoyed “finding” Daddy. At the end he got tired and wanted to go home – you can tell what I mean now about the way he pronounces things – “tired” sounding more like “ti-ye” on the fuzzy sound of the video, and “home” sounding more like “hoooo”. But he’s getting more understandable all the time, and it’s so exciting to hear more and more words from him every day!

A couple of video clips of Arthur

Thank you for the lovely comments on the photos last entry!! I actually just chose the 5th one down in the ones at the bottom of the entry (the one where the boys are facing each other but looking at me) and resized it to replace the photo of Arthur at the top of my diary - I changed it and everything, but I found it soooo hard to actually delete the html for the previous photo, just pressing the delete key even! And then when I saw the new template with the new photo, much as I love the new photo, I just couldn't bear losing the old one so I put it back! I'm silly. The old one is sooooo lovely though, even though it's rather out of date now! Arthur was 4 and a half months old in that photo, not that far ahead of Matthew's age now! I still want to replace the photo eventually with one of both the boys, but I guess it will have to be one that REALLY gets me in the heartstrings every time I see it. All the pictures of my boys do that, but some are just special. I thought this new one was, but I guess not quite enough.

I forgot to answer Julie's question before - I have no idea what Arthur weighs right now! And Matthew was last weighed nearly 3 weeks ago, and he was 12lbs 5oz. I feel like he's gained a fair bit since then, because he's had a definite growth spurt and looks a lot bigger. The Health Visitor recommended that I go back to get him weighed again in 4 weeks, but she said to come back in 3 weeks as she knew I'd want to have him weighed sooner than 4 weeks! So that will be this Friday. I think I'll take Arthur's red book (his health care book) too and ask her to weigh him as well. I have no idea so I'm curious to find out!

I just watched some of Stepmom on the TV. Urgh, I should NOT watch that movie! I had to switch it off when she told her family she had cancer. Now I can't relax and keep having horrid thoughts in my head, the kind that make me keep on just standing next to my little ones and watching them sleeping, and just getting that wrenchy heart feeling where you can't bear the thought of ANYTHING happening to hurt them. I need to go to bed, but first I need a distraction from those thoughts. So here I am to write some quick stuff and finally post those video clips I made of Arthur about a month or so ago. Matthew isn't in them - one was made while he was napping, and the other one when Neil took Arthur to the park.

Here is the clip of Arthur at the park, at 21 months old. I think it was sometime in August, although I might be wrong - maybe it was July and he was 20 months? Anyway. It was HOT and Neil took him out to get a run around. It's just a little clip of him pottering about and saying a couple of words (he didn't say too many a couple of months ago, compared with now - I need to take new footage!):

Here's another clip from around the same time/age, of Arthur just sitting with a little book that has 5 of something on each page (5 cars, etc). He likes those little books because they have lots of different colours and he likes telling me them. He was listening to my ANCIENT Fisher Price record player from when *I* was little, which I am soooo glad to have kept all these years! :) He loves that thing so much, and plays the records every day:

Okay I was going to write more but Arthur is stirring a lot and seems unhappy about something so I think I should go. He is way better, this cold has been really mild, thankfully! Matthew has sneezed more than usual today and this afternoon I had to use the baby-nose-sucker thingy to clear his nose, but that's it! I am so relieved. May they all be this mild! :) I'm sure they won't be, but anyway. Neil and I seem to have avoided it too, so that's wonderful.

Okay must go. Playgroup tomorrow - hopefully we'll make it for the whole 2 hours. We only made it to the last 45 minutes of today's one. It's sooo hard to get out of the house on time with two such little ones, urgh. It all depends on when Matthew wakes for the day, and thus his nap times thereafter. When he's older and sleeping more predictable times, and staying awake for longer in between naps (he can only go for 2 hours at the moment, and then he's knackered and needs a nap fast!), it will be easier. I'll try to update again soon!

Playgroups and church and more photos

Sooooo tired. But I really wanted to post those other photos that I didn't get to post last entry! And write about the week we've just had.

Last week was the beginning of Operation: Organised Mummy! ;) We started going to playgroup again, but not just one on a Wednesday morning. We went to the one round the corner (the one we went to before Matthew was born) on Monday and Wednesday morning. On Tuesday morning I would have taken the boys to another mother-and-toddler group run by my church, except that I had to go and see the doctor again - what a FUN FUN trip out that was, with the doctor running late and one cranky screaming boy (Matthew) and one tear-around-madly-defying-everything-Mummy-says boy. In a busy waiting room, where we were obviously the best entertainment on offer to the various spectating patients around us. Yeurgh. I really went to talk to the doctor about stress, haha! Once I'd wrangled the boys noisily into the doctor's office at last (she was wonderfully helpful at helping me get in the room and settle the boys), and sank breathlessly into the chair, it almost sounded like a joke to say, "I'm here to talk about stress management!"

Anyway, she has referred me for a stress management course. It's group therapy, and there's a 4-6 month waiting list. So there we go. I'm glad to have the ball rolling on that one. Also she gave me more medication for my stomach ulcer, because I am still getting symptoms and she thinks it's going to take longer to heal than she had anticipated, ugh. Oh well. Also she thinks some of my pain is due to other bowel stuff so I have to take some GROSS stuff every morning to fix that. And she prescribed Matthew some different cream for his eczema - did I tell you he has mild eczema, on his back, chest and neck, and up into his hair behind his ears, the poor little love. It's just spotty and raised and itchy for him, and he claws at it and screams when it's bad. Anyway, I'm hoping the new cream will sort it out for him, but no improvement so far.

So anyway, next Tuesday (tomorrow) we are going to the other playgroup. Then on Thursday we had Fellowship Group which is really a mother-and-toddler group again, but more for the mothers than the toddlers this time! It was at a cafe in town and Thursday was weirdly hot and in the end I couldn't face the drive/park/walk MILES from the nearest parking space in the heat palava. So we didn't go. But I put the boys down early for their naps and that way they were up early enough for us to try out the soft play hour at the local leisure centre! I am so proud of myself!! :) I even managed to phone Katie an hour before we went and ask if she and her little ones were free to join us, and they WERE, so that was nice. It was okay, and Arthur had a lovely time, running around like crazy and throwing himself around rather scarily on the bouncy castle! But it wasn't the best soft play area I have seen, and the floor was normal hard carpeted floor with a few gym mats scattered around. Arthur tripped over the edge of one and went flat on his face on the hard floor. He cried sooo much, which is unlike him so I guess he must have really hurt himself. I was holding Matthew in my arms but he was so beside himself that somehow my anguish over him getting hurt boosted my strength enough to pick him up in my other arm, and cuddle them both for a while. When he could breathe again, Arthur asked for milk and because he was hurt, I really wanted to give him that comfort. But I haven't nursed Arthur in public since.... well, I can't remember really. Maybe not since he turned one. I get looks and while I don't care one JOT about what anyone thinks.... I sort of DO if I'm honest, somewhere inside, or rather, I just hate to get looks about anything. It upsets me, even when I absolutely should not let it. So it's just easier to not breastfeed him in public.

So I found it actually quite hard to let go of that and just breastfeed him right there and then. It felt like more of an unusual thing because I also had a baby in my arms and it was my older child who was breastfeeding! But I tried to squash any difficult feelings and just focused on giving Arthur some comfort. I sat us down in the corner on a mat which was all piled up with soft play blocks. He didn't want to feed for very long - it always AMAZES me how fast breastfeeding can comfort a child. I read about it on breastfeeding forums before Arthur had reached toddlerhood, and was interested to hear about mothers saying how they are finding it the ultimate comfort for their toddlers. Now that I'm there, I have to say it's true. Arthur can hurt himself BADLY and be bleeding, and yet a quick snuggle at my breast will comfort him amazingly quickly, and instantly too. And he is often cheerfully heading off with me still trailing him, trying to mop up blood or something! If for any reason I can't breastfeed him when he hurts himself enough to make him cry, he is distraught about the hurt part for way way longer. It also completely dissolves tantrums, frustrated moments, cranky moods of any kind - including those "Bah! I've just woken up! Leave me alone" moods, hehe! Arthur and Matthew share me in every way. I breastfeed them both on demand, pretty much. Arthur less these days, but he has nothing to envy Matthew in that department. If those things weren't enough, my milk is a fantastic source of nourishment for my toddler and full of immunities, which he DEFINITELY still needs at this time of year! I love breastfeeding! I love how many amazing benefits it has, and seemingly more and more the longer I do it for! I am SO proud of the fact that Arthur will soon be 2 years old (which is just craaaazy in itself!) and is still breastfeeding. I feel so happy about the fact that I will be able to say I am still nursing my 2-year-old. I always wanted to breastfeed him for a long time, till he self-weaned, but I had no idea how long that would actually be. I had my doubts over whether he'd still be nursing by 2 years old, but deep down 2 years was my ultimate goal. I mean, I don't have a set goal for how long I plan/want to breastfeed my children. I just knew I would feel sad if they self-weaned before the age of 2. So it is a big deal to me, that he'll still be breastfeeding at 2! Yay! :)

So anyway, soft play was okay. Arthur enjoyed himself, which was good! Matthew didn't cry much at all. I have discovered a new thing about Matthew. He is miserable in slings and lying down in the pushchair because he wants to SEE the whole world! This boy has been so incredibly alert since the night he was born, seriously. He never had a sleepy stage. He was alert and giving the camera inquisitive expressions from his first couple of days in the world, and one of the things we have noticed the most about him is how he stares and stares with his eyes as wiiiide open as possible, as though he wants to open them wider still just to get more in! Sometimes it looks a little odd, you can see the whites of his eyes all the way around, hehe! But he just is soooo eager to look around and take things in. When I told Neil about it, he told me something I didn't know before - that Matthew was born with his eyes wide open! He delivered Matthew so he was right there to see. I was on all fours so Matthew was delivered face-up, from where Neil was positioned. Neil said it almost unnerved him a little, to watch his little forehead come out and then these wide open eyes, hehe! To me, that totally describes Matthew as the person he is, although we had no idea at the time.

