The boys, discipline, photos, and new brother!

Back again!

Okay, so Arthur didn't really get the concept of death (obviously) but he seemed quite happy to talk about it. I was just honest and tried to keep everything I said to his level (or as near it as possible!). He knows that Cameron was a little boy who was very special to Mummy, and that Mummy loved him very much even though she wasn't HIS mummy. He knows (after some persuasion!) that his middle name is Cameron and it was chosen to be his middle name because of the little boy that Mummy loved so much. He knows that Cameron died, and that means he isn't here anymore. I chose to tell him about being with Jesus when we die, in a place where nobody is ill or too tired any more. I told him that when he's as happy as happy can be, there's a place where he can feel even happier and that's heaven, where we can be with Jesus. He loved talking/hearing about heaven! I didn't yet talk to him about the possibility of people NOT going to heaven. I saw no need right now, and he's soooo little and that can come later. It's already a concept he can't quite grasp, just dying and going to heaven!

I also focused on dying when you get very old (except for Cameron) rather than all SORTS of reasons that people could die at any age (!) because I didn't want to worry him about anyone he loves randomly popping off and never coming back again to him! He's so little for all these concepts. He doesn't know that people's bodies are buried under their graves either. So far I taught him that the gravestones are markers, one for each person who has died, and I focused on what was written on each one - that they tell us about the person who has died. He's too little to understand in any case, and I don't want him anxious about these things.

We had most of this discussion just before we left to go to the cemetery. When we arrived and I parked near Cameron's grave, Arthur looked all expectant, and when we got out, he asked, "Where's the little boy?" Even after all that we'd talked about, he expected Cameron to be there so he could play with him (oh my heartstrings, how they ached when he asked me that so innocently! I wish he COULD play with Cameron and not just visit his grave). So I can't expect him to take in any of it really. But I'm glad to have given him some explanation of why we were going and what the place was about. He had fun running about with Matthew and it was a nice afternoon.

Arthur's behaviour is HUGELY improving with the discipline we're doing! People are commenting on how well behaved he is at church and also out and about like at the shops. I am now able to be happy with him walking instead of strapped into the tandem pushchair with his brother, because I KNOW he will listen to me and mind me if I ask him to stop, or come back. And he won't go away from me if I tell him he's not to. This is a huuuuge change - only recently I felt soooo out of control on this issue! It is definitely 100% down to the discipline, although Arthur does have it in him to be a really well-behaved little boy. He needed boundaries setting, and no nonsense over the consequences if he didn't stay within them, and for the consequences to be unpleasant enough to motivate him to avoid them in the future (!), and I'm so happy that we're finally providing that for him.

Jemma asked if I could talk more about the discipline, but the reason I didn't before is that we are smacking our kids (yes, Matthew too), and I allllways get negative comments about that kind of discipline. I don't care to hear them, so I don't bother discussing what we're doing in detail, that's all! I will happily share what we’re doing though, since you asked!

The boys have a specific place that they are taken to, to be disciplined. We call it "being disciplined" with them (eg. “If you ____ again, I will discipline you.”), not "you'll get a smack!" or anything with the word smack in it. They are warned once about something they are not to do, and if they do it again, they are CALMLY (big breakthrough for me with this method, hooray!) taken to the place we discipline them (currently just at the porch door in this house, since it's too tiny to take them to another room, which is what we'd otherwise want to do). What we have chosen to believe (here's the negative comment zone...) is that discipline has to be unpleasant if it's to work well. Yes, yes, I know a bunch of you STRONGLY disagree, but please keep that to yourselves. I'm just saying what we've chosen to do and what is working for us.

We get down to their level and explain why we have to discipline them (what they've done, reminder that we had told them not to do it and that they must do as Mummy or Daddy tells them), and then they get one smack on the bottom or leg - bare skin. I do not whack them with huge strength, and the method allows for me to avoid disciplining them in anger or frustration. They rarely cry about it though. Then I ask Arthur (or remind Matthew) why I have discplined him, and he tells me in his own words (so that I know HE understands why it had to happen). Then we always ask for an apology. Matthew is LITTLE for this, he's little for the whole thing, but definitely needing proper discipline for various things at the moment. He understands the whole procedure, and says, "Yeh, yeh!" earnestly instead of sorry when that part comes! After they say sorry, they are swept up in cuddles and covered in kisses, and reminded that Mummy and Daddy love them and we are trying to teach them to ____ (do as they are told, be nice to their brother, etc) by disciplining them.

The whole thing is so calm and controlled, compared with how I used to feel out of control and just fly off the handle so easily. We have persevered patiently with this method, and it's so straight-forward. It doesn’t take a long time, it’s quick and to-the-point, effective, and I particularly love the physical affection and reinforcement of our love for them. It always ends up with them happy and cheerful, just moving onto the next thing the moment it is dealt with, and me as well, which is a change too. More importantly, they are really starting to respond. They get disciplined quite a lot some days, and other days less so.

The amount they are being disciplined each day isn't the main thing, it's how they are responding to us. Arthur is acting with MUCH more respect for us, and seems more secure. He will do as he's told much more, and like I was saying about being out and about, I can trust him to stay close to me and do what I ask him the moment I ask it, when we're out, which is essential for safety near cars!

If he's really noisy during Big Boy Quiet Time, I will go upstairs and discipline him for that. Matthew is sleeping in the next room and I don't want him woken, but also I need to set up Quiet Time as I need it to go on, with the prospect of adding more little ones to our family. I figure I need to get the ground rules down NOW, right at the start! He always knows in advance that he'll be disciplined, it's never something that's sprung on him. He has to choose whether to continue a behaviour that we've asked him not to do, and get disciplined for it, or not! One time recently, I forgot to warn him at the start of BBQT that if he made too much noise he would be disciplined, and so when he made a load of noise and I went up into his room, I only warned him that next time if he was noisy I would have to discipline him.

He eyed me with suspicion as I was telling him, and when I'd finished, he said, "But Mummy, shouldn't you be disciplining me for this?" !!!! I didn't know what to say! For one thing it was SUCH a grown up sentence (he stumbled a tiny bit in the pronounciation of "disciplining" – something more like, “dis-per-splin-ing”!), but mostly I was just gobsmacked that he KNEW he should have been disciplined, and expected me to follow through with it! Now I discipline him the first time he makes noise during Quiet Time. He knows what he's doing, and relies on me to keep those boundaries well-defined.

He won't join in the singing at church, and I won't make him either. He has fun at creche, and the rest of church is currently for me and Neil - the boys essentially tag along. I won't push him to join in anything at church, although he must go to creche (or Sunday school, once he's 3) during the sermon. If he doesn't want to sing then that's fine. We are starting to ask that he sits with me during the worship time rather than running around all over the hall. All the little ones at our (very relaxed!) family church run about during the worship time, and always have. But I'm noticing that most of the kids around the age of 3 are starting to sit with their parents more. So we're encouraging him to do that too, now. He is doing great! He watches the band play and listens to the music and the singing. There are still plenty of occasions where the worship song will fade out and a little voice will ring out, "Is it finished? Is it creche time now?!" Hehe! He is also getting better at not saying that loudly when we remind him!

He does take in things though. He won't sing or do action songs at church (in much the same way as he wouldn't join in at Tumble Tots with the singing or group activities), but my heart soars to watch him playing with his cars and singing joyfully, "Our God is a GREAT BIG GO-O-O-OD and he holds us in his haaands!" :)

We are starting to work on "attitudey" stuff with Arthur, as there's PLENTY of it these days. *sigh* He's starting to respond, mostly in that he expects to be disciplined if he's rude to us, or shouts at us and stuff. We don't tolerate his whiney voice, but he still does it allll the time. There are still a LOT of things, but he’s little yet. The things we mainly won’t tolerate from little Matthew are high pitched screeching (in defiance, not so much for excitement) right in our faces, as it’s giving me tinnitus (I kid you not, my ears ring even at night after a day with a few of those award-winning screeches from Matthew!). It really HURTS my ears, and my hearing is numb for a while afterwards, so 15-months or not, he MUST stop it. We also warn and discipline for shaking the TV (he’s breaking it gradually), climbing onto the big chest of drawers even when told not to as he’s about to, hitting (Arthur or us) or throwing toys at people (!!). He needs to learn NOT to do any of those things, even this young. We always warn him carefully, on his level with eye-contact, in simple words. He pretty much goes back and does the same things again after he’s disciplined, but then he starts to get the message after a few times in a row being disciplined for that particular thing!

The battery is almost gone on my laptop and dinner is nearly ready (I decided to continue this entry while Neil was cooking the dinner after they got home - yay for a break for me at the weekend and my lovely husband!), so I'll continue this later after the boys are in bed.

