A decade of breastfeeding! :)

A quote from my diary in January 2007, when I had just Arthur, aged 2, and Matthew aged 6 months, before I was pregnant with Nathan:


"My other little secret dream is a goal, sort of. I hope that I get to breastfeed through another pregnancy, and tandem nurse again. I mean, I am STILL tandem nursing, but I mean tandem nurse my NEXT baby with another child. I have this crazy wistful goal that I'm not sure is realistic at ALL, but it's there anyway. I am longing to achieve my ultimate breastfeeding goal of continually breastfeeding for a decade without a break! But I don't know. Matthew might well be the type to wean before he's two. Or wean if I get pregnant and my milk changes or goes. He doesn't suck for comfort, so it's almost definite that he'd stop during my next pregnancy :( Who knows when Arthur will wean though. Maybe it will be ARTHUR who I'm tandem nursing the next baby with, hehe! That would be fine and dandy by me :) He will wean when he's ready, and not before. Also, a ten-year goal means at least a couple more kids, and that might not happen. But again, a girl can dream, hey?"
Arthur turned 10 at the weekend. He actually did! Ten years old, a whole decade. Double figures. *sigh* Time is passing far too fast!

I searched and searched my pregnancy diary for the above quote, because I'm so ecstatic that my "crazy wistful goal" of early motherhood has been realised! I have been continually breastfeeding for ten years without a break, and more than I even thought I would, too!

Arthur breastfed until he was 4 years and 2 or 3 months old. By that time I was also still breastfeeding Matthew (then 2 1/2) and Nathan (then almost 12 months), and was pregnant with Benjamin.

Matthew breastfed to 4 1/2, having continued long beyond Nathan, who self-weaned during my pregnancy with Benjamin, starting around 14 months old, and finally having nothing more to do with it at 16 months. My youngest by far! :)

Benjamin breastfed until he was 4 1/2 as well. Something about that age has me gently nudging them to forgo the last bedtime "milky" they still have, until it's a past habit, sort of.

I was breastfeeding Matthew and Benjamin when pregnant with Samuel, though just Benjamin remained by the time Samuel was born. I tandem nursed Benjamin and Samuel through my pregnancy with Elijah, and nursed all three until my pregnancy with Lydia.

During that pregnancy, Samuel self-weaned at age 2 1/2. He didn't like the taste of the milk once it turned to colostrum about halfway through the pregnancy. Benjamin continued but by the time Lydia was born, he was 4 and only occasionally breastfeeding at bedtime. Samuel has had the odd burst of breastfeeding again for a week or even a few weeks, since Lydia was born. He is nearly 4 now, and asked for milky a few months ago, in the summer. He didn't take much, but he hadn't forgotten how to latch on, surprisingly! But I still tend to think that he weaned at 2 1/2. I probably shouldn't, then...!

Anyway, I am currently breastfeeding Elijah (2 1/2) and Lydia (12 months)! I MADE IT!!!! Breastfeeding, almost exclusively tandem- or triandum-nursing for 10 years without a break! :) I feel so proud of what I've achieved for my children, and for myself! I sort of didn't really expect to achieve it - it really did feel like a crazy idea at the time, lol! I didn't even know if I would still be having babies 10 years down the line - it was wishful thinking. And here I am! So blessed, and so thankful, and so thrilled to be here! :)

I would hope that I might have another couple of years of breastfeeding at least, even if I don't have any more babies. But you know I would love to have more babies! My childbearing years are dwindling now, but I will ALWAYS love just one more. Always. Such a precious and wonderful privilege.

The pace and the panic

It's 11pm already - ALREADY! Every day is whirling by, except for - you know - the "slow hours", and even those are pretty speedy these days. I am so tired, sooooo tired at the moment. A lot of it probably has to do with the fact that I'm 28 weeks pregnant and tiredness is normal around now, but also that I have six little ones to keep me on my toes at the same time! Nights are disturbed aplenty, always. It used to be just Elijah (14 months already!) waking me, but now I am waking more when he's still slumbering peacefully next to me than the few times a night he still wakes and wants to breastfeed. My leg will go into cramp, or I will need to go to the loo, you know all that normal 3rd trimester stuff. My restless leg syndrome bothers me once I wake up and makes it hard to sleep again, but mainly I have been having awful hayfever since March and I am wondering if (as August rolls around) it will ever go away?!?! I have never had it this bad before, but it seems like half the world is having the same trouble this year, so hopefully it will go eventually. I can't get back to sleep at night after I wake for any other reason, for my nose itching and sneezing and being like a solid brick, etc. I'm. so. tired.

Neil is working longer hours - or, well, he's not, but he is out of the house longer, because his car died and now he is taking the bus to work. He leaves by 7am and is home around 7.30pm on a good day, maybe up to an hour later if the buses are horrible. It has been three or four weeks now, and I think I am adjusting this past week. I was absolutely not managing to cope with the extra hours at all before and the boys were so late in bed every night, while I barely clung to my sanity! ;) But this week is better, so far, and the end of last week was too.

The only thing is the panic! The way the day starts off at a cracking pace at 7am - breakfast, more please Mummy, cleaning up spills, wiping the baby (who hates being wiped so so so much!), clean-up after breakfast, loading the dishwasher and starting it, stopping eleventy times to settle disputes and discipline/correct/warn or retrieve an overly adventurous toddler (I have two now!), shoving the wet washing into the tumble dryer, picking through the mountain of dirty clothes/sheets/towels/wipes, etc to prioritise and start the next load of washing, stopping a dozen times to discipline/correct/warn, and "could you please lift him off the school table and move that thing he keeps using to climb up there?!", sweeping the kitchen floor, surveying the somewhat-acceptable kitchen for a moment in semi-satisfaction, and then moving on to choose clean clothes for the boys, stopping half a dozen times to discipline/correct/warn and give out clothes, asking the recipients way too many times to "please put your clothes on... please put them on now... I said put your clothes on!.... Matthew! Clothes! Now!" Then the frenzy of nappy changes and dressing little ones who aren't yet old enough to do it themselves without some (or complete) help. On a good day it's 8.30am at this point. Then I am able to wash and dress myself, stopping, of course, a dozen times to discipline/correct/warn, and "Stop screaming at me please! I can't come and see because I haven't got any clothes on yet!", and sit down freshly washed but sweating profusely, on the sofa to complete the morning "necessaries" and snuggle my littlest two for a bit. Stories get read, nursing sometimes happens, and the ever necessary corrections and dispute-settling, amongst cuddles, construction and drawing appreciation, and hearing endlessly about whatever Arthur is fascinated by on that occasion (always something historical or nature/animal based lately).

Even though it's a packed "rest" time, it seems short-lived because within no time I have to haul my reluctant body up to put Elijah to bed (he naps mid-morning, sometimes as early as 9am if he woke before 6am - he doesn't have an afternoon nap this way though, and that means he's tired at bedtime!), and then sort out morning snack, mediate squabbles and clashes of interest, switch the laundry, fold all the dry stuff and put it away (completely out of breath, always now, from carrying it upstairs and putting it away in the drawers) while stopping now and then to stage-whisper down the stairs (so as not to wake Elijah) to "Let him have that toy", "No, we don't say "stupid" in this house", and "I will sort that out in a sec when I've finished this!"

Then I *believe* I interact with my children for a while, lol! I often forget this part of the day as it seems like a blur, but I'm not usually doing chores after switching the laundry, and Elijah is sleeping so I'm usually spending time with them, but it seems a very "on the go" sort of time, because before I can believe it, Elijah is waking and I need to make the lunch - we eat as soon after 12 noon as possible, usually. So, just like that, the morning has gone! I make lunch, Elijah hungry and usually screaming at the kitchen safety gate while I spread sandwiches at a frantic pace and call out for a big boy to please read him a story for just a moment. A loaf of bread and three knives dirtied with various spreads later, and, "Not yet!", "No, it's not ready!", "You'll know it's ready when I SAY it's ready!" and the boys pile into the kitchen and eat lunch. I want to lie down but I need to feed my body and my tiny unborn baby's body, so I eat a sandwich and some yoghurt, and probably a glass of milk, alongside "Sit down at the table", "Please eat nicely... no, that's NOT nice!", "I will get you more when I have finished my sandwich", "Right, that's it! Out of the kitchen for 5 minutes!", and wiping the baby (the one who hates being wiped so so so much), cleaning up that spilled milk, comforting the child whose dessert fell on the floor which I may as well have not swept earlier, and shooing giggling children out from underfoot after they have cleared their plates away, to wipe the table, bench and booster seat, and this time pretend to ignore the fact that the floor needs sweeping.