Anyway, I have found that if I wear him facing out in the Baby Bjorn at playgroup, he is alert and quiet and interested the entire time! He kicks and squeals with excitement all the way there as we walk along the streets, and his little head just jerks this way and that and I can hear his fast breathing as he enthusiastically takes in the world around him - it's so sweet! Sooo many people this week have come up to me and commented on how alert he is. They all asked me how old he is and then were very complimentary about him and his alertness :) They pretty much all mention his cute spikey hair too! Somebody complimented me on Arthur at the Monday playgroup too - a lady who is a childminder came over and asked his age, and when I told her, she said that she had been watching him play and that he was very mature for his age :) I just LOVE to be complimented on my boys! Love it.

Today I put Matthew on his back on the BabyDan mat thingy that came with the playpen that we used as a stair gate instead, and he rolled onto his tummy to his right as usual. Then he rolled onto his back in the same direction!!! My clever boo!!! So now he can roll from back to tummy, and tummy to back, but only in one direction. My Babycentre update this week had a link to some info about rolling, and I clicked on it to find out more, and it had rolling down as a 4-month milestone. It said that rolling in both directions, back to tummy and tummy to back was normally a 5-6 month milestone because of the muscle strength it requires. So we might have to wait a while before he's a-rollin' in both directions. But he's ahead of schedule already so maybe not as long as 6 months. I can't remember when Arthur rolled. Hmmm.... maybe I'll just look it up in my pregnancy diary?

Okay so Arthur first rolled (tummy to back) at 15 weeks and 6 days old, and then he had weeks and weeks of both legs in full-length plaster casts so I don't know when he might have rolled without them on, because they got rather in the way! Matthew has been so markedly stronger than Arthur from the word go, it's so interesting. The only thing I'm wondering about now is what to expect with his sleep. I mean, if he rolls in his cot, he'll hit bars in either direction and surely he'll wake or get hurt, or whatever, and cry. I have no experience of this because Arthur never once slept in a cot.

The other thing Matthew did today for the first time was use his tummy muscles to sit himself sooo far forward when we put him in his bouncy chair, that he actually ended up flopped forwards over the restraining harness! We sat him back again but he just clenched his abs straight away and tried to sit forwards. If we hold him lying back at all, his head and shoulders are constantly hunched forwards as he tries to sit up! He seems so eager to progress to the next thing all the time, whether his body is ready for it or not! I can see him just LONGING to do things that Arthur is doing already. He just watches him in awe, and I know he's going to just adore him and want to copy everything he does when he's a little bit older. Arthur's so busy and fast that he'll always leave poor Matthew behind until Matthew catches up in his motor development! But I know Matthew will try and try all the same.

So we have to pack up the Fisher Price Kick and Play and say bye-bye until next time! I can't believe we're doing this already! Matthew enjoys his Bumbo seat but he is still soooo little in it. He still brings up milk in there and cries after he's been in for a while, so we don't put him in it all that often yet. He enjoys being held sitting up on the floor and holds himself up quite well with support under his armpits. He also likes being sat on the sofa with his back against the sofa back or in the corner. He uses his tummy muscles to lean forward enough to explore his toys, but he doesn't topple forwards all that much. He likes to lie on the floor mat more than he used to now, because it gives him a chance to roll, and he can look at interesting toys that I put all around him. He LOVES that musical bug toy that was Arthur's favourite. Actually he seems eager and interested in any toy, even a basic teddy bear, but he particularly loves that bug. He is much more coordinated suddenly and can grasp, stroke and scrunch with both hands. He uses his new skills to grab things and try to draw them into his mouth! He just "eats" everything at the moment, and even sucks on our arms as we're holding him! He tries to suck his thumb and fingers a lot, but often doesn't like the taste of them if he's just brought up milk on them or something! Here he is "eating" that bug:

Oh, and something ELSE Matthew did today! He has nappy rash at the moment that we can't seem to get rid of with the various creams and stuff that the Health Visitor recommended. Arthur never got nappy rash unless he was teething, and Matthew is teething a bit these days so maybe that's it. But his skin IS more sensitive than Arthur's so I don't know if it's just that. Anyway, I gave him an hour of nappy-free time this afternoon to just let his bits air for a while. I put him on the mat and let him roll around. When he was on his tummy at one point, he looked up ahead of him and saw the bug about a foot or so in front of him, and he started to do this strange wriggling thing. I called Neil in to see, and we just sat there agog as Matthew would dig his toes into the mat and scrunch his shoulders and chin down, and push his bottom right up into the air (no knees on the mat or anything!), and then relax down again. Then he'd push up onto his knees with his chin on the mat and shove with his feet. By using a combination of those two moves, he got himself to that bug in no time at all! He also learnt to do that squiggling to rotate himself around on the mat, so he could move his head a foot or so to the left, for example. I KNOW Arthur was not doing anything like this for ages after Matthew's current age, so we were just amazed to watch our strong tiny boy! He's so much littler than Arthur was too. What a strong, determined little boo! I wonder how old he'll be when he learns to sit unaided, or crawl for the first time?! It's so exciting to see, and it feels like new all over again, because already it is so very different to how it was with Arthur. I feel sure he'll do those things younger than Arthur did, given his strength in the muscles required for those things. Arthur sat unaided at 5.5 months and crawled at 8 months, so we still have a while to wait yet! I can't imagine having TWO mobile children! How crazy that will be, but how lovely as well :)

Not forgetting Arthur in this entry (!), today and yesterday he has suddenly started combining two words together way more. So he'll ask for a new drink by saying, "nyyoo guck" (guck has been his word for drink for many months now!), or tell me Daddy's in the kitchen by saying, "Dad-dee, tit-tin". Or tell me he wants to go upstairs with, "Ah-yah up!" pointing up the stairs. Today while Matthew was upstairs for one of his naps, he came running to me crying out, "Ma-Ma awake!" His new verb today (the main one he's been using) is "fall", as in fall down.

So last week we went to playgroup 2 days and soft play one day. And nothing on Friday. Saturday night Arthur was horribly unsettled and seemed to wake whining and upset every TEN minutes - yes, TEN, all night long. He resettled quickly but just kept on waking. Sunday morning he ws cheerful but tired, and then I saw his nose running. So poor Arthur has his first cold of the season already, ugh. I KNEW it would happen, but the very first week?! Yeurgh. And I feel for Matthew because he's so tiny and vulnerable and my heart squeezes with love for him SO, and he's sure to catch whatever Arthur catches. Which will be EVERYTHING, I should think. Urgh. I am ultra glad my milk is there with antibodies in it. I read that when a child exposes the breast to a virus they have (ie by contact with their mouth/saliva), the breast begins to make antibodies to that exact virus, and it's ready in the milk just 8 hours after exposure!!! Isn't that just so incredibly amazing?!!! Breast milk is awesome stuff. Anyway, so if I catch the cold I'll pump out antibodies anyway, but at least I know Arthur has exposed me to it and it's already in my milk because of that. Because the boys share my breasts, I worry about the transmission of germs a bit, because even if I wash myself off between every single time they feed, a wet washcloth is hardly going to kill of a virus is it?! But oh well. It's good for his immune system anyway, Matthew, that is. Still, he's never been ill yet and I am dreading that heartbreaking first time. I think for colds and stuff I will just let them get on with it and share my breasts and look after them as best I can. If Arthur shows signs of a tummy bug though, I will immediately assign them one breast each for the duration, unless Matthew comes down with it too, and then I'll let them share again as they might as well. By the time Arthur is symptomatic it will probably be too late to protect Matthew anyway. I am DREADING the tummy bugs. Dreading dreading dreading, I can't tell you. They are sure to happen. I just hope it's not too terrible and that Neil and I don't get them too, and that we just don't get hit by toooo many over the one season. Ugh. I hate tummy bugs. Neither of our kids has ever had one yet. I'm dreading it.

Anyway. Arthur is doing okay. He had a less disturbed night last night, but still quite wakeful, and congested by the morning too. He still has just a runny nose and seems to have boundless energy and lots of cheerfulness, so he's doing fine. Matthew has no signs of a cold yet, but Arthur sneezed a fine mist all over him on the floor mat today, ugh. And Neil and I are popping our high-dose Vitamin C. I hope we don't get it. We're both so exhausted and have so much to do every day that it would not be helpful to have a virus, even just a cold. Arthur gave me a very drooly kiss on the lips today so there's no doubt that I've been exposed! I'll just have to hope to fight it off.

We did go to playgroup as normal this morning though. One time when Arthur had a cold earlier this year, and I phoned Katie to say we wouldn't be going to playgroup, she told me that as far as the "unwritten rules" of illness at playgroups went, mothers would not keep their children away from playgroups with colds, unless their little one was feeling too poorly to want to play. Otherwise they'd never go, as little ones get soooo many colds! But if their children had any sign of diarrhoea or a tummy bug, they wouldn't let them go and mix with other kids. I think that is a great rule, and I'll be sticking to it. It always used to bug me SILLY when I was little at school, that parents would send their kids in to school when they'd been throwing up in the night. I know it bugged me because of my whole fear of being sick thing, but it just seemed soooo irresponsible! Tummy bugs are horrible things to pass around. Maybe people just don't know that a tummy bug is infectious for up to 48 hours AFTER vomiting and diarrhoea ceases, and definitely for the first 24 of those. So many parents send their kids back to school or playgroup the morning after because their kids seem fine again. Which they are, but they are still passing that bug around for another 24 hours. I feel like other mums probably aren't going to do it, but I plan to keep my kids away from other people for a full 24 hours after they seem better. I'd hate to be the reason they passed something horrible on to someone else.

