The pace and the panic

It's 11pm already - ALREADY! Every day is whirling by, except for - you know - the "slow hours", and even those are pretty speedy these days. I am so tired, sooooo tired at the moment. A lot of it probably has to do with the fact that I'm 28 weeks pregnant and tiredness is normal around now, but also that I have six little ones to keep me on my toes at the same time! Nights are disturbed aplenty, always. It used to be just Elijah (14 months already!) waking me, but now I am waking more when he's still slumbering peacefully next to me than the few times a night he still wakes and wants to breastfeed. My leg will go into cramp, or I will need to go to the loo, you know all that normal 3rd trimester stuff. My restless leg syndrome bothers me once I wake up and makes it hard to sleep again, but mainly I have been having awful hayfever since March and I am wondering if (as August rolls around) it will ever go away?!?! I have never had it this bad before, but it seems like half the world is having the same trouble this year, so hopefully it will go eventually. I can't get back to sleep at night after I wake for any other reason, for my nose itching and sneezing and being like a solid brick, etc. I'm. so. tired.

Neil is working longer hours - or, well, he's not, but he is out of the house longer, because his car died and now he is taking the bus to work. He leaves by 7am and is home around 7.30pm on a good day, maybe up to an hour later if the buses are horrible. It has been three or four weeks now, and I think I am adjusting this past week. I was absolutely not managing to cope with the extra hours at all before and the boys were so late in bed every night, while I barely clung to my sanity! ;) But this week is better, so far, and the end of last week was too.

The only thing is the panic! The way the day starts off at a cracking pace at 7am - breakfast, more please Mummy, cleaning up spills, wiping the baby (who hates being wiped so so so much!), clean-up after breakfast, loading the dishwasher and starting it, stopping eleventy times to settle disputes and discipline/correct/warn or retrieve an overly adventurous toddler (I have two now!), shoving the wet washing into the tumble dryer, picking through the mountain of dirty clothes/sheets/towels/wipes, etc to prioritise and start the next load of washing, stopping a dozen times to discipline/correct/warn, and "could you please lift him off the school table and move that thing he keeps using to climb up there?!", sweeping the kitchen floor, surveying the somewhat-acceptable kitchen for a moment in semi-satisfaction, and then moving on to choose clean clothes for the boys, stopping half a dozen times to discipline/correct/warn and give out clothes, asking the recipients way too many times to "please put your clothes on... please put them on now... I said put your clothes on!.... Matthew! Clothes! Now!" Then the frenzy of nappy changes and dressing little ones who aren't yet old enough to do it themselves without some (or complete) help. On a good day it's 8.30am at this point. Then I am able to wash and dress myself, stopping, of course, a dozen times to discipline/correct/warn, and "Stop screaming at me please! I can't come and see because I haven't got any clothes on yet!", and sit down freshly washed but sweating profusely, on the sofa to complete the morning "necessaries" and snuggle my littlest two for a bit. Stories get read, nursing sometimes happens, and the ever necessary corrections and dispute-settling, amongst cuddles, construction and drawing appreciation, and hearing endlessly about whatever Arthur is fascinated by on that occasion (always something historical or nature/animal based lately).

Even though it's a packed "rest" time, it seems short-lived because within no time I have to haul my reluctant body up to put Elijah to bed (he naps mid-morning, sometimes as early as 9am if he woke before 6am - he doesn't have an afternoon nap this way though, and that means he's tired at bedtime!), and then sort out morning snack, mediate squabbles and clashes of interest, switch the laundry, fold all the dry stuff and put it away (completely out of breath, always now, from carrying it upstairs and putting it away in the drawers) while stopping now and then to stage-whisper down the stairs (so as not to wake Elijah) to "Let him have that toy", "No, we don't say "stupid" in this house", and "I will sort that out in a sec when I've finished this!"

Then I *believe* I interact with my children for a while, lol! I often forget this part of the day as it seems like a blur, but I'm not usually doing chores after switching the laundry, and Elijah is sleeping so I'm usually spending time with them, but it seems a very "on the go" sort of time, because before I can believe it, Elijah is waking and I need to make the lunch - we eat as soon after 12 noon as possible, usually. So, just like that, the morning has gone! I make lunch, Elijah hungry and usually screaming at the kitchen safety gate while I spread sandwiches at a frantic pace and call out for a big boy to please read him a story for just a moment. A loaf of bread and three knives dirtied with various spreads later, and, "Not yet!", "No, it's not ready!", "You'll know it's ready when I SAY it's ready!" and the boys pile into the kitchen and eat lunch. I want to lie down but I need to feed my body and my tiny unborn baby's body, so I eat a sandwich and some yoghurt, and probably a glass of milk, alongside "Sit down at the table", "Please eat nicely... no, that's NOT nice!", "I will get you more when I have finished my sandwich", "Right, that's it! Out of the kitchen for 5 minutes!", and wiping the baby (the one who hates being wiped so so so much), cleaning up that spilled milk, comforting the child whose dessert fell on the floor which I may as well have not swept earlier, and shooing giggling children out from underfoot after they have cleared their plates away, to wipe the table, bench and booster seat, and this time pretend to ignore the fact that the floor needs sweeping.