Okay, back again! It’s 9.45pm – later than I planned, because I had an uncontrollable (!!) urge to make flapjacks. They’re cooling in their tin now, and I am sooooooo longing to eat the whole lot before it’s even cooled. *sigh* Here I am instead, though! ;)

I can’t remember if there was anything else I was going to say about discipline.... nope, my brain has gone blank. Anyway, it is going WELL, for us AND for the boys.

Oh, I wanted to mention in this diary that we went for our scan this week and found out we are having another baby boy!!! Yay! I am really getting used to the idea now (I actually thought it was a girl until the scan!). His name is Nathan Martin (Nathan – we love it, means “Gift of God”, and Martin – my daddy’s name). You’ll be hearing that name a lot here from now on :) Starting now! Nathan has hiccups! I can feel them blipping against the laptop! My bump is growing quite noticeable, but my energy is good and I’m feeling pretty good too. I just love this middle-of-pregnancy stage! I need to update my pregnancy diary asap (I’m 22 weeks tomorrow, and thus another belly pic is due!), but I doubt I’ll get that done tonight with the HUGE entry I need to write here first!

Soooo I have three little boys! I am so blessed!!! I can’t wait to post pictures of all three of them here! Arthur has some understanding about Nathan already, and his whole response is just wonderful and encouraging. He’s already a fabulous big brother, and I know he’ll be the same with Nathan as he is with Matthew. Arthur seems to me to be just made to be the eldest of lots of siblings, and I’m so thankful for that! I’m not sure about Matthew though.... We are praying about that! Praying for Matthew and his transition to come, and about his relationship with Nathan. I hope he’ll be okay and not find it too traumatic or threatening. I guess you just never know with each of your children who has never had a baby brother or sister before – each child is different and will respond differently to having a new sibling. Arthur may respond differently too, being older than he was the last time – I mean, he was too little to know much different, and can’t remember a time before Matthew was around. He’ll be 3 and a quarter when Nathan is born, which is a whoooole different stage, developmentally. I have high hopes though, for Arthur. I think he’ll be fine, and possible a wonderful steadying influence for Matthew too, as Matthew and Arthur have such a wonderful relationship and will have each other through a big family transition. It should be okay. I hope! :)

Arthur knows he is getting another baby brother, and that his name is Nathan. He is THRILLED, seriously! He smiles soooo much every time I mention it! He knows Nathan is in my tummy, and instead of saying, "Mind my tummy!" if he’s clambering over me, like I used to, I now say, "Mind Nathan!" and he stops and smiles, and pats my tummy :) He has been talking about Nathan a LOT int he last couple of days. He comes out with stuff from nowhere, so it tells me that he’s really thinking about it. He will tell me how he and Nathan and Matthew (still saying "Mashew" - so cute!) will all play together (clasps hands with glee, bless his heart!), and that he thinks Nathan (which he currently pronounces, "Nay-fan" or occasionally "May-fan") will really like such-and-such a toy, book, or rough-and-tumble game that he and Matthew enjoy. I tell him that Nathan will be very tiny at first and it will take him a long time to get bigger and learn to play the things that he and Matthew play. He shrugs it off and seems just excited about Nathan being around anyway. Which is lovely!

He said some stuff the other day which was music to my broody ears, haha! ;) He said, completely out of the blue, "After Nay-fun, then there'll be Beth-nee...." I said, "Really, Arthur?!" and he was so matter-of-fact - he said, "Yes." I said that we'd have to see about that, and for now there would just be Nathan. I asked him if he wanted more baby brothers or sisters, and he was SO enthusiastic and said, "YES!" immediately, and gleefully exclaimed things like, "Lots and lots and LOTS! And we'll all play together!" :) I asked him if Mummy and Daddy should FILL our little house with babies (hehe!) and he said, "Oh yes!" Not with glee, but with total matter-of-fact-ness, like that was totally something he would like to be part of. I love him! :)

He was patting my tummy this afternoon reeeally gently (I was lying on the sofa with my feet up and he was kneeling next to the sofa peering at my round tummy!). He said, "Gosh, that Nay-fan's getting really big already! Look at your big tummy!" hehe! And then he patted some more in silence, and looked at me to say, "I think Nay-fan really likes this patting...." I told him I thought he did too :) I announce it now when Nathan is awake. I feel him start to kick me after being quiet for a while, and say, "Nathan’s awake!" Arthur always stops what he’s doing and looks at me questioningly. I tell him that I can feel him bumping and kicking inside my tummy, so I know that he has just woken up! I can’t wait till he kicks me strongly enough for Arthur to feel it CLEARLY with his little hand on my tummy. He was too little to appreciate that last pregnancy, and I know he’ll LOVE it this time! Nathan’s kicks can easily be felt from the outside but I figure it should be really obvious (much stronger) for Arthur’s benefit.

We were reading stories on the sofa this morning when Matthew was elsewhere (napping? Maybe it was just after lunch then), and Arthur and I were sitting side-by-side as we read his books together. As I read him his Monster Machines book (one of his favourites!), he casually laid his hand on the top of my bump, while he looked at the pictures. I read on, and after a while he looked at me and said quietly, "I'm just keeping an eye on Nay-fan, okay?" Neil took pictures :)

I so love that boy!!

Well, time is getting on, and I have tooooo much stuff to write in just one evening/entry, not to mention a ton of photos to post, so I think I will try to think of some basic catch-up stuff about each of the boys. I don't think I've covered what stuff they're doing/saying/measuring (!) etc, for a while now, so it should be done now!

Arthur is 3 NEXT MONTH. Oh my gosh!! I can't believe another year has nearly passed and he'll be 3. Really. He wants a chocolate cake for his birthday cake, with chocolate chips in it, and lots of colours on top. I like the way he thinks, hehe! Last birthday I made him a chocolate cake in the shape of a car with Smarties on the top, which is pretty much what springs to mind when I think of his request. I want to make it different from last year's cake though, so we'll see. The choc chips will be different at least though, yum yum! ;) When I asked him what he might like for a present, he said he would like some "cubboard" raisins (yoghurt covered raisins)!! That's it! Although he seems excited at the prospect of his own camera, which we've suggested to him (I'm thinking of the Kid Tough digital camera - anyone know if it's any good?). I think he'd be thrilled to take his own pictures!

Arthur just got some new shoes - the hospital physio told us in April that when it came to the autumn (it's autumn, it's AUTUMN, hooraaaay!! I love autumn!) we should buy him some sturdy lace-ups instead of the velcro-fastening shoes he's been wearing. She said they would give his feet more support (they are still a little curly, hmmm...). So last week I got to thinking that I should get the boys' feet measured to see if they need to go up a shoe size or something. Their shoes fit on fine as far as I could tell, but it's so important to buy shoes that fit children properly for their feet to grow and so on. So I took them. My oh my, what a FUN FUN outing that was (sorry if my sarcasm dripped on you there!), but hey ho it's all done, and I discovered that Arthur had grown out of his size 6Hs that he's been wearing for many months. He is now a 7G (I'm always happier when his feet drop to a G instead of an H!), but that shop didn't have any lace-ups in his size. So a few days later we went to a different shop (seriously, we were NOT going to another shoe shop that same FUN-filled morning!) and found 3 measly pairs of lace-ups in his size to choose from, and a million pairs of gorgeous shoes that fastened with something other than laces, tsk! The lace-ups were not that nice either. The first pair (Startrite) didn't fit him well (he's been in Startrites for a long time so I was surprised), and then the Clarks pair was just tacky and horrible. THEN the lady brought out a pair of sturdy brown Timberland boots. They fit him beautifully, looked great (and I knew they'd go with pretty much every outfit he has), and he liked them. They cost forty pounds!!!! Oh my gosh. The sales lady was actually apologetic about the cost - it's way more than we've paid for his shoes in the past and we haven't got any money at the moment! But I told her we had to have proper shoes for him and I would pay with my eyes closed, haha! ;) Timberland boots seem to come up really small for their size, so he's in a pair of size 8.5 G!!! He has lots of growing space which is fab. Hopefully they'll fit him for a long time to come, and support his little curly feet well. Arthur has a physio follow-up in just over a week, come to think of it. It's every 6 months now. Wow, those last 6 months disappeared in no time!

Arthur has all his teeth, fully in, even the back molars. He can clean his own teeth well, but he can't quite make the brush do little circles over his front teeth - it's very side-to-side. But other than that he can do them really well. He brushes his own teeth and then I go over them quickly afterwards and praise him for doing a great job!

He talks non-stop. I can't think of anything he CAN'T say! He likes to sing a lot (except in an unfamiliar setting or when asked to sing!), and he is singing way better in tune than he used to. He can follow all sorts of actions to dances and things on TV. He does forward and backward rolls, which he taught himself many months ago, and likes to jump more than ANYTHING, on a bed or the sofa. He likes the trampoline effect and says (breathlessly!) as he's jumping that it's his favourite thing EVER!