Switch the laundry, mediate/discipline, find a change of clothes for the baby who managed to evenly coat himself in yoghurt at lunchtime, and say yes to a request from two children to draw at the kitchen table, thankful that I just wiped it and don't have to say "Not yet darling, the lunch things are still on the table." Throw their supplies on the table, and set about the next round of nappy changes along with Elijah's clothing change. Stop to think, "Did I wee yet today?" No, so that's my next task. Or even if I did, it's pretty much necessary again anyway. Find a suspicious puddle in the bathroom and some wet toilet paper in the bath plughole, and call boys to order on it. Mediate over finger-pointing and not-too-pleasant reactions to my solution to the problem, discipline for said reactions, comfort that child who tripped over the Duplo evenly spread across the living room rug, and firmly motivate boys to tidy up. Turn drill-seargent as certain children do not react well to being told to tidy up, and supervise until it's done properly. Fetch a drink for the constantly-asking child. Admire the drawings in the kitchen, agree to afternoon snack, and stop to take a drink of water myself and think, "Did I DO that wee when I went up to the bathroom after lunch?!" No, so off I go for another attempt! More snuggles on the sofa when I return, and reading to little ones, appreciating nuggets of information from the big ones, answering seemingly endless questions from the middle ones (by way of explanation, they are ages 4 and 5!), probably breastfeeding at least one or two littles at some point, and kissing bumps and scrapes, sympathetically acknowledging every single tiny scab, red mark, and yellowing 3mm bruise on the two-year-old as he enjoys showing me such acquisitions!

Somehow in this blur of an afternoon, it's nearly 4pm and I have to think about dinner. Baby-meltdown approaches (it's a time-of-day thing for this little one as he gets tired and hungry all at once) so I need to be quick, but of course it's also the time for an increase in the need for mediation/discipline/warnings, etc. for the other children. On a good day, I am making dinner by 5pm and serving it shortly thereafter (an hour or more later on a not-so-good day), while Elijah screams at the gate and I puff about the kitchen sweating and calling for a big boy to "please bring him the keyboard and play him a tune, for just a moment!" There's just time to toss the dry washing from the tumble dryer up on top of the machine, and throw the wet load in and start it going, as I call the boys in for food. I feel too hot and tired to eat mine, but I tackle it anyway because I should feed my body and my baby's little body, alongside "Well, that's what we're having", "Don't be rude about my cooking please!", "Fine, go to bed hungry then", and "Please stop saying "bottom-poo" over and over like that, it's silly and annoying, and it's not nice at the table anyway!"

Dinner time is over just like that, before I've really finished eating, and children are misbehaving and needing correcting/disciplining/warning, and ultimately sending out of the kitchen to play, while I wipe the baby (that same one who really really hates to be wiped so so so much), get the squashed banana off the floor, clean up that spilled drink, tell the whining child that if he is still hungry he can eat the food that he has left on his plate (for the 4th time), call out to the pair of boys in the living room who are leaping about and screaming, to calm down, and launch straight into searching for pyjamas and night nappies, without really pausing to see that the day is almost gone, Neil is on his way home, and it's after 6pm (or a good bit later on a bad day!).

The boys are in high spirits at bedtime, and at their most selective when it comes to hearing my instructions, unfortunately! I change nappies, and dress little ones for bed, constantly stopping to separate boisterous children, insist on pyjamas being put on (for the dozenth time), and agreeing to that story being read after I've finished. I brush five sets of little white teeth - Arthur brushes his own. Some children really really don't like having their teeth brushed, which makes it a challenging task. Rush to fill a drink for the child about to die whining of thirst, fetch the baby down from where he shouldn't be again, and Neil arrives home, which sends the hyper-ness into orbit! At this point, maybe because finally it's not just me again, my body seems to crash and I feel totally exhausted, physically. I seem to have less tolerance for trouble from little boys, but I read a story and try to tell Neil this and that of importance about the boys' day so he can follow-up and chat to them about it as he helps me get them ready for bed.

Then, bedtime in a whirlwind. A mix of tired kiddies, hyper kiddies, disobedient squealing kiddies, and those reading a bedtime story. Elijah refuses to settle to sleep breastfeeding, so I take him back out to Neil and take over from him with the other boys in their room. I nurse Samuel to sleep, stopping regularly to ask Benjamin to please lie down and be quiet, and then the bigger boys are coming in way too noisily from their story time, to go to bed. Four sets of back-rubs, prayers, and individual stories (they all request birth stories, or occasionally our wedding or honeymoon holiday), and Neil is back from walking Elijah to sleep. Usually only Arthur is still awake, and I feel breathlessly tired and stagger downstairs at last to find that it's after 9pm somehow, and the day is over with.

The panic sets in - which I started off this post to write about, but got rather side-tracked, lol! - because it's 9.25pm or something, and I HAVE to do more than just what I "do" all day, with my children. But it's all a whirlwind of "my all" and that uses up the day in a blink, and suddenly it's mid-evening and the time I had planned to use for "planning" for the next day/week/month is half used up, and I am actually too tired to make my brain work properly in any case. I spend an hour or so pootling about on Pinterest scanning for ideas and trying to organise my thoughts, and having a moment of social sanity for my brain at Facebook. I look at photos I took of my boys that day (if any) and smile and feel mushy inside because I love them so much and I enjoy dwelling on them, even if they drove me crazy that day! ;) And my restless leg syndrome gets more and more bothersome until I have no choice but to call it a night.

Then, the night wakings, and the day begins again just like the one before. Tired evening follows and another occasion where I can't find time or energy to plan what I guiltily feel I SHOULD be doing with the boys. Like school! Notice that in our day, no formal schooling is taking place! We have become quite the unschooling family, but it's not my preference at all and I constantly feel anxious or guilty that I'm not exposing them to enough learning experiences to meet their needs.

Then tonight I read this blog post, which someone had posted at Facebook:

Hope When You Feel Like a Homeschool Failure at raisingrealmen.com.

And it's not the first thing I've "come across" in the past week or two. People seem to be randomly posting things that speak right to my heart about this issue, as if it's put there by God to comfort and reassure me, to remind me that there is more to homeschool than academics. And, for a perfect example, this post at finding joy, only 9 hours ago:

why being a mom is enough

Reassuring. I am sure God is trying to speak to my heart, and that in itself reassures me. I know the panic and guilt will creep back by tomorrow morning, and probably even by the time I put the laptop away and let my head hit the pillow tonight, but I wanted to blog about it this evening (despite the late hour and the tiredness) because it's something "solid" now that it's in writing and that means I can come and take hold of it whenever I need to. Maybe someone else can too.

My kids are learning more than I expected them to, without formal lessons, which is so encouraging and uplifting! But I would so like to get time sorted out somehow, so that I can do more of the type of schooling I really want to be doing - at least covering the 3 r's formally, would make me feel better, and I think Neil would prefer that too. They ARE learning the 3 r's without me doing that, bizarrely! ;) But yeah... I would like to do it a bit differently. I nearly typed "better", which is telling of my need to stop with this thing that general society has going on, where unschooling is weird and totally not going to work! ;) It's not better, it's just different. And different is okay. Isn't it? It IS okay to be different. That's one of life's harder lessons, and you have to battle it all. your. life. if it applies to you (which it always has anyway).

Anyway, I needed to write this tonight. I kind of like that I got side-tracked because now I have the memory of the frantic typical day written down! I know the day will come allll too soon when I forgot what that's like and long for it wistfully. I don't resent it, I love it, though it's draining and exasperating at times. I believe them when they say it passes all too quickly, and I am trying to cherish it while it's here! I still can't believe I'm 37. I know I'll be 47 before I can blink. That makes me want to CLING to NOW, and just BE in it, experience it, enjoy it, be thankful for it. And I really really am. I just need to somehow keep on swimming, at the same time... somehow.

So I have a new header...

... in case you didn't know! :)

(header by Jennisa at www.pixelmeperfectdesign.com
- formerly Once Upon A Blog - she designed my blog a few years back. Thanks Jennisa! :) )

My sweetie pies!

This little video clip was taken on Thursday, the day before yesterday. That was Elijah's best day to date! He had many times where he would be calm and quiet, just looking around, for quite a while (5-10 minutes), or just cooing and smiling. This has been practically unheard of for him, so it was lovely to see him like that! He cried most of the evening though, and had a not-so-good day yesterday, and a pretty bad one today. He's asleep this evening though. So up-and-down with that poor baby boy!