Switch the laundry, mediate/discipline, find a change of clothes for the baby who managed to evenly coat himself in yoghurt at lunchtime, and say yes to a request from two children to draw at the kitchen table, thankful that I just wiped it and don't have to say "Not yet darling, the lunch things are still on the table." Throw their supplies on the table, and set about the next round of nappy changes along with Elijah's clothing change. Stop to think, "Did I wee yet today?" No, so that's my next task. Or even if I did, it's pretty much necessary again anyway. Find a suspicious puddle in the bathroom and some wet toilet paper in the bath plughole, and call boys to order on it. Mediate over finger-pointing and not-too-pleasant reactions to my solution to the problem, discipline for said reactions, comfort that child who tripped over the Duplo evenly spread across the living room rug, and firmly motivate boys to tidy up. Turn drill-seargent as certain children do not react well to being told to tidy up, and supervise until it's done properly. Fetch a drink for the constantly-asking child. Admire the drawings in the kitchen, agree to afternoon snack, and stop to take a drink of water myself and think, "Did I DO that wee when I went up to the bathroom after lunch?!" No, so off I go for another attempt! More snuggles on the sofa when I return, and reading to little ones, appreciating nuggets of information from the big ones, answering seemingly endless questions from the middle ones (by way of explanation, they are ages 4 and 5!), probably breastfeeding at least one or two littles at some point, and kissing bumps and scrapes, sympathetically acknowledging every single tiny scab, red mark, and yellowing 3mm bruise on the two-year-old as he enjoys showing me such acquisitions!

Somehow in this blur of an afternoon, it's nearly 4pm and I have to think about dinner. Baby-meltdown approaches (it's a time-of-day thing for this little one as he gets tired and hungry all at once) so I need to be quick, but of course it's also the time for an increase in the need for mediation/discipline/warnings, etc. for the other children. On a good day, I am making dinner by 5pm and serving it shortly thereafter (an hour or more later on a not-so-good day), while Elijah screams at the gate and I puff about the kitchen sweating and calling for a big boy to "please bring him the keyboard and play him a tune, for just a moment!" There's just time to toss the dry washing from the tumble dryer up on top of the machine, and throw the wet load in and start it going, as I call the boys in for food. I feel too hot and tired to eat mine, but I tackle it anyway because I should feed my body and my baby's little body, alongside "Well, that's what we're having", "Don't be rude about my cooking please!", "Fine, go to bed hungry then", and "Please stop saying "bottom-poo" over and over like that, it's silly and annoying, and it's not nice at the table anyway!"

Dinner time is over just like that, before I've really finished eating, and children are misbehaving and needing correcting/disciplining/warning, and ultimately sending out of the kitchen to play, while I wipe the baby (that same one who really really hates to be wiped so so so much), get the squashed banana off the floor, clean up that spilled drink, tell the whining child that if he is still hungry he can eat the food that he has left on his plate (for the 4th time), call out to the pair of boys in the living room who are leaping about and screaming, to calm down, and launch straight into searching for pyjamas and night nappies, without really pausing to see that the day is almost gone, Neil is on his way home, and it's after 6pm (or a good bit later on a bad day!).

The boys are in high spirits at bedtime, and at their most selective when it comes to hearing my instructions, unfortunately! I change nappies, and dress little ones for bed, constantly stopping to separate boisterous children, insist on pyjamas being put on (for the dozenth time), and agreeing to that story being read after I've finished. I brush five sets of little white teeth - Arthur brushes his own. Some children really really don't like having their teeth brushed, which makes it a challenging task. Rush to fill a drink for the child about to die whining of thirst, fetch the baby down from where he shouldn't be again, and Neil arrives home, which sends the hyper-ness into orbit! At this point, maybe because finally it's not just me again, my body seems to crash and I feel totally exhausted, physically. I seem to have less tolerance for trouble from little boys, but I read a story and try to tell Neil this and that of importance about the boys' day so he can follow-up and chat to them about it as he helps me get them ready for bed.

Then, bedtime in a whirlwind. A mix of tired kiddies, hyper kiddies, disobedient squealing kiddies, and those reading a bedtime story. Elijah refuses to settle to sleep breastfeeding, so I take him back out to Neil and take over from him with the other boys in their room. I nurse Samuel to sleep, stopping regularly to ask Benjamin to please lie down and be quiet, and then the bigger boys are coming in way too noisily from their story time, to go to bed. Four sets of back-rubs, prayers, and individual stories (they all request birth stories, or occasionally our wedding or honeymoon holiday), and Neil is back from walking Elijah to sleep. Usually only Arthur is still awake, and I feel breathlessly tired and stagger downstairs at last to find that it's after 9pm somehow, and the day is over with.

The panic sets in - which I started off this post to write about, but got rather side-tracked, lol! - because it's 9.25pm or something, and I HAVE to do more than just what I "do" all day, with my children. But it's all a whirlwind of "my all" and that uses up the day in a blink, and suddenly it's mid-evening and the time I had planned to use for "planning" for the next day/week/month is half used up, and I am actually too tired to make my brain work properly in any case. I spend an hour or so pootling about on Pinterest scanning for ideas and trying to organise my thoughts, and having a moment of social sanity for my brain at Facebook. I look at photos I took of my boys that day (if any) and smile and feel mushy inside because I love them so much and I enjoy dwelling on them, even if they drove me crazy that day! ;) And my restless leg syndrome gets more and more bothersome until I have no choice but to call it a night.

Then, the night wakings, and the day begins again just like the one before. Tired evening follows and another occasion where I can't find time or energy to plan what I guiltily feel I SHOULD be doing with the boys. Like school! Notice that in our day, no formal schooling is taking place! We have become quite the unschooling family, but it's not my preference at all and I constantly feel anxious or guilty that I'm not exposing them to enough learning experiences to meet their needs.

Then tonight I read this blog post, which someone had posted at Facebook:

Hope When You Feel Like a Homeschool Failure at raisingrealmen.com.

And it's not the first thing I've "come across" in the past week or two. People seem to be randomly posting things that speak right to my heart about this issue, as if it's put there by God to comfort and reassure me, to remind me that there is more to homeschool than academics. And, for a perfect example, this post at finding joy, only 9 hours ago:

why being a mom is enough

Reassuring. I am sure God is trying to speak to my heart, and that in itself reassures me. I know the panic and guilt will creep back by tomorrow morning, and probably even by the time I put the laptop away and let my head hit the pillow tonight, but I wanted to blog about it this evening (despite the late hour and the tiredness) because it's something "solid" now that it's in writing and that means I can come and take hold of it whenever I need to. Maybe someone else can too.