He has crazy amounts of energy, but often complains of being too tired. He uses phrases like that for attention or to avoid doing certain things, sometimes. He reached TICK-FREE ZONE (!!) on September 27th and is healthy, so I'm praising God that he didn't contract Lyme Disease from that tick bite at the park where the deer carry it. I got a letter from the hospital to say they were aware of Arthur's case, but that they have only yet known of ONE child case of Lyme Disease from a tick bite at that park. Which was VERY reassuring! Phew! I threw the dead tick away - yay! :)

Arthur isn't really eating any better when it comes to my cooking. He loves jars of toddler food still (urgh, he's nearly THREE!) but rarely gets them. We keep some in the cupboard for occasional days when the entire afternoon has gone wrong (!) and dinner will run toooo late for the boys if I don't bash something together FAST. Soon I won't need to fall back on jars, because I'm really (really!!) doing great with FlyLady and will be moving onto the meal planning section soon - I already meal-plan pretty well (though I've been slacking since starting morning sickness a few months back), but FlyLady is helping me be organised so that things like that won't happen - the afternoon shouldn't go wrong and affect family meal time.

He does now eat ham (gasp!) but it has to be Bob the Builder ham. *sigh* He'll eat cheese, but only sliced or grated, and then he won't eat it grated if he's not in the mood for grated cheese that day. Cue MEGA tantrum if I mistakenly give him a grated cheese sandwich instead of a cut cheese (as he calls it) sandwich! He won't eat pasta or potatoes in any form. He will only eat rice if it's part of a jar of toddler food. Oh, and spaghetti pasta in jars, but not mine. He won't eat meat or most vegetables, so he doesn't eat much when we have a roast dinner. It sounds like it should drive me CRAZY but it doesn't, not nearly as much as it used to. I have no idea why he's not responding after....EIGHT months of just not giving him anything else to eat if he doesn't want what I serve him! But he's not. Anyway. He does eat sandwiches, albeit samey ones (marmite, cheese, that's about it) with the daily essential Bob the Builder ham on the side! He eats banana and apple, loves raisins and fruit yoghurt, and raw carrot. And sweetcorn, and baked beans. So he gets his fruit and veg, I make sure he does. He doesn't seem to go hungry.

He is still breastfeeding, though I have NO milk as such any more. I keep his nursing sessions very short now in the day. He gets the odd random one if he asks for it during the day, and otherwise his only routine breastfeed is at bedtime as it always was. He would happily nurse more, but although I am not trying to WEAN him, I am intending to cut him down a little before Nathan arrives. I am happy to nurse three, really and honestly. Arthur will probably only nurse at bedtime, and Matthew might only nurse at bedtime and naptime. I can't believe I am close to hitting the THREE-YEAR breastfeeding milestone!!! How awesome is that?!! I'm soooo proud. I am beginning to not really remember too well what it was like to NOT be breastfeeding, and I love that :) I would happily nurse for the next decade if I could!

Anyway, so Arthur is doing well. I'm not sure what other things I wanted to say. He is big for his age I think. I don't know his measurements, and maybe he's NOT actually big for his age, but people are always sizing him up and saying, "He's, what, 3 and a half?" So I guess he looks big for his age.

Moving on to Matthew!

Matthew is doing wonderfully! He is going on 16 months old - how crazy! He is teething at the moment. He has his four top middle teeth, and the bottom middle two, then he got his first top molar and the 3rd bottom middly on the same side, a day apart. He is working on molars right now. They suck and take SO long to come in! He has just cut his first bottom molar (the same side as the other recent two), and the top molar on the other side - just tiny corners of those poking through so far. So that makes 10 teeth for Mathsie so far! Halfway there! :) He has had a couple of days of being dosed with Calpol, and has been having the occasional HIDEOUS teething poo which nothing but an instant bath can resolve! They completely bypass pretty much any nappy I put on him, urrrgh. Hopefully he will get these molars quickly with as little bother as possible!

Matthew is finally growing into size 12-18 month clothes. Some of the more generous 9-12 month clothes are still juuuust fitting, but really I should put them away because they're not a generous enough fit on him anymore. Some of his 12-18 month clothes are just HUGE on him, but others fit well. He is in 18-24 month popper vests though, but that's probably just the cloth nappies! He is on the closest setting on size large Fuzzi Bunz, and otherwise still fits size 2 Kissaluvs, but only just. They are too low-cut for my boys really. Matthew only fits them this long because he's so lean and little! Arthur was soooo chubby! :)

I have no idea what he weighs or measures these days. There are no more baby checks after 8 months (crazy!!!) but I had that extra one at 12 months for him because they wanted to check his weight. He eats great (is starting to be slightly fussy about some foods though...) and HUGE portions, and is very healthy and active, so I never even think about his weight anymore. He is definitely lean and little, but like Arthur, people have started to assume he's older than he is lately. He has recently had a growth spurt (in height) so maybe he just looks tall for his age right now? I don't know.

His hair grows even faster than Arthur's and Arthur's grows FAST! It's still light brown, not getting any darker. It was a little fairer over the summer, though we really didn't have any summery sunny weather to speak of! His eyes are still blue, but have a yellowy hazel-ish ring in the middle quite clearly now. Sometimes his overall eye colour looks grey, just like mine. I am still waiting for his eyes to turn a proper grey, but maybe they won't? Mine were blue for a good long while before they gradually "greyed up" according to my mum.

I call him ever so many daft nicknames! I can't help myself. He's sooooooooo cute and scrumbly and that makes me keep coming out with cutesy names for him. *sigh* I'm hopeless like that! He is still mostly Mathie or Mathsie to me. I call him Matthew a lot though, too. For several months, one of my unexplained random nicknames for Matthew has been Matthew-Binks. Don't ask why - I really don't know! That has (of course!) morphed into all sorts of other nicknames, which both Arthur and I use for him all the time! The most common ones are just plain Binks, Binky, Binksie, Binksie-boy, Binksie-bean, etc. He is also known as a Binky-minx! Because he's just a bundle of mischief and playfulness! This has also translated itself into other nicknames, so he then became "that minxie boy" or "that mini minx". Which then gave way to "mini boy". The latest run of nicknames for him (though the others are ALL still in use, the poor child!) is "mini". I don't know why, it just keeps on popping out. He's just so little and such a mini version of a little boy. So I often find myself just calling him "mini" or "mini boy", or "mini bean". Arthur uses ALL these nicknames with ease. I sometimes hear him say to Matthew, "No, nooo, you mini minx! I know all about you, Binky-boy!" hehe! What have I done?! ;)

I just can't helllllp it. I look at him and suddenly my insides squoooosh and I want to squish him all up in my arms and basically just EAT him. He is so delicious and lovely! I love him soooooooooooo much. I hate (HATE) his cot bars at the moment. They are preventing me from being able to kiss his sweet cheeks while he's sleeping. Mind you, they are probably helpfully protective - he might get very little restful sleep if I was actually able to access those cheeks during the evening! ;) We are thinking ahead at the moment, about transitioning him to a toddler bed (perhaps the "bed" version of his cotbed?) or normal single bed before Nathan is born - the boys will share a room when that happens. Right now, he's not ready. But we're thinking on it.

I need a flapjack. Sort of like oxygen, right now :) Back in a mo.

Matthew's shoes were a perfect fit - he's in proper walking shoes now and I have been putting him in a pair of Clarks 4Gs that Arthur outgrew like 2 weeks after they arrived. All of Arthur's bigger shoes will not be suitable for Matthew, even if he's the same width foot and everything, because Arthur's feet are curly and have moulded the shoe somewhat. Also, I keep hearing that it's just not good to hand down shoes for everyday wear. Old shoes are already moulded to somebody else's foot and thus don't give the best support to the next person. Children need the most ideal support and best fit possible while their feet are growing and they're so active on them! So, yeurgh, expenses! But worthwhile ones.

I'm so glad that Matthew was measured as needing a 4G! The shop assistant checked the shoes for me, and pronounced them perfect for him, so I'm really glad. He loves his shoes at the moment, and is always bringing them to me to put them on so he can go out!

He is running now, having been practising it for AGES, back and forth across the living room, faster and faster till he would fall and then get up and try again! He can run and he's so pleased with himself. He has also more recently been working on stepping down from something (say a box that he's climbed on), forwards with one foot first, but without holding onto anything. He has had soooo many falls doing this, but he won't be deterred. He gets frustrated but that makes him all the more determined. He can do this over and and over and over for like 20 minutes without stopping! He is the most determined child I ever met. Although I think I was pretty much the same kind of child, so that's probably why! He has been doing this from when he was a tiny baby, first with practising to roll, and then to crawl, etc. Every gross motor skill has been worked on like this, and many of the fine motor skills as well.