Anyway, it was just a random moment really, in our day. Samuel (18 months) had been sitting by himself working on something (he does this a lot), and when I looked over I saw that he had pulled a pair of knitted teddy bear dungarees over his head like a hat. He looked so funny, and Benjamin was laughing, so I got the little camera which has video capabilities. After a bit, Samuel stopped doing that, but other things caught my attention so I kept on with the video clip. I happened to get Elijah cooing and smiling a bit which is a lovely first on video! :) I wanted to post it here, because I often take video clips and never get around to posting them, and then I look back at my blog to see what we were doing X years ago or something, and find not a lot recorded, but TONS in my photo or video files on the computer which I wish I had just taken the time to post to my blog, even if just for me to look back on and smile at. So here it is! :)

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Four weeks in with six littles

Elijah is 4 weeks old! I need to update my pregnancy blog (where I keep posting about the baby's development and my recovery until about 6 weeks or so postpartum). We have done our first week with Neil back at work, and it did not go too badly! There were the usual ups and downs. I got such reassurance from reading my blog entries after each baby (mainly in my pregnancy blog) at the 3-6 week point, and finding that no matter the type or personality of baby I'd had, there were always the moments where it felt utterly impossible, and I absolutely did not know how I would manage. There were always the moments where I sat in tears saying, "I can't do it, Lord!" and it seems to be normal for me to be always feeling exhausted and moving about at running pace, sweating like crazy! Fitting in my own needs for food, drink, rest and the toilet is always hard, but not as impossible as I used to think it was. Last year's kidney stone might have something to do with me managing to find a way to keep my fluids up this time though! ;) I had forgotten how "normal" all those things are for me, in the first month or few with a new baby, so it was reassuring to read about the previous times.

Tomorrow is Monday, and another week begins with me in the role of mother-of-six-children-aged-7-and-under. I decided to make a plan for the week, because I am CLUELESS about how to go about looking after six small children (honestly, completely clueless). I have prayed about it ("Lord, please give me wisdom and guidance because I have no idea what I'm doing, and I need you!!!") and decided to plan a bit. I am not even sure whether that's a good idea, because deciding I should or shouldn't be achieving X, Y, or Z goals could be the wrong thing to do, and make things more difficult. I don't want to put too much on my plate - maybe the right thing to do is to free-wheel for another few weeks to get through the newborn phase and my own recovery from birth, like we spent last week doing? I don't know.

The thing that made me think to plan a bit for the week, is that we're about to start the last week of June - ALREADY!!! Then there's the first week of July, and THEN the plan was to start school again. That's just "this week and next week", which is suddenly very scary! I know things can change a lot in a couple of weeks with a very little baby, but still - yikes! I don't know how I am going to do homeschooling in just two short weeks when I can barely manage to remain standing with the children dressed for the day (they haven't been that even, some days) by evening time!! So I thought a simple (SIMPLE) plan might be a good idea to start getting myself into gear slowly.

Last week, like I said, we "free-wheeled". That is, my only goal was to keep myself and the children fed and hydrated, maintain nappy changes for FOUR children who are full-time in nappies (urgh) and basically survive. My biggest challenge, which I was nervous about before it all started, was to juggle naps for Samuel and Elijah. Samuel (who just turned 18 months, can you believe it?!?!) still nurses to sleep, and needs a nap mid-to-late morning. He gets up early for the day, usually 5.30am or thereabouts, and is tired out by 10am. This is GOOD, because he sleeps the rest of the morning and wakes up in time for lunch (noon-ish). Then he is good and tired at bedtime because it's been a while since he napped. I do NOT let him nap after lunch. It bodes badly for bedtime and night sleep! So I am glad that he takes naps in the morning and really try to encourage this. The problem is, Elijah is a pretty fussy baby and cries a lot of the time he is awake. He will not settle in the morning at ALL. He gets tired and will go to sleep if rocked/walked/breastfed/bounced in the bouncy chair enough, but usually I need to rotate all of the above until finally one of them gets him to sleep. This eats up ALL my time in the morning. I gave up trying quite so hard by Wednesday, as I had been spending most of the morning up in the bedroom trying to get him sleeping, but he would just wake up soon after going off to sleep so I would have to start all over again. Meanwhile the kids had no Mummy around, and Samuel was not getting his nap until way too late, and was tired and sad. I was stressed about all of those things and it was not a fun way to spend a morning! So, noticing that Elijah wouldn't stay settled and asleep in any case, I decided to just do all the usual things to settle him whilst downstairs with the boys, and not stress over the fact that he just wouldn't sleep or stay asleep all morning. That made things much easier, emotionally, but it still meant that I couldn't spent the 10-15 minutes needed to shut Samuel and myself in the bedoom and breastfeed him and start his nap. On Thursday (I think), Elijah actually went off to sleep for long enough, and at the right time in the morning, to get Samuel down for his nap! Great feeling! He is very unpredictable still, and most of the time there isn't a window. Whenever this occurred with Samuel (as the baby) and I was trying to get Benjamin down for a nap, he wasn't as young as Elijah and also was a VERY contented happy baby. I could just put him in the bouncy chair and ask Arthur to watch him for me and give him toys or bounce him a bit, while I put Benjamin to bed. I don't feel safe doing that with Elijah when he's this young, and also he's NOT happy for more than a minute or so! So this is still hit-and-miss, and will continue to be through the week ahead, but hopefully it will go okay...

Elijah does tend to sleep much better in the afternoon, but every time I think I can see a predictable pattern emerging, I soon learn that not everything is as it seems! ;)
The boys have done pretty well. They have watched waaaaay too much TV. We have found YouTube videos that have kept them really entertained. They have never seen Looney Tunes cartoons, Wacky Races, and things like that, before now. There are so many of those available on YouTube! So they have really enjoyed those, and spent most of their days laughing until their sides hurt! ;) They particularly like the roadrunner/coyote ones, and Tom and Jerry. I sometimes sit and laugh my sides sore right along with them! The three older boys have "quiet time" whenever they want to upstairs in their bedroom, usually only one or two at a time though otherwise it's anything but quiet! ;) They play with Lego, Lincoln Logs, and jigsaws mainly, and can enjoy that for hoooouuurs. The littler ones are happy downstairs anyway, which is good! Other than that, it's a boring old time for them while I adjust to managing, and try to ride out Elijah's "fussy" stage, which I know he'll grow out of, but it's not easy meanwhile. The bonus for the boys is that they now have a LOT of brothers to play with! Benjamin is nearly 3 and totally a part of the "older set" in terms of play, now. He's assertive, confident, and picks things up quickly, so although he's quite young really, he's well in there with them! Four little boys can play together, pair up in various ways, three of them can play together, etc. They are less and less listless and bored, the more siblings they have, as they have a lot of playmates now and really enjoy each other's company which is lovely to see.

Anyway,  must post this before I run out of time or Elijah has a few troubled hours and before I know it, I need to go to bed! I wanted to write out my simple goals for the week, sort of to keep track, but also so that I can look back on how I tried to manage things in the early weeks with a new baby, when I'm next in that position. I just want to have one thing to check off in terms of the boys, another in terms of the house, and a SIMPLE meal plan. Simple as in meals that are easy to make, as easy as possible really, even if they're not the ideal.

Okay now it's time I went to bed (much later in the day!) and Elijah is waking up about 5 minutes after I put him down, fast asleep. He's been up all evening, mostly crying, which isn't unusual for this little manny. Neil is wonderful and gets very involved, walking with him in his arms and all that stuff that I don't have the physical stamina for yet. We go back and forth when Elijah is crying for the whole evening, I breastfeed him and snuggle him on my front (sometimes he goes off this way if I'm patting his back), or else bounce him in the bouncy chair (Neil says he can't seem to do the rhythm that Elijah settles with, like I do). When those things don't work to settle him, Neil paces the living room with him. We often put worship music on. Elijah really likes music and often calms right down when he hears it. Anyway, must just copy and paste my plan for the week and then get ready for bed. Neil is walking with Elijah right now and I need to finish this quick. I am planning to get to bed at 10 or 10.30 this week as much as possible, even earlier if I can. Right now it's 10.40, which isn't ideal. The nights are REALLY broken so I need to get as much sleep as I can.

Week commencing 25th June 2012

Elijah is 4 weeks old. My "goal" with him this week is to try to establish some sort of pattern for his sleep/wake/nap/feeding by the end of the week. NOT a schedule, just a feel for his rhythm, as something to build on for the following week.

Monday 25th

* Appointments - none
* Meal - Vegetable soup, rice, grated cheese.
* Goal with children - Read stories (two different sessions for two different age ranges)
* Household goal - Laundry: 2-3 loads, including sorting and sweeping the kitchen floor afterwards.
* Meal prep needs - Thaw a "meat base" for Shepherd's Pie tomorrow.

Tuesday 26th

* Appointments - none
* Meal - Shepherd's Pie
* Goal with children - loads of jigsaws together. Get out ones they haven't done for ages.
* Household goal - Fold and put away laundry.
* Meal prep needs - Make mashed potato at 3.45pm. Top the Shepherd's Pie and bake 45mins around 4.15ish.

Wednesday 27th

* Appointments - Health Visitor coming here 10.30am.
* Meal - Beans on toast (boys). Salmon in white wine sauce with pasta and veg (us, later).
* Goal with children - Bake cookies or equivalent.
* Household goal - Tidy and sweep living room
* Meal prep needs - Get salmon out to thaw (am).