Anyway, so Arthur seemed energetic and like he would enjoy playgroup today. Neil is home from work to sort the garden out this week, and Matthew's naps went all skewy today and he was napping while we should have been at playgroup. So in the end, I left Matthew with Neil and took Arthur for the last hour of playgroup. It was nice to just be with Arthur actually. I feel so physically stretched and mentally stressed out when I have both children with me on my own. It's so incredibly difficult having two such small children!! I realise it more than ever when taking the energetic toddler out that I used to complain exhausted me before, makes me feel refreshed and like this is the easy option!! ;) It's SO nice not to have to divide my attention.

There was a children's photographer at playgroup this morning, and Arthur had his photograph taken. The proofs come back in 2 weeks and I'll see if they come out nice enough to buy any prints. They aren't expensive, and I don't have to commit to buying any, so that's good. I was a bit bummed that I didn't have Matthew with me in the end, because the photographer had taken some really sweet photos of toddlers with their baby siblings, as young as 6 weeks old! So I could have had my first professional photo of the boys taken, but oh well. Matthew would probably not have enjoyed it anyway, and would have cried and not been able to be photographed or something! He is not like Arthur was at his age - always loving to smile for the camera! The photographer hopes to come again before the end of the year, so I'll hopefully get them photographed together then. Matthew should be easier to entertain and photograph then too, I hope!

We went to church again on Sunday!!! Two Sundays running, wow! ;) We haven't done that in what feels like years. Some nice guy who has been at our church for 2 years actually came up to us after the service and introduced himself, thinking we were new, haha! We had to tell him we'd been at this church for nearly 11 years, but that we were just extremely slack since we had children! ;) We are really determined to start attending church regularly again now. We miss it, and it'll be good for us and good for the boys. Arthur gets another day in the week of social contact and an hour of creche with toys and activities. Both of them get to see people worshipping God, which we always wanted them exposed to, and especially to see US praising God, to see that as a "norm". They both seem very "yikes, what's going on here?!" at church at the moment and that makes me sad.

I am LOVING being back at church. I missed the people there so much, and just being surrounded by people who love Jesus, and singing to God as one of many people. For the 2 Sundays we've been back, Neil has taken both boys to creche and stayed with them, and I have sat through the whole service! I don't think I've done that for at least a year. This last time we went, Neil brought Matthew to me halfway through the sermon and I breastfed him right there in the church. I remember feeling so awkward about breastfeeding Arthur during the service, even though I knew it was just ME with the funny feelings. Our church is young and open and non-judgemental, and mothers do breastfeed their babies, usually at the back but some do in their seats as well. I don't know what is different this time, but I had no qualms at all about whipping out a breast and feeding my baby boy. I suppose it helps that there are 4 other breastfeeding mothers (with babies almost the same age as Matthew) at church, and I had just seen 3 of them breastfeed their babies. One of them was struggling away under a shawl, and seemed quite embarrassed about it, and my heart went out to her because it's such a shame to feel like that about breastfeeding in public, and I know how she feels. But it was lovely to NOT feel that way. I was sitting at the back anyway, but I didn't try to cover myself, and that felt like a big relief. I enjoyed breastfeeding while listening to the sermon and learning things about my wonderful God!

The first Sunday back at church, I went forward for prayer at the end of the service. I want God back in my life again, big time. I miss him in his rightful place - on the throne of my life, instead of me there. I would "try" to get back in that place but I just couldn't seem to. So I asked for prayer about it. Also for my stomach ulcer, and stress in my life. It was lovely to stand there and just go quiet before God and have somebody pray out loud for me. I have missed that so much! While the lady was praying for me, I felt like I had a tight band around my stomach and ribs, physically and spiritually. Like I couldn't take a deep breath, and I was trying and trying to expand my lungs and use my diaphragm and breathe the right way, but I had forgotten how and I just couldn't seem to do it. I told the lady this, and she started to pray into that. After a while I got that long-missed but familiar sense of God's presence around me, and just started to let go and relax more. I guess it has been way too long since I let God lift my burdens. Maybe that is why I have been getting so stressed this last year or so. I have not been letting God help me. The lady stopped praying and said, "Wow!" and told me that she really felt God's presence powerfully over me right now. I smiled and said, "I know" and then it seemed so ridiculously serene of me, given how completely-the-opposite I've been for soooo many months now, that I just started to giggle and couldn't stop! Right then I noticed I could take the most ENORMOUS, refreshing deep breath - I could filllll my lungs right up and then release it all out with that wonderful relaxing feeling that goes with doing that. I told the lady the tight band had gone, and we just praised God for it, and then somebody came up to me and asked me if I could pray with them for a lady who was crying and upset about something, so I went to do that. It has been too long since I actually reached out and prayed with somebody. I felt weird and inexperienced all of a sudden, and nervous because of it, but that soon melted away, because really it is a very familiar thing to me. It's just that I haven't done it in toooo long. So that was good for me too.

I love God. He is just.... just... so wonderful and precious and perfect and loving. I love him completely.

I have been putting praise and worship CDs on at home more lately, and actually worshipping as I sing along. I have discovered two new things about doing this when the boys are around. The other day I had both boys in the car and we were stuck in traffic. Matthew was SCREAMING like normal and he never stops till we get home and I can calm him down, usually with the breast. Arthur was unhappy that Matthew was so upset and was shouting and stuff. I didn't know what to do so I started to sing kiddies' songs, nursery rhymes and stuff. I could barely hear my own voice, the boys were soooo noisy in the little tin box we were stuck in! They weren't distracted by the singing, so I put the radio on. No joy. But in the noise, I suddenly felt sure I could hear a worship song on the radio, and I was surprised because it was a secular radio station. I listened more carefully and it wasn't the song I thought it was (of course) but then that song was in my head (the worship song, that is), and I started to sing it. The boys cried. I tried blocking their noise out and by the end of the first verse I felt my heart just begin to SOAR in worship to God, and the instant I had that feeling, Matthew stopped crying. Immediately. Arthur went quiet too! I kept singing, and when I got to the end of the song, I started it again. After a while, it became just something I was singing rather than worship from my heart, and it's so odd because every time I lost the feeling of worship, Matthew would start crying again. If I pushed everything else out of my head and made myself focus on worshipping God then he stopped. Amazing! I told Neil about it and he's going to try that too.

The other thing happened at home when I was singing and dancing to some bouncy praise songs with the boys. Arthur loved it SO much! I love that. I had Matthew in my arms and we just had such a sweet little praise time together :) When Neil got home from work, Arthur asked for the music on again, and when I put it on, he ran up to Neil, threw his hands in the air and SHOUTED, "Pay God!" (praise God!) hehehe! He's so funny :)

Oops, Matthew is awake - I guess I have been typing too loudly! I will just feed him and then when he's asleep again I'll post a load of photos and add the entry.

Okay, back - here are some lovely photos of my boys, taken a few days ago! Some are rather blurry where Arthur was moving (as he is usually in motion most of the time!):

And a few of Arthur actually paying Matthew some prolonged attention! He was undoing Matthew's poppers in the first one, and playing "buh... buh... buh... buh... BOOGIEEE!" (the thing I do with Matthew, wiggling his hands on "boogieeee!") with him in the other two. Matthew was absolutely thrilled to have such attention from his Arthur, as you can see! My sweet boys! :)

And that is all for now. Matthew has been fed, and he's still on my bed, having just rolled onto his tummy. I need to put him back in his cot and get ready for bed myself, as it's way too late again. Back soon, I hope! Oh but I almost forgot - thank you SO much for the lovely comments since my last entry!!! What lovely compliments on my boys and such encouraging words! You know I just want to give each of you a big hug :) Thank you! xxx

New words and photos and monkey behaviour!

Oh no! Another whole week to catch up on! And such a busy week too. And to add to it all, I have somehow managed to take a ton of photos this week, so I'm sure I'll NEVER fit it all in this entry!

Neil has finally got a week off work - yippee!!!! It's so nice to think that it's Saturday evening and he isn't going back to work till after NEXT Saturday! Yay! We have planned way too much to achieve, but it's all so urgent that we'll have to try. We got quotes back from the gardeners who came to assess our garden, and we can't remotely afford to have someone come and fix our garden to make it a place for Arthur to play :( So Neil will have to use his holiday time to fix up the garden after all. It's a bummer but we have no choice. It's still costing us a fair bit of money because Neil is going to re-turf the lawn, smash down the horrendous eye sore that is the brick-built barbeque (which we never use anyway), clean and de-weed the patio areas, dig out the trees growing in the borders, and tackle the front border by the driveway. We have a skip coming on Monday for a week. Yeurgh. I'm not that pleased about that part, but I guess we need one. There will be so much stuff to go in it, and the old turf will be heavy. Neil has had to hire tools for some of the gardening projects too. Soooo, busy week. We also hope to tackle some of the house, which is in an absolutely hopeless state. We have started to try spending 15 minutes together, both tackling one specific part of the house after both boys are asleep at bedtime. THEN we have our evening. I am also really hoping I might get some rest and relaxation time for myself with Neil home. I sort of hope it will be a holiday for me too, but I hate that it means Neil has to take over when I rest, because it's his holiday from work. I really want to just chill out and do stuff that I've been wanting to do for ages. I want to sew some nappies! I want to finally set aside big chunks of time to start reading diaries again - I have no clue what is going on in the lives of so many of my friends at Diaryland! It has been far too long and I so want to catch up again. I have a LOT of reading to do once I start though! I also kind of fancy playing The Sims 2 a bit, but I feel guilty at the idea because it is such an UNPRODUCTIVE thing to spend hours doing! Every hour seems precious at the moment and computer games seem to waste that time. Although I love The Sims. It's so much fun! :)

You guys want to see a new photo of my lil Mathie-man? Here he is talking at me yesterday:

And look what I found today?! Arthur, aged nearly 4 weeks younger, but wearing the same sleepsuit and lying on the same changing mat cover!