Anyway, the day of our scan, my grandparents babysat for us while we went together to see our 3rd little tiny one! It was the first time that the boys had been left with someone without either Neil or myself for any length of time. They were fine - Granny said Matthew didn't seem overly happy about it just after we left, but they got the jigsaw box down and he was instantly fine :) Anyway, when we got home, Matthew was standing on the jigsaw box doing his stepping-down practise, and they said he'd been doing it for quite some time. He finally perfected it that afternoon! He can now step down off the mattress that is our floor-bed, any box of similar height - he'll even practise climbing on a book that's flat on the floor and stepping down off it! And he can do it smoothly, one foot first, without needing to hold onto anything. He is SO pleased with himself! He does it over and over, beaming HUGELY the whole time and looking up every time for approval and praise! He's the cutest pie.

He isn't saying much yet. I forget when to expect that kind of thing! There's so much variation, and I can't even remember what Arthur was saying at Matthew's age, or when he really got talking. I know he seemed to not be saying much when other toddlers were, but then he suddenly started saying a LOT very quickly, and left those same toddlers behind. I don't know if Matthew will be the same - every child is different after all.

He currently says:

Mama (but only recently and not very consistently)
Dada or Daddeeee!
Down (dah)
The end (dee eh) for the end of a story when I close the book
Doooo! (that's "moo" for a cow, bless him!)
din or dink (drink)
dindin or dinder (gingerbread man - those Organix gingerbread men are his ultimate all-time favourite snack right now!)
Boo-dee! (Boogie Beebies - a TV programme on CBeebies that he loves to dance and clap to and is very excited when it starts!)
Toh Doooon (Tommy Zoom, one of Arthur's favourites on CBeebies at the mo)
Ta (Thomas the Tank Engine - yes, too much telly is still happening at our house)
Tee! (teeth - he LOVES having his teeth brushed now, and this is his excited exclamation when we approach him with his toothbrush!)
Den (again)
Dih or didit (biscuit)
He says something consistent for "breakfast" but I can't remember exactly how he says it well enough to write something here
Same for "Arthur". It's so vague and changes all the time, but I know he's trying to call Arthur by name specifically. It has been "sur" or "sur-sur" or "ah-dah" before now, but never consistently.
Zooz (shoes)

I can't remember any others for now, though there might be a few more. Nathan is kicking me :)

What else about Matthew? He is ever such a rough-and-tumble boy! He is so aggressive in his play, it unnerves me! He loves any kind of roughness in play that's done to him, it makes him giggle like CRAZY. I have started to find it a sound that makes me actually unsettled if I'm in the kitchen preparing dinner and hear Matthew start to belly-laugh! I go quickly to see what they're up to, as it's guaranteed to be some sort of wrestling with head-locks involved, on the sofa, if Matthew is giggling like that! Funny boy! He LOVES to wrestle, and initiates it all the time with Arthur, who puts up with it very generously! Actually, Arthur loves to play with Matthew, anything that makes him laugh seems to make Arthur laugh too, even if it's not his best choice of game! Arthur prefers playing with cars and pretend play, but Matthew is always desperate for a game of chase, catch, ball-throwing, or wrestling! If Arthur makes funny faces as he pops out from a hiding place, Matthew squeals with excitement and laughs and laughs. They have invented some crazy games that make them both laugh a lot.

I took some photos one afternoon of some games they were playing together. These photos are probably nearly a month old now, but oh well - better late than never! The first game they played looked decidedly odd to me, so I asked Arthur what game it was. He said it was "biting noses"!! They never actually bit each others noses, just acted threateningly with open mouthes poised over each others noses, as though they MIGHT bite! It made them laugh waaaay too much to ever actually get to biting. They are such funny little boys!

This very weird game (!!) was swiftly followed by one where Arthur ran about the room with a ball wedged in his mouth, and Matthew chased him, laughing too much to really do more than a stagger. Then Arthur would stop for a moment, allowing Matthew to catch up and reach for the ball, before suddenly taking off again - this would leave Matthew giggling too much to move for a moment and then the whole thing would repeat!

Finally, the fun concluded with Arthur hiding behind various items of furniture and popping out with wide eyes and mouth at Matthew, who just stood rooted to the spot, squealling with delight every time Arthur popped out. He looks very still and calm but he's actually screeching fit to shatter the windows!

Here are my little scrumbly boys playing boats in the cheap boxes I bought from Homebase (to help me Fly!):

And here's a random photo from bathtime one night a few weeks ago. Matthew loves splashing! They don't have many toys in the bath any more because usually we're just trying to hurry and get them washed and out again, and also Matthew has started dumping everything over the edge of the bath onto the floor, never mind if they're FULL of bath water, so we have had to stop putting fill-able toys in the bath for now! Arthur HATES having his hair washed. He makes a terrible fuss about it every time now. We have a ring for him to wear around his head but he hates that just as much. Matthew isn't nearly so bad with hair washes!

Most often now, I am bathing the boys on my own because Neil is only home at 7pm or a bit later. I have adjusted to it at last! :) FlyLady is helping LOADS. I long to write more about all that but I just don't have time tonight. But I'm so proud of myself. The house is getting CLEAN and decluttered, the boys are eating, getting nappy changes, and sleeping on time, they get to go out every day, and by the time Neil is home, the house is that bit tidier than when he left, the kids are fed and bathed, and sometimes changed for bed too. Usually that's what I'm doing as he walks in, changing them for bed, although sometimes I'm running late and we've only just finished dinner (on non-bath nights - baths are every other night). Also I'm not stressed and snappy and at the end of my rope any more when he walks in, which is WONDERFUL.

Okay, I really MUST go to bed! I have so many more photos to post, but no more time tonight. I will leave you with a couple of photos of my little boys at the park on one of our daily outings a few weeks ago - I reached for my camera because I was watching them and suddenly they seemed so much like two little boys, not so much like a little boy and a baby brother anymore. They both walk and toddle about together, climb hills and roll down them! They follow each other about and amuse each other. I remember a long while back, writing here in my diary that I was so excited to reach the day where I could actually see them run about together enjoying each others company when we went out and about, and here I suddenly am! It was so delightful to watch them. I took a photo of them walking and climbing a little slope, my two little walkers! And then a hastily snapped photo of them sitting on a nearby bench. They only sat still for about 3 seconds each, but only about 0.5 of those 3 seconds coincided! So Matthew (whose 3 seconds started first) was already sliding his little butt off to go somewhere else, and Arthur was just settling into quick-grin-for-the-camera, so it wasn't the best photo! But it's the ONLY photo I've had of the two of them looking vaguely at the camera for ages, so I was glad of it all the same!

I have lots of photos of the boys each on their own, but tonight I've managed to post all the outstanding ones from my "The Boys" file at Photobucket (thank goodness we're having another boy - the name of that file could have posed problems later on otherwise, hehe!). I'll try to post those ones soon, before I have too many to post again and they get too old. I also have loads more that I wanted to write about, notably God/church, more about FlyLady stuff I'm doing, homeschooling, stuff about Neil's job, etc. And all my usual rambling thoughts! It's always good to purge those somewhere :) I'll be back! Hopefully soon!

Almost an entry!

Another way-too-huge gap between entries! Again, I have been wanting to update for ages, but just haven't had chance. I update at my pregnancy diary mostly, but even that is only weekly at the moment. I just never seem to find the time it takes to write alllll the newsy stuff about the boys and so on. Today is Saturday, and the boys are at the local swings with Neil. They won't be gone for much longer, so I'm probably crazy to start a diary entry but oh well. Otherwise I will just NEVER write one! We'll see how much I get done. Maybe I'll have to post what I've done, and try again another time, or maybe I'll feel in the middle of something and save it on Word to finish later (that's what I usually end up doing). We'll see.

So, it had better be bullet-points again this entry!

* Just to update on my last entry, baby Copeland died just over a week after birth. Please pray for this lovely family (link last entry)! I can't fathom what they're going through right now.

* I took the boys to Cameron's grave a couple of weeks ago - September 24th was 4 years since he died. I can't believe it's been four years already, it's crazy. They filled my heart with joy and gladness, watching their sweet little toddly selves running and chasing each other around the cemetary, their giggles ringing out across the empty place. There was nobody else there that afternoon. I took some photos of them playing with the windmills on Cameron's grave (Cam has a new stone gravestone as well, since I last visited, but the original wooden engraved cross is still there with it), but I don't think I will post them because Cam's full name is visible in the photos on his gravestone. I don't like my full name known on the internet, so I would want to protect anyone else's too. I miss that boy. But it was not a sad time when I took my little boys to his grave - thank you God for my blessings!

It did result in a long talk with Arthur about death and graves and Cameron, probably 98% of which he is too little to comprehend yet! I read that little children (under 4?) aren't actually able to comprehend the permanence of death yet - they haven't reached that stage of psychological development. Arthur isn't even 3 yet so I knew he it would be beyond him. But he needed some sort of explanation about the place we were visiting, and what the graves were, and who Cameron was and why he isn't here any more.