Thursday 28th

* Appointments - none, but put bins/recycling out for collection first thing.
* Meal - Macaroni cheese
* Goal with children - Do a prepared craft activity with them (prepare this one evening).
* Household goal - Dishwasher catch-up
* Meal prep needs - Start dinner at 4.30pm

Friday 29th

* Appointments - none, but remember to make/finish Tesco order online for delivery tomorrow.
* Meal - Pot roast
* Goal with children - read stories (two sessions for two age ranges)
* Household goal - Clean something in the bathroom (preferably the toilet, ew)
* Meal prep needs - Start the crockpot at breakfast time.

Saturday 30th

* Appointments - Tesco delivery in the morning.
* Meal - Pot roast sandwiches (lunch); Pasta with tomato/pesto sauce and cheese (dinner)
* Goal with children - 1-on-1 time (Mummy); Outing (Daddy)
* Household goal - buy and install a new toilet seat
* Meal prep needs - Make sure crockpot is clean; Put chicken in crockpot overnight.

Sunday 1st July

* Appointments - Cameron's 21st Birthday. Go to cemetary if chance.
* Meal - Chicken pasta bake.
* Goal with children - 1-on-1 time (Mummy); Outing (Daddy)
* Household goal - Plan next week; check bedding, change any/all if necessary.
* Meal prep needs - Use whole chicken from the crockpot to make chicken pasta bake starting at 3.45pm; use the rest to make 2 chicken and vegetable pies for the freezer (takes ages so use every free moment you have).

So that is the plan! I am not necessarily expecting to even get all of those simple goals met every day, but I'm going to try, especially where the children are concerned. I am not sure about the prepared craft thing - I SO want to, and they would so love it, but I am not sure if I will get chance on any evening to prepare such a thing. We'll see. I haven't written on the plan, but I also need to make sure I meet my own needs for 6-8 tall glasses of water per day and my vitamins. I started on Pregnacare breastfeeding/postnatal vitamin supplements at the HV's suggestion and I am remembering them for the most part. Also I am trying to eat well! Breastfeeding 3 littles here, including a very-frequently-feeding newborn! Neeeeeed to eat and drink well.

Okay, that's it. Elijah is awake and crying and I need to get ready for bed and take him with me so that Neil can go to bed. I hope he won't be up for a long time into the night, but we'll just have to see.

Elijah has arrived!

I'm a bit late on updating this blog! I've been writing at my pregnancy blog frequently for a few weeks though, before and after Elijah was born, so you can catch up there in more detail if you don't follow that blog.

Elijah Douglas was born on Sunday 27th May at 2.20pm. He is my littlest (term) baby yet, having been "small for dates" in the last couple of months before he was born. He weighed in at 6lbs 8oz which isn't too bad at all! Such a sweet little bundle!

This photo was taken when he was 8 days old at a photo shoot my friend Paul from church kindly did for us, for free! He has never done newborn photography before, and I love how his photos turned out! To see the rest of them, I posted them here at my pregnancy blog yesterday.

Elijah was born at home, although we were back and forth on that because my waters broke 2 days before. In the end, there were no complications (other than a true knot in his cord, but he was FINE), labour was 3 hours-ish and all went well. I haven't written a complete birth story yet, but I wrote quite a bit of it here if you are interested. I will hopefully get round to writing a proper one when my doula gives me her notes so I can compile them with my memories of the experience! :)

Elijah is just over 2 weeks old now. He is doing great, feeding and growing well. He hasn't been weighed over the last 5 days, but the last time he was, he weighed 7lbs 2oz. He is going to be weighed again by the Health Visitor the day after tomorrow, so we'll see how much he weighs then! He feeds a lot, and has no particular pattern. Just lots! ;) He sleeps pretty well between feeds at night, and we are co-sleeping - this is the first time we have no baby bed set up anywhere in the house for a new baby! No crib, cot, Moses basket, nothing. He sleeps with me, since it went so wonderfully exclusively co-sleeping with Samuel for 16 months. I guess that is the plan, to do the same thing this time with Elijah, if it goes just as well. I love it! :)

The boys love him! Oh they love him! Arthur has been so excited, and Matthew too. The little ones ask to see him all the time - I have mainly been resting up for the first 2 weeks postpartum, like we have been doing since the 4th baby (Benjamin) was born. It makes a big difference to my recovery. Usually Neil goes back to work after 2 weeks, but Elijah's birth was timed very appropriately with the Queen's Jubilee weekend right afterwards, and that meant two bank holiday days within Neil's paternity leave (thus two extra days!). Matthew's 6th birthday is this Thursday (how on earth is my second son six already?!!!) so Neil had already booked that day off work as a holiday. His company have kindly cleared his calendar for the whole of this week since there was only really Friday left at work, and I have the luxury of my sweet hard-working hubby at home for THREE whole weeks after Elijah was born! He has been wonderful, so wonderful. He has done everything with/for the boys, including bedtime with all 5 for the first 2 or 3 nights without me, as I was either sleeping or breastfeeding. Since then I have breastfed Samuel (and sometimes Benjamin) at bedtime as usual, either with Elijah asleep in the other bedroom, or with Neil holding Elijah and having some bonding time, if he's awake. But Neil has done all the meals, nappy changes (except Elijah's of course!), outings, laundry, dishes, night wakings for the boys (Elijah's are obviously my responsibility!), everything. He has also brought me almost all of my meals in bed for nearly two straight weeks. He brings me water to drink, painkillers when I've needed them, and made sure I have everything I need. He has helped me when Elijah has had a couple of really fussy evenings and was FULL of milk but would not settle, by walking the house with him snuggled against his chest. My legs are jelly if I try to do that, which is normal for me so soon after having a baby.

He is such a WONDERFUL husband and daddy! I know he has been tired out with the boys' antics and not enough sleep at night sometimes. They haven't always been easy to manage! He is getting a better understanding for some of the things I deal with in the long hours that he's at work in the weekdays - those occasional times when I phone him saying I don't know what to DO with these kiddies, and I can't do it!! He totally GETS that now. ;)

Samuel is doing well with Elijah's arrival. He loves his new baby brother and is very interested in him. He likes to stroke him or pat him gently on his tummy. He is having a LOT of screaming tantrums, including rolling about the floor and banging his head purposely on whatever he finally rolls into (wall, table leg, etc.). I think some of that is probably to do with a new baby arriving, but he was doing it to a lesser extent before Elijah arrived, so I think it's partly the age/stage he's coming to. He definitely seems happier when I am downstairs snuggling him on the sofa or letting him breastfeed, and I am beginning to do that more and more now that I'm getting back to normal activities. I know he will settle more as I am back to normal more. But he's otherwise happy and settled, and enjoying his baby brother. He's still such a baby himself, at just 17 months!!! He looks ENORMOUS to me now, as the next baby up always does when a new one comes, but he's still my baby Samuel-beep! :)

Benjamin seems to be having no issues with Elijah, which is encouraging - usually it's the nearly-or-just-turned 3-year-old who has the most trouble adjusting, for our kiddies. Nathan didn't seem particularly troubled when Samuel was born (he was a few weeks from turning 3) so maybe it makes a difference that there are more older siblings who are thrilled and excited about the new baby? I don't know. Anyway, Benjamin is the youngest so far to have 2 little siblings, at 2 years and 10 months old. He will be 3 next month! Can't beliiieeeeve it! But he's doing great, and very keen on "The Lijah", as he pronounces Elijah's name! :) Nathan loves to see and stroke Elijah, and comments fondly on his every little twitch or squeak. He's just as happy to run off and play the moment he's distracted from Elijah though - he seems very settled in himself which is good to see! We will see how we all deal with the changes when Daddy goes back to work next Monday! :S I hope things will go smoothly. We are not planning to do any school work at all until July, so it will just be basically me adjusting gradually to the normal activity/workload of a 12-hour day without Neil around, and learning to juggle six little boys, and settling Elijah into some sort of routine of naps and feeds, etc. I'm actually feeling confident and looking forward to the challenge, which is good! :) I'm sure there will be bumps along the way, and days where I have no idea what I'm doing or how on earth I will cope! That seems to be normal after each baby.

I am doing fine, recovering quicker this time than after any of the others. Maybe it was the full night of sleep I had before the birth, the breakfast I ate hours before labour started, or the short labour itself that didn't drain me as much as longer ones would? Maybe it was the lack of stitches (for the first time, yay!!!) and pain therefore? I don't know. I have felt stronger much much sooner this time, and have been up and about sooner too. I did have a blocked duct in my breast last week, and ended up with a low fever and feeling really achy and fluey for a day or two. With Heather's help and advice, I managed to overcome that with massage, hot and cold compresses and LOTS of breastfeeding, and the lump has gone and I feel fine - phew! I have had a lot of headaches, but I seem to have allergies to something or other, especially when it's a windy day and I have the window open all the time. I sneeze a lot and get awful sinus pain in my face that nothing will fix, urgh. I have had a fine itchy rash on my face as well, which is weird, but it's mild and it comes and goes. No idea what I'm allergic to, as I never used to have allergies and have never had testing. Anyway, headaches, blah. But at least they are not there all the time.

