Blessed again! :)

Because I SO want to keep up a bit better with this blog again, and because I have a good reason for last entry's rantiness (!!), and because it's just too fabulous not to share...

I am thrilled to be expecting my 8th baby, due January 4th 2016. :)

I tell the world early because every single day of a new life growing inside me is worth celebrating, even if it ends sooner than I expect. With this pregnancy, as with most of my others, I am bleeding. I have had two scans, and will have another on Friday of this week coming. Everything looks good so far, and I had a blood test done for the first time (for hormone levels) which also looked normal and healthy. Because of my history I have every reason to be hopeful, but I am always anxious! Trying to rest in God and rejoice in the gift he has given to me. :)

I am blogging, as always, at my pregnancy blog (link on the right there) if you want all the TMI, lol! Negative comments will be deleted because I don't care to take on the stress. :)

Arthur knows about this pregnancy, because by accident, he saw me looking at a photo of a pregnancy test that I'd taken and put on the computer to share at my blog (he was watching through the window while they played in the garden!) - d'oh! ;) He was completely ecstatic and beside himself with joy, and has done a great job keeping it a secret from all his brothers in the 2 weeks since then! He knows he has to keep it for another week, until we have the next scan. We are hoping to see a heartbeat, and after that will tell the children. I know they will be excited - just today Matthew was mournfully wondering aloud whether we would EVER have another baby (*big sigh*)! ;) It has been by far the biggest gap between babies - all of our babies have been conceived between 8 and 11 months after the previous baby was born, and so our age gaps have been in months, not years: 19, 19, 18, 17, 17, 16 (getting shorter each time!). Lydia is already 18 months old, so if the previous pattern had continued, she would already be a big sister by now, and as far as the children know, there's still no baby on the way! This time the age gap will be 26 months - Lydia will be 2 years, 2 months, and 2 weeks old when this baby is due.

I am so excited!!

Here's how I shared with the world this week, and I was overjoyed to do it this way, because after all these little boys, I have never had the chance to say one of my children will be a "big sister" before:




My little girl is SO girly, and adores clothes and shoes, dressing up and showing her daddy and brothers what she's wearing! She has such girly mannerisms and squeals over things like sparkly boots, and the tutu I finally caved and bought her recently! :) I am so enjoying the girliness of having a daughter - it is definitely VERY different from the experience I have had with my six little boys over the years, even though each of them are very unique and different from each other. I would love to add another little girl to our family, but I know that the stats are leaning heavily in favour of another boy! ;) That's okay because I adore little boys too! I'm just so happy and excited to be blessed with another pregnancy, and another baby to love and nurture!

Thank you Lord, so much, for blessing me again.

Dental update (or, "Take a hike, commenter")

Geeeeeeee, welcome back to the blog! *sigh*

Thanks, anonymous commenter (isn't it always!), for pointing out the buck teeth on my children. Didn't need saying, did it though? It's not like I am neglecting their dental care (as it seems implied). The photos are poor quality, translated by blogger, and do not give an accurate look at their teeth (for goodness' sake!). Three of Matthew's 4 top teeth have fallen out in the last 12 months, the middle two have grown in during that time, and one of the lateral incisors isn't even coming through yet. The other one is loose. Hello? They are settling. The dentist told me that, and told me it was normal (not that I was concerned). He does not have "buck teeth", whatever you might think you know from looking at two distant photos. He has large front teeth that are not aligned yet. He will grow into them. SMH.

Nathan's have always been a little... I HATE the term 'buck teeth', I find it insulting (which I am sure was the point), so I won't use it. A little protruding - that's just his mouth shape. He still ONLY has baby teeth, none lost at all yet. WAY WAY too early to get braces. I am sure he and some of his brothers will need them eventually, since they have Neil's jaw/head shape, and Neil needed braces in his teens, and 6 teeth removed just to fit them in his mouth properly. Neil's mum once came to see us when Nathan was 2, and made a point about his teeth, making her mouth like a rabbit's, which REALLY angered and offended me. Especially since it was her own son whose teeth Nathan's resembled!!! Urgh. Why do these things need pointing out?!! Thank God my children don't go to school, if the childish remarks I am seeing here are an indication of the treatment they might get from other children!

Yes, I am angry. Is it that obvious? Also hormonal. Waiting to take a pregnancy test, so hopefully a good excuse for the hormones, but mostly I'm just FED UP with people, and at this blog AGAIN. Ugh.

Arthur does not have protruding teeth, but he does have really crowded teeth (one of his lateral incisors is about to come in through the gum over some of other front teeth) but even so it's too early right now to get him braces. He has my jaw shape and my teeth shape. I had very crowded teeth until I was 11, and was being evaluated by an orthodontist at that age, but he said we needed to wait until the first baby molars came out and the adult ones grew in, to fit braces. So we waited, my baby molars fell out, and the adult ones that grew in turned out to be smaller than the baby ones, lol! So I don't have a perfect row of teeth (which I don't care about as that seems a bit artificial anyways), but they are straight (regardless of what you think you can translate from the poor quality photo) and I never needed braces in the end. Arthur may be the same, so we will wait and see.

Benjamin's teeth do not actually look like they do in the first photo. He doesn't have protruding teeth at all. Samuel though, maybe a tiny bit. He's 4. Should I get him fitted for braces?! *snort*

It is Way. Too. Early. for braces. Something I would obviously be considering when the time is right.

Definitely don't need someone else to point it out.

Definitely out of line to comment on someone's blog that their children have buck teeth. That's just rude. And the anonymous identity just confirms that you knew it was kind of rude.

Just saying.

Hate coming back to my blog after over a year to instantly get an unpleasant comment. *sigh* I used to have to deal with that here quite a bit, and it's boring, and unsettling, and just... haven't you ever heard the saying, "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? Don't justify the comment with, "Oh but I was just pointing it out to be helpful!" because BALONEY.