Aren't they just soooo completely different?!! Their head shapes are utterly different. Arthur has my dad's (round and large!) and Matthew's is identical to Neil's. Very different. They have different noses, but neither of them have "my nose" or "Neil's nose". They both have mixed noses (what an odd thing to say, haha!) but completely different "mixes". Matthew has Neil's eye shape and blue eyes. Arthur has my eye shape and brown eyes. I am always aware of how different they are, but seeing photos like this really brings it home even more. I love their differences! It just boggles me that the same parents can produce two such different children though!

Matthew is now officially a roly-poly boy!! He rolls onto his tummy every time I lay him down on his back, but only in one direction - to his right. I caught it on video during the week but I am sooooooo behind on getting video clips uploaded to the computer. I will probably end up with an entry full of out-of-date video clips at some point! I have some sweet footage of Arthur just running about at the park when Neil took him, about 3 or 4 weeks ago. And some other stuff. Maybe I will get around to that this week. I will try to reply to some emails this week too. I hope I am not setting my expectations too high! A week will go by too fast, I know it. If I don't get it done, I hope people will understand and wait till the next time I have some free time (whenever that might be!).

Matthew is also grasping toys with both hands, and scrunching and stroking on crackly textured toys. Today I did not tie my hair back (which has only happened like TWICE since I had Matthew - long hair + two tiny ones = rapid hair loss and baby boys gagging on hair!) and I was leaning over Matthew and he was absolutely entranced by my hair! It's so weird when you tie your hair back for like 3 months and never have a moment to look at yourself in the mirror (!!) - my hair actually took me by surprise with how long it has gotten since the last time I took it down and looked at it, haha! Also I happened to glance up into the mirror the other day while I was washing my hands in the bathroom, and was quite surprised at my own face. That sounds weird, but honestly I have not had a moment to look in the mirror for months, or so it feels. I have just been rushing too fast or thinking about the next thing while I'm washing my hands, so not really paying attention to the mirror. I never wear make-up so I have no reason to look in the mirror anyways. And obviously I just brush my hair as fast as I can and scrunch it back in a hairband every day, so no need for a mirror there either! Anyway, it was just a glance but I sort of stopped in my tracks and just looked and looked for a while, because - I know this will sound crazy of me, but my face seems to have aged so much since I had Matthew. I am not bothered by it at all, since I have never had any issues with getting physical signs of ageing. It's just odd to see it happening to my permanently-15-years-old mind! I have new lines all OVER my face, mostly where I scrunch up with worry, like on my forehead and stuff. That's not good! But then, neither is a stomach ulcer so I am guessing the lines aren't exactly unexpected. But I just LOOK older. I remember before I had kids, I would watch new families at church as the couples started to have children, and the vast majority of the mothers looked young and almost like teens while they were pregnant with their first. Most of them looked considerably older by the end of their baby's first year. I remember telling my mum about it and she said having kids ages you! It's just very hard work. It's not a BAD thing, it's just the way it is. After Arthur, I didn't really notice much change in my face. Maybe a little. But since Matthew.... I really look like my age now. Which is still young, but before I had Matthew I was STILL being asked for ID if I bought wine in the supermarket (and the age is 18 here). Up to my pregnancy with Matthew (and once during it, I think), salesmen would knock at the door and ask me if my parents were home! It bugged me sooooo much! But I notice that nobody is doing that any more, and I think I finally look my age. I miss that my youth is getting further and further behind me (well, YOUNG youth, you know?!) but I am sort of quite pleased to be looking older. I AM older. This is the best part of life, for me - being a parent. You don't generally get to do that till you're "older" and I've been waiting for it for EVER. Now I'm here, and I look the part - stretch marks and all, hehe! I'm happy to be here :)

I have loads more stuff that I wanted to write about Arthur and the things he says and does. I was reading a couple of my recent entries back the other day, so I could see what I'd already said and what I have yet to write about, and I realised that the way I write about Arthur (and Matthew even) might seem kind of.... I can't think of the right word... egotistical? You know, like I'm bragging about every little thing he does. I think it might come across that way. I wanted to mention it, because it's really not how I mean it! I write my diaries rather selfishly - for ME, and to purge my own thoughts. The thoughts that I have in my head are the same as any mother's about their child - how gorgeous he is, how there is no other child in the WORLD more cute/scrummy/clever, etc, than mine, hehe! You know how it is - those of you with kids must think like that too. I am so excited and proud and thrilled about every new thing he learns or says or does. Things he does that are funny are exaggerated to my mind in their cuteness or funniness. In my head, I see him do new things and I think to myself, "Oh, he's SO clever!!!" Well, of course I would never trot down to the local mother-and-toddler group and start talking about my children like I do in my diary! I wouldn't say it out loud like I think it - now that WOULD be arrogant and annoying of me! But my diary here is like an extension of my brain. I don't write my diary for my readers (sorry, hehe!) or like an update for friends to read, although it does seem that way by how I write sometimes. I have always written my diaries just for me - knowing I have readers, but still, writing it for me. I write my thoughts straight out of my head and on the whole I don't censor them. Except for stuff that would make me too vulnerable online, and occasionally stuff that I feel ashamed about having in my head. But even then, I have found it helps to be honest. It helps me to purge, it helps me to get feedback over the issues, and wonderfully, I get contacted by strangers who tell me how much it helped THEM to see me write so honestly about something they are struggling with. So I like to write honestly, from my mind.

Right now, most of my thoughts and stuff are about my boys and what they are doing. I am proud to BURSTING over them and delight in their every little action, so of course it comes out here. I just wanted to explain that, even though I know I didn't need to. I know I'm always saying, "Oh Arthur knows FIFTY THOUSAND different colours! He's the cleverest child in the universe!" and stuff like that, but I really am just excited that he knows his colours, and honestly not comparing him with other children as such. I think if he was struggling to know his colours at the age of FIVE and one day he suddenly learned red, yellow and green, you could bet I'd be here going, "Oh my GOSH, Arthur just told me his crayon is RED! My clever Boo-Bean!!!" even though every other child knew those colours years before him! I never mean to compare. I hope I don't annoy people too much! Nature has wired me to think my own children are the best that can be, hehe! And I can't help myself ;)

That said, I have a whole list of little things that Arthur is doing or saying that I wanted to write about (in the above style, hehe!). I just never want to forget all these little things, and writing them here means they won't get forgotten.

Okay, let's see.... Arthur knows soooo many fruit and veg names from playing with his plastic fruit and vegetables. He knows avocado ("a-bah-bo!") and aubergine ("oh-beem"), which is UK for eggplant for any Americans wondering what the heck kind of vegetable I'm talking about! If he doesn't know one, he holds it out to me and I tell him the name, and he repeats it and puts that fruit/veg down and picks up another one. He seems to really enjoy learning stuff and it's so much fun to teach him new things and see him learn them so fast.

He has so many new words AGAIN since my last entry even. I can't write them down as I hear them any more because there are just too many, which I am finding a bit sad! I so wanted to keep track of his development more closely, but never mind. He is learning several new verbs every day right now. If I can't figure out what he's saying by the way he pronounces it, he gets frustrated, but he has started trying to show me by example (that clever boy!) while saying the word again, so that I'll hurry up and catch on! For example, yesterday he brought me a bag of winter tops and jumpers that Katie gave me for him, which Joshie has grown out of. He pulled them out of the bag, lay them on my knee and said, "Fwhoo-hoe". The nearest thing it sounded like, to my ear, was "throw". So I said, "Throw? You want me to throw them?" I felt stupid suggesting it, because it obviously wasn't the right word - silly Mummy! But I just couldn't figure out what he was saying. He immediately got frustrated and tried the word again and again, looking at me earnestly and patting the clothes. In the end, after much frustration, he finally spread one of the jumpers out on the sofa next to me, picked up one side of it and very purposely folded it onto the other side, then looked up at me and said, "Fwhoo-hoe". The penny dropped, and I said, "Oh, FOLD! You want Mummy to FOLD the clothes?!" and you should have seen how excited he was that I had understood him at last! He beamed and clasped his hands under his chin, and said, "Yeah yeah! Fwhoo-hoe!" I repeated "fold" a few times while we folded them, and by the time were were finished folding he was pronouncing it better, more like "foo-hoed".

He has suddenly started saying "yes" to everything in the last week. Well, he says, "Yeah" or "Yah" but the great thing is, we can now ask him a question with a yes/no answer and he can easily tell us yes or no, which is great. He has been saying no for ages but we'd have to guess whether the answer was "yes" based on whether or not he said "no"! He would make "affirmative" sounds for yes, if we asked him if he wanted an apple to eat, for example. But it's so nice to ask him and to hear him say clearly, "Yeah" or "No" (which often comes out more like a cheery "Nope!" sound!). If he's super eager for whatever it is, he'll say, "Yeah yeah!" or even, "Yeah yeah yeah!" whilst clapping his hands or clasping them excitedly under his chin. He pretty much does that every single time I ask him if he wants some milk (as in, my milk) :) His word for milk is pronounced, "Mum", often "mmmmum" so if he says it then I ask him if he wants milk and he says, "Yeah yeah yeah!" and scrambles excitedly onto the sofa in readiness :) He's a sweetie.