I think the boys are back ALREADY! Oh well. I guess I will be saving this for later then! Will try to do a proper (probably LONG) entry this evening after they're asleep, and post photos this time too.

Actually I think I will post this now, and then have a slightly shorter post later without these paragraphs at the start! ;) It's just a pre-emptive entry, or something, hehe! Back later :)

Just because it touched my heart....

I was reading Sarah's blog and followed the link to Boothe's. Please pray for Boothe and Conor. Their baby girl will be delivered tomorrow and she has Triosomy 18. She is not expected to survive long after birth. Her name is Copeland. These people have the most INCREDIBLE faith in God. They inspire me.

Then I followed a couple of Boothe's links (you know how it is with the old clicky-clicky late in the evening when you should really be sleeping or something else useful!), and read the entire of Mandy's blog for her daughter Madeline, who was born with Triosomy 18 and died the next day. I read an entire Caringbridge journal about a baby who died 5 days after birth, though not due to Triosomy 18, but I can't seem to find the link again now.

Reading about Madeline, I was just sobbing my heart out. Oh it makes my heart ache SO to think of the kind of grief that must be entailed, to carry a baby that you are SO bonded with, and then to kiss their sweet little features and say goodbye to them so very soon after you meet them. I can't fathom it. I just couldn't see for crying about those babies and their families.

Neil went out to the supermarket late this evening, to pick up some things we've run out of for tomorrow. It's 11.30pm now and he's just got home with them. So I guess I was reading this stuff between 10 and 11.15pm or something. Just exactly at the point where I was getting waaaay too upset and past the point where I could pull myself together, and praying to God that my own tiny baby will be okay, Matthew woke. Not at a time he usually does. He just did. I think he had a dream or something, because he just cried like he was lost and needed his mama. I went and spoke softly to him and rubbed his sweet back, and dripped tears on him, and he went back to sleep. I was so grateful for that moment to connect with one of my precious babies, to touch his warm, healthy little body and thank God that I have him here with me.

He went back to sleep with just me rubbing his back, and then as I left his room, I heard Arthur stir! Arthur never wakes really, any more. It was quite uncanny that they should both wake so close together, one after the other, and at that precise moment where such a thing was such a HUGE blessing to me. I went in to his room and found him sitting up in bed. I gave him a drink of water, and patted him gently when he lay back down. He was barely awake, but hopefully he heard me tell him how much I love him before he fell asleep again. I kissed his sweet face and thanked God for having him here with me, and came back downstairs still tearful but just feeling so blessed and lifted up.

I'm sooooo thankful for my children. I love them so so very much, like I could never put into words. As I type this, my tiniest sweetheart is giving little kicks, still so light and tiny that they barely make my tummy "blip" visibly. But what a precious thing! To have my two precious sons sleeping upstairs, as near to me as they can be and as far from me as I can bear to let them be. And still snug inside me, another baby-mine, growing and developing and getting ready to join our little family. I hope and PRAY he or she is healthy, especially after I read things like I have tonight.

One of the days last week that I was waiting for hooours at the hospital to see a doctor about my bleeding (MUST update my pregnancy diary soon!), I was sitting in the main waiting area, which is mostly occupied by pregnant women waiting for their scans. I had to sit there for a couple of hours in total, and I mostly read my book, but sometimes I did a bit of sneaky people-watching (I do love that sport, hehe!). I especially love pregnant-people-watching! Anyway, somewhere during the time I was in the waiting room, I saw a lady get called in for her scan, at last - she had been waiting a while. She got up with a smile and went in. Judging by her little bump, it must have been the "big scan" (the one I'm coming up for in just TWO WEEKS, wheeee!), but she was on her own. I went back to my book and then the next scan room called another lady in with like HALF her family! ;) I read on, and then I looked up to see the sonographer from the single lady's room come out and go into the family's room. She came back out with the other sonographer, and they went into the single lady's room together. Eventually, one of the sonographers came out with an arm around the lady who was crying, and she took her to the toilets. My heart was instantly in my mouth and I felt so anxious for that lady, about what must have happened - what had they seen, and what news had she been told? I got called away to have my obs taken and when I came back the lady and her husband (who had arrived) were just leaving the "interview room" (as it says on the door), which has always given me a feeling of dread, as I never imagined it was for "good" interviews. They looked shocked and the lady looked like she had been crying a lot. A doctor was directing them somewhere else in the hospital at the doorway, and they headed in that direction.

They have been on my mind such a lot since. I don't know what the prognosis is for their baby, or if it's even alive. It seemed scary to me, to see a lady who was happily waiting for a normal scan have her whole life turned upside down in a matter of minutes. Something devastating has happened which can't be turned around, and nothing will ever be the same or feel the same as it did when she was sitting in that chair waiting to be called in. It made me anxious about the same kind of thing happening to me. You just never know, I suppose.

I know, I'm just being pregnant and overly anxious, but still. I will be so relieved when we get to our scan if all is well with the little one. This scan is called the "anomoly scan". They are looking for things that might be wrong with the baby. I hope they find NOTHING! I don't care what the gender is, though I'm eager to find out! I just long for a healthy baby to add to my small brood of sweet little ones at home!

And that should all have been in my pregnancy journal. Oh well! It's super late now so I must go to bed. This wasn't what I meant to write next time I wrote here, but it just had to be written. I will try to write the usual stuff and POST PHOTOS soon!

Newsy update on various things

Well, it has been FOR EVER since I updated, and most of that time I have been feeling sooooo desperate to update here, I can't describe it! Only, I never seem to find the time or energy, and my priority has been my pregnancy diary because I don't want to miss recording every stage of my new little one growing in my tummy! And sooooo much is happening, or has been newly occurring to my mind, etc. I have really NEEDED to write here a lot of times, but never been able to.

And now I'm not able to either! It's 2.30pm and Matthew is 1.5 hours into his nap, and Arthur has now had about an hour of Big Boy Quiet Time (not so quiet as it really ought to be!), so that pretty much gives me zero extra minutes to write anything here! I just wanted to at least SAY I want to update! And maybe list a few of the things I wanted to talk about, so that at least I don't forget when I finally do find time. Right now, I can't think of many of them! Tsk! But let's see...

1) We just feel like we have nooooooo idea what we're doing re. disciplining our children. I think we're hard on ourselves, and we are doing better than we think, but still. We aren't confident in ourselves and I feel like I'm not getting it right all the time. So:

2) We asked a couple at church to help us! I read a verse in the Bible about older women coming alongside younger women and teaching them how to love their husbands and their children, and keep house and raise kids, etc. Or something like that. Because they'd been there and done that. And I thought, "That's IT! That's exactly what we need!" There's a couple at church who we've known since I became a Christian nearly 12 years ago. They have four children - I'm sure I've mentioned them several times at least in my 6 years journalling here at Diaryland! When we first met them (the husband is one of the leaders at church), they were expecting #4 and their first three kids were aged 4, 2 and 14 months. Their kids are all 18 months apart in age, and they are the only family I know in real life with a bunch of kids close together. Scarily (!!), their children are all teenagers now, except for the youngest - and all at secondary school! Yikes!

So I asked if they would mind sharing with us how they disciplined their kids, what worked for them, what they learned, and what wise tips they might be able to pass on to us! I used to go round and help out with the kids a lot once baby #4 was born, so I watched their parenting in action with four children under 5, and I was sure to take it in very carefully and store it away for future reference, knowing that I wanted a large family too! So they seemed the perfect people to ask. They are also just completely LOVELY people, fun to spend time with, easy to chat to, honest, and always eager to help and encourage others.

They offered to have us round for dinner so we could chat properly, but we don't leave the boys with babysitters (well, we haven't done so yet anyway), so then they offered to bring round some pizza and wine! Yay! They came round last night - I have been looking forward to it for the WHOLE 2 weeks that it was planned! It was just the best evening. Our living room was the tidiest it has been since I was planning to give birth in it (!!) and we had my favourite pizza and wine (yes, I drink wine whilst pregnant and don't worry about it - I NEVER drink more than half a glass when NOT pregnant, and that's like once in a blue moon!).