Really excited about coming back again to update on my children. I can't wait to spend the waking hours I actually can't afford to use on blogging, to write about my precious children, and sit ready for the mean, unnecessary comments to come rolling in. There's nothing like palpitations as you click the comments button when you see there are some to be read, not knowing if someone's going to call you out for being a bad mother, or pitying the children, or insulting them or me in some way. Fun fun. I see not much has changed since I used to blog here. I miss blogging about my kids and my life, but boy it has been a relief to avoid the "mean girls".

I hope you feel bad, because you should. Just like I will, probably, when I calm down, for writing while I'm angry and hormonal. *sigh*

I have further restricted comments to those with Google/Blogger accounts only (sorry if you don't!). I guess I will come back and write those updates on each of my children, but I honestly don't feel good about doing so right now. I am really put off. :(

So it has been a while...

I see that I haven't updated my blog since... November! And that was the first time since16 months earlier! :( Such a shame! I didn't even update here to say that Lydia was born in October 2013, though that much was obvious when I updated in November to say that I'd been breastfeeding for 10 years! :)

I don't get time to blog any more - well, I do keep up with my pregnancy blog, mostly just waffling about the possible prospect of having another baby (no news yet), but it does at least get more attention than this blog these days. I miss blogging here, but I keep up with mini posts at Facebook, which uses much less time. When I post here it's not really noticed any more, and I'm more motivated to post at Facebook - though I know it's really only for me that I should be blogging! :) I wish I had kept up here, because then I would have a lot more memories recorded, and things to look back on.

For a while I took some time to copy and paste my favourite (newsy, kiddie-related, or photo-laden) Facebook status updates and photo albums, into monthly posts here. I started a couple of years back and maybe got 3 or 4 months' worth uploaded here, and then ran out of time to continue and forgot about it. I still plan to do that, so I've got our "story" to read here as well as there. I like to pad out things here as well, much more wordy and newsy than at Facebook, but since I don't get chance to write here at all, backdated Facebook posts are better than nothing!

So people have asked for updates on my children, and I would like to post about them, so I'm writing this first. I am going to write a post for each of them, which I'll start in draft form and just work on whenever I get chance. It might take me a while, but I hope I will finish in the end, not too far from now! ;)

Everything is going well here. My little ones are now aged 10 down to 17 months. I adore being their mummy! It's REALLY HARD and hugely rewarding, completely overwhelming and a huge blessing, all at once. We moved away from London last year, as we couldn't afford a bigger house than the one we were living in (a tiny (600sq ft) terraced 2-bedroom house with 7 children!). Neil still has the same job in West London, so he works flexi-hours, getting up at 4.30am for a 2 hour drive to work, to start at 7.30am. He is usually there before 7am but has a little nap before he starts work. He finishes at 4 and is home between 6 and 7, depending on traffic. It's CRAZY, but it's what we have to do right now. He is in a good job with good prospects, and he can't find work that earns as much here.

We have a 4 bedroom detached house now, more than twice the square footage of our previous one, and with a garden 3x the size (ours was TINY before though!). The cul-de-sac we live on is lovely and the neighbours seem nice. The countryside around here is beautiful and it's waaaaay less polluted! :) We have some lovely country parks only 5-10 minutes away from our home, and a nice big driveway to put our huge van on! ;) We are very blessed! It has taken a while to feel settled though, and honestly I'm not there yet. That may just be because we're not really involved in the community in any way yet, since we're homeschooling and haven't found a church we're happy with yet. I have only ever lived in the same place since I was a baby, so it's REALLY WEIRD being somewhere different, lol! I am not someone who loves change. Despite all the blessings of being here, I do still really miss "home" - some of the boys are the same way, although we do love our new home! :) I'm sure we'll settle in eventually, and we ARE, it's just taking longer than I expected. We have been here 7 months now.

School is... going differently than I had originally planned! ;) We are unschooling at the moment. Makes me feel flappy, but it's working for the boys very well right now. I would MUCH prefer to be doing structured lessons, but that's for a whole 'nother post that I am sure I won't have time for. The great thing about homeschooling is flexibility! :) We can change things any time to fit. Right now, this fits. That's about all on that for now.

So, I will start some draft posts on my little ones, and in the mean time I will post a couple of family photos that were taken this month, one of which I already shared on my pregnancy blog (click to see it bigger). See that post, if you have questions about Matthew's hair being long, because I haven't got time to say it again - I must go to bed! :) The first photo doesn't have Neil in it, because he was taking the picture. Love seeing my little ones heights, and look at my baby girly growing up into a proper little girl already!! Love these precious gifts from God! :)

A decade of breastfeeding! :)

A quote from my diary in January 2007, when I had just Arthur, aged 2, and Matthew aged 6 months, before I was pregnant with Nathan:


"My other little secret dream is a goal, sort of. I hope that I get to breastfeed through another pregnancy, and tandem nurse again. I mean, I am STILL tandem nursing, but I mean tandem nurse my NEXT baby with another child. I have this crazy wistful goal that I'm not sure is realistic at ALL, but it's there anyway. I am longing to achieve my ultimate breastfeeding goal of continually breastfeeding for a decade without a break! But I don't know. Matthew might well be the type to wean before he's two. Or wean if I get pregnant and my milk changes or goes. He doesn't suck for comfort, so it's almost definite that he'd stop during my next pregnancy :( Who knows when Arthur will wean though. Maybe it will be ARTHUR who I'm tandem nursing the next baby with, hehe! That would be fine and dandy by me :) He will wean when he's ready, and not before. Also, a ten-year goal means at least a couple more kids, and that might not happen. But again, a girl can dream, hey?"
Arthur turned 10 at the weekend. He actually did! Ten years old, a whole decade. Double figures. *sigh* Time is passing far too fast!

I searched and searched my pregnancy diary for the above quote, because I'm so ecstatic that my "crazy wistful goal" of early motherhood has been realised! I have been continually breastfeeding for ten years without a break, and more than I even thought I would, too!