My kids are learning more than I expected them to, without formal lessons, which is so encouraging and uplifting! But I would so like to get time sorted out somehow, so that I can do more of the type of schooling I really want to be doing - at least covering the 3 r's formally, would make me feel better, and I think Neil would prefer that too. They ARE learning the 3 r's without me doing that, bizarrely! ;) But yeah... I would like to do it a bit differently. I nearly typed "better", which is telling of my need to stop with this thing that general society has going on, where unschooling is weird and totally not going to work! ;) It's not better, it's just different. And different is okay. Isn't it? It IS okay to be different. That's one of life's harder lessons, and you have to battle it all. your. life. if it applies to you (which it always has anyway).

Anyway, I needed to write this tonight. I kind of like that I got side-tracked because now I have the memory of the frantic typical day written down! I know the day will come allll too soon when I forgot what that's like and long for it wistfully. I don't resent it, I love it, though it's draining and exasperating at times. I believe them when they say it passes all too quickly, and I am trying to cherish it while it's here! I still can't believe I'm 37. I know I'll be 47 before I can blink. That makes me want to CLING to NOW, and just BE in it, experience it, enjoy it, be thankful for it. And I really really am. I just need to somehow keep on swimming, at the same time... somehow.

A difficult day from a few months ago...

I've had this in draft for ages. I was 13 weeks pregnant so it must have been April. Sometimes this is how life is, and on this occasion I wrote about it while I was in the midst of it. I absolutely did NOT have the guts to post it, though. Now I think I will, because I am glad to have a record of the bad times as well as the good, for balance, and to remind myself. And maybe to encourage others, who knows. If someone had bashed me for any of this at the time, I would have struggled to cope with it, but now I feel able to post it. I still have bad days, of course! I have some wonderful days as well. Just to say....

Having a bad day today. Mainly hiding from the children and they’ve watched 3 hours ish of TV, and I DON’T feel like a good mummy today. I’m irritable (nearly 13 weeks pregnant and tired) and honestly just fed up of constant, “Mummyyyy!” and tale-telling and demands and disobedience, and intentional mess-making and attitudes, and even “I need a wee!” for the zillionth time which is wonderful progress but which I must immediately drop everything to supervise, bottoms to wipe on children who are old enough by far to be wiping their own but who either won’t, or simply don’t get all the poo even when they do their best. Tired of nausea and food mess to clean, and dinners to make my queasy self think about and prepare, and 2-year-olds breaking through the kitchen gate and helping themselves to food every. Single. Time. I leave the downstairs to get a baby, settle a baby, or wipe one of the aforementioned bottoms. Tired of otherwise adorable babies who have strong opinions right now, and arch and scream fit to burst my ear drums, and wake cranky from naps, and 5 times in one evening plus several times in the night and then up for the day at 4.50am – each time only being satisfied by breastfeeding, which my hormonal body is rather rebelling against at this moment in time. Tired of my own irritability and disliking myself for my own inner thoughts of, “Leave me alone!” and “Just stop TALKING to me!”, and “Urgh, I wish I could just put ear plugs in and bake the day away!”, and “I just DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT!” Dis. Like. And disliking myself isn’t productive, not for me, and not for my children either.

I saw a blog post at Finding Joy to encourage mothers today (I never linked this at the time of writing this post, and now I have no idea which post it was at that encouraged me, but the link here is her main blog url - ALL posts are well worth reading, as they are all to encourage mothers who feel in over their heads at times!). It said, what if you could pin everything you DID do that mattered for your children today, rather than feel bad about the things you didn’t do, or the pins on pinterest that you never got around to doing. It was theoretical, but I wanted to actually try that somewhere so that I could see. I don’t feel like I’ve done ANYTHING worth ANYTHING for my children today. I hope I am proved wrong. The blog author said that you would fill a board! I hope so.

Cleaned up after breakfast.

Cleaned up after lunch.

Chosen outfits for the children from the clean laundry, dressed little ones, and motivated the older ones to dress themselves.

Supervised their much-dreaded chore time in the living room, giving out jobs until it was done.

Disciplined uncountable times, all of the children (some once, some RE.PEA.TEDLY) for various behaviour or attitudes which needed correcting/addressing.

Wiped bottoms.

Encouraged Benjamin each time he needed a wee or a poo – he is still potty training.

Restocked the soap in the bathroom for the boys when theirs went awol under the toilet pipes.

Made lunch.

Breastfed. Elijah, Samuel, and Benjamin once too.

Settled Elijah for naps twice, and resettled him back to sleep after he woke on both naps.

Facilitated the older boys watching nature video clips that they had been asking to do for ages.

Cuddled children when they needed cuddles. Feel sure I have also failed to do this at times too.

Given kisses and comforted for hurts and upsets.

Intervened to sort out quarrels ENDLESSLY, though often with a bad attitude myself, so maybe that doesn’t even count…

Fetched drinks on demand a lot.

Changed nappies.

Changed clothes when they got food, drink or wee on them (several children have needed this, which is the norm).

Prayed. Not with the boys. But still.

Emailed Heather to ask her to pray for me today.

I am not sure what else, and my list doesn’t seem very long (or full of anything all that important), but I have to go now, because the baby in my arms is bucking about and fussing, having finished his feed, and Benjamin is shouting from the bathroom that he has done a wee and a poo, and I need to go and wipe another bottom.

I know. I am still blessed. I don’t forget, it’s just hard when I am pressed on all sides. Tomorrow will be better!