I am so delighted with my tiny manny! He's just such a sweet little baby, and I love him so much! I'm so relieved that he's here safely, after a few worrying moments along the way when I was pregnant, and when my waters broke but labour didn't start. SO relieved and happy! :) He is waking up for a feed now, so I will stop. Here are a few photos of Elijah, taken 2 hours after he was born, when all his big brothers came in to meet him - look at Arthur's expression in the first one! That sums his whole experience up. He is SO thrilled! :) Elijah was 4 hours old in the last photo.

Here he is at 6 days old, sleeping where he always does, on my bed with me! :)

Off to feed my tiny sweetie! :)

Fitting FIVE boys into a 12x9ft bedroom!

We have finally moved Samuel into the boys' room, just last night. We were meant to do that earlier, but things kept putting it off! We really can't wait any longer, so I'm relieved that it's done! I have just 10 days to go until my due date! :)

So last entry I wrote belatedly about when we changed the room around to fit four little boys into a 12x9ft bedroom, and now it's time for the promised post with the photos of the new layout for 5 little boys, in their small bedroom. It's the bigger of our two bedrooms, so the only choice really! I am so pleased with how well they fit in, and how much play/storage space they have left with how small the room is, AND how much they all love it in there together! :)

First off, here are pictures of the room after the change-around, ready for the big day!

The bunks in the L-shape give soooo much more space to the room, and I'm really pleased with how it turned out! On the other wall you can see their double chest of drawers for their clothing, which I mentioned last entry. I did figure out storage for Samuel's clothing in the end. Those drawers used to hold the older 4 boys' clothes - one drawer per child - and the two drawers across the top were for their pyjamas. I discovered that Arthur and Matthew's pyjamas actually fit into their own drawers, so that made a top drawer available! :) Nathan and Benjamin have a lot more pyjamas than the older two, because of a million hand-me-downs mostly, so they needed the other top drawer to store their pyjamas in still.

So I changed the drawers around. They came with animal and fish drawer handles which were randomly placed, but I decided to pair them up to help the boys remember which drawers are which. In the photo above, I hadn't got round to doing that yet, so they're still randomly placed, but there's a photo I'll post in a minute of Samuel at the drawers where you can see what I'm talking about. I put the animals/fish in alphabetical order because I have a tendency to be a bit like that! ;)

So Arthur has the top drawer with the fish handles, then the other top drawer with mis-matched handles is the remaining pyjama drawer. Below Arthur's is Matthew's drawer with hippo handles, and next to it is Nathan's drawer with ladybirds. Then at the bottom, below Matthew's drawer is Benjamin's, with lion handles, and then Samuel's has starfish next to Benjamin's. I am pretty sure that if we ever store all SIX boys' clothing in these drawers, it will be totally feasible, and I will find another place to store pyjamas. I love the thought that we have this big chest of drawers with six drawers in it, and I might one day have a different child (of my own!)'s clothes in each one of those drawers! Precious! :)

On top of the chest of drawers, we put the Ikea storage unit that we bought at eBay recently. I am so excited about that piece of furniture, because they get bid on a LOT and are not that cheap. This one is in excellent condition and the previous owners happen to have chosen the exact colours for the storage boxes that we would choose to complement the boys' bedding set! Perfect. They had bought two units and bolted them together, one on top of the other, and although we had the option to undo their system and have them side-by-side, we actually wanted something just like this, so we kept it as they had. Even easier for us after purchasing it! We didn't have to build a thing, just brought it right in from the car and voila! It uses no extra space on top of an existing piece of furniture, which is definitely a big bonus.

Those drawers are so useful for storing quite a lot more stuff that we thought they would! The top unit has mostly clothing in - out of season clothes like bulky jumpers and gloves and hats, and also a big box for summer clothing. Some of the boys have summer clothes at the back of their own drawers, but the extras that won't fit, or things like beach-wear, are in the Ikea box. There are almost-ready-to-be-grown-into clothes for Nathan in one of the top green boxes, and another of those has alllll the underwear aged 3-5 for when he finally potty trains. He's 4 years and 4 months old and not potty trained yet. We have tried, and he is NOT ready, just like Matthew was not ready at this age. He will be though, and I'm happy not to push him for now. He is on new medication to help him with chronic constipation that has caused him a lot of trouble over the past couple of years, and it's FINALLY working well, so after that is settled down for a while, I think we'll have a better shot at potty training him later in the year.

Anyway! Getting off track! So those are the top drawers. One of the big boxes is empty, so there are still further storage possibilities! :)

The lower unit is at a more accessible level for the boys, and we have chosen to store some of their things in these boxes. These are things that they can play with when they come upstairs for Quiet Time - which is reserved only for the older 3 (ages 4 and up). The toys are ones that are suitable for that age-range and which we don't allow downstairs because of small parts for the little ones, so it makes it special for them to play with those upstairs and keeps the little ones safe at the same time. They play with these toys unsupervised, and do great. Here's a photo of the contents of their drawers in the bottom Ikea unit:

The green drawers contain Lego from various kits, a wooden farm set, and various build-it kits like Meccano. The bigger red drawers contain Lincoln Logs (two kits that I had shipped over from the States a few years ago - I love Lincoln Logs!), and then two drawers full of various jigsaw puzzles. Some are 45 pieces (Nathan works on this kind of size) and others are up to 200 pieces (Arthur's range). I think there's also a Logic Links game in there for Arthur, but in general, all the games are stored in the big cupboard that they're not allowed to go in. These drawers hold the things they're allowed to play with for Quiet Time, but they may take something else upstairs that they choose, or ask for something that's put away, like a specific game or more challenging puzzle (there are lots more puzzles in my room under my bed), if they like. They LOVE Quiet Time! :)

Here are some photos taken at bedtime last night, when they were all allowed upstairs to enjoy Samuel exploring the room! He couldn't keep still, and was so excited! He has been in there before at bedtime, but not for long before being whisked away (crying!) to be put to bed in my room. He loves being with his big brothers! Bedtime was 7pm but we knew it would be a good while before they were even ready to get into bed. We let them roam about, and Arthur asked if he could read them a bedtime story while Neil fixed the new safety gate to the bedroom doorway. I sat and watched them, and took photos, while Arthur read the story.

Matthew on his bed, wanting me to take his picture :) It looks as though the drawers are leaning out dangerously, but I promise they are straight against the wall! The camera did it! ;)

Arthur on his bed, asking, "Shall I read them Paddington?" He reads with a torch after the others are asleep, so he always has a book or two on his bed that he's in the middle of. I suggested he choose something else other than Paddington, because it's a bit grown-up for the littler ones and doesn't keep their attention for long!

He chose "The Cat in the Hat Comes Back" in the end, and they really enjoy the Dr. Seuss books so they were thrilled! Nathey and Benji are so sweet in these photos, especially the smiley one! Ahhhh, love them soooo! :) Samuel usually sits to hear a story but was too busy wanting to explore the room this time!

Here are the boys in their beds, ready for the curtains to be closed! You can't see too clearly, but Nathan is in the far corner (that has been his bed for a long while now) with Samuel on his new big boy bed, crawling towards him - he could NOT stay still, lol! Benjamin's new bed is at the other end of Nathan's. They are little enough to top-and-tail, and very excited about sharing. Benjamin used to sleep in Samuel's bed on the floor, and he was the only one I had concerns about, whether he would miss his usual bed and feel funny about Samuel being there "in his place". But he was fine! He and Nathan slept really well there, and Benjamin seemed happy about being "moved up" and for Samuel to be in the bed he used to sleep in, so that's a relief!

I don't know what the time was when we closed the curtains and started trying to get them to sleep. It took a while! ;) But that was to be expected, and will probably be similar for maybe the first week. After that I am really hoping things will settle down and they will be used to bedtime. It might be that we have to stagger their bedtimes for a while if it doesn't. I recall doing that around the time that Samuel was born and for his first few months. Bedtime was crazy chaos otherwise, and the little two were so tired and ready for sleep, but the big two would keep them awake. So we took the little two to bed and once they were asleep, the big boys would go to bed. If Matthew was tired, he would go up with the little ones, on the understanding that he made NO noise in his bed while we did their bedtime stuff (back-rubs, breastfeed for Benjamin, etc.). Arthur is the only child in the family who really isn't a natural at sleep. He is restless in bed, his head whirls with thoughts all the time, and he isn't tired until quite late. I think he will be a natural night-owl type, like me, as he gets older. Matthew and Nathan in particular are the opposite, and always have been. They're always tired by bedtime, and go to sleep quickly and easily. Nathan will go to sleep within minutes, no matter how early he's put to bed! 6.30pm will do nicely for him if we are organised enough! He has always been a boy who needs his sleep, and took 2 naps a day still at 2 years old, when Arthur was giving up naps altogether!