Arthur breastfed until he was 4 years and 2 or 3 months old. By that time I was also still breastfeeding Matthew (then 2 1/2) and Nathan (then almost 12 months), and was pregnant with Benjamin.

Matthew breastfed to 4 1/2, having continued long beyond Nathan, who self-weaned during my pregnancy with Benjamin, starting around 14 months old, and finally having nothing more to do with it at 16 months. My youngest by far! :)

Benjamin breastfed until he was 4 1/2 as well. Something about that age has me gently nudging them to forgo the last bedtime "milky" they still have, until it's a past habit, sort of.

I was breastfeeding Matthew and Benjamin when pregnant with Samuel, though just Benjamin remained by the time Samuel was born. I tandem nursed Benjamin and Samuel through my pregnancy with Elijah, and nursed all three until my pregnancy with Lydia.

During that pregnancy, Samuel self-weaned at age 2 1/2. He didn't like the taste of the milk once it turned to colostrum about halfway through the pregnancy. Benjamin continued but by the time Lydia was born, he was 4 and only occasionally breastfeeding at bedtime. Samuel has had the odd burst of breastfeeding again for a week or even a few weeks, since Lydia was born. He is nearly 4 now, and asked for milky a few months ago, in the summer. He didn't take much, but he hadn't forgotten how to latch on, surprisingly! But I still tend to think that he weaned at 2 1/2. I probably shouldn't, then...!

Anyway, I am currently breastfeeding Elijah (2 1/2) and Lydia (12 months)! I MADE IT!!!! Breastfeeding, almost exclusively tandem- or triandum-nursing for 10 years without a break! :) I feel so proud of what I've achieved for my children, and for myself! I sort of didn't really expect to achieve it - it really did feel like a crazy idea at the time, lol! I didn't even know if I would still be having babies 10 years down the line - it was wishful thinking. And here I am! So blessed, and so thankful, and so thrilled to be here! :)

I would hope that I might have another couple of years of breastfeeding at least, even if I don't have any more babies. But you know I would love to have more babies! My childbearing years are dwindling now, but I will ALWAYS love just one more. Always. Such a precious and wonderful privilege.

The pace and the panic

It's 11pm already - ALREADY! Every day is whirling by, except for - you know - the "slow hours", and even those are pretty speedy these days. I am so tired, sooooo tired at the moment. A lot of it probably has to do with the fact that I'm 28 weeks pregnant and tiredness is normal around now, but also that I have six little ones to keep me on my toes at the same time! Nights are disturbed aplenty, always. It used to be just Elijah (14 months already!) waking me, but now I am waking more when he's still slumbering peacefully next to me than the few times a night he still wakes and wants to breastfeed. My leg will go into cramp, or I will need to go to the loo, you know all that normal 3rd trimester stuff. My restless leg syndrome bothers me once I wake up and makes it hard to sleep again, but mainly I have been having awful hayfever since March and I am wondering if (as August rolls around) it will ever go away?!?! I have never had it this bad before, but it seems like half the world is having the same trouble this year, so hopefully it will go eventually. I can't get back to sleep at night after I wake for any other reason, for my nose itching and sneezing and being like a solid brick, etc. I'm. so. tired.

Neil is working longer hours - or, well, he's not, but he is out of the house longer, because his car died and now he is taking the bus to work. He leaves by 7am and is home around 7.30pm on a good day, maybe up to an hour later if the buses are horrible. It has been three or four weeks now, and I think I am adjusting this past week. I was absolutely not managing to cope with the extra hours at all before and the boys were so late in bed every night, while I barely clung to my sanity! ;) But this week is better, so far, and the end of last week was too.

The only thing is the panic! The way the day starts off at a cracking pace at 7am - breakfast, more please Mummy, cleaning up spills, wiping the baby (who hates being wiped so so so much!), clean-up after breakfast, loading the dishwasher and starting it, stopping eleventy times to settle disputes and discipline/correct/warn or retrieve an overly adventurous toddler (I have two now!), shoving the wet washing into the tumble dryer, picking through the mountain of dirty clothes/sheets/towels/wipes, etc to prioritise and start the next load of washing, stopping a dozen times to discipline/correct/warn, and "could you please lift him off the school table and move that thing he keeps using to climb up there?!", sweeping the kitchen floor, surveying the somewhat-acceptable kitchen for a moment in semi-satisfaction, and then moving on to choose clean clothes for the boys, stopping half a dozen times to discipline/correct/warn and give out clothes, asking the recipients way too many times to "please put your clothes on... please put them on now... I said put your clothes on!.... Matthew! Clothes! Now!" Then the frenzy of nappy changes and dressing little ones who aren't yet old enough to do it themselves without some (or complete) help. On a good day it's 8.30am at this point. Then I am able to wash and dress myself, stopping, of course, a dozen times to discipline/correct/warn, and "Stop screaming at me please! I can't come and see because I haven't got any clothes on yet!", and sit down freshly washed but sweating profusely, on the sofa to complete the morning "necessaries" and snuggle my littlest two for a bit. Stories get read, nursing sometimes happens, and the ever necessary corrections and dispute-settling, amongst cuddles, construction and drawing appreciation, and hearing endlessly about whatever Arthur is fascinated by on that occasion (always something historical or nature/animal based lately).

Even though it's a packed "rest" time, it seems short-lived because within no time I have to haul my reluctant body up to put Elijah to bed (he naps mid-morning, sometimes as early as 9am if he woke before 6am - he doesn't have an afternoon nap this way though, and that means he's tired at bedtime!), and then sort out morning snack, mediate squabbles and clashes of interest, switch the laundry, fold all the dry stuff and put it away (completely out of breath, always now, from carrying it upstairs and putting it away in the drawers) while stopping now and then to stage-whisper down the stairs (so as not to wake Elijah) to "Let him have that toy", "No, we don't say "stupid" in this house", and "I will sort that out in a sec when I've finished this!"

