Other people and our school choices...

The other day a friend from church who we've known for 15 years came over to change a fuse for us on our fuse box. Such a sweet helpful thing to do, and he's such a sweet guy too. He and his wife were newly-weds when I first started going to church, and by the time Neil and I got married, they had their first baby. They have three boys now - ages 12, 9, and 5. We knew them better when their little ones were really little, and haven't seen so much of them in recent years.

Little frustrations crop up though, and this is an example I guess (along with the fact that this particular friend is the one who cheerfully asks (in a loud voice at church), "Don't you know what causes that?!" when we tell him we're expecting another baby - every time since baby #3). He emailed me the night before to see if it would be okay to drop round at 10.30am or so with the fuse, and I replied to say that I would really prefer to keep the weekday mornings clear for school, otherwise the boys get distracted from their lessons - our full focus is on school in the mornings. I asked if he could get back to me about an afternoon sometime, or even a weekend morning if that would work better.

So we were in the middle of maths at 10.55am when he knocked on the window. I guessed he hadn't got my email, but I'm not sure really. He hasn't replied to it still, and he did say he hoped he wouldn't distract them for too long. As soon as he came in (I promise I was cheerful and welcoming, by the way! He was coming to bless us with something and I was GRATEFUL!), the boys were excited to see him and came away from the table. He asked what they were learning and they said they were doing maths. Right away (why must people do this?!?!) he began quizzing them! He immediately said to Matthew, "What's 2 plus 2?" and to my surprise - I know it's simple but I hadn't known Matthew could do ANYTHING in his head yet, only on paper or with the abacus so far, as he's not catching on so easily as Arthur has with maths - he said, "Four!" with a smile. Arthur was beaming waiting for his turn, and our friend turned to him and said, "What's 7 minus 3?" Arthur's smile froze and his eyes looked searching for a few moments. Poor boy. He hasn't done subtraction yet. Yes, I know he's seven.

He finally said, "Minus ten!" and the guy said, "No. That would be minus seven, minus three. What's SEVEN minus three?" Poor Arthur, you could really see his confidence and happiness fading as the guy waited on his answer. I did not make him wait, I just said to Arthur, "Don't worry lovey, you haven't done minus yet." And then to the slightly aghast look directed at me from my friend, "He hasn't done subtraction yet." Arthur looked visibly relieved, and thankfully he and Matthew started chatting noisily so they didn't get to hear the, "At SEVEN?!" with the slightly disgusted eye-roll, from the guy.

This was two days ago, and I'm FINE about it, but also I'm TOTALLY NOT (lol, clearly one of those statements is untrue!). It's still under my skin so very much, and I can't seem to soothe the feelings it gave me, ugh. I KNOW what I'm doing, teaching my kids! I know what I'm doing with maths. I HATE debating, and quiver at the thought of standing my ground with someone, actually in the flesh. It makes me feel nauseous and shaky and tearful and hot when I do, and I hate it! I am really "good" at doing so in my head, afterwards! ;) But not in person, so then I feel like I haven't stood up for myself/us. And that bugs me for ages afterwards.

I explained briefly to him that Arthur is doing a mastery curriculum. He masters addition (for example) before even beginning subtraction. I told my friend that he is adding thousands on paper, and adding tens, ones and hundreds in his head. Not "look what he can do!" but "look what the curriculum has equipped him with so far!". I told him that he can find the "missing addend" but he doesn't understand it as subtraction yet. The guy said that it made no sense to him - for him, subtraction and addition are part of each other. He also found time 10 minutes later to pick up the boys' abacus and bring it to me, explaining that he doesn't understand why people who make abacuses teach it in rows of ten, and that it should be 1 to 9, and then number 10 on a new row. Or whatever. It frustrated me. He was being very cheerful and chatty, but basically cheerfully picking holes in my efforts and what we're setting out to do. Which upset me a bit.

