Nathan is nearly one!

Tomorrow is Nathan's first birthday! I just can't believe it! A year ago today (well, early this morning actually), I woke up at 6am in a wet bed, at 35 weeks pregnant, thinking, "Uh-ohhhh..." :) It took us forever to gather things together and arrange for my brother to come over to watch the boys, and we didn't get to the hospital till after 3pm! They weren't too pleased with me, as I'd been leaking fluid all that time, still not quite sure though if it really was my waters having broken (it's never happened to me before till late in labour) or just something.... more embarrassing! Or something. Of course, it WAS my waters, and they induced me that afternoon right after they had me cough a lot whilst watching my cervix (!) to be sure my waters had broken. I was Group B Strep positive so I had IV antibiotics as well.

It's sooo strange to me, for some reason, sitting here tonight, to think that this time exactly one year ago I was in the hospital in labour. Easy-going labour, mind you. He wasn't born till 5.42 the next morning, and only the last 30-60 minutes of that was unbearable! I just can't picture it. Well, I can, but I can't relate to it now. It seems like I was a different person, like it was a lifetime ago somehow.

I'm feeling strangely emotional about it tonight - about Nathan being a year old tomorrow. Which feels weird to me. I don't think I have been emotional about my other babies turning one. This feels like a slightly unhappy emotional, not a happy thing, and I'm not sure why. BUT, I am also pregnant and hormonal, and happen to have a horrible headache, so maybe that's all it is?! I wonder if it has anything to do with Nathan's early arrival? I don't know if it even possibly can, but anyway. I can't quite understand why I feel like I have loved Nathan more intensely than even my other little ones, since he was born. I love all my children just as much as each other, but the intensity is different this time. When he was born I just was OVERWHELMED with love and adoration for that tiny, beautiful boy. I know that's a very normal way for a mother who has just given birth to feel, but I was just busy being happy and processing what had just happened, with my other two births! With Nathan, I couldn't turn around fast enough (I gave birth on my knees with my back to the midwives) to see him, it was like a frantic sense of panic that I couldn't see him immediately. When I saw him, I can't describe my feelings at that point, I just can't begin to. I was overwhelmed. I had two other beautiful little ones, but at that moment, Nathan was THE most beautiful newborn baby I had ever seen in my life. Ever. All I could do was breathlessly (and loudly!) proclaim to everyone in the room how BEAUTIFUL he was, over and over. I didn't do anything like that with my other births, so it surprised me.

To this day, I ADORE him. I mean, pinch-myself adore him. He's the happiest, smiliest, most easy-going little love. He wrinkles up his nose when he's smiling really big. He has such a precious little cleft in his chin, and the same little dip in his bottom lip too. This means that when he cries, his lips come together in a sort of on-it's-side figure eight. He also has the sweetest little lip pout/wobble thing going on the moment before he cries about something that's upset him. When he was tiny, his cry actually sounded like "wah-wah" because of his cute little lip shape! :) He was my first baby to sound like that, and it made me want to kiss his little lips while he was crying, instead of tending to his needs, haha! ;)

He loves his big brothers completely. He beams at them and reaches for them, just the same as he does for Neil and I. I love it when he reaches for me, those times when he's sad or hurting and only Mummy will do. That's me. That's ME! I cannot believe I have been so blessed as to be Nathan's mummy. And not only that, but Matthew's mummy, and Arthur's mummy. AND Babydot's mummy! I'm just overwhelmed sometimes, at all that God has given to me.

Well, tomorrow will be a low-key day. Neil has taken the day off work so we can have a special family day, but we don't have much of anything planned. Nathan is happiest just being around us all in familiar settings, so we'll just hang out at home and play. If the weather is okay, we might go to the park at some point because he likes the outdoors too, so long as it doesn't get too cold or tedious for him! And the boys can burn off some energy at the same time. I think the forecast said RAIN tomorrow though, and it's cold, so we'll see.

I made Nathan a birthday cake today, with a very basic farm theme - a round vanilla sponge cake, sandwiched with butter cream. I coloured some butter cream green (pastel green, not bright green, because I hate using food colourings for little ones!) and covered the cake in that, and used the boys' duplo fences (washed!) to link together in a circle on top of the cake. Neil and I made some sugarpaste animals this evening. I wanted to make pigs, sheep and cows, but quickly discovered I'm not talented enough to pull that off! Neil came to help me, and I managed to turn out some quite good piggies, so I worked on those. My sheep looked like a polar bear, so Neil made a much better one! ;) He made cows too, but they look a bit like something is the wrong way round, colour wise! Otherwise okay! :) And there's one candle in the middle. I'll be sure to post photos when I write about his birthday!

[edited to add: Okay so I took a photo of the cake, so that I didn't forget on the day (so far I think I have done that 2 out of 2 times, hehe!), and uploaded it, so here is Nathan's cake for tomorrow:]



He doesn't have many presents. I feel bothered about that, but everyone keeps saying he's only ONE, and he won't mind a bit about presents. I just wanted him to have some fun things to open for his birthday, but I was annoyingly disorganised (Christmas and New Year having lulled me into a false sense of security, then SUDDENLY it was almost Nathan's birthday). My mum bought some things for him online (she lives in France) and had them delivered here, but one of them doesn't work even when we change the batteries :( We got Nathan some really sweet board books from the Christian bookshop, and also a drum - we don't have one of those yet, aaaargh! He loves banging things right now, and beams from ear to ear if he finds something to bang that sounds good and "drummy". This drum is quite flat and has a clear top, through which you can see coloured beads inside. They rattle about and jump when you bang the drum. We also got him a baby rainmaker. We have one but the beads inside are tiny and have gone all static, so they stick to the container, but he loves it anyway. And that's all! The books did not turn up in the post, which I'm annoyed about, but I'm really hoping they'll arrive tomorrow morning. I wrapped the things he DOES have so far, tonight, and there are just 4 really small presents, including what my mum sent. I SHOULDN'T have any sort of a problem with that! But for some reason I do feel a bit sad about it :(

Anyway! Hopefully he'll be a happy boy tomorrow, and the others won't need SUCH a crazy crazy amount of discipline as they seem to need all the time lately. Nathan might get his second tooth on his birthday! It's soooooo close to cutting through the gum today, we thought it was through, but it's not QUITE. It's his second top middle tooth. I have no idea where his bottom teeth are!

I just finished uploading and editing all the Christmas photos, at LAST! It's soooo out of date now, but oh well. I wanted to post them before Nathan's birthday, because after that they're kind of not interesting or relevant any more, but I haven't managed it, so never mind. I will post them anyway, soon, but probably cheat and backdate them so that the entry falls a couple of days after Christmas in my archives, hehe! I'll mention it in a new post here when I've done it though, in case anybody would like to see them.

Well, I'm tired out and heading for bed. I hope I'll be back with photos of my tiny birthday boy soon! :)