Then I *believe* I interact with my children for a while, lol! I often forget this part of the day as it seems like a blur, but I'm not usually doing chores after switching the laundry, and Elijah is sleeping so I'm usually spending time with them, but it seems a very "on the go" sort of time, because before I can believe it, Elijah is waking and I need to make the lunch - we eat as soon after 12 noon as possible, usually. So, just like that, the morning has gone! I make lunch, Elijah hungry and usually screaming at the kitchen safety gate while I spread sandwiches at a frantic pace and call out for a big boy to please read him a story for just a moment. A loaf of bread and three knives dirtied with various spreads later, and, "Not yet!", "No, it's not ready!", "You'll know it's ready when I SAY it's ready!" and the boys pile into the kitchen and eat lunch. I want to lie down but I need to feed my body and my tiny unborn baby's body, so I eat a sandwich and some yoghurt, and probably a glass of milk, alongside "Sit down at the table", "Please eat nicely... no, that's NOT nice!", "I will get you more when I have finished my sandwich", "Right, that's it! Out of the kitchen for 5 minutes!", and wiping the baby (the one who hates being wiped so so so much), cleaning up that spilled milk, comforting the child whose dessert fell on the floor which I may as well have not swept earlier, and shooing giggling children out from underfoot after they have cleared their plates away, to wipe the table, bench and booster seat, and this time pretend to ignore the fact that the floor needs sweeping.

Switch the laundry, mediate/discipline, find a change of clothes for the baby who managed to evenly coat himself in yoghurt at lunchtime, and say yes to a request from two children to draw at the kitchen table, thankful that I just wiped it and don't have to say "Not yet darling, the lunch things are still on the table." Throw their supplies on the table, and set about the next round of nappy changes along with Elijah's clothing change. Stop to think, "Did I wee yet today?" No, so that's my next task. Or even if I did, it's pretty much necessary again anyway. Find a suspicious puddle in the bathroom and some wet toilet paper in the bath plughole, and call boys to order on it. Mediate over finger-pointing and not-too-pleasant reactions to my solution to the problem, discipline for said reactions, comfort that child who tripped over the Duplo evenly spread across the living room rug, and firmly motivate boys to tidy up. Turn drill-seargent as certain children do not react well to being told to tidy up, and supervise until it's done properly. Fetch a drink for the constantly-asking child. Admire the drawings in the kitchen, agree to afternoon snack, and stop to take a drink of water myself and think, "Did I DO that wee when I went up to the bathroom after lunch?!" No, so off I go for another attempt! More snuggles on the sofa when I return, and reading to little ones, appreciating nuggets of information from the big ones, answering seemingly endless questions from the middle ones (by way of explanation, they are ages 4 and 5!), probably breastfeeding at least one or two littles at some point, and kissing bumps and scrapes, sympathetically acknowledging every single tiny scab, red mark, and yellowing 3mm bruise on the two-year-old as he enjoys showing me such acquisitions!

Somehow in this blur of an afternoon, it's nearly 4pm and I have to think about dinner. Baby-meltdown approaches (it's a time-of-day thing for this little one as he gets tired and hungry all at once) so I need to be quick, but of course it's also the time for an increase in the need for mediation/discipline/warnings, etc. for the other children. On a good day, I am making dinner by 5pm and serving it shortly thereafter (an hour or more later on a not-so-good day), while Elijah screams at the gate and I puff about the kitchen sweating and calling for a big boy to "please bring him the keyboard and play him a tune, for just a moment!" There's just time to toss the dry washing from the tumble dryer up on top of the machine, and throw the wet load in and start it going, as I call the boys in for food. I feel too hot and tired to eat mine, but I tackle it anyway because I should feed my body and my baby's little body, alongside "Well, that's what we're having", "Don't be rude about my cooking please!", "Fine, go to bed hungry then", and "Please stop saying "bottom-poo" over and over like that, it's silly and annoying, and it's not nice at the table anyway!"

Dinner time is over just like that, before I've really finished eating, and children are misbehaving and needing correcting/disciplining/warning, and ultimately sending out of the kitchen to play, while I wipe the baby (that same one who really really hates to be wiped so so so much), get the squashed banana off the floor, clean up that spilled drink, tell the whining child that if he is still hungry he can eat the food that he has left on his plate (for the 4th time), call out to the pair of boys in the living room who are leaping about and screaming, to calm down, and launch straight into searching for pyjamas and night nappies, without really pausing to see that the day is almost gone, Neil is on his way home, and it's after 6pm (or a good bit later on a bad day!).

The boys are in high spirits at bedtime, and at their most selective when it comes to hearing my instructions, unfortunately! I change nappies, and dress little ones for bed, constantly stopping to separate boisterous children, insist on pyjamas being put on (for the dozenth time), and agreeing to that story being read after I've finished. I brush five sets of little white teeth - Arthur brushes his own. Some children really really don't like having their teeth brushed, which makes it a challenging task. Rush to fill a drink for the child about to die whining of thirst, fetch the baby down from where he shouldn't be again, and Neil arrives home, which sends the hyper-ness into orbit! At this point, maybe because finally it's not just me again, my body seems to crash and I feel totally exhausted, physically. I seem to have less tolerance for trouble from little boys, but I read a story and try to tell Neil this and that of importance about the boys' day so he can follow-up and chat to them about it as he helps me get them ready for bed.

Then, bedtime in a whirlwind. A mix of tired kiddies, hyper kiddies, disobedient squealing kiddies, and those reading a bedtime story. Elijah refuses to settle to sleep breastfeeding, so I take him back out to Neil and take over from him with the other boys in their room. I nurse Samuel to sleep, stopping regularly to ask Benjamin to please lie down and be quiet, and then the bigger boys are coming in way too noisily from their story time, to go to bed. Four sets of back-rubs, prayers, and individual stories (they all request birth stories, or occasionally our wedding or honeymoon holiday), and Neil is back from walking Elijah to sleep. Usually only Arthur is still awake, and I feel breathlessly tired and stagger downstairs at last to find that it's after 9pm somehow, and the day is over with.