Here are the "after" photos, taken with a flash once all the boys were asleep. I think I took these photos around 8.45pm. Nathan was asleep LONG before that, maybe an hour even, and Matthew not long after. I am not sure when Arthur dropped off. Benjamin didn't go to sleep while he was breastfeeding, so he took a while longer than usual, and Samuel was probably the last to go to sleep. He was too distracted to breastfeed for long with me in his bed, and wanted to crawl about and get out of his bed, etc. Neil walked him, which is what he usually does during the evenings if he wakes, and it works quickly. But he was distracted with me in the room, so in the end I went downstairs and he settled off to sleep on Neil, and then Neil put him on his new big boy bed!

My sweet little sleeping top-and-tail boys!

Tiny Samuel zonked out on his bed (never mind facing the wrong way! I moved him after the photos) with Nathey in the background.

The night went pretty well. They didn't wake during the evening, and Samuel stirred awake and fussed a little bit around midnight, so that was pretty good for the first evening. I kept my door open so I could hear anyone's wakings and come through to help if necessary. Usually I have the door shut AND a fan on in my room, so as to keep Samuel (who has been in my bed with me since he was born in it!) undisturbed by any wakings of the boys in the other room. It has meant I haven't been disturbed by sounds from the other bedroom as well, until last night. I don't like to shut them out though - I want to hear if they're okay in there! Neil is with them overnight, so I know they're okay, but I worry about my little ones when they first move away from Mummy's side, in case they miss me or get particularly upset. I will always go through and breastfeed anyone who is really distressed at night, and I wanted to be sure I could hear Samuel. It was a warm night in their room so the fan went through to them in any case, so I didn't have it in with me.

Samuel woke and cried 4 or 5 times in total, and I woke each and every time. I nearly went through once because he had only just gone back to sleep from the last waking, and I was wondering if he was feeling sad. But he was settling quickly with Neil giving him a cuddle or a drink, so in the end it was okay and I didn't need to go through. Neil wanted me NOT to come in if at all possible, because he wanted to start as he meant to go on, if you know what I mean. He thought it would just prolong the wakefulness if I went in - something we've found at times with our previous little ones. I found it a bit difficult and heart-wrenching though! :( And OH how I missed my baby next to me at night! It is supposed to be a lovely free feeling to walk into one's own bedroom and potter about at a late hour, and then get into one's own bed and stretch about and not worry about disturbing anyone, not have little feet in my face an hour after I got to sleep, and not be woken to breastfeed or say, "It's too early darling, lie down!" for the fifteenth time, but I felt no such relief. I was looking out of the window just enjoying the night air and thinking, and I just realised that I don't NEED or even desire that kind of respite at all. I know some will say that I've only got like 10 days or something until that small window of a break is over and I have another little person in my bed to nurse and change and settle all night for the forseeable future (another 16-or-so months?). I see the rationality of that. But I don't feel it. I don't need it. I don't even want it. There are some exasperating nights when somebody small is really fretful or seems to wake every 30 minutes all night long when I'm tiiiiiired out and wanting a break from it all. Early wakings every single day, or those times when a little one is about to do something new and wakes for a block of 2-3 hours for several nights running to process his thoughts on the matter - those are frustrating and tiring times! But even thinking about those times, I really really REALLY don't desire a break, even now I've got one. I was so sad going to bed without Samuel there, knowing it was a real milestone moment, because that's IT. No going back. 16 and a half months of sleeping next to him since he arrived, has ended, and there won't be even one more night of it now that it's finished. It's permanent, and that season with him has suddenly passed. I know there are more seasons, each so precious, to come for him, and I'm glad and excited about that, but I do somewhat mourn the loss of the last one - that particular season from birth to "I'm about to be a big brother!!" is soooooo precious, and I cherish it so dearly. It isn't affected at all by the fact that I'm about to be blessed (and I do mean BLESSED) to experience the whole thing again with another sweet baby boy. It's THIS boy I'm moving on with, and THIS boy's company that I will miss! He was such a sweet little bed-fellow - my easiest of all the boys so far. *sigh* I do love that baby beep!

I had trouble with restless legs last night as usual, but it was a bit easier to get to sleep knowing I could fling myself about the bed as much as needed without waking Samuel up. I could also change ends if it helped, or open my window, etc. At one point in the night Benjamin and Samuel woke up at the same time - I think Samuel cried and that woke Benjamin, and he was a bit upset about it. I was worried about that before the big move! But Neil told me that Samuel was fine sitting on his bed for a moment while he tucked Benjamin back in, and then went back to Samuel to give him a cuddle, and both boys went back to sleep, so that's MUCH better than we'd anticipated. I hope it continues that way, and that if Samuel wakes, the boys will quickly get used to his sounds and sleep through them, like they have when Nathan moved in, and then Benjamin. I got up when they all did this morning, about 5.30 or so, and when they were all settled downstairs I went back to bed. I'm so glad for the weekend because I have become very sleep deprived with insomnia and other pregnancy-related fun, so the weekend thankfully offers me a chance to catch up a bit, and Neil is wonderful and lets me take advantage of that.

Samuel still napped in my bed with me today. I am not sure what to do about his naps, and I'm not sure about the safety gate on the bedroom door either.... We need it there when he's in the room, to keep him from coming out near the stairs, but it's IN the doorway (it's pressure fitted, so it can be removed whenever) so the door can't be closed. But when some of the boys are up early in the morning and others remain sleeping (read: Arthur!), we HAVE to close the door so they are not woken by the boys' sounds downstairs, and now that means taking the gate off, which is a bit of a faff. Also if Samuel naps in there during the day, he will need the door closed as well, otherwise he'll never sleep through the sounds downstairs, and that means he won't have the safety gate on. The bedroom door is easily pushed open, so even when it's closed, it's not safe for him without a safety gate. Hmmm.... Right now he can continue to nap in my bed, but when Elijah arrives that's it for naps in my room, so we need to think of a solution.

Anyway, hooray, the long-awaited transition has been done, and the boys are all doing fine. Mummy is a bit sad and wistful! But she always is at times like these! ;) At least I did not cry about it, like I have done with some of my others when they moved out of my room/bed. I am MUCH closer to giving birth than I ever have been before when we've done this, so maybe it gives me a focus and that helps. Talking of which, while the boys are at the park with Neil, I now need to go and see what I can check off on my "To Do Before Baby" list! There is still plenty to do. I have flapjacks baking in the oven, and pizza dough rising. They have no idea I've done those things and will be THRILLED when they get home all tired and hungry. My boys LOVE my homemade pizza (it's Nathan's favourite food!) and flapjacks! :)

Fitting 4 boys into a 12x9ft bedroom!

A spare moment! :) And blogger is letting me upload pictures again, so I am back to post what I SHOULD have posted here last May! These are the photos of the boys' bedroom when we moved Benjamin into a "big boy" bed, moving his cot out of the room and purchasing a second-hand cabin bed to match the bunk bed we already had, for Matthew to sleep on, and for Benjamin to sleep beneath on a mattress on the floor. He was 22 months old back then, and ready to move out of his cot. A floor bed is always best, we've found, as there is nowhere for them to fall.

This room used to be "our" bedroom, as it's the bigger one, and we had a big kingsize bed. Once Samuel was on the way, we swapped the bedrooms around. We got rid of the kingsize bed and purchased a beautiful wooden sleigh bed in "small double" (3/4 size) at eBay for £30 or thereabouts! :) That's my bed with the baby. Neil sleeps on a futon bed on the floor of the boys' bedroom. He gets way more sleep that way when I am attending to a young baby during the night, putting the lamp on, changing nappies, breastfeeding, burping, etc, etc - all that GORGEOUS gorgeous stuff that comes with a tiny baby! I mean that so very much! It's such a gorgeous wonderful time! I can't believe it used to be sort of tiresome on the first two babies, and to some degree on the third baby. I have cherished it to pieces with babies 4 and 5, and am actually LONGING for it before baby #6 is even here, despite still waking at night every single night with baby (well, toddler!) #5. I don't know what the transformation has been. All I know is that I adore it, it's so wonderful. I feel so blessed that I could pop with joy when I'm up at night cradling a sweet tiny person and meeting those raw needs that they have early on. Love it so much! :)

Anyway, Neil obviously sleeps better OUT of the room where all that goes on! ;) Also he does any wakings that the older boys have, once I am doing the newborn/young baby wakings, so being in there to start with makes that a lot easier for him, and he is much less disturbed than if he was getting up and going back and forth if someone has a bad dream or falls out of bed. They don't wake him much. Benjamin is the most likely to wake out of all of them. They sleep through like logs, even with someone screaming and crying in there! ;)

This weekend, we will be moving Samuel in with them! *sniffle* It is sooooo bittersweet for me! He has never left my side at night - never slept for even a minute in the cot. ALL his naps and night sleeps have been in my bed. Only Arthur had done that before Samuel. All the others had slept in the cot (and Benjamin slept in the Amby hammock until he was 9 months old as well) to varying degrees. They've ALL partially co-slept though, for ease of night nursing. Anyway, Samuel is the most delightful little bed-fellow! He is a sweet darling, and settles pretty easily. He still wakes at night to breastfeed, but I know he isn't really in NEED of milk at night so hopefully he will night-wean easily with the move. I will miss him SO much! :( That's the bitter part. The sweet part is that my sleep is really bad at the moment, and I feel sure that it will improve once I have the bed to myself for these last uncomfortable weeks of pregnancy. I am 35 weeks pregnant now!