I LOVE one of his new words, which is "cugg-oo" (cuddle) :) And he is now combining three words together to describe something he's doing - like the other day Neil was taking the bins out on bin day, and Arthur went into the kitchen and reappeared with a small empty wicker-basket bin. He carried it carefully to the front door and declared, "Ah-yah, bin, heppin!" (Arthur, bin, helping!) :)

Another new word rather shocked me the first time I heard it. He sat on his potty and said, clear as day, "Shit!" I thought, oh my gosh, where did he learn that! And just ignored it. But then later on he sat on his car and smiled and said again, "Shit!" and I realised he was saying "sit" with a bit of a lispy thing going on, hahaha! He now likes to declare whenever he's sitting on anything, "Shit!" We're trying to help him pronounce the 's' better ;) He also says, "wide" whenever he's on his car (ride). He likes to try to "wide" anything and everything, even his toy cars and duplo animals, which he squats down on soooo carefully, hehe! I love to see him carefully balanced on a teeny tiny duplo horse, waddling round the room singing out, "Wide!" and making click-clock sounds with his tongue! Funny boy!

He calls out for things that he's looking for as well, which is a fairly new thing. He has this FAB set of 2 piece jigsaw puzzles from Boots - a box of 20 of them. They are things like a car, a butterfly, a postbox, a snowman, etc, and they are each in two halves. I won them at eBay, as I knew he would love them. He really likes jigsaws. Anyway, these are currently one of his favourite things to do. He spreads them all out on the floor and picks up a piece. He knows all the names for the pictures already. He'll look at the top half of the fairy and say, "Ware-wee" and then look over the other pieces, calling out, "Ware-wee? Ware-wee?" with both hands turned upwards in the "all gone" sign, hehe! If he's watching a children's telly programme and somebody has lost something on the TV, like their dog or something like that, he'll go round the house calling for the thing that somebody on TV has lost, like it might turn up in OUR house, haha!

We've seen the programme "Something Special" on CBeebies a few times lately (it's a programme for toddlers about signing) and today I was absentmindedly singing the theme. On the programme, when the guy finishes singing the theme song, he says, "Hello!" and then asks/signs "What's your name?" and then says, "My name's Justin!" and signs it by tracing a 'J' shape on his other hand with his forefinger. Arthur was playing with Duplo, and as I sang the last line, he dropped his piece of Duplo and said, "Ah-row!" (hello) and then said, "Dut-din!" whilst pointing to his other hand! I can't believe Arthur has picked that up so fast and associated it with me singing the theme tune!

The other thing I wanted to write about is his new thing of pretending to be asleep, hehehe! He is really into pretend play more and more these days and loves to cook food for me in the kitchen with saucepans and spoons! Today he was mixing something in a saucepan and I asked him what he was making, and he smiled at me and called out, "Tee-tiiine!" (tea time, which I often call out when it's ready for him) and when I asked what was for tea, he thought for a moment with his head on one side, and then shouted, "Beeeeans!" excitedly! He wanted me to get into his booster seat at the table so that he could feed me some tea! Once again, I was thick Mummy and put HIM in the chair, thinking he was eagerly asking me to put him in it, but as soon as I lifted him into it, he said, "Noooo!" and shook his head. He said, "Mumma, tee!" and patted the chair. I had to tell him the chair was too small for Mummy! He then delighted in feeding me spoonfuls of imaginary beans from a ladle out of his saucepan :) I love this little boy!

Anyway, lately when I tell him it's time for sleep, he lies down and closes his eyes (but that squinty not-quite-shut type of closed), and snores: "Ah-phew, ah-phew!" hehe! He then pops up shouting, "Awake!" and then does the whole thing over again. He likes to randomly do this during the day on the living room floor, and also makes the same snoring sounds for on Monkey's behalf when Monkey has been "put to bed" in his box and is "sleeping"!

He CONSTANTLY plays answering the phone! It's the cutest thing. If he hears a phone ringing sound ANYWHERE, like on TV, or outside, or our phone, or a toy phone - he'll instantly stop what he's doing and snatch his open hand to his ear (his imaginary phone!) and say, "Ah-row?" Then he pauses, eyes off to one side as though he's listening, and then he makes THE funniest assortment of "phone conversation" noises, which he has obviously picked up from listening to us talking on the phone! He has ones that he uses the same way every single time. He says, "Ah-row?" followed by, "Oh?.... Oh NO!.... Yah.... Yah, yah.... Oh NO!...." and then the funniest bit of all, he does this hilarious fake laugh that sounds like Count dracula's laugh on Sesame Street, hehe! The a-a-a-ah! one ;) He tips his chin up while he's laughing the fake laugh, and then goes back to, "Oh?.... Yah?.... Oh NO!" etc, before he puts his "phone" down again. We must get a lot of awful news over the phone for him to be saying, "Oh NO!" so much, hehe! Actually it's something I seem to say a lot on the phone, say if my grandparents phone and tell me about their computer playing up AGAIN, and I usually respond by saying, "Oh NO!" and then commenting on it further. So I guess that's where Arthur got that one from! Anyway I sooooooooooo want to get him on video pretending to talk on the phone. I will be so sad if he stops doing it one day and I never caught it on camera.

Oh, he did answer the phone the other day! Usually we have the ringer off and just respond to messages, but I had turned the ringer on one time when I was expecting a phone call from someone and I forgot to turn it back off. I went upstairs to settle Matthew and left Arthur playing with toys. Suddenly I heard the phone ring, and on the third ring it stopped! I thought, oh NO! Because I knew Arthur must have picked it up. I raced down to grab the phone and on my way down the stairs I could hear him saying, "Ah-row?.... Oh?.... Yah.... Oh NO!"!! As he came into view I could see him with the phone held to his neck (he never quite holds it correctly to his ear when he's actually holding the phone!) and he was doing his fake laugh with head tipped back :) I took the phone and said, "Hello? Hello?!" and there was no answer. I said hello again, and a lady said, "Um... hello?" hehehe! It was some sales person (ugh) who was a bit dumbfounded after her conversation with Arthur! ;)

He is also, however, a complete monkey around the house. He climbs on everything. He uses toys or the laundry basket, pushing them up against the kitchen cabinets to climb on them and reach things on the surfaces - NOT safe, but he'll do it when I'm taking Matthew up to bed or something. One time he found a biro from I-know-not-where, while I was settling Matthew, and when I came down he was VERY excited to show me that he had been "daw, pen!" (drawing with a pen) all over the wall above the 3-seater sofa! We also have some very nice pencil artwork on the surface of our wooden chest in the living room. We generally keep all pens and pencils locked away in a drawer with a child lock on it, but he ALWAYS finds the odd one that got left out and wastes no time using it somewhere while I'm upstairs for a minute! He hasn't done it that much though.

Matthew has woken but I had SO much more to say, and more photos too! I'll just finish with some photos of another monkey thing I found Arthur doing when I came down one day from settling Matthew in his cot:

Yes, it's nappy cream. Oh-so-carefully applied to one side of his face! ;) But he's so precious, I can't help but love him to bits all the same! I'll update again tomorrow if I can, I have so much more to write, and more photos too. Here's my lovely boy, a couple of days ago:

Jabs, sleep, Mr. Men, and photos

Urrrrgh, darned AOL kept us offline for 2 days! I was going half CRAZY, haha! I am so addicted to the internet, even if I only have a moment here and there. Most of the time I couldn't get online, I wasn't actually able to spare time to go on anyway, but just the thought that I COULDN'T was bugging me! I heart the internet :)

Sooo I have about 5 minutes to start an update because the boys should be home any time soon. Neil has taken them into town to buy new shoes for Arthur. He can barely get his foot in the shoes he got after Matthew was born (!!) so I guess he must be a size 6 by now, or something? Those were a size 5, and his summer sandals were 4.5 so he's well out of those. It is CRAZY how fast he is growing at the moment! He has suddenly started to outgrow nappies that he's been in comfortably for months. He no longer fits size large Fuzzis and although he was occasionally wearing XL fuzzis at the same time as fitting the large size, they were kind of big on him. Now they fit him just right and I had to get a couple more at eBay. He has six XL fuzzi bunz now, and the rest of his nappies are home made. I have had to adapt standard-sized patterns to fit him! He is long in the rise. He does still fit size 3 Tots Bots though, and we do have a few of those but don't use them very often. He has recently outgrown size L MotherEase airflow wraps and is comfiest in his XLs, which we only needed for going over big night nappies until recently. All the standard Cuddlebuns are on the small side for him now, and I'm trying to find time to make him some XL ones. I won a couple of Wee Notions microfibre nappies at eBay and they are GORGEOUS, but even though they were custom-made extra long in the rise for a toddler, they are still a bit small on Arthur!

Matthew is also outgrowing nappies. He has been out of small fuzzi bunz for a month, and he now fits the mediums really well. He is out of all size one nappies (quicker than Arthur was, incidentally), and fits size 2 Tots Bots and Kissaluvs well. I am finding Tots too harsh on his back with the towelling-covered elastic compared to fuzzi bunz so I think I might sell all mine. He is used to much softer nappies and complains when I put a Tots Bots nappy on him!