The panic sets in - which I started off this post to write about, but got rather side-tracked, lol! - because it's 9.25pm or something, and I HAVE to do more than just what I "do" all day, with my children. But it's all a whirlwind of "my all" and that uses up the day in a blink, and suddenly it's mid-evening and the time I had planned to use for "planning" for the next day/week/month is half used up, and I am actually too tired to make my brain work properly in any case. I spend an hour or so pootling about on Pinterest scanning for ideas and trying to organise my thoughts, and having a moment of social sanity for my brain at Facebook. I look at photos I took of my boys that day (if any) and smile and feel mushy inside because I love them so much and I enjoy dwelling on them, even if they drove me crazy that day! ;) And my restless leg syndrome gets more and more bothersome until I have no choice but to call it a night.

Then, the night wakings, and the day begins again just like the one before. Tired evening follows and another occasion where I can't find time or energy to plan what I guiltily feel I SHOULD be doing with the boys. Like school! Notice that in our day, no formal schooling is taking place! We have become quite the unschooling family, but it's not my preference at all and I constantly feel anxious or guilty that I'm not exposing them to enough learning experiences to meet their needs.

Then tonight I read this blog post, which someone had posted at Facebook:

Hope When You Feel Like a Homeschool Failure at raisingrealmen.com.

And it's not the first thing I've "come across" in the past week or two. People seem to be randomly posting things that speak right to my heart about this issue, as if it's put there by God to comfort and reassure me, to remind me that there is more to homeschool than academics. And, for a perfect example, this post at finding joy, only 9 hours ago:

why being a mom is enough

Reassuring. I am sure God is trying to speak to my heart, and that in itself reassures me. I know the panic and guilt will creep back by tomorrow morning, and probably even by the time I put the laptop away and let my head hit the pillow tonight, but I wanted to blog about it this evening (despite the late hour and the tiredness) because it's something "solid" now that it's in writing and that means I can come and take hold of it whenever I need to. Maybe someone else can too.

My kids are learning more than I expected them to, without formal lessons, which is so encouraging and uplifting! But I would so like to get time sorted out somehow, so that I can do more of the type of schooling I really want to be doing - at least covering the 3 r's formally, would make me feel better, and I think Neil would prefer that too. They ARE learning the 3 r's without me doing that, bizarrely! ;) But yeah... I would like to do it a bit differently. I nearly typed "better", which is telling of my need to stop with this thing that general society has going on, where unschooling is weird and totally not going to work! ;) It's not better, it's just different. And different is okay. Isn't it? It IS okay to be different. That's one of life's harder lessons, and you have to battle it all. your. life. if it applies to you (which it always has anyway).

Anyway, I needed to write this tonight. I kind of like that I got side-tracked because now I have the memory of the frantic typical day written down! I know the day will come allll too soon when I forgot what that's like and long for it wistfully. I don't resent it, I love it, though it's draining and exasperating at times. I believe them when they say it passes all too quickly, and I am trying to cherish it while it's here! I still can't believe I'm 37. I know I'll be 47 before I can blink. That makes me want to CLING to NOW, and just BE in it, experience it, enjoy it, be thankful for it. And I really really am. I just need to somehow keep on swimming, at the same time... somehow.

A difficult day from a few months ago...

I've had this in draft for ages. I was 13 weeks pregnant so it must have been April. Sometimes this is how life is, and on this occasion I wrote about it while I was in the midst of it. I absolutely did NOT have the guts to post it, though. Now I think I will, because I am glad to have a record of the bad times as well as the good, for balance, and to remind myself. And maybe to encourage others, who knows. If someone had bashed me for any of this at the time, I would have struggled to cope with it, but now I feel able to post it. I still have bad days, of course! I have some wonderful days as well. Just to say....

Having a bad day today. Mainly hiding from the children and they’ve watched 3 hours ish of TV, and I DON’T feel like a good mummy today. I’m irritable (nearly 13 weeks pregnant and tired) and honestly just fed up of constant, “Mummyyyy!” and tale-telling and demands and disobedience, and intentional mess-making and attitudes, and even “I need a wee!” for the zillionth time which is wonderful progress but which I must immediately drop everything to supervise, bottoms to wipe on children who are old enough by far to be wiping their own but who either won’t, or simply don’t get all the poo even when they do their best. Tired of nausea and food mess to clean, and dinners to make my queasy self think about and prepare, and 2-year-olds breaking through the kitchen gate and helping themselves to food every. Single. Time. I leave the downstairs to get a baby, settle a baby, or wipe one of the aforementioned bottoms. Tired of otherwise adorable babies who have strong opinions right now, and arch and scream fit to burst my ear drums, and wake cranky from naps, and 5 times in one evening plus several times in the night and then up for the day at 4.50am – each time only being satisfied by breastfeeding, which my hormonal body is rather rebelling against at this moment in time. Tired of my own irritability and disliking myself for my own inner thoughts of, “Leave me alone!” and “Just stop TALKING to me!”, and “Urgh, I wish I could just put ear plugs in and bake the day away!”, and “I just DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT!” Dis. Like. And disliking myself isn’t productive, not for me, and not for my children either.

I saw a blog post at Finding Joy to encourage mothers today (I never linked this at the time of writing this post, and now I have no idea which post it was at that encouraged me, but the link here is her main blog url - ALL posts are well worth reading, as they are all to encourage mothers who feel in over their heads at times!). It said, what if you could pin everything you DID do that mattered for your children today, rather than feel bad about the things you didn’t do, or the pins on pinterest that you never got around to doing. It was theoretical, but I wanted to actually try that somewhere so that I could see. I don’t feel like I’ve done ANYTHING worth ANYTHING for my children today. I hope I am proved wrong. The blog author said that you would fill a board! I hope so.