Week in Review - first try! :)

So I notice that:

a) I never update any more!
b) Some of my bloggy friends (the homeschooling ones) write regular Week in Review posts.
c) It might be a good idea to give it a try, because it's quick and easy-looking, and I would actually BLOG and keep track of things again! Maybe!

A blog that I read with faithfully regular Week in Review posts is Tristan's (Our Busy Homeschool), and today's blog post of hers finally provoked me to write my own, copying her format to try it out for myself. I am BAD at consistency (I know you know this already!) but here goes nothing! :) Even if it's just occasional, it will be stuff that I long to keep recorded, ACTUALLY RECORDED!

Week in Review

In my life this week...

I am 20 weeks pregnant! I had "The Big Scan" on Friday, and would you believe it?! After six precious sons in a row, the gift from God I am carrying is a baby GIRL!!!!! My first daughter! I actually still can't comprehend it, and I expect it will take a while to sink in. We are all (big brothers included) absolutely thrilled and so joyful to be expecting a baby girl! :)

Matthew's appointment came through for his assessment. Another thing that's NEW news if you are a reader who only knows me at this blog, as I haven't updated for a long time about anything in-depth. Arthur has been through assessment this year for Autistic Spectrum Disorder (specifically the child psychiatrist (who he saw once for a phobia of dogs, which he's doing better with now) suspected Asperger's Syndrome). He was just diagnosed last month with Asperger's Syndrome - not a big surprise to us, but it has meant the last year has been much more challenging than the one before it, and so on. His behaviour is HARD to manage, and his mannerisms are "different" to other children. He is very bright and chatty and lovely! He is pretty "classic" Asperger's though, apparently. Matthew's behaviour is different to Arthur's but almost more difficult to manage. I have no idea, I'm no expert, and I understand Arthur better than I understand Matthew, but my gut feeling is that Matthew is also on the autistic spectrum (not necessarily Asperger's though), and has sensory processing disorder, ADHD, and speech issues (he is now on the waiting list for speech therapy as well), as well as possibly dyslexia and dyscalcula. He has learning difficulties that are more problematic than I first thought when I started homeschooling him. He isn't making progress with reading, writing, or maths, and can't concentrate for any length of time, and rapidly progresses to crazy wild behaviour where he's beyond-reach as far as verbal reasoning goes, and disrupts any effort to teach him anything. I can't tell you how hard it's been this past year, with everything else going on (which I can't remember if I mentioned here, and have no particular desire to right this minute). Which leads me neatly to...!

In our homeschool this week...

Ah, now this will probably necessitate some lengthy explaining, since I haven't updated my blog in so long... Not sure I want to get into that right now, but hmmm. Suffice to say that we are currently pretty much unschooling. This means no formal education (curriculum work, etc.) but everything is child-led, and various things are available for them to choose from. This is NOT a preferred choice for me, it makes me fidgetty, lol! But right now it's where we are at, for various reasons which it would take too long to go into tonight. It is also NOT a permanent situation. I am hoping it's temporary, and even this week we've been discussing how to ease some curriculum subjects back in, for one or two of the boys. This week, Arthur has been out to Heather's house (my doula, who homeschools her 15-year-old daughter), to do a history lesson with her daughter, for a full morning on Wednesday. This isn't every week, but it did happen this week. Arthur loves it! He has a workbook that is rapidly filling with all sorts of very creative activities on medieval British history that Heather's daughter has prepared herself, and photos of him in costume, etc! So fun! Arthur is hugely into sea creatures at the moment, and we have just bought the Apologia Science: Zoology 2 curriculum, which is all about sea creatures and oceanography. He is so excited and can't wait to start it tomorrow! I intended him to work through much of it independently as that's how he works best, but I think that I will have him read it aloud to me (or I'll read some of it, whichever he prefers), and I'll oversee the written activities, and obviously do the science experiments with him. I expect Matthew and probably Nathan will also be intrigued and want to join in when it comes to it, as well. Otherwise we've had beautiful weather this week and most of the boys' time has been spent in the garden, or we've been out to a big "beach" (complete with water fountain for water play!) at the park one day this week, and we spent another day visiting a homeschooling family we know fairly locally who have six children as well. The children all get on so well together, it's lovely how excited they all get about our visits! Matthew and Nathan have drawn a lot this week, and written letters and such as they've wanted to. Matthew has been tracing sea mammals and dinosaurs from reference books. They've done puzzles, built Lego, and played strategic games. Arthur has created maps with alternate battle plans for armies in the 2nd World War this week, for some random reason! He was very focused on it for a long time, and eager to show and explain it all. He has (as usual) spent hours each day this week reading mainly reference books (British History, World History, and the enormous Complete History of the World book on the shelf that he can barely lift off! Amongst many many other non-history books). He hasn't done much fiction reading this week.

Helpful homeschool hints or advice to share...

I am the opposite of the fount-of-all-wisdom at this stage, lol! I NEED advice from homeschooling mothers, or mothers of children on the autistic spectrum, or mothers of eleventy little children, that sort of thing. But I don't think I have any to give out! The only advice I would give is to PRAY in all things, including homeschool. I do not know what I would do without God, in all this. Talk about anchor in the storm! :)

Places we've been and people we've seen...

Okay so I've answered this already, for the most part! Monday we went to Vicki's to visit and play with her six little ones. Wednesday was Arthur's history lesson and Heather's daughter brought him home and then helped me take the boys to the "beach" park in the beautiful weather, for the afternoon. They made a ton of friends (Arthur especially, in his element organising and leading the children who were there in strategic water-channelling-through-sand battle games!) and had a blast. On Friday, Heather came over to spend time playing with the boys while Neil and I went to have our scan, and find out that we have a daughter! Saturday I went to the women's breakfast at church (VERY inspirational talk), and then Neil took all the boys to the park to play ball games and build forts (and crawl in the grass, depending on which child we're talking about, lol!), while I rested off a bout of IBS at home. :S Sunday (today) we went to church as a family, the boys enjoyed their groups and playing with the kids afterwards for an hour or so, and then this evening I went to the evening service on my own (we alternate).