If you don't know about these various brands of cloth nappies, I apologise! It will be like a foreign language to you probably! But I want to write about it all the same :)

Anyway. Matthew is in medium Motherease airflow wraps, and just grew out of the small size a few weeks ago, so our house is crazily littered with cloth nappies! We have ME airflow wraps lying around everywhere in sizes: small, medium, large and extra large, hehehe! And we haven't put the small fuzzis away yet, so also lying around the house are fuzzis in sizes: small, medium, large and extra large! Urgh. We need to put some things in the loft, but we NEVER have any time to do that. As I type this, the loft hatch is open and the ladder in place to go up there, but I can't even remember what mini-crisis diverted us from that focus a few hours earlier. And now the boys are out - Arthur needed to get out of the house and there was only a tiny window before his tea, so they're out now. And when they get back it'll be tea, bath, bed, and then I guess the ladder will get taken down again and put away, and we'll try again tomorrow! It's crazy.

I REALLY want to go to church tomorrow. Really really really. I hope we make it this week.

I wanted to thank everyone who has emailed me or left me comments lately. I have had so much support here since I said how much I feel I'm struggling, and it has helped me so much. Maybe that's part of the reason it bugged me so much to lose internet access for a couple of days. It just feels like a support link, even if I'm not actively typing things out or reading comments at that exact moment. The awareness of that link is often a big help in itself. I REALLY appreciate how you guys have made the internet feel that way for me :) I wish I could hug you ALL! xxx

I do take on board everyone's advice too. It's so good to hear different perspectives on my situation, especially those that are a bit removed from it all, as it's hard to see things clearly when I'm so close to it all myself. Or just too tired and stressed! I am NOT offended by anyone who has suggested that maybe I should wean Arthur. I know more than one person has worried that they offended me with the suggestion, and I just wanted to say you did not! I don't plan to wean Arthur till HE chooses to wean, BUT I did take on board what you were saying and I have chosen to refuse a little more when he asks for milk. So if it's not convenient for me, I will say, "Not right now" or "Mummy will give you milk a bit later". The result is that he is mainly feeding first thing in the morning, at his nap time (after lunch), and twice in the evening (once after tea and again at bedtime). Sometimes he gets to breastfeed mid-morning or mid-afternoon, depending on what is going on, but not always. He DOES still ask constantly and still gets upset and whiney when I say no, but I know he'll get used to it. I definitely don't want to actually stop him breastfeeding though. Most toddlers who are left to self-wean will do so between the ages of 2 and 3, though some will continue to age 4 or beyond. I have always been happy with the idea of breastfeeding my children at 2 or 3. I guess I haven't thought beyond that age though, as I presumed they'd probably wean by then! I will probably reassess when he's nearing 3 or something, if he hasn't already weaned himself. But cutting down the amount of time I am spending with Arthur at the breast is a good thing at the moment. If we are going to be busy and get anything done, he can't feed all morning and afternoon! But I make sure that when he DOES feed, it's leisurely and for as long as he wants it. And snuggly and welcoming :) I still LOVE the times when I am breastfeeding Arthur.

I still want to devote an entry to Matthew and finish what I had started a few entries back, but there keeps being other stuff to talk about, so I guess I'll just catch up on Matthew-things in a normal entry like this one, otherwise it'll all get left behind!

Matthew is 3 months old!!! I need a new breastfeeding milestone blinkie for him! I can't believe I have been tandem nursing for 3 months. I can't believe I have had my Mathie-Moo for 3 months! He is the most precious little boo. I can't remember what I have said about him lately. I hope I don't go over the same stuff again. Let's see. I think he has had a growth spurt lately. He fed frequently for a couple of days and nights, and then last night and today he is doing the same again. He seems REALLY hungry when he feeds, almost desperate for me to hurry up and get my bra undone, hehe! So I guess he is growing again. Just this morning I thought his face seemed a little rounder than I'm used to seeing it.

He may be at the 25th percentile for weight and height, but WEIRDLY he outgrew all his 0-3 month clothing (all brands) by 2 months old, and I have already had to pack away the size 3-6 month sleepsuits and vests, weeks ago! He is comfortably fitting his 6-9 month sleepsuits and vests, and just these last few days, some of them are getting a bit snug on him. I think that is due to the cloth nappies though, because they are only snug at the crotch and shoulders. But he fills the arms and legs out all the same. He fits size 6-12 month vests in some brands that come up small! I can't fathom why this is, since he is so low on the percentile charts, but there we go. He is in 3-6 month clothes on everything but sleepsuits and vests.

He likes being on his tummy, or his back, or upright, facing in or out. He is just happy in general and enjoys lying around or being held. He is no longer particular about certain positions, unless he's getting really tired and grouchy. Although we never hold him in the traditional "cradle" hold as he has never enjoyed that much. He prefers to see things, and more specifically, to use his neck muscles!

When he's on his tummy, he spends most of the time propped up on his elbows looking around. He has discovered his hands recently and stares at them a lot in various positions. He surprised me the other day when I came in to get him after a nap - he was propped up on his elbows (lying on his tummy) underneath his mobile, and he was holding his head back far enough so that he could juuust about look UP to see the mobile! Strong boy! Still such a huge contrast to Arthur who wasn't lifting his chin off the floor yet at this age! But Arthur went from that to being propped on his elbows strongly within a week, so he caught up okay.

Matthew rolled over for the first time last week - well, not counting that random roll at 3 weeks old! He rolled from tummy to back, and he can also roll from back to tummy, although I'm not sure he means to. I have also only noticed it on the bed when I am about to breastfeed him, and although the bed has a firm mattress, it's still just that little bit soft enough to aid a roll, you know? So perhaps he wouldn't quite be there yet on the floor. He is so eager for the breast lately that when I lay him on his back in my bed and start to lie down whilst undoing my bra to feed him, he kicks and pummels and flaps about impatiently (it's so cute, hehe!), and flings himself onto his side in anticipation! He rolls onto his side with ease, but sometimes he rolls too far and finds himself sprawled on his front like a little flailing upturned beetle, hehe! He gets frustrated because he's SO desperate to feed and he knows he's stuck and unable to find the breast if he's on his tummy, and he can't get out of that position (except that one time last week)! I am finding his current growth spurt EVER SO sweet, and it makes the extra night wakings worthwhile, because it is so cute to see him sooooo hungry and eager next to me while I'm fumbling to get myself ready to feed him. You should see his eyes when he sees my breast approaching him, hehe! They go ROUND like saucers and he cranes his little neck out and I never saw his mouth open so wide. He's like a baby bird, so eager. He flaps and flaps with all his limbs until the moment when he sees it coming, and then he's instantly still as anything with these wide eyes and open mouth, neck out, chin raised, just desperate for me to hurry up and get it to him! I just find it the sweetest thing :)

Today he is the hungriest I think he's ever been. He seems absolutely desperate to feed after an hour and a half, all day! I expect him to feed much more frequently than normal overnight tonight. That's okay though. I just keep thinking how much better it is than with Arthur, for the night wakings. I can't remember exactly how much I was up in the night at this stage with Arthur, but I know I did many months with 1-2 hourly wakings every single night. So even a busy night with Matthew is just BLISS in comparison, hehe! Aside from the growth spurts, Matthew now wakes between 12 and 1am and then doesn't wake again till 5.30 or so. And that means that if I can get him to go back to sleep after I feed him, he'll sleep till just after 8am! Wow.

Another big WOW for me, given my previous troubles with Arthur, is that I have a baby who goes to sleep by himself!!!!!!!!! I can't describe how amazing it feels! Over this last week (since last weekend) I have really been working with Matthew on him settling to sleep by himself. I feel so proud of it, because it really has been something I'VE had to do to get things like they are now. When Matthew yawns, I take him right up to his cotbed and pop him in on his tummy. I kiss him and tell him it's time for sleepy-bye-bye (don't know where that phrase came from - another weird thing from my head I suppose!), and that Mummy loves him, and LEAVE! He instantly starts nuzzling the sheet and I know he's trying to settle to sleep, so I know I can leave him. Earlier in the week I was waiting with him to be sure he wasn't going to get frustrated and need my help. I don't like to leave him crying.

Lately he has started trying to self-soothe in his cotbed. He searches out his two middle fingers and sucks them! I found him doing this one time when he had woken and cried and then Arthur needed me for something urgent. When I came back, I found him slurping away on his two middle fingers with his eyes closed (on his tummy), and about 60 seconds later, he took his fingers out and went to sleep! He isn't always co-ordinated enough to find them and then he gets frustrated and upset.

The only thing I'm still struggling with is getting him to take longer naps. I am doing the "pick-up, put-down" method with him, and patting him on the bum as well. He wakes at the 30 minute mark and I pat him. He cries. I continue patting until he either settles and dozes off (rare), or gets too worked up. If he gets too upset, I pick him up and cuddle him till he's calm and then put him down again straight away. He gets REALLY mad about this, so I pretty much have to pick him up and soothe him again straight away. He usually starts to get the picture after I put him down again, or maybe another time after that, and he'll fuss and then doze, but he wakes after a few minutes and cries a LOT, and when I finally get him settled again he sleeps for 5 minutes and then wakes crying. And then maybe 15 minutes and wakes crying. And so on. His sleep is so broken and it takes so long between wakings to settle him back to sleep that so far we are spending most of the afternoon just to get him 1.5 hours sleep or something! And it's in lots of little bits so it's hardly good sleep for him. Plus it takes me away from Arthur a lot. It's SUPPOSED to work if you persevere, so I will. And it's do-able, unless Arthur is also napping (the usual scenario) and Matthew's crying wakes him. I had a horrible time yesterday with them, when that happened. I scribbled a little log by the cotbed during the whole thing, just so I could have something to read back afterwards and identify when something was or wasn't working. Here's a bit from it:

12.41pm - Put Matthew in cot, awake and fussing/crying. Fussed on and off, eyes closed mostly. Just waited by him.