Cleaned up after breakfast.

Cleaned up after lunch.

Chosen outfits for the children from the clean laundry, dressed little ones, and motivated the older ones to dress themselves.

Supervised their much-dreaded chore time in the living room, giving out jobs until it was done.

Disciplined uncountable times, all of the children (some once, some RE.PEA.TEDLY) for various behaviour or attitudes which needed correcting/addressing.

Wiped bottoms.

Encouraged Benjamin each time he needed a wee or a poo – he is still potty training.

Restocked the soap in the bathroom for the boys when theirs went awol under the toilet pipes.

Made lunch.

Breastfed. Elijah, Samuel, and Benjamin once too.

Settled Elijah for naps twice, and resettled him back to sleep after he woke on both naps.

Facilitated the older boys watching nature video clips that they had been asking to do for ages.

Cuddled children when they needed cuddles. Feel sure I have also failed to do this at times too.

Given kisses and comforted for hurts and upsets.

Intervened to sort out quarrels ENDLESSLY, though often with a bad attitude myself, so maybe that doesn’t even count…

Fetched drinks on demand a lot.

Changed nappies.

Changed clothes when they got food, drink or wee on them (several children have needed this, which is the norm).

Prayed. Not with the boys. But still.

Emailed Heather to ask her to pray for me today.

I am not sure what else, and my list doesn’t seem very long (or full of anything all that important), but I have to go now, because the baby in my arms is bucking about and fussing, having finished his feed, and Benjamin is shouting from the bathroom that he has done a wee and a poo, and I need to go and wipe another bottom.

I know. I am still blessed. I don’t forget, it’s just hard when I am pressed on all sides. Tomorrow will be better!

Week in Review - week ending June 30th

Week in Review

In my life this week...

I've been ridiculously tired this week. My baby seems to be having a growth spurt, because my bump is growing very quickly at the moment, and her kicks seem bigger almost every day that passes! Heather was concerned about me at church last Sunday because she said I looked exhausted and pale, and thought maybe I wasn't getting enough iron. She suggested Floradix so I went and bought some, and have taken it as consistently as I remember to since Monday (two doses a day, sometimes I forget the evening one). I will be 24 weeks pregnant on Tuesday, so I'm excited about that milestone! :) Yay for viability for my little one! :)

Because I've been SO tired out physically, I haven't had much left emotionally and mentally either, so it's been hard to manage the boys this week. I had help on Thursday because Heather came over for the day to help out (she does this every Thursday, pretty much, mainly to do housework for me!). The boys have bickered and argued and melted down WAY more than usual this week, and it has been extreeeemely wearing, even if I didn't have the hormones and exhaustion to add to the mix. Benjamin and Samuel have inexplicably thrown many screaming-on-the-floor tantrums each day, which isn't really like them, and Elijah has been clingy and screechy when tired or hungry, as he usually is, and ohhh it has been a hard week! I think (?) maybe everyone is overtired. Some nights they had a later bedtime than they're used to, and didn't make up for it by sleeping in (they get up between 6 and 7am regardless), so maybe that didn't help? I have no idea! But I hope next week is better!

In our homeschool this week...

So many bits and pieces, which I'll try to note here as much as I can.

We read and worked through some more of Arthur's Apologia Science: Zoology 2 course. We are still working through all the activities in chapter one, and taking our time to do so, because there's plenty there to work on! The experiment this week was about the pressure exerted on our lungs in deep sea water, which involved a balloon inflated in a plastic bottle and then stamping on the bottle to see what happened to the balloon (or, the lungs!). All SIX boys were fascinated with this experiment, and Elijah and Samuel have played with the bottle and balloon (still in situ days later!) ever since!

Matthew has done some maths in the form of maths games online this week, and also has done a lot of writing letters on paper as part of play with his brothers. His letter formation is surprisingly good - at least I shouldn't say that (!) but I was surprised, as the times I have tried to get him to do handwriting lessons (which he dislikes intensely and has resisted!) his letter formation has been really poor and it seems like he's not aware of what letters he's even writing, just copying squiggles that mean nothing to him. This week he wrote nonsensical words like "pore" (with the 'e' back to front) and then asked me what it said - lots of words like that. His letters were all really clear, which was encouraging to me! :) We've done a lot of "chatty maths" with Matthew and Nathan, in a very casual way, again this week. Things like doubling numbers, adding, and so on. This has gone well, in terms of what they seem to understand of it (especially encouraging re. Matthew, much more so than Nathan).

Nathan has done a LOT of drawing again this week, and colouring. His pictures that he is drawing are becoming more complex and detailed this week, I have noticed. He has been building Lego and Duplo a lot as always, mostly machines and things like that, which are also becoming more complex lately. He has been working on his wipe clean book (covers maths, handwriting, telling the time, etc.), and asked me how to do the pages on telling the time. I gave him a quick explanation of how to read the clock to the hour, and that's it, he said, "Oh, okay." and completed all the questions and drew hands on clock faces, etc, within minutes. TOTALLY gets telling the time to the hour. So different from Matthew, which is both a relief and a concern - such a nice relief to be able to teach a child with such ease again, and reminds me of my concerns over Matthew...

Nathan has also been writing letters a lot this week, and randomly wrote the word "me". I told him he wrote a real word and asked if he knew what it said. He looked pleased with himself but said no, he didn't. I reminded him of the sounds of the letters and he knew it said, "me". That sounds simple, but it's the first time he's allowed me to do anything involved with teaching him to read at ALL, which is lovely! :) He seemed really pleased and smiled about it for ages, so hopefully he'll be more open to these things from now? Our All About Reading curriculum arrived from the States this week - less than a week shipping time!! :) I spent a couple of hours putting it together and it looks great! :) The boys seemed excited when it arrived, so I'm hopeful about it. I need to make some time to prepare to teach it, and then we can get going (hopefully!).