Best of all, they were sooooo helpful. They seem to be right on our wavelength for what we are actually wanting to achieve, and agreeing pretty much across the board on methods and stuff, which was extra helpful to our discussion. It was light-hearted and encouraging, and I just feel so much relief that I'm not experiencing ANYTHING that this lady did not also go through with her kids, regarding her own feelings, issues with the kids themselves, and tiredness/coping, etc. They offered another discussion on another evening about finances if we ever want help, which sounds SO good to me, because -

3) Oh my gosh, are we ever in POO financially! I don't have time to go into anything about it, just that sentence will have to suffice. Pee-double-oh. Poo. My husband is just AWFUL at financial management. I have felt quite angry and let down by him over it, but I can't justify that because *I* haven't thought to keep an eye on things either - I'm no better than he is! And there's no point in getting a wedge in our relationship over finances - that will not be a good thing! So I have to let that go, and we need to move on together. I have just got a book that his hugely recommended online, which I'm about 1/4 of the way through so far, and I have high hopes that it will teach us pretty much everything we need to know about managing our finances and getting out of debt (we are in THOUSANDS of £ of debt. Thoooousands.). I'll post the title of the book sometime but it's slipped my mind at this moment, and I took a break a moment ago to get the boys up. They're down here and starting to be restless with me updating so I need to finish this and continue another time (who knows when! Hopefully soon!).

Oh, but:

4) I'm still bleeding and it is starting to really suck. But oh well.

5) Neil's job still reeeeally sucks and we have no idea what he'll do or where to go. We're waiting on God still.

6) Matthew's practising running and is communicating in lots of detail now, though with not too many actual understandable words yet!

7) Both boys have colds right now. Matthew just sneezed, went to the box of hankies, pulled one out and brought it to me, waving it frantically and "asking" me to use it to blow his nose! Which I did. I wish Arthur was as compliant over nose-blowing. *sigh*

8) Arthur has lately had some tantrums that defy any tantrum ever seen in this house before, urrrrgh! I mean, I'm surprised our windows are still intact from the ear drum popping, distorting screaming.

9) But, he is being disciplined in a new way lately, and not liking it one bit. Which is a sure sign that it's discipline, the fact that he doesn't like it! It's finally a method I can stay calm doing, and one which helps me nip in the bud alllll the various behaviours I am not happy with him exhibiting lately. We also discipline Matthew in exactly the same way.

10) He's so lovely! He is now 34 months old! Just two months (less now) until his THIRD birthday! I can't believe it.

11) We are officially going to homeschool. That's one of the things I've been longing to write about here. Unless God says, "NO WAY!", we will definitely be homeschooling our children. I am praying about it all the time even though I feel like 99.9% sure about the decision, because I REALLY feel that God has called me to homeschool my kids. It actually feels like a Godly calling for me, personally. So I want to be praying about that so that if I'm wrong and it's NOT of God, then he'll show me that. So far I am just getting either silence or encouraging things when I pray about it (!!) so I really do believe (and thus can finally share it honestly) that God has called me to homeschool. That knowledge will help me greatly when I am at my wits end about how on EARTH I'll ever manage to do it, like when I have toddlers, a new baby and a child who is definitely of school age, needing to learn!

12) I know Arthur is only 2 still, but as of the first week of September, we are officially having "school" every week day! It's still basically what we're already doing - crafts, jigsaws, just playing together, etc. I wanted to gently introduce the concept of "school" as a special time between Arthur and Mummy, and I figured why not start now. Arthur LOVES it. Loves it to bits. He's so excited to do school. We always do school when Matthew goes for his morning nap. I'm not sure what we'll do when Matthew drops a nap (which he's kind of vaguely on the verge of doing these days). Maybe they'll both have quiet time during the morning and then Arthur and I will do school in the afternoon while Matthew has his afternoon nap? I'm not sure yet. I have got a TON of books from eBay about teaching and homeschooling, and in particular, activities for pre-schoolers.

13) I'm so EXCITED and relieved to declare 100% for sure that Arthur Will Not Be Going To Nursery! Now that he's nearly 3, I'm getting soooooo many people asking when he will start nursery, like with pressure, which has been stressing me. It's a stress to reply, "He's not going! We're going to homeschool!" because even though I'm confident that it's the right thing for our family, nooooobody else in the world (so it seems!) shares my opinion, espeically those with a special interest or attachment to my children! My parents and my brother are VERY excited and supportive though, which is a huge relief and very helpful. I am DREADING telling my grandparents. Dreading it.

Anyway, that's what we're doing. I have stuff ready to teach him phonics and the beginnings of reading, and also some number stuff. But I am not wanting to jump into that too early. He is bright and eager, so I'll follow his lead. Right now I'm adding in things like learning months of the year and days of the week, which he is picking up quickly. And counting games. He can count items up to 12 at the moment - actual counting, not reciting, and he can tell me at a glance how many items there are up to 3 of them, without putting his finger on each one to count. He knows we're in September, which came after August, and that it's October next, and then November, when it's Arsur's BIRTHDAY!! Then it's Christmaaaaas!! Hehe! We are also doing a few new things with school like nature walks where we make a book full of things we pick up, or try to collect certain things to take home, etc. It's all very lighthearted and easy going, and FUN, so Arthur is loving it, and I am too! It means I have to prepare before bed every night, as it NEVER works to wing it. Well, sometimes maybe, as it's still ever so simple, and we can just play dominoes for "school" when it comes to it. But anyway. That's some big news for me (and Arthur!) that I'm excited about.

Lastly - well, there's more but nooo time left to write about it! - I haven't wanted to write about this too early, but now that it has been nearly 2 weeks and I'm still going strong, I am excited to say that I'm FLYing again!!! I re-joined Flylady and I'm working on the Beginner Babysteps, and doing GREAT so far! Much better than I ever did before when I tried it and gave up.

We had a cleaner company come round to assess - a professional agency sent their "assessor" who does this all the time, and she walked in our kitchen and I heard her say, "Oh my God!" So there you are - I wish I could describe just HOW BAD the house really is. The living room is the least awful because that's where we live all day long with the boys. But the kitchen in particular is dreadful, and the main bedroom where Arthur and Neil sleep. Dreadful. I don't exaggerate! I feel like although I've been moaning about HOW BAD the house is in my diary, nobody has probably actually realised HOW BAD it really is! It's bad. The cleaning company say they can't clean it in the state it's in!!!! Haha! We have to declutter otherwise they can't GET TO the areas that need cleaning!!

So, Flylady. And it's a MAMMOTH task, believe me. But I am already starting on it and managing in baby steps, and I am starting to have real confidence that I can do it!!! We still might get cleaning help once the clutter is more manageable, given that I'll have a baby and not be up to cleaning as much, plus the hormones that tend to affect me for the first few months postpartum, etc. But we'll see. I can't believe I'm FLYing!!!!

Okay, that has to be it! Matthew didn't nap this morning so school is waiting to start :) We're going to the newsagents to buy a car magazine - the one with the MOST car pictures inside, and then cutting the pictures out for crafts and just for lining up and admiring, etc! :) Arthur's choice. And he's very excited, so I must go and do it with him!

All seems to be going swimmingly, but I don't want to leave a false impression - this morning was the first since Matthew was tiny that I was crying on the phone to Neil saying I couldn't do it, I couldn't possibly cope till the end of the day, etc! I am just SO. BONE. TIRED. today. I think I am pregnant tired, rather than just tired tired (if that makes sense) but I am having problems with pregnancy insomnia this week, and Matthew has been wakeful with his cold so I'm not getting much sleep. I'm just exhausted. I feel tearful with exhaustion today, and by 9.30am I was on the phone to Neil, completely incapable of managing for another minute, let alone another 9.5 hours till he got home! But it's going okay now. I've managed the worst hump of the day!

Oh! Matthew is 15 months old today!!! And he slept THROUGH THE NIGHT twice running this week (first time ever!) - so first time he slept through the night, for the record, was at 14 months and 4 weeks old. He didn't last night though, as he was too coldy and bothered. The previous two nights he slept 8pm to 6am (6.30am on the second day) - I couldn't believe it! And I don't know why either, but my milk is ALL GONE this week suddenly. It's rather a shame I was so troubled in my own sleep those two nights! Tsk! But thank the Lord it's weekend now. I'm so relieved! May it feel like it is lasting FOUR days rather than two. I've been in the hospital twice this week with bleeding (and am bleeding again today so probably should be back there, but no help with the kids, etc, so I'm not going in), and that means Neil has had to take 2 days off work that they're not too happy about. We have NOBODY else to call on, so if I have to go in then he has no choice, whatever work are going to say about it. With the boys all coldy, G & G can't help us as they can't risk getting poorly.

Okay, MUST go, snack time has finished and boys ready to go out! Will try to update v. soon with photos.

Monkey Boys! And other stuff...

Matthew is napping, and Arthur is having Quiet Time in his room (which isn't as quiet as it really ought to be yet, but oh well! He's playing with his cars on the bed), so I might have to stop this at any time if Matthew wakes (or Arthur does something that means I have to go up and remind him to be quiet/not come out of his room, etc).

I just wanted to update on the doctor's appt on Tuesday (thanks for asking, Jenn!). Arthur was very concerned about the tick in the jar, which was definitely as dead as a dodo by the day of the appointment! He looked so worried as he peered in at it, and shook his head as he said to me, "It doesn't look very well... It doesn't look very well at all." He insisted we took it to the doctor's to see if she could make it better, bless his heart!! I personally looked on that dead tick with grim satisfaction, hating it for biting my precious boy! *sigh* He has a much more generous heart than I do. I hope I can parent him well enough so that he continues to have that wonderful trait into adulthood.