Things I'm working on...

Ideas for school this coming week. I bought a Kumon workbook for Matthew on telling the time, as he just can't grasp it, no matter the fabulousness of the Right Start Mathematics curriculum in its clear explanation and games to teach him. He just. doesn't. get it. I can't break it down any simpler, so I'm hoping if he has a workbook all his own, to fill in any time he fancies and get a certificate at the end, he might get somewhere with it over time. I will help him if he lets me. I also got a wipe-clean book for Nathan and some dry-erase pens to go with it, with loads of activities to do inside it, including writing, numbers, dot-to-dot and matching activities, drawing activities, and telling the time. He seems eager to test it out, and I'll leave him to do that as he wants to, and supervise him when he does. He prefers things that way.

Matthew's 7th birthday is on Friday this coming week! Definitely included in my list of things I'm working on! ;) I have all his presents and wrapping paper ready to wrap them, but he can't decide on a cake design (he has suggested 7 different ideas so far!) yet. I will hurry him so that I can prepare now!

I'm sure I'm working on other things (I always have a million things in my head that I can't keep track of, but which are all very important or relevant to be working on RIGHT NOW! ;) I feel so scatty these past few years, with so much to be responsible for all the time! But I do love what I do!) - but I can't remember any of them right now.

I'm cooking...

I'm way too disorganised for meal planning right now, though I would love to change that. All I know this week is that I have chicken thighs to make into chicken in white wine, lemon and rosemary, for Neil and I one evening. I am hoping to do some sweet baking this week, as I seem to have urges to bake things lately. Banana cake if the boys don't eat all the bananas (they usually do, though we buy 5 bunches per week, and even then those only last half the week, lol!), brownies or cookies maybe. We'll see! :) Also I want to make pizza for dinner one day this week, and a pot roast leg of lamb another night.

I'm grateful for...

God in my every day life, my weaknesses and my desperate moments, especially. Lots of those lately.

Church. My heart was heavy tonight (no time to explain, but a good reason unfortunately), and I went to church, totally felt God's presence during the worship time, listened to a sermon that was really relevant to me right now, and then went forward to be prayed for at the end of the service, where God was gracious to me and gently pushed me waaaaaaay outside my comfort zone (where I needed to be) to crying with actual people (gasp!) and thus receiving the kind of prayer and comfort I actually needed. So grateful for my family in Christ! :)

My children! My many blessings from God, and my much-longed-for baby girl after all these years of bearing children! :)

I'm praying for...

Help from God to manage the week ahead. Patience, self-control, and wisdom, specifically. And I am praying for help in consistently training up Samuel, who is 2, over the usual two-year-old behaviours. He's a darling sweetie-pie, happy and cute as anything! But you know two-year-olds! ;) I need to work with him on learning to obey Mummy and not touch/climb/tip those things he knows he's not meant to. I'm praying for wisdom and patience in understanding and dealing with the behaviour from Matthew (especially), Arthur, and Benjamin. Benjamin is nearly 4 and has some autistic tendencies that I'm suspicious about, but he's not quite like Arthur or Matthew, so I don't know. He has bouts of odd behaviours, on and off. This past week he has been doing his thing again where he does weird shouting and twists his cheeks aggressively in his fingers at the same time, compulsively. He can be a bit volatile and aggressive/melt-down-ish when he has these "bouts", and there's obviously a trigger but I have no idea what it is. It gets wearing after a while so I am praying for patience and wisdom with Benji. Also praying for general guidance in terms of "the next thing", schooling, and moving - we sold our house months ago and still have our buyers, but have looked at SO many houses in so many different locations now, and STILL don't know where we are meant to move to! We want to stay HERE but in no way can we afford a bigger house here, so...

Something I have my eye on...

Baby girl clothes!!! Oh my goodness! So much fun!!!! :) I have been out to local shops looking at baby clothes this weekend, but they're not great shops so I didn't see anything I like. I will hit some nicer shops soon! :) Meanwhile I'm "window shopping" online, and browsing through eBay, where I am having to suppress actual squealing a lot of the time, haha! I can't believe I actually get to look at little dresses and pink butterfly sleepsuits without it being a wistful thing - I am growing an actual baby to buy them for!! :D I am even looking at newborn cloth nappies - we haven't used any cloth nappies with Elijah or Samuel - well, I think we put Samuel in a kissaluv size 0 for his very first nappy after birth, but not at all for Elijah. Benjamin had newborn nappies for a couple of weeks, until he outgrew them (quickly!), and then no more. We used cloth full-time for Arthur and Matthew all the way through, and Nathan for 6 weeks maybe? Or a bit longer. It got too much, with so many in nappies and the laundry piling up with so many little ones as well, never mind nappies to wash as well! I still have them in the loft, but no desire to use them in such an intense season - not willing to part with them though! ;) BUT, I wonder about the chance to buy some ultra cute girly print nappies for my newborn baby girl. I can handle newborn cloth, but beyond that probably not for now. So I am looking at newborn sized nappies for the early weeks/months, and that is a TON of fun! :)

Wow, that wasn't particularly quick or easy! But fun, and I'm glad to have it written down. After this one, hopefully any Week in Review posts I make will be shorter and less detailed, because I have had to do some explaining here and there in this post, because of not having said about certain things in recent months, that relate to the week's "stuff".

I hope anyone reading this has a good week! :)

March 2012 - Newsy updates and photos

A "catch-up" post of little bits and pieces, taken from Facebook, just because I have been so lax at keeping this blog up to date and I know I will want to look back here and not see huge gaps!