So, we have changed their bedroom around completely in the last month, in preparation for Samuel moving in there. We bought some Ikea storage furniture at eBay - can't believe how much money we have saved over the years buying second-hand at eBay, and the stuff we are buying looks like an original matching set when we've put all the second-hand bits together! :) I'm very picky and careful about what I buy, and sit in wait for many months if I have to, so the end result is nice to look at and live in, and ended up costing a fraction of the new price! Love that! :)

In order to get onto showing you the "new" bedroom for 5 little boys, I need to first post about when we set it up for the FOUR little boys last year. Samuel was 5 months old - it's not even a year ago but it seems a lot longer because it was a whole "cycle" ago in terms of adding babies! ;)

Here's the cabin bed we bought at eBay. It had stickers on the side still, but otherwise in perfect condition with two mattresses in great condition, one of which we used on top and the other underneath. This is how it looked set up ready for Benjamin and Matthew, before bedtime on their first night there:



Panning round to the other end of the room where their big bunk bed is:



Big bunks! Arthur sleeps on top, and Nathan on the bottom. Nathey slept on his toddler bed until these photos, but when we bought the cabin bed, we dismantled the toddler bed and stored it away, and Nathan moved into a normal sized bed for the first time. He wasn't happy about it at first, but he loves his bed now. His dream is to have a top bunk bed one day! Pretty sure we can make that a reality in time to come! :)



Here's my tiny little Samuel on Benjamin's new bed! He was squirming to get out of my arms so I put him under there and he looked soooooooo happy about it! I remember thinking that one day HE might be the little one in that bed, but I sort of shook the thought out of my head in disbelief, because it seemed impossible to consider with him being so tiny and just "my babyyyyy!!!" at that time! Now it IS his turn, and not even a year later! Can't believe it....



A blurry photo of the boys exploring the view from the cabin bed with great excitement! We had just let them in the room for the first time to see the changes we'd made, and they were BEYOND excited! Benjamin had trouble on the ladder, because it is straight up/down, unlike the main bunks which have a slanted ladder (easier to climb safely). He has NO such trouble now! ;) I was so excited to find a second-hand bed that was an exact match for our bunks! It's a Thuka bed, and the previous owners had even chosen the same colours as we did, for the safety rails and glow-in-the-dark ladder treads! Perfect.



The new bed plan opened the room up much more, and it was oddly more spacious than it had ever been, even though it was housing four children and a Daddy! Neil usually put his futon alongside Benjamin's bed for ease of the (many) night wakings that he dealt with in the early months in there. It's easily rolled away in the day so makes for extra floor space. The only wall I didn't photograph was the one the door opens into, where I was standing. There's a big double chest of drawers with six deep drawers in it, and those drawers house all the boys' clothing. Originally it held only Matthew and Arthur's clothing, and they had 3 drawers each, when we first bought it (incidentally for £50 on eBay!!! Wish I had a photo to show you, but I'll get one of the "new" layout this weekend and you can see it then). Then when Nathan's clothes got added, we gave them 2 drawers each. When Benjamin moved into the bedroom I gave them a drawer each, and the top two drawers across the chest were pyjama drawers - each boy had a half drawer for pyjamas. This made it much easier to grab their PJs at bedtime. This is the system we still have in place, and it works well. By the time Benjamin's clothes needed to go in there, it meant I had to take a look at what clothes I was storing and start to cull the stuff they had. They always had too many clothes, because I'm addicted to eBay! ;) It was a very helpful exercise in decluttering, and part of the much needed work I had to get my head round, managing a small home with a large family. They now have about 5 outfits each, and about the same for summer outfits. Their summer outfits are stored away when it's not summer, and winter outfits get stored away in the summer. If we get to the stage where their clothes don't fit in their drawer, it's time to get rid of some clothes. It has made the most incredible impact on the amount of laundry I have to do, and apart from the fact that it seems like they wear their clothes out quicker (wearing them more frequently), it makes no difference at all to the amount of clothing they always have available to wear. Fantastic! :)

So there it is! I am not sure what to do yet about Samuel's clothes. I have been drastically sorting and culling baby clothes in all sizes (several hugely packed black sacks to charity recently) so that all the clothes we have for each baby size fits into one plastic crate box. Again, if it doesn't all fit, I have to take a deep breath and go through it all again to find something that I can bear to part with, until it all fits. Pregnancy is the only time to do these things - I'm in a relentless nesting mood and ruthless when it comes to decluttering, and I don't have the "awwww!!!" issues that come with not currently being pregnant and being overly emotionally attached to tiny clothing that I might or might not get to use again! ;)

I will try to get plenty of photos when we put Samuel in the boys' room. I am excited about it! We have moved the beds together in an L-shape so they look like staggered height quad bunks. The boys LOVE it! It has opened the floor up EVEN MORE, which we didn't think about beforehand so it was a very pleasant surprise! Once again, the room has never been so spacious, and yet we're adding ANOTHER person to the room, lol! Plan A is that Samuel will sleep on the floor bed that Benjamin has been using, and all the boys will stay in their usual beds. Nathan and Benjamin will top-and-tail in Nathan's bed, because it's an extra long European size bed and those two boys take up less than half the length each when they are sleeping at night. They are also the two boys who roam about their bed the LEAST during sleep, out of all the boys. They are excited about sharing. I never would have thought of top-and-tailing them until I read it as a tip from another large family, as a space saving solution when they are little. While we are still in this tiny house, they will definitely be little enough so it should work well. It's such a bonus not to have to add another bed-space to the room! Plan B is for if Benjamin causes havoc in that bed, or something! ;) In that case we will set up the toddler bed again, which should fit on the "door" wall and still leave a good amount of floor space.

Right now they play in there a lot, as we've added "big boy" toys in the Ikea unit we bought. There's more floor space than there has ever been in either of our bedrooms (since we moved here in 2001!!), and three of them can play happily in there building Lego or doing floor puzzles for hours.

I will stop now and get some photos taken asap, to post soon! Just so glad to have finally got around to documenting the changes in the bedroom! :)

Benjaminny, and a few other bits and pieces

I can't believe he will be 3 in July! Of course July feels like ages away, because it's still like WINTER outside this week (tsk!) and there's the whole add-a-new-member-of-the-family thing between now and then. But it's only 3 months! My little manny is somehow two and three-quarters! I have about 5,000 paragraphs of sweetness that I could happily sit and write about Benjamin this morning. But whatever I type has to last the length of a cup of tea, while the boys build a Winnie the Pooh fort of some kind in the living room, and then I need to take sweet Samley to bed. I really should write an update on just random stuff about Samuel too, because I know I haven't done that when typing "Samley" is a new thing, even though that's what I call him about as often as "Samuel". I wish I had more tiiiiime to write these special memories down!

He's so giggly and assertive and chunky around the chest (since he was born - he has some really defined chest muscles, this boy!) and snuggly. He is usually being a little "cweature" who squeaks and makes cute faces and wants his mummy! He snuggles such a lot, and still breastfeeds in the day time. If he has a nightmare (rare) I will nurse him at night on occasion too. He is SO PRECIOUS!!!!! I love my little Benjamoo.

I just planned to post two things about Benjamin today, so I'll get on with it! A couple of weeks ago, Benjamin and I made brownies - actually Nathan did as well, but Samuel was napping and the older two boys were experiencing the consequences of poor behaviour choices by sitting in corners, so they missed out unfortunately! Nathan did not want to taste the batter, when the brownies were in the oven, so he went out of the kitchen, and Benjamin gladly took on the whole responsibility of cleaning the bowl! ;) He LOVES anything sweet and was very pleased with the batter! He made me laugh because the more he tasted, the more giggly and silly he got! It was almost as though it went to his head or something, lol! I took some photos of my sweet silly boy tasting brownie batter. He was showing me his "taste" on his finger and then eating it while giggling like crazy around his finger! ;) He eventually gave up on the slow scooping method, and started licking the bowl, hehehe! He got brownie batter in his hair big time. Sweet in even more ways! :)











The other night I got into his bed to breastfeed him. He sleeps on a shorty mattress on the floor underneath Matthew's cabin bed. We decided on that when he moved out of his cot, as a makeshift "bunk bed" that would be safe for him with nowhere to fall out of bed. It's a full sized cabin bed width-ways but shorter by about 6 inches (or is 9?). Anyway, we found it on eBay. Did I ever post pics? The big bunk bed is still there and the cabin bed matches it exactly - it was a great find! :) They've been happily installed there since May 2011. Arthur is on the top of the main bunk bed, Nathan below him, Matthew on the top of the cabin bed, and Benjamin below. I found the photos that I took in May, but Blogger is being extremely annoying and refusing to let me open any picture files to upload right now! >:-/ So I can't do that, but I will try to find time to update on the bedroom changes, since I can't find any evidence of having posted about it here before now!