Anyway. We took the tick to the doctor and she examined his leg where it had bitten him. She praised me for getting the whole tick out and not leaving the head behind :) I told her I looked online for how to do it before I attempted it. She is writing to the paediatricians at the hospital to inform them about Arthur's case, and to ask them if they want to routinely screen his blood for Lyme Disease, but she says they probably won't. They tend to wait for symptoms to develop first, before screening and treating. If they DO want to test his blood (NOT a thrilling prospect in itself!), they will contact me directly at home.

Otherwise, we wait. She assured me that he was in the best possible "camp" - first of all I knew he had been bitten by a tick, and then I got the whole tick out within 24 hours, and now we know exactly what we're looking for and the timeframe to expect it, so he's got everything in his favour. She said most of the complicated cases were where people don't even know they had a tick bite, or the tick had been in for days/weeks (!!!), or symptoms had been going for a long time before Lyme Disease was even suspected. The earlier you start on antibiotics when it starts, the better, and if Arthur gets it, he will start instantly that I spot a symptom.

The timeframe for symptoms to start is anywhere between 3 and 32 days after the bite - quite a wide range. After 32 days (RINGED on my calender - I can't believe I have to wait till the end of September! It feels like forever away!) I can completely relax. We are on day 5 today, and he's fine so far. I am watching for fever, pain in the joints, general unwellness, or rashes of any type, anywhere on the body. I also have to check the site of the tick bite every day. If he develops Lyme Disease, the area will "react". There is no reaction there at the moment, so it will be obvious if it changes. The doctor said that it will start to look good after say 20-25 days if the bite area has not reacted yet. But I can't relax till the end of September.

I sooooooo hope he doesn't get it! I have the prayer chain at church praying about it. The doctor said only a tiny percentage of ticks at the park carry Lyme Disease, but I know my stuff, having researched aplenty online, and I KNOW that 30% of ticks there carry it. That doesn't seem so tiny to me. Anyway. I pray that he doesn't get it.

The doctor did have to tell him that the tick was dead though! ;) I don't think he understood the concept, but he seemed perfectly accepting of the fact that she couldn't do anything for it! We had to take it home again, and I have to keep it until the 32 days are over.

So that is the update on that!

I have a ton of stuff I could write, but I have had to go up to Arthur what feels like a BILLION times since I started this entry - he is being ultra sulky and whiney about Quiet Time today. This is part of a general sulky and whiney trend over the last couple of months that we are most definitely working on at the moment! I am attempting to nip it in the bud, but not having the best encouragements of success at the moment. BUT, I do not intend to go, "Ohhh, he's only two..." and wait for him to outgrow it, no siree!

Matthew wakes. We'll see what I can get done on the rest of this entry later.

Okay, back asleep for a little longer, and Arthur is playing sweetly with his cars, from what I hear through the door (""Are you thirsty?" said the car.... "Yes!" said Arthur!" - aww! Arthur narrates EVERYTHING these days, it's ever so sweet! He does have a drink and snack in there, by the way!).

We are almost back to square one on the move/job front. I still feel like we are called to where Neil is working, or certainly somewhere in the county, but hmmm. Neil's job turns out to SUCK. He has 3 months probation. I think he is just over 1 month into it. He has found out that he's the third in a row in his position - the last two did not finish their probation, but quit before that point! Neil is already thinking to do the same, if only he can find a new job, urrrgh.

The difference this time is that we are really really much closer to God on the whole deal. For nearly 2 weeks now, we have been putting the kids to bed earlier - usually by 7.30pm (what bliss!), which means a huge feat on my part to feed, bathe and change them ready for bed by the time Neil gets home, with dinner ready for Neil when he walks in too. But I'm starting to feel sooooooooo much better in the pregnancy department (nearly 17 weeks now, already!!) and that helps a lot. I'm managing it!! They are most often ready for bed, or just requiring their night nappies and teeth cleaned before bed when Neil walks in. He spends a little time with each of them and helps me get them ready, then I take Matthew up (Neil spends more time with Arthur, playing cars and reading with him) and breastfeed him in bed. Then I put him in the cot (WIDE awake, sometimes even not too pleased about going to bed!) and LEAVE THE ROOM!!! Yeah!!! I finally managed to get it to the point where I put him down and leave him to fall asleep. Oh my gosh, it has only taken me FOURTEEN MONTHS, and I'm so relieved! It has been a very slow, gradual process from around the time I found out I was pregnant. In the end, I'm glad it was gradual. It was more gentle for Mathie that way.

He takes a while to go to sleep usually, and if he cries and sounds persistant, we go in, pick him up, rock/walk him for a moment and then put him down in the cot and leave the room again. That's all we ever do, and sometimes there are a fair few trips upstairs to do that, but other times he gets the message pretty fast and goes to sleep. He usually falls asleep all mashed up into the top corner of his cot, the funny boy! So we go up once he's been quiet for a while and move him down the cot all limp and fast asleep :)

Arthur gets a Bible story (or 10!) with Neil while I settle Matthew. And then I go in and breastfeed him in his bed. I pray over him (aloud - he nods while he's nursing to all the points in my prayer that he agrees with, which makes me chuckle for some reason!) while he's breastfeeding, and then he's usually out like a light before I even take him off the breast. Now that he isn't napping anymore, he goes to sleep very quickly at bedtime. If I DO get the chance before he conks out, I take him off the breast and pat his back for a moment before going downstairs, but it's rare that he is still awake by the time I go down. That's okay. I know from a few occasions that if he happens to still be all wide awake at that point, I CAN tell him Mummy and Daddy are going downstairs to have our grown-up evening time, and he must stay in his bed and try to go to sleep (or wait for sleep to come), and be quiet as a mouse. If he comes out or makes a ton of noise, he will be disciplined.

We have finally got a grip on discipline (watch me say, "Waaaah, it's not working!!" a few months down the line, haha!), and they seem to really get it at the moment. Well, Matthew less so, but he's so little still.

Anyway, so bedtime is working better! And then we come downstairs, and often it's like SEVEN THIRTY!!! Unfathomable, over the last nearly-three years!! It's so nice. We then spend 30 minutes chatting about our day(s) - each getting plenty of chance to talk and get stuff of our chests and share difficult stuff with each other. Then we spend as much of the next 30 minutes as we need to praying about the stuff we just discussed. It's SO GREAT!!! We are both feeling so much closer to God because of it, and it's starting to feel second nature to bring every issue in our family life before God as it crops up. It's feeling normal to pray together daily for our children, and to persistantly bring up the subject of Neil's work/our move with God. He isn't showing us anything about it yet, but we'll pray and seek him on it daily anyway. I know he'll speak to us about it.

So that is that. It's much more brief than I wanted it to be (I have such a lot of smaller detail/thoughts and feelings about the subject that I would normally really want to share here), but I haven't got the time. I need to get Arthur from his quiet time as it has been over an hour now and he's sounding restless up there!

I just wanted to post a few photos of something from yesterday. Matthew is climbing like crazy these days - more than Arthur ever did, and I thought HE was bad! I can't stop him scaling things he really mustn't go near, but we can't lose or rearrange any more furniture in our small house! Anyway. I had to go to the loo, so I told the boys I was going up to the toilet for a wee. Almost as soon as I got up there I could hear Arthur calling to Matthew and then shouting up to me, "I can't stop him!!" so I came back down and Matthew was trying to climb onto the merchant's chest (huge chest of little drawers that we have) from the sofa arm, which is cluttered on top with paperwork and boxes of tissues, and a box of more solid bits and pieces in the middle at the back where the boys can't reach, even from the sofa arm! I got him down and disciplined him, and then went back upstairs. He did the same thing again before I got the loo (Arthur called again to let me know), and that time I explained to the boys that if they didn't let me go to the loo, we were in danger of running out of time to go to the swings (there had already been like a dozen interruptions to me getting washed and dressed before going for a wee, and the time was getting on). Obviously, Matthew is too little to understand that, but Arthur got the message.

I finished in the toilet and was washing my hands when I thought how nice and quiet it was, and got suspicious! So I called down, "What's going on down there?!" and Arthur yelled back, "NO!" - always reliable evidence of something fairly monkeyish going on! So I called, "But what are you doing, Arthur?" and he said, "NO! I'm not doing anything!" Hmmm! So, drying my hands as fast as I could, I called, "What's Matthew doing?" and Arthur called, "He'd not doing anything either!" Uh-oh!