12.44pm - Asleep! Went downstairs, took Arthur up to bed and fed him to sleep.

1.00pm - Arthur asleep.

1.25pm - Matthew awake and fussing. Pick up and put down x2.

1.30pm - Arthur awake and very upset, crying for me. To Arthur (Matthew crying) and try to settle him.

1.34pm - Arthur still awake and crying more than ever, upset by Matthew's crying or something. To Matthew (Arthur still crying). Picked him up and calmed him. Put down.

1.36pm - Back to Arthur (Matthew hysterical), breastfed almost to sleep despite Matthew screaming next door until couldn't bear Matthew's crying any longer.

1.39pm - To Matthew (Arthur now screaming). Picked him up - way too red-faced and upset. Held till calm, put down. Tried patting, but Arthur upset next door. Picked up again, but put down before calm enough.

1.45pm - To Arthur, breastfed again in bed (Matthew crying).

1.50pm - Matthew quiet - cried to sleep? :( Still breastfeeding Arthur.

1.55pm - Matthew awake and crying. Arthur quiet (still breastfeeding) but refusing sleep now.

1.57pm - To Matthew, picked up and calmed. Arthur not staying in bed, running back and forth.

1.59pm - Put Matthew down, stayed by him for a moment, grizzling and fussing but seeming more sleepy. Arthur standing in doorway obviously doing a poo!

2.01pm - Matthew asleep. Arthur downstairs, as refusing to sleep now.

2.17pm - Matthew awake and crying (Arthur screeching downstairs the cause?).

2.18pm - Tried to resettle but seemed hungry so fed him in bed (Arthur downstairs playing). Finally fell asleep on the breast. Slept 2.37 - 3.19pm, then up.

Urrrrgh! Sometimes it's so hard to juggle everything! I am trying so hard to persevere because I know it will make a HUGE difference to how smoothly the day runs and how much both boys' needs are met if Matthew can take himself off to sleep and STAY asleep for the couple of hours that he needs at his naps. If I don't have to take responsibility for keeping him asleep, then I am free to do things with Arthur, and the whole palava doesn't take so long, so that frees up time later on too, for all of us. I just hope he gets it soon. It's really hard to fix with just me around, and Neil just learnt that his work won't let him take time off until at least the week after next. Ugh. Another week they've put it off for. The 9th running now. Pfthth.

Anyway. Some aspects of his sleep ARE improving, so that's good. I am finally letting myself hope that before he's a year old, I might even have a baby who sleeps through the night AND naps good long naps, going off to sleep by himself! I told Neil the other day that I didn't want him to walk Matthew to sleep at bedtime any more. He instinctively picks him up and walks/rocks him when he wakes or stirs and cries, to get him back to sleep, and then puts him down again once he's asleep. This is what we have done from the start with Matthew really, rather than him going to sleep on the breast every time like Arthur did. But I know Matthew can go to sleep without being walked, so I want Neil to stop doing it. It will help Matthew improve on his own skill of falling asleep independently. Sure enough, tonight and last night, I just popped Matthew in the cot, awake and cooing, on his tummy, and after a few minutes he went off to sleep by himself! Yay! It's such a huge RELEASE to have that burden taken off our shoulders. I wish Arthur was as easy. I think he COULD have been if we'd done it this way from when he was tiny. It gets harder and harder the older they get, and that knowledge from experience has got me extra keen to get Matthew on a good "path" while he's still tiny. I am not rigid about it though. If he's all distraught from an outing (as usual!) or completely exhausted from crying and needing comfort, then I'll breastfeed him and if he passes out on the breast then I let him. It's not very often that it happens and it's comforting to him. I LOVE it :) There's nothing as snuggly as an agitated, tired baby gradually relaxing off to sleep at the breast, it just feels so precious to hold him while he just looses all that tension and having snuggly Mama milk makes him feel more and more comforted and safe till he dozes off that way. I like providing that for him :)

We are currently doing the Sleep Separation Technique (as per Supernanny) with Arthur. It's for children who can't go to sleep without their parents with them, to help them to gradually get used to going to sleep on their own. It's verrrry different, after all these years (well, all two of them, nearly!) breastfeeding Arthur to sleep! I still breastfeed him in bed, and sometimes (but not very often now) he will fall asleep on the breast and that's that. Most nights though, he gets full - especially now that he's eating tea again, yaaay! - and is still wide awake. He tells me to put my breasts "way" and pulls my bra over them (hehehe!) and then sits up as energetic and mischievous as ever. So now we just sit on the bed (not his mattress, the one next to it) and don't say a word to him or make eye contact. He tries ALL sorts of things to get attention, oh my gosh! He bangs his head on stuff, he pulls all his clothes off, he climbs on the bed guard, switches the plug on and off and on and off (there's a kiddie protector in the socket) - all the stuff he can think of that normally has us jumping to stop him. But we mustn't react. He creeps over so that his face is RIGHT in ours and makes funny faces and sounds! One time he slowwwwly traced his NOSE all around the lens of my glasses, hehe! It was so hard to keep a straight face and find a place to focus my eyes on that wasn't Arthur's nose, I can tell you!

If he asks for a drink, I silently pass it to him, and take it back when he has finished. He tells me he has done a poo and needs a "tainge", which I ignore because I can tell he hasn't done one. Little monkey! We move a little bit further away from him each night, but at the moment we're stuck at the end of the bed because of the darn clutter in the room preventing us from moving any further away, and no time to clear it out during the day. Tsk. But anyway. My favourite part is that after a while he gives up trying for attention and chats to himself about some part of his day! I love to listen to that, it's really sweet. He still talks in just one-word sentences, but it's the tone of voice and the emotions he conveys with it that is the sweetest part of his chatter.

One night we decided to involve him more in cleaning his teeth. It has become such a battle that it seemed like a good idea. We let him try to brush his own teeth and made a big fuss of what a big boy he was! He kicked up a fuss when we had to just give them a once over after he had his turn, and we weren't sure if it had even meant anything to him to have a chance to brush his own teeth, as he didn't seem that interested. But how lovely it was later on, while I sat there waiting for him to go to sleep, to hear him suddenly say to himself, "Ooh, teef!" as though he had suddenly remembered about the incident and it was exciting to him! Then he said, "Teef!.... Ah-yah (Arthur), teef!.... (sudden miming of vigorous teeth-brushing!).... Bee-bay (big boy, aw!), yaaay!" and clapped his hands! What a sweetie :) He did this over and over, saying he had cleaned his own teeth and been a big boy, and always cheering and clapping when he got to the part about being a big boy, bless him! I'm so glad to have been there to hear that, and that he's now able to vocalise stuff like that, because then we were encouraged to persevere with the "big boy" stuff we've been doing with Arthur. We weren't sure it was having much effect till then.

Usually when Arthur chats to himself about some part of his day, it's about some lost item that he has been looking for ("Blooo?!" (the blue record for my ancient Fisher Price record player) - complete with hands held palm upwards and shrugged shoulders), or one of his toy vehicles that he's been playing with, "Ah-dan! (ambulance) Enny! (fire engine) Oooh-wooo!"

Anyway, it's taking ages to wait for him to settle to sleep, but it was 1.5 hours the first night, and now it's more like 40 minutes. Still a LONG wait! But we'll get there. Once we're out of the bedroom and letting him take himself to sleep, we'll do the Back To Bed Technique if he comes out of the bedroom. So that feels positive, knowing we have a plan that will work, and eventually we should have two children who deal with themselves after we say goodnight. Phew, it's been a LONG time coming! I can't wait.

Ohh this is getting really long and it's getting late again. It's the evening now and the boys are in bed asleep. I have had a good evening so far - a LONG bath and a pizza in pyjamas that actually FIT me, yay! I weighed myself today and I was 9 stone 12lbs!!! Below 10 stone at LAST!!!! Yay! I have no idea what that all is in lbs, but there are 14lbs to a stone. I have a way to go before I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight (8 and a half stone), but I'm down from over 12 stone at the end of my pregnancy so that's not bad! I'm doing absolutely NOWT in the way of exercise, which needs to change. Well, this week I finally started doing my postnatal exercises, which I never once did after Arthur. It's all that tail-wagging, stomach crunching, leg lifting stuff. It's gentle and you only do a few of each exercise, but I was hurting all over after the first day - that really says how UN-toned I am, doesn't it?! So I will try to keep that going.

I feel kind of pregnant these last few days. Things taste weird (bitter, mostly) and I am crazy hungry (maybe Matthew's growth spurt?) and keep suddenly wanting a whole raw carrot to eat or some weird thing. And a bit crampy too. So maybe I am warming up for my first postpartum period. Oh, hoo. rah. I think my first one after Arthur was 5 months PP, but I was breastfeeding way more at night with Arthur, and prolactin levels are at their highest when you breastfeed during the night (that hormone is what keeps your periods at bay while you're breastfeeding). So even though I'm breastfeeding two this time, it's still vaguely possible that I could get my period within the next month or two. Ugh. I really don't plan to be using it for a good while this time, so it would be very nice if it didn't grace me with its presence for a while! Anyway, I absolutely cannot be pregnant, belieeeve me, so do not worry!

Which reminds me, Matthew was conceived just over a year ago! I ovulated on September 14th, 3 days ago this time last year. Of course the parsnips took place 4 days before that - my strong boy holding on in there till that eggie got released! :) Anyway, that was literally the LAST time we had parsnips. I kid you not. OVER A YEAR. Yikes. I don't know if that's healthy! But who cares. I'm sure I should, but really, I have bigger concerns right now, and breastfeeding always seems to make my already low parsnip-drive even lower. I don't even start to get interested until my periods are back and well established, so it's obviously a hormonal thing. I'm sure we should give it a whirl, but I am reeeally in no hurry, myself!