March 1st

"Headache. Needed, ohhhh, 8 more hours sleep after waking this morning. Must pull self together!... Never mind, my day is looking up already! There's not much cuter or more uplifting than a 2-year-old singing, "Don' wowwy.... 'bout a thiiiing.... co' ev'ry lil thing.... gonna be alwiiiight!" and bobbing his head as he pushes his toy cars about!"

"Love it when my crockpot slaves all day long to prepare me a roast dinner! Smells great and I feel like I didn't lift a finger!"

March 2nd

"Back from a good midwife appointment! Everything is looking great, and my little one is very happy lying transverse these past few weeks. Hope he changes his mind in the next month or so!"

"Feeling irrationally distraught that there is no chocolate in the house. Coco pops do not count. Even good old hot chocolate powder isn't doing the trick tonight!"

March 3rd

"Just spent the last 10 minutes trying to comfort Arthur, who is only half-awake but in floods of tears over the fact that it wasn't a good harvest because the rain made dust fly up into his eyes, and now they're still stinging! He is SO sad about his harvest, whatever that was! I hope he just poked his eye waking up from a weird dream or something, and not that he'll have a nice case of conjunctivitis in the morning! :S"

March 9th

"Breech, transverse, breech, transverse, breech, transverse (or can be translated as heartburn, ligament pain, heartburn, ligament pain) - such an indecisive baby! ;)  Come on little manny, give head-down a whirl! It's not as bad as you think!"

March 12th

"Favourite nuggets from my boys today: (Nathan) "It's peace and quiet without Daddy here, isn't it Mummy?" lol! Also the term "false llama" instead of "false alarm", hehehe! Kind of makes up for the moment where I suggested using Samuel's nursery rhyme finger puppets to entertain him a bit earlier, and came in from clearing up lunch to find Humpty Dumpty with a brick wedged up his, erm, "hole", and rhyme being sung: "Humpty Dumpty needed a poo, Humpty Dumpty went to the loo..." followed by mucho exaggerated straining noises and the brick popping out. I don't know what happened next because their hysterical laughter prevented the sort of breathing necessary for speech or song, but Samuel was laughing along with them so I guess they did do as I suggested after all! :) "

March 13th

"In two months, Arthur will be the eldest of 6 children at the tender age of 7. I know that some feel kind of sorry for him and think he has it hard because of his position in the birth order and the number of siblings. I LOVED hearing from him (randomly!) this morning while he was watching Samuel toddle about and amuse the boys: "I love having Samuel and seeing him grow and change... but I think it's time I had some experience with a newborn baby again. It's been a while.... I can't WAIT until he's born! He'll be rolling and starting to get about in 2 or 3 months, and that will be fun, but I love when they're so sweet and tiny as well!" They all seem to love having a bunch of brothers close in age, and always ask when we'll have another one within WEEKS of a new baby being born. :) Love my boys!"

March 14th

"Have hit the 30s!!! Three-quarters of the way there, 10 weeks to go! I'm juuuust beginning to realise that I'm going to have a baby in NO time at all! Good thing we are so disorganised, because it means we have everything except a box of clothes (which was actually put away in the loft - gasp!!) still lying around the house from last time - nothing to get ready, yay!"

"We haven't quite got to fitting 5 boys in their room yet (disorganised, remember?!)! Samuel is still IN my bed - he has never slept in a cot. He is going to go straight to the "floor bunk" that Benjamin sleeps on, and since they have an extra long bunk bed and are tiny peeps who don't really move about much in their sleep, we are going to try top-and-tailing Nathan and Benjamin in Nathan's bottom bunk. That will have minimal upheaval for everyone, and no extra beds or furniture in their room! Not sure when it do it though, but I suppose it had better be fairly soon! :S"

March 15th

"Wow, the fog just cleared to reveal a BEAUTIFUL spring day! :) I put Samuel down for his nap, and when I came out of the bedroom I could hear lots of whispering and shuffling about, which made me nervous! Went downstairs to discover an immaculately tidy living room and four beaming boys sitting on the sofa!! They cleaned up as quietly as possible to do something nice for me! They had put every single item (toys, rubbish, books, grown-up paperwork, EVERYTHING - it was an absolute disaster zone when I went upstairs beforehand) in the place it is supposed to go, and were planning to sweep the floor except I apparently came down too soon. Arthur said happily, "The fog lifted, and it's like we were being so good that even the weather was smiling on us!" Taking our science lesson to the park this afternoon as a reward - such a beautiful day for it too! :) "

"Utterly utterly utterly wiped out after an afternoon at the park with my little people. Just the loading and unloading of small personages in the van is enough to do my back in lately! BUT, lovely sunshine, beautiful daffodils, little boys running and rolling down hills and giggling together, sweet pictures of "nature" drawn by the older boys (so lovely to watch them sprawled out on the grass drawing the pretty surroundings), and a much more outgoing mother than me approached to say she had noticed I have 5 children, and that she has just had her 5th, and do we by any chance homeschool?!! She and her sister homeschool their many-children-between-them, and both live within 10 minutes from our house! Numbers exchanged for future park outings! :) Bonus!!

I'm only writing the peachy stuff! ;) They did not behave well going back to the van and I hurt my back catching Nathan, and ended up being grumpy and yelling :( A wave of hormones convinced me it was the worst afternoon ever for about 30 minutes. Benjamin sat in the time-out chair screaming for 20 mins straight this morning because he wouldn't say sorry for saying, "Stupid Mummy! I not listnin!" But yes, it has been a very good day :) Now to figure out dinner and survive the crazy hour(s) between now and bedtime!"