I ran downstairs to discover that without really noticing it, I have suddenly got TWO monkey toddler boys who get into mischief! Two of them! Yikes! Matthew had evidently climbed up onto the merchant's chest, rummaged in the box of bits, found a family bag of chocolate Minstrels (which I had forgotten about MONTHS ago!) and emptied it over the sofa, floor and toy boxes! He and Arthur were hoovering them up! Matthew had already chewed and spat several onto the sofa and the floor (urgh!), so keen was he to get the next tempting looking chocolate into his mouth!

Monkey boys! I told them off first, and then cleaned up. I was putting things in the bin in the kitchen when Arthur came to the gate in the kitchen doorway and said to me, "Mummyyy? Mashew did say "Would you like to share some chocolate?", and I did say yes!" :)

Here are the photos, after the goop was cleaned off the floor/sofa:

My camera was being annoying and taking lots of blurry photos. Right after these photos, Matthew started doing his usual thing where he chases Arthur around the floor, sort of hanging onto the back of Arthur's nappy as Arthur tries to crawl away! He eventually wrestles him to the ground. Arthur is very good-natured about this! Matthew is such a different personality, he's so boisterous and assertive! Arthur is both too, but SO much less than Matthew. They're blurry, but here's a little sequence of "action" photos of the above!

Okay, the monkey boys are now downstairs with me, and getting restless, so I must stop for now and think of something fun to do for the rest of the afternoon. My brain is so blank on that kind of thing lately! Yesterday we went to some swings that we hadn't been to before, and the boys were both SO taken with a child's pushchair and baby doll! The first thing Matthew did was grab it by the crotch and carry it around with him!! Not sure what to make of that! ;) Arthur was SO sweet with it. He put it in the pushchair and insisted on pushing it everywhere. He didn't want Matthew to "help" at all. It was a baby that had a crying noise when it was in a dark area, and he looked so concerned when it started crying after he pushed it into the little house! Eventually he figured he could turn the pushchair towards the open door and it wouldn't cry any more. I saw him pat its tummy, bend at the waist to talk gently to it, and then kiss it sooooo gently on the face before leaving it there! Bless! I absolutely MUST get them a couple of dolls and a child's pushchair. I have been meaning to for at least a year, so I really must get around to it.

Okay, MUST go! Will update when I can again, hopefully soon!

First trip to the beach! And a tick. Urgh.

I love the fact that we live very near to one of London's Royal Parks. It's vast, and largely untamed, and beautiful, and full of birds and animals. It even has wild deer!

I have just realised that I also hate the fact that we live very near to one of London's Royal Parks full of wild deer with ticks that carry Lyme Disease - one of which was found embedded in Arthur's upper thigh this morning. Ugh. Neil took the boys for their usual walk in the park yesterday, and I can't BELIEVE we didn't notice the tick before bed last night. But anyway, there it was this morning, plain as day. Neil had to go out to buy some antiseptic wipes as we didn't have any antiseptic in the house (yet another annoyance - WHY, with two toddlers in the house, are we not more prepared for first-aid-ish type incidents?!). And we consulted the internet and tweezed the tick out, and rubbed antiseptic on the spot where it had been. Thirty percent of ticks at this park carry Lyme Disease, and I feel really quite anxious about it. There is no way to know if the tick that bit Arthur carried it or not, until a few weeks go by and we see if he develops symptoms. I am taking him to the doctor tomorrow (it's Bank Holiday Monday today - as it would be whenever we might have a good reason to go to the doctor *sigh*), and we have kept the tick (alive and kicking, by the way) in a container as per the suggestions of the sites I read online.

Please God do not let my little boy contract Lyme Disease. Some of the stories online are REALLY scary. There's even a small risk of fatality. Oh my gosh. I also do NOT want him basically experiencing M.E. I know how much that totally sucks. The good thing is, if he DOES get it, the earlier it is diagnosed, the better, because he would go on antibiotics I think, and that is better if started earlier. I am just praying and praying that he doesn't get it. Please God!

Anyway. Onto a different subject.

On Saturday we all went to Littlehampton beach for the afternoon, with our church! It was so nice! The boys have NEVER been to the seaside before, so it was extra special. I am NOT a beach person. I think you either are or you aren't. Give me mountains, lakes, or basically anything GREEN, any day. But beaches do not thrill me at all. Sand gets everywhere, wind blows yet more sand everywhere, you get too hot, and step on things that hurt your feet. And there's not much to do. But I don't hate them. I did have a nice time! Especially since the little ones had a great time too. I took a ton of photos of them experiencing the sea for the first time - they paddled with their clothes on, since we have no swim wear for them. They got pretty wet up to their nappies, but we just changed them the moment we got back up the beach to our blanket. We brought lots of dry clothes and nappy changes with us for such a purpose! We also had lunch on the beach - we packed a picnic, which was NO FUN with all the sand and wind and no-place-to-put-my-sandwich-while-I-brush-sand-off-a-small-boy's-for-the-millionth-time.

But the boys both loved the sand and seaweed underfoot, and they loved paddling, and building sandcastles (especially Arthur, with the sandcastles!). Matthew walked CRAZY distances and didn't want to stop for anything. He just walks as far as anyone else these days. He rarely crawls any more. I got some video footage of him having a little steppy-step around the blanket/pushchair, just feeling the sand and dried seaweed beneath his feet, but Neil has taken the boys out and they have the video camera with them, so I can't upload it at the moment.

But here are the photos (there are lots, be warned!):

They had such a great time! And didn't burn - yay! We kept their hats on and plastered them in factor 50 kiddie sun-cream. We wore the same ourselves, and we were the only people at church who weren't SCARY shades of red and purple the next day at church! I can't fathom why people don't have any sense in the sun. Maybe things are improving on that front in general here, but there are still a LOT of really daft people out there getting burnt.

It was 1.5 hours on the way there and again on the way back, which we haven't really managed successfully in the past with the kids, but it went fine in the end, despite a few nerves over it! There was NO traffic, to our surprise! Matthew fell asleep the instant we set off, having been deprived of his morning nap, and slept literally all but the last 10 minutes of the journey! Arthur kept asking when we would be there, and eventually, about halfway through the journey, I said that it would take us quite a while to get there yet, and suggested that he could have a little sleep while he waited, if he liked. To my amazement, he said, "Oh, okay." and went straight to sleep!!!!! Soooo not like Arthur! Of course, he wasn't as tired as he needed to be at bedtime as a result, but it was good that he napped anyway. He slept most of the remaining 45 minutes of the journey.

On the way home it was okay, except that Matthew cried and cried for some of it. At the beach, when we were changing his nappy, the excellent light (and the fact that I was making faces to make him giggle) allowed me to see that he has just cut two new teeth! He has a new top molar (his first one!) on the right - the same one that Arthur got first. That has a tiny white corner through, so I reckon it came through within the previous 48 hours. I had noticed the "eroded" dent in his gum a couple of days before, so I knew it was coming. But I was also surprised to find a bottom incisor as well! He only had his bottom two middle teeth (six in total, with four at the top in the middle), but he has just got the one next to those on the right. It is coming in quite a way behind the others - I hope that is okay and that they'll straighten out! It looked even newer than the molar - maybe only within the previous 24 hours. So the poor little boy was just chewing on his hand and crying his heart out on the way home. We had to stop and give him some Calpol (thank goodness I had a sachet in my bag!). He seems otherwise unsually fine with the teething though. I'm quite surprised he's been as little bothered by it as he has. Maybe he'll get worse as the rest of the molar pushes through? Or maybe he got lucky this time? He usually teethes worse than this, and I expected worse with the molars. Anyway, it's been MONTHS since he got any teeth, so I'm glad to see some coming in again at last! He now has 8 teeth! I think the top molar on the other side won't be far behind. I can feel a real pokey bump in the gum over it.

I think I will save this in Word and wait till I can get the little clip of Matthew walking at the beach uploaded. I really want to post it here, and it will be kind of out of place if I don't post it with the entry all about the beach and the photos. I will try to do that later, and then just paste this entry in and post it. I'm going to rest up now, while the boys are still out. They are at Kew Gardens this afternoon! We are avoiding the park for a while, yeurgh!

Back! It's 9.30pm now and I have finally uploaded the video to YouTube. It's 3 minutes long - my longest video yet, I think! YouTube seem to be annoyingly slow these days, so I hope it doesn't take just TOO LONG to load for viewing. Anyway, here it is! Matthew was walking around, feeling the sand and dried seaweed (which he especially found interesting!) underneath his feet. He seemed kind of wobbly when he was doing that, but he was just stopping to feel the sensation I think. When he wants to walk to get somewhere, he goes pretty fast now. He also tried to eat stones from the beach a lot! Hence me trying to get him not to rather a lot in the first part of the video!

I WISH I could remember something funny that Arthur said to finish the entry, but it has all fallen out of my head suddenly! I have also started to upload (to my computer, not YouTube yet) 5 other video clips of the boys recently. Some were a good few weeks ago now, but I also have a little clip that Neil took