Anyway, so the routine at bedtime is still that I get into Benjamin's bed and breastfeed him. He nearly always falls asleep nursing, which is precious, and I cherish it because I know it won't last much longer! He loves his milky. After he's asleep, I go to Nathan who has usually already fallen asleep, and kiss him goodnight. If he's still awake I get in with him to snuggle him and give him "back-a-rubs" as he calls them! :) Then Matthew, then Arthur, except now that I'm huge and pregnant, the boys who are up ladders have to come down onto the futon bed on the floor (where Neil sleeps for ease of dealing with night-wakings and less disturbance to his sleep than if he was co-sleeping with Samuel and me) for their snuggles. I pray for each boy as I do their snuggles and back-rubs.

Anyway, the other night I got into Benjamin's bed with him as usual, and he didn't go straight to breastfeed, which surprised me. He was just looking at me with a little smile in the semi-darkness, big round eyes all shiny. He looked so happy and secure, and it was wonderful to see him look at me that way. I waited and he didn't do anything different for a few moments, and then in a soft little voice, he patted me and then himself, saying, "Das you, an' das me!" I said, "Yes, that's right." and he said it again, almost to himself, "Das you... an' das me", did a big happy sigh, and lay down to nurse. Typing it out, it doesn't seem so special as it was, but I HAD to record it somewhere because to me that was an absolute Memory Treasure. It was an example of Benjamin expressing his security in our sitation. Him and Mummy. He looked so happy with the world around him, and his voice was so soft and.... something, I can't put my finger on. It was a lovely moment and I don't want to forget it.

He has so very many cute little sayings and ways of pronouncing things, and I SO want to make note of them all! I haven't got time now, but my current favourite is, "I 'pose so, Mummy..." when considering something I've suggested, usually when it's not what he originally agreed with. I love his use of the phrase, "I suppose so" and his way of pronouncing it. He uses such a grown-up, serious expression when he says it, and it's a moment to support him in his seriousness, but I have to work hard to fight the urge to sweep him up off his feet and smoosh his soft little cheeks with kisses for 5 straight minutes! ;) He's such a cutie pea pie and I love him so much!

He has a strong and assertive personality, most similar to Arthur's (out of all the boys) but without the tendency to be anxious and fretty and fidgetty that Arthur has. He is very confident and takes charge easily amongst his brothers. I could see that in him even when he was a baby, well before he was old enough to act on that potential with them! ;) He DOES have typical shyness of new people though, but warms up quite quickly now - much quicker than he used to. He is TERRIFIED of dogs. Shaking, sweating, screaming, TERRIFIED. Of even the tiniest dog in the distance. He even gets like that on occasion when he sees a dog on the TV, so it's more than the anxiety one or two of the boys have had over dogs at the park. Dogs do bound up to them and act playful at the park, and Benji has had a few experiences where he was totally taken by surprise, and once a dog bigger than him pushed him down and even with Neil there shooing it, it would not go away until the owner (SLOWLY) sauntered over and took it. He is so very scared of them now, poor lovey. We have been considering getting a dog to help him with his fear, but the thought of adding a pet with lots of care needs to a large bunch of very young children plus homeschooling is overwhelming right now. Also we need to ascertain if anyone in our household is allergic to dogs before we do that. Neil is allergic to cats (since we met actually, he wasn't when we first met) and has various other triggers to his asthma and hayfever that we don't even know the source of, so it's possible I guess. We've never been in a home where there's a dog, or spent any time with a dog, so I suppose we don't know if any of the boys might be allergic either. But the general thought amongst us all is that we will probably get a dog at some point in the future. The boys actually think it's a great idea, even though all of them are nervous to varying degrees about dogs.

With his assertive personality, Benjamin also tends to be pretty in-our-faces with grumpiness or defiance when he disobeys us. He has phrases like, "I not listnin'!!" with his hands covering his ears and his best frown on. He has been saying, "Stupid Mummy!" a lot in recent months, when he's cross with me, but I've noticed he hasn't said that much these past few weeks, since I have been RIGHT on him to discipline every time he does it. He is sweet-natured in general and loving and kind towards his brothers. He is very concerned when somebody is sad or hurt, and tries to make them better, as all of them do.

I love his little chipmunky voice and the little quirks and mannerisms of his speech, different from all the others because they are unique to him. I can't even get those across in type, so I will have to try to take some video of him to record it for prosperity. Our "video" is a fairly basic point-and-shoot camera and the audio is really poor. Even right up close, the sound is distant and fuzzy, which is such a shame. Our really old point-and-shoot camera that finally died when Nathan was born, had a MUCH better microphone and their little voices were crisp and clear when recorded with that. Oh well.

Benjamin knows his numbers but not letters, though he holds up our fridge magnet letters on a daily basis at the moment and asks me, "What this one?" over and over, and I tell him. I don't know if he's retaining any though - I guess he must be to some degree? He's only 2, and my 2, 3 and 4 year olds learn through osmosis generally, now that I have two homeschooling at school age. I don't task myself at ALL with teaching the littler ones anything at all. I provide activities that they might learn from but they are meant to be independent activities for the most part. They're fine. Nathan learned his numbers and some phonics sounds without any attention on it from me, as Matthew began his school lessons last year. But I have no concerns with a 5-year-old knowing absolutely NOTHING of numbers or phonics or letters when they start school. The curricula we have are excellent and they'll pick it up in no time when they're old enough to actually do school work. Before that, it's play play play and stimulating activities. If they learn as they go, great! If not, no big deal. They are learning though! :)

One thing we do as a group is Bible time at the beginning of school every day. It's first because God is first. We are in Romans now - a chapter a day straight from the Bible. We started with Matthew's gospel at the beginning of the New Testament. After the chapter, we do Bible Memory Verses. We have a system, which I think I mentioned before but have no time to check/link right now. They have learned a lot of verses. We never do a verse or two. They learn whole passages, and with ease too. People usually assume little children (or even older ones) are only up to the task of a single line to memorise as far as Bible verses go, and think it's amazing when they do! They can learn SO MUCH MORE. I have taken a few videos of Arthur and Matthew reciting their memory verses, quite a while ago so I haven't got record of their more recent ones, and again - no time to find and post right now! What I really want to do is get Benjamin on video, but it's hard to clearly understand his pronunciation and he sometimes just acts silly when he's being videoed! ;)

He has learned the whole of Psalm 1 - probably about 8 months ago, just after turning two, and since our system means we go over ones we've already learned regularly, I have him repeat that quite often. He knows it well, but mumbles a lot of the words together. If I can help him say the words clearer then perhaps I'll video him doing it. He LOVES saying it! Nathan won't join in at all, though he sits with us, but Benjamin has been eager for his turn since he was tiny and not really able to say stuff yet!

Arthur and Matthew can recite Psalm 23, Psalm 121, Psalm 1, Psalm 100, Psalm 9:1-2, and then shorter ones that we started with at the beginning - Romans 8:28, Philippeans 2:14 and Ephesians 6:1-3. We are about to start Philippeans 4:4-9 because it's such a useful passage to have in your head when you need it, about anxiety and worry. Arthur knows some of it already because I use it to help him when he is having trouble with panic or anxiety. He has some issues - I haven't had chance to write about it, but yeah. He's very like me, unfortunately! Poor boy with his genes! He's phobic about vomiting and has many many other frets and worries. It's a personality thing, and my mum and I are the same way. Overcoming it is such a HUGE battle, and it's the single most complicating factor in my entire life, not easy to live with. I don't want that for Arthur! :( But I am praying for him and trying to help him, and at least I understand him.

Anyway, getting off-topic and taking too much time on the computer now, so I will stop! Must get my little tiny to bed - he is stumping around on his sweet little toddly leggies right now, with a pirate hat on his head that is way too big, saying, "Maowwww? Maowww?" because when I say the word "cat" he says "maowww?" in such a cute little high-pitched baby voice, associating cat with meowing. He hasn't cottoned on yet that hat isn't the same as cat! ;) It sounds the same, I can see his reasoning! Cute little beep! Going to snatch him up and try not to eat him on the way to bed now :)