March 17th

"Cooling on a rack as I type!!! They look and smell faaaabulous!! :)"

Streusel-Topped Blueberry Muffins | Our Best Bites

www.ourbestbites.com

Neil is not a fan of blueberries, but when he tried these, he said they were soooo nice I had to make them again sometime! They really were fantastic! :)

 

March 19th

 

The weather was so nice and spring-like, but the breeze was colder than we expected! Lovely day for a picnic and feeding the ducks at the park with my little boys! :)

 

"Going to need a bigger picnic blanket..."

 

 

"Samuel watching his brothers run."

 

 

"My sweet little walking boy! 15 months old this coming Wednesday (already!)."

 

"Feeding the ducks - well, that happened right before this photo as I couldn't take photos and supervise the duck-feeding! Yes, I was nervous about them near the edge!"



"Some really pretty water birds - what kind is this colourful one? The boys were so excited to see it!"



"Loving the ducks! :) "



March 20th

"My baby is climbing up to my HEAD HEIGHT in the time it takes me to do anything at all that takes me more than 5 seconds out of the room!!!! Head height!!! I find him like a koala, lovingly attached to the side of the school bookshelf or something."

"He and Matthew have been my main climbers! Samuel responds better to Neil's stern voice than mine, although I try to make it as stern as I can and he gets taken down very seriously as soon as he's spotted - he knows he's not allowed! But he repeats repeats repeats. It is kind of wearing me out when I'm already knackered, but oh well. I am hoping if I persevere he'll stop doing it, as that's what happened with a couple of my others when they climbed things. Not with Matthew though, so I'm not sure this time! :S I do have helpers this time compared with when it was Matthew though! :) If I'm making lunch or going to the loo, they'll call out to say he's on the table (he fetches toys or nappy wipe boxes to stand on so he can get up there!), and Arthur is getting good at spotting his "step stools" and removing them before he gets his foot up. Arthur can also safely lift him off the low school table, which is a huge help on occasion!"

March 21st

"School went soooo well this morning!!!! :) LOVE (rare!) days like these! Arthur has just scored 99% (he got one word wrong) on his Year 6 reading test, and is now starting Year 7 reading material!! (This is 6th Grade equivalent, and he's currently in Year 2 / 1st Grade) Matthew is finally reading short sentences, and learned to check his maths work with a calculator today (much to his delight). Samuel napped well, little boys played sweetly, the sun is shining... ahhhhh! I'll enjoy it while it lasts! :) "

March 22nd

"Have made wholemeal cinnamon rolls for breakfast!!!  :) (not being healthy, just ran out of white bread flour!)"

"Hyped-up children shrieking and running all over the house. Unwisely used my energy up decluttering for an hour (though the school area looks much better now!) and am flopping over the kitchen table for a bit! So tired - my eyes are just stinging! Night 5 of various pregnancy-related causes to another round of insomnia until after 2am last night. Must get more sleeeeep! Dinner is nearly ready though, and my knight in shining armour will be home within 30 minutes - hooray!!!"

"Advice needed: Samuel is my first thumb-sucker so I haven't come across any related problems before! He sucks his right thumb only, and really needs it to self-soothe. Lately his little bottom teeth have blistered his thumb knuckle, and it isn't healing. He's teething/drooling a lot right now. His thumb has several broken blisters that are really red and swollen today, and he is still trying to suck it to soothe himself but it's disturbing his sleep a bit as he usually sucks his thumb whenever he stirs at night. I can't think of what to do for the broken skin! Anyone been there/done that?"

March 23rd

"Eating cereal from a mug with a fork and kicking myself that I didn't put the dishwasher on before going to bed. Unfortunately I didn't have the foresight to get a spoon or bowl before running the dishwasher, and wasn't about to wait the 1hr 13mins left in the cycle!"

"Hollow tree awesomeness at the park - Samuel's life is currently chock-full of fun new experiences! :) "



March 25th

"Kneading dough in the kitchen while ALL SIX of the boys watch the Grand Prix with great excitement. Definitely feeling the need for a daughter at this moment in time! No apologies for the gender stereotyping - it's just TRUE! ;)"

"I have permission from the breadwinner to PURCHASE CURRICULUM!!!!!!! Doing so RIGHT NOW!!!! Sooooo exciting!!!! I'm buying Right Start Mathematics Level C for Arthur to move up to soon! He is about 3/4 of the way through Level B now, so it's time to buy the next one. I love getting maths stuff because of all the manipulatives in the package!! :) Also All About Spelling - I have heard so much great stuff about it, and decided we would go with that a while back. I think we can tweak it for UK spellings easily enough, like I have done with the Rocket Phonics reading curriculum. Arthur is almost finished with the phonics curriculum and I think I will replace it with spelling, and get a feel for whether it would work for Matthew yet, or whether the phonics aspect of that spelling curriculum would clash with the phonics one he's already doing for reading. Also Morrell's Handwriting, Book 2 (joined-up handwriting). They haven't done cursive writing yet and Arthur is ready to, so I need the next book of worksheets! :) I LOVE school shopping, it's so much fun!

I love Right Start and hope to keep it going right the way through, but it's pretty parent-intensive and each child needs a individual lesson. Next year Nathan will start, so I will have 3 different levels to prepare and teach, and then Benjamin starts the following year! I'm keeping an open mind for a curriculum that might be less parent-intensive and allow me to teach multiple levels at one session maybe... So I am interested in other options that people are using!"

"Woohoooo, just finished my ultra fun evening of school shopping!! :) Maths Level C, extra calculator and maths games book, handwriting book 2, and the deluxe All About Spelling kit plus levels 1 and 2 (and extra bee stickers) so that Matthew and Nathan can start their spelling lessons without me having to go back to buy more AAS stuff for a couple of years at least - otherwise the shipping to the UK is ridiculous! I can't wait for it all to arrive!!!! :D"

March 26th

"Where to go with my boysies on this gorgeous afternoon? Also the next 4 afternoons straight, since they're all going to be fabulous!"