Oh but I was going to write more about Matthew! I can't think what I've said and what I haven't now.... He did his first chuckle a week or so ago! He hasn't done so since though. He smiles HUGELY at things but something has to be super-funny before he'll chuckle at it. Arthur chuckled (a real belly laugh) for the first time at 11 weeks, 6 days old. Matthew was 12 weeks and 1 day old! How funny, almost exactly the same age! Matthew gets hiccups just like Arthur did when he tries to laugh. Arthur STILL gets hiccups when he laughs a lot! He got them just today, going completely watery-eyed hysterical over me saying, "Pwooar, that STINKS!" over a nappy that really didn't stink that bad, but I knew it would make Arthur laugh and thus not give me a struggle over the nappy change! He is such a boy. He loves toilet humour, ugh. I don't even know why, it seems to just tickle him without our prompting!

Okay, I suppose I should post some photos!! I was saving the recent photos of Matthew for an entry about him, so I guess I will post those now :) Here are a few of him on his tummy a couple of weeks ago, in his cotbed. He was looking at me like I was being weird trying to peer through the bars and take a photo of him! Then he looked up and beamed at me, and I am SO bummed that I cut the top of his head right off in the photo, because it was a lovely one! He lifted his head much higher than I expected him to. After that he saw his hands and was intrigued by them for a while :) He was 11 weeks, 6 days old in these photos:

Those hands again, at 12 weeks, 3 days:

And just an odd little expression that I couldn't resist photographing!

Matthew is really getting interested in toys lately. He likes musical ones, and tries to grab at colourful toys. He really likes the musical bug toy that was Arthur's favourite at around this age. It has lots of different colours and textures and he looks at it for AGES. He likes to touch it if I hold him in a position that enables him to do so more easily:

He's been teething properly lately. No actual teeth on their way, I'm sure. But he has had red puffy cheeks and rough, red chin, and hot gums and knawed fingers, etc. Poor lambie-boo :( We've been using Bonjela and teething powders, but I can't really tell if they're helping much. It's weird to have two children teething at the same time! Arthur just got his fourth canine yesterday (or was it this morning? I can't remember), so we're almost there! Sixteen down, four to go! Poor Matthew has all 20 to look forward to yet.

They FINALLY had their immunisations on Wednesday of this week. Arthur had his first MMR and Matthew had his first round of Hib 5-in-1 and Meningitis boosters. Neil was able to take a long lunch break to help me, and we were both kind of dreading it! But it went totally fine. Arthur went first. I took some chocolate-covered raisins with me (Arthur's ultimate all-time favourite treat!), and as the nurse got the injection ready, I sat him on my lap and got out the raisins, preparing myself for a difficult few minutes. Arthur was very excited about the raisins. He ate one while the nurse showed me how to hold his arm firmly to his side for the injection. She put the needle in his arm. He casually glanced at me as if to say, "What's she doing, Mummy?" and then looked at the needle in his arm for a few seconds while she pushed the plunger, and then looked at her as if to say, "Why are you doing that?"!! He didn't flinch, didn't look afraid, didn't recoil from the nurse or the needle as he watched them or anything! Then he made an expression that sort of goes with a shoulder-shrug, and turned back to the bag of raisins, putting his hand in for another one! We were all amazed! And relieved, I have to say. The nurse was very impressed. He got a sticker with a "ti-gah! Raaahh!" on it :)

Then Matthew had his two injections. Arthur went out into the waiting area with Neil to look at the "whhhiiish" (fish, hehe!) in the tank, while I breastfed Matthew. He let go and cried for the meningitis injection and the nurse told me that they all cry on that one. She thinks it must sting more or something. He let go and went to cry after the second one but decided to feed again instead. So it wasn't too bad. Neither of them had any irritability or fever following the vaccinations, which is wonderful! Arthur had a lot of irritability and discomfort after his Hib boosters so I'm surprised that Matthew didn't. He generally seems more sensitive than Arthur so I guess I was expecting it to be hard on him. Anyway, the key times for Arthur to have reactions to the MMR are 7-10 days after (measles-like rash, if anything), and 3 weeks after (mumps-like swellings, if anything), so we'll wait and see how he goes. I'm relieved to have him vaccinated against those nasties at last, but I am also glad I waited a little while longer than the normal age for the MMR. He just seemed too little for 3 live vaccines in one go at the time, whatever else the debates are about.

Okay I need to go to bed! Just a few more photos and then I'm done. Matthew and Arthur are getting more interested in each other! It's lovely to watch. Arthur loves to lie next to Matthew while Matthew looks at toys and stuff.

He also likes to show him his toys a lot. I keep finding Matthew sitting on jigsaw pieces or toy cars in his bouncy chair, as Arthur puts them on his tummy to "show" him, and then they slide off him and under his bottom! It's so sweet though, as Arthur usually shares his most favourite things with Matthew. I know this won't always be the case, hehe! So I'm enjoying the brotherly love while it lasts ;) He hasn't yet shared Monkey with Matthew though. He shows him Monkey but doesn't give him to Matthew. He takes Matthew hands now and does the "buh-buh-buh-buh, boogiiiee!!" thing that I do with him. Matthew BEAMS at him. He absolutely loves to watch Arthur, and often starts to "talk" to him with an earnest expression, but Arthur is gone before he's even finished a "Matthew-sentence"! Poor Matthew! He looks rather bewildered when a person suddenly disappears before his eyes when he's mid-sentence trying to communicate with them. I really feel for him, he looks so disappointed, poor lovely! He tries so hard with his "words", making them slow and deliberate, and it makes it all the more heart-breaking to see his audience vanish while he's trying so hard.

There was a sweet moment the other evening, just before Neil got home from work, when Matthew was on the mat on the floor. Arthur brought his Pop-Up Orchestra musical toy to show Matthew, and Matthew was really interested. Then Arthur lay down next to Matthew and actually stayed still for a few minutes at a time! He also stayed facing Matthew but with Matthew's face above his, so that was lovely for Matthew! He lost nooo time talking and talking and TALKING to Arthur, using as many different vocal sounds and stuff as possible! It was really sweet - you could see how eager he was to communicate with Arthur. Arthur just lay and listened, and occasionally did something like reach out and touch Matthew's nose. Matthew started blowing raspberries, and every time he did one, Arthur giggled. I just watched them with this huuuuge motherly-glow thing going on, it was lovely! Eventually I got the camera out so that I wouldn't forget the moment:

I had another moment like that this evening when I was about to take Matthew up to bed. Arthur was racing around the kitchen on his little ride-on car and I took Matthew in and said to Arthur, "Matthew is going to bed now. Can you say night night to him?" Arthur immediately stopped and waved at Matthew, singing out, "Nigh-nigh, Ma-Ma!" and then drove right up to us and planted a huge kiss on Matthew's cheek :) I have the sweetest baby boys :) I can't WAIT till a year from now to see them playing together and stuff. Or TWO years and hear them talking together and making each other laugh. It's going to be so lovely to watch. I just love them soooooooooooooooooo much.

Okay, what else, just quickly? Matthew grabbed and held onto his first "thing" the day before yesterday! A purple plastic textured disc that snaps onto the Fisher Price Kick and Play toy-bar. He tries to shove it in his mouth but his co-ordination isn't always good enough and he gets frustrated!

Arthur had another hair cut today. A lady at Fellowship Group on Thursday that I hadn't met before, asked me how old my daughter was! I told her that he may have a lot of hair, but he was definitely a HE! She said, "Reeeally?! But he looks SO much like a girl!" Tsk. He did have a LOT of hair by then though, and it curls so prettily at the sides and back :) So, a hair appointment was duly made for Saturday morning, and Neil took him. He still seems to have lots of hair, but it's shorter at the back. It still curls, which is the important thing! :)

He also got his new shoes, but he's only gone up to a size 5.5. The difference is that he has gone up a width size, to a G. That's probably why he wasn't fitting into his 5Fs.

This boy has a really seriously good memory, I am discovering. I wonder if that's what has helped him to learn so many colours and stuff? This evening he sat with his Mr. Men books, taking them out of the box one by one as he has been doing for months - it's one of his favourite things to do. He likes me to tell him what they are and tell me their colours and look at one page in each book, before moving onto the next book.

This evening he pulled out Mr. Muddle, and held it out to me, saying, "Mubble!" Yikes! Then out came Mr. Clumsy - "Mum-bee!" declared Arthur! Then Mr. Slow was held out to me - "Wshhowww", and Mr. Jelly ("Weh-wee!"). Mr. Fussy came next - "Puffee!" and then Mr. Brave ("Baaabe!"). Finally he pulled out Mr. Sneeze and held it out to me, saying, "Atchooo!" hehehe! Then he got bored and rushed off to drive his car around the house as fast as he could push with his little legs. No, he can't read. But he can visually see the Mr. Men and attach the names I'm telling him to them, and somehow remember them the next time he sees the picture of that Mr. Man. I just think that's amazing. Maybe it's not, but to me it seems just.... wowee! I had nooo idea he would ever learn which ones were which, until he learned to READ their names and see which one was which by reading the book titles. Which would be a long while off yet. I tell him which ones they are as he holds them out to me because he seems like he wants me to tell him. He continues to hold them out until I tell him, and gets frustrated in the end otherwise. When I tell him the name of the Mr. Man, he seems satisfied and puts the book down. Smartie-boy.

Okay Arthur is awake for some reason. I should go and see what is up. I'll finish with a photo of my tiniest boy being all yummy and mine (?!) a few days ago. I could just eat him right UP, honestly! Yummy boy :)