Arthur is about 2/3 of the way through his second year curriculum of Right Start Mathematics (Level B). By the end of Level B (in a few weeks, at the rate we're going), he will finally begin subtraction. Then he will master that before even beginning to be taught the TERM multiply or multiplication, let alone what it means, and how to apply it - which I think comes at the END of Level C. Another whole year away at least.

I totally love and trust the curriculum I have chosen for them to learn maths with. It does things very differently from schools. I understand that it's not how people were taught, or how their children or grandchildren are currently being taught. I briefly explain the curriculum and why it's different - what the benefits are, etc. But why must people be so negative about it?! I'm not stupid, ignorant, or irresponsible in my decision-making when it comes to choosing how to teach things to my children! I DO MY RESEARCH, week and months of it! I am thorough! And I find it hard when people want to pick at that, or imply that I chose poorly, or that something isn't the best thing for the boys. I know many people think keeping them HOME for school isn't the best thing for them. Maybe it's my perception, maybe I'm too sensitive about it (it would be hard not to be, as both teacher and mummy)? Sometimes questions asked are obviously out of interest and curiosity - you can tell that! But otherwise, questions seem to be to actually find fault with something, or they say they are not against what we're doing, but then they go ahead and compare (negatively) with how we were taught when we were young, or how their kids are taught in school now. That's not conversation! That's directly challenging (or even criticising in some cases) ME as their teacher, and ME as their parent for making the choices I have made!

I just feel a bit attacked and ruffled about it. In the nicest possible way! ;) He was very "nice" and cheery, but ugh. I'm probably being overly sensitive. I wasn't even sure about blogging about it. But here I am doing it anyway. Just to "say" really, not much else. I don't really need to do anything about it, it's just a frustration that is probably inevitable when you go and do something "out of the box" like homeschooling. I felt so frustrated at the time, attempting to cheerfully justify myself over their maths, that I did suddenly get this urge to say to him (as my doula constantly reminds me when I express any concerns like this!), so what if I wasn't even teaching him ANYTHING academic at age seven?!?! Really - So. What. In Turkey, they don't start school at all until age 7. The kids there are all on a level with kids from any other part of the world who start school at various (younger) ages, by age 9. No difference. Big deal. It really doesn't matter that my sons have no concept of subtraction at this age!!!! It just so irked me. And more so that I didn't have the guts or presence of mind to say so at the time.

After he left, I tried to keep reminding myself all day that I am happy homeschooling, the boys are happy, Neil is happy, it's what we strongly believe God is happy with us doing, and we are 100% confident in our curriculum choices right now, that they are the best options for our particular children at this particular time. I LOVE Right Start! They may not know how to subtract 3 from 7, but they learn a ton of other stuff ahead of the school curriculum. Everything evens out in the end, doesn't it? School kids get to learn what the boys have learned within a couple of years, and the boys get caught up with the "school basics" of addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division, within a couple of years too. I am expecting (from everything I've read and a lot of testimonies to the fact) that they will be equipped with much better mental maths strategies and a more thorough understanding than other children by then, though. Think Asian maths. That's what the curriculum is based on. Asian students are waaaaaaaay ahead of western students in their ability to "do" maths (put simply - my head is just about empty right now, pregnant, sleep-deprived, and up late AGAIN! ;) ), BECAUSE of the way they were taught as younger children.

ANYWAY!

It's not so much about the method of teaching maths to children. I don't care how anyone teaches their children maths, or how the schools do it either! I am just meaning to talk about this example of the conflict I am likely to continue facing with others as we continue homeschooling. I wish I would deal with it better inside, but then I am hoping I WILL, as time goes by. Meanwhile I am blogging. Maybe it will help me. Maybe others will relate. Maybe it will help someone who hasn't got to that stage yet and now when they do, they will know that it's not just them.

Whatever the reason, I'm just saying. It's not all easy! And I wish it was easier. But I know it's the right thing for us, and I wouldn't have it any other way! :)