Arthur went to Heather's house for a history lesson Wednesday. They did various crafts and activities related to more medieval British royal history, and then apparently Arthur started to seem bored and act silly, so Heather took her daughter and Arthur to their allotment as a change of pace! :) They did a lot there. Arthur learned to identify a lot of different vegetable plants, and did some weeding. They harvested rhubarb and Arthur brought a huge bag of it home! We have had rhubarb crumble twice this week, hehe! While Arthur was out all morning, the boys at home played with homemade playdough (big success!) and spent ages in the garden, and did drawing, etc.

Lots more strategic war games initiated by Arthur this week. He continues to read history reference books at least 2-3 hours per day, chatting his way through it as he is in his own little world while he reads and learns. He recreates much of it in play as he goes, or right after. He also is spending an hour at least each day reading animal/nature reference books, especially fish, reptiles, insects and dinosaurs at the moment. He casually chats about all sorts of things in history, starting, "Did you know that such-and-such happened when...." etc. which opens up into a conversation about why, and what happened next. He has a firm grasp on everything historical that he talks about and can answer questions on a tangent even.

On Friday it rained all day. Arthur read SIX books (two of them in part)! Four of them by 2pm! He started with Enid Blyton's 'Island of Adventure' book (requested more in the series - I have the rest of the set of 7 or 8 on the way thanks to a great deal at eBay), then started the Boxcar Children series - we have the box set with books 1-4. He had lost the first one so he started with the second, and then read the third. Then became desperate to find the first one, so searched the house for ages in a bit of a state (!), and finally found it and read it! :) He read part of Roald Dahl's Matilda, and book 4 of the Boxcar Children, and then part of one of the Enid Blyton Faraway Tree books, which he's read a zillion times so far. He has started a tradition of his own, reading a chapter of the first of those books (The Enchanted Wood) to Matthew and Nathan on the sofa at bedtime, while Neil and I take the younger three boys up to bed. He reads so well, and brings the story alive with his voice and the way he dramatises it, and they love it!

Also on that rainy Friday, both Arthur and Matthew had individual time on the laptop for what they call "map work", which is basically travelling the world via Google maps, usually with various atlas and reference books spread out all over the table. If I let them, they can spend HOURS doing this without getting bored! But I usually try to keep it between 1 and 2 hours depending on what else is going on in the day, or around that time. Sometimes it's only 15 minutes or so.

Benjamin was recognising some letters on Saturday - he wanted to know what the xylophone letters (notes) said, and I told him their phonics sounds. He picked them up pretty quickly. He has been playing the xylophone a lot since then, and not just to make noise, which is nice! :) He really otherwise shows no signs of any sort of academic readiness, so if he does, even slightly, then I'll make mention of it here! These are milestones, even if they're little ones! :)

Elijah's "work" this week has been to continue his exploring. He is still loving Peekaboo, and banging things as his favourite laughing games. He loves round and round the garden on his tiny hands, and initiates by putting the tip of his thumb to the palm of his other hand and murmering in a sing-song way, as though he's saying the rhyme himself. :) He sits and "reads" books for 30+ minutes at a time, either by himself or side-by-side with Samuel, who has been doing this activity since he was Elijah's age. They are not necessarily picture books, but they turn each page, and "read aloud" as they go. Sweetest sight ever when they're sitting in front of the bookshelves working their way through piles of books on the floor side-by-side! :)

Elijah doesn't have any words yet, as such, but he says, "Aaaaooow" carefully when he hurts me (he headbutts and bangs with his hands a LOT, and not being affected by "no" yet!) if I say, "Ow!", as part of understanding what he did, and then he shakes his head for no. He says "Daddy", "deh-deh" (for I want that), "dowww" (just once so far, said very carefully and slowly, for 'down' when he wanted to get off the bed after waking from his nap), and "deh-dee" (very similar to Daddy, for "drinky" when he is thirsty at bedtime/naptime as he sits up and reaches for the drink).

Elijah figured out climbing into the open bottom drawer in the living room to get to the surface of the merchant's chest where lots of things are piled! Also how to use a toy or sofa cushion to get onto the new chest (many times) and onto the window sill - scary!! He did this by climbing from the object onto the school table, and from the school table onto the window sill! Yikes! :S He is head-butting a lot (walls, doors, floor, people, etc!), either for fun in calmness, or when he's more agitated, in frustration - another child to be on the autistic spectrum maybe??... Been there, done that, so I have suspicions, along with the ones I already had from his early babyhood and colic, sensory preferences, intolerance of baths (he's temperature sensitive like Arthur), laughing at typically scarily loud noises, etc. Hmmm...

He enjoys putting things into things right now, and shaking them in containers, taking lids off and trying to put them on again (mucho frustration). He likes banging like crazy on the baby keyboard to get "music" out of it. He likes banging ANYTHING hard against anything hard and noisy (mirrors, radiators, doors, etc) - he does this with such intensity and vigor! Gritted teeth and shiny eyes, lol! He and Samuel enjoyed a metal baking tray full of uncooked macaroni pasta on Friday after dinner, with a couple of metal spoons each. The NOISE!! They loved it, but Samuel got tired of the noise quite quickly. Elijah couldn't get enough and I had to call it a night for him eventually - I think he would have carried on all night otherwise! ;)

Places we've been and people we've seen...

On Saturday (a week ago, not this past weekend), we all went to a midsummer fete with a traditional Victorian fairground and lots of stalls and things. The weather was dreadful (rain and wind!) but we had lots of fun all the same! Samuel was traumatised sitting with Neil on the carousel, but Benjamin loved it! This photo is the only one I got where Samuel wasn't screaming with his head back! Poor boy! I got one of Benjamin too, but he was sitting with Heather's daughter and I don't want to post any photos of her "face-on" on my blog in case Heather would not like it. Little 'Lijah waved his paper flag enthusiastically while he watched his brothers go round!