"Aaaaargh, so gorgeous outside, school finished by lunchtime, and it's 3pm and we're STILL home!! Hope we can still make it outside today. Fed up of poo now, and nobody's even poorly! I was wiping someone's bottom upstairs and Samuel took his nappy off in the living room and did a TEETHING poo on the floor, then stood in it, walked it about, picked some up and ATE it!!!! Ewwwwwww. The clean-up and bath took me ages! When I got downstairs with him, Benjamin had done a poo and needed a nappy change. Poo has used up the entire time since lunch!!!"

"Never mind! :) Socks and shoes on, ready to go out - 3.37pm! Dinner will just have to be a bit late, because the sunshine is way too lovely to miss!"

"Totally worth the afternoon of poo and the late outing, especially according to Samuel, who was (once again) thrilled with new experiences outdoors - this time waving a big stick, climbing all over logs with brothers, and practising walking up and down hills without falling over. The weather was gorgeous - soooo nice to be outside on a day like today! :) "

In response to a comment on this photo about Samuel's blondeness (!):

"Love that baby! It has been fun to have a true blondie! Neil's sister is blonde, and his brother is strawberry blonde. My dad was blonde until adulthood and his dad was really "platinum" blonde - his hair is absolutely SNOW white now! :) Neil and I both have red hair in our families so I'm hoping for a red-head at some point too! :) We also have the full range of eye colours! Arthur's are brown (like my mum's - mine are mixed and Neil's are blue), Matthew's are green, Nathan's are dark blue, Benjamin's are mixed like mine but mainly grey, and Samuel's are blue blue blue! :)"

March 27th

"I know it's not everyone's thing, but there is just nothing like starting the day breastfeeding my 2- and 1-year-olds together, snuggled on the sofa, and looking down to see them holding hands - their clasped hands resting on the "shelf" of my tummy with their baby brother inside. Absolute "happiness is..." moment! :) They don't usually hold hands - more often there's some sort of invisible possession line, and a little hand that crosses it might get slooowwwly poked back over the line by an offended finger! ;)"

"The day is soooooooo beautiful! No idea what to do with my poor littles. I hurt my back yesterday taking them to the park, and it is getting worse this afternoon so I can't take them out anywhere today Oh for a garden!!!! Thankfully they're happily building Lego and playing tents and so on, but it doesn't seem right when it's so gorgeous outside...

The garden is ridden with biting spiders! We did actually buy some heavy duty spray a while ago, but ended up deciding not to use it as we didn't feel comfortable with all the chemicals, and we just haven't got anywhere since then with the whole issue! Not really sure what to do (if anything) about the garden now... We were "moving house" a few months ago, but we always stop the process when I get to my 3rd trimester as we find it better to just have a baby first and move after - trouble is we've done that 3 times in a row now, lol! DEFINITELY moving after this baby is born though, so that would solve the problem I suppose. They all dug up the front border for me this afternoon, in the end, and had a lot of mucky fun!"

March 29th

"32 weeks pregnant (only 8 weeks to goooo!!!!) and off to see the consultant this afternoon with my lovely doula. It's the "permission for a homebirth" appointment, but I have a lovely consultant so he will likely just say, "So, do you still want to have the baby at home?" and I'll say, "Yes." and he'll say, "Okay then!" ;)  Unless this little manny is persisting in his choice of transverse or breech position... I will find out later!

The choice is mine to make, but because I am a "grand-multip" (having birthed 5 babies), there are "increased risks" (which are not really backed up by research but doctors stick to them anyway) so they like to see me and go over said "risks" at a 3rd trimester appointment. They do strongly recommend that I give birth in hospital, and they did so last time as well, but I don't need to have permission and have weighed up the risks for myself and chosen homebirth every time (except babies 1 and 3). I do consider it carefully though, and will go into hospital if I need to!"

"Consultant appointment went okay - my baby is head down now, yaaaay! He also feels "average" size, which is a relief (last baby 9lbs 9oz and I'm LITTLE!). Lots of scary stuff told to me about postpartum haemmorhage though, which was unsettling. I have to meet with the head of midwifery in the next couple of weeks to discuss having a homebirth, AND see the consultant again in 4 weeks to tell him what I want to do. I want a homebirth, and a natural 3rd stage. He is fine with the homebirth but not so much with the natural 3rd stage. Brilliant doula is doing research on stats and figures and so on, for the appts. Tired now."

March 30th

"Oh how I love my children! I love my 7-year-old's loving care for his brothers, and my 5-year-old's face shining with soft pride when he learns something new that his big brother already knows. I love my 4-year-old's cute little phrases and the twinkle in his eyes when he is thinking of something mischievous. I love my 2-year-old's squidgy tummy and the combination of sweet independent ways and still being my baby. I love my 1-year-old's laugh when I eat his tummy, and the intensity in his eyes when he is trying to tell me something important in a language I can't understand. I love my unborn baby stomping on my bladder (yes, he's breech again today), and letting me know he's doing okay in there. I love my husband for working so hard to enable me to stay at home and spend all my days, hours and minutes with these precious little people that God has blessed us with. I am not sure what I have done to be this richly rewarded in life. I am pretty sure it's NOTHING, but God is gracious, and I love Him. And those are my main thoughts for today :) "

March 31st

"Productive day in the boys' bedroom! They now have L-shaped, staggered height, quad bunks due to a bit of repositioning, and an Ikea Trofast storage unit won at eBay has made the room somehow more spacious than it has ever been before?!?! Almost ready for Samuel to move in with the boys. He is so excited to be in there with them and always cries when I take him out to put him to bed! Tired out now, but very happy with the work done today! :)"