We ate hotdogs (real sausages, none of that carcinogenic stuff!), popcorn and cupcakes, and wore raincoats! ;) Here are the littlest boys begging Daddy for popcorn, and enjoying it! ;)

Heather makes crafty things and often sells them on stalls at such events, and she had a stall at this one. We helped them out by Neil taking our big vehicle to load up all her craft things and then transported them to the fete (and back again at the end of the day), and Arthur begged to go early to help set up. Neil left him there setting up with Heather and her family for two hours before the rest of us turned up for the start of the fete, and Arthur had a lovely time helping (and was apparently very helpful!). He discovered a pond with ducklings and baby coots, and was desperate to show his brothers when we were there. Before we came home, we spent a while at the pond watching these sweet little birds!

The next day at church, it was an all-age family service (no children's groups) which our church does once a month. This time it was something we hadn't experienced before - "Messy Church" with a nature/creation theme! Samuel went off with Heather and created with playdough, painted with vegetables, and built Duplo. Benjamin did playdough with me, and then chose to work on the collage/sticking with glue activity table. He also did some painting with vegetables and built Duplo. Nathan was mostly focused on building Duplo, unsurprisingly! He built an impressive ship, which all the kids played with afterwards! He did some playdough as well. Matthew didn't seem to gravitate towards any of the activities particularly, and seemed happy just building Duplo most of the time. Arthur spent some time with Matthew at the Duplo centre, and then took himself off to do some collage, cutting and sticking nature pictures - he was very focused on this for a long time. They're all a bit young for the creative writing stuff that was going on, and didn't seem interested in the oil pastels and still life artwork. It was a really fun morning though! :)

On Thursday, Heather came round for the day - she does this most Thursdays to help me with the housework and the boys (mostly housework, usually). She took Benjamin and Arthur to the shops to buy clothes pegs, and then later Matthew and Nathan to the high street for various things. They went to lots of shops, browsed for ages in the charity shop (bought toy cars), went to the cafe for milk and chocolate sticks (!), and then to the library where they looked at books for a while. The boys spent a lot of the day in the garden - I forgot to say, they used adjustable pliers to try fixing Neil's bike in the garden, turning it upside down and stabilising it, then trying to attach the wheels! They asked for a screwdriver but I didn't know where I had one, and didn't REALLY want them to use it - I reckon I should relax more and let them at it next time... Arthur made rhubarb crumble with Heather later, doing all the measuring and everything except stew the rhubarb, and rub the butter in (dirty fingernails no matter how he scrubbed them from garden play right beforehand!).

This Saturday (just gone), all six boys went to the park with Neil for the afternoon. I tried to rest up and clear my head a bit, which should have been blissful but I just didn't get anywhere and felt tired and deflated by the time they got home! :/ Oh well!

Yesterday (Sunday), we went to church, the boys went to their groups and had fun, and we spent the afternoon at the park in the glorious summery weather. I took a lot of photos, but haven't had chance to get them off the camera yet.

Things I'm working on...

Slot games for Elijah, which I've done in the past, but have been reminded of at Pinterest lately! Easy DIY stuff - hopefully I'll find time to prepare a few things for him soon! I want to prepare All About Reading, or at least figure out how I'm going to transition Matthew (see if he needs any pre-Level 1 help first). I also want to prepare science curriculum stuff ahead, including field trip ideas (rock pooling on the south coast is one of the things I want to do SOON).

I have started a written list of my morning routine with check boxes. It's just to keep me on track a bit better, because the morning has so many things that must be done, and if I'm having a tired or vague day, I come completely undone with the sheer juggling thing that has to be done, especially if the boys are being constantly troublesome with each other and I have to keep jumping off my train of thought to discipline or re-direct, or do the next thing that needs doing, before I've figured out what I even NEED to do next! Everything quickly gets overwhelming, and I want to cut through that. This was my first list on the fridge door, earlier in the week (and I had coloured in all but 3 boxes by 9.51am! Yay!):

It is really helping me keep on track so far! :)

What else? My grandfather's (Grandoug's) 88th birthday is this week, and the usual family get-together is on Saturday, which we're all looking forward to. I always make him a birthday cake, so I need to organise myself for that. Benjamin's 4th birthday is three days later on Tuesday next week, so I need to be organising myself for his cake and other birthday-related stuff too!

I'm cooking...

Apart from birthday cake?! ;) Some other food, probably, lol! Yep, still way too vague on that front, but c'est la vie right now! My children are getting fed, so it's okay! ;)

I'm grateful for...

Lovely weather! My little ones! Looking pregnant - I love it! Baby girl clothes arriving in the post! Church on Sunday evening - my turn yesterday to go, while Neil put the boys to bed. I found it sooooo refreshing this week, just some space to BE with God, to worship and pray, and to listen without distraction, to learn from the Bible. Loved it! :)

Elijah and Samuel cutting molars this week - Samuel working on all four 2-year-old molars coming through, and Elijah cut his first molar this week too - I'm so grateful that neither of them has had any particular symptoms! Some of my little ones have had a miserable time with molars and been quiet unwell, but these two boys are doing fine so far, for which I am really thankful! :)

I'm praying for...

Wisdom and direction re. our house move. We have to move, but we can't afford a thing in any useful area (as far as commuting and so on), and we don't know what to doooo. But meanwhile, we HAVE to move! And time is running out. Three and a half months to go until this sweet little baby arrives!

Something I have my eye on...

I can't think of anything right now! A good night's sleep?! ;)

I'll hopefully be "on time" next time - I know it's already a day into the new week and I'm only just now finishing my Week in Review post for last week. Ah well, at least I'm updating! It is taking me AGES to compile these posts though, more than I thought, so I am not sure if I can keep it up, and I'm terrible at making things more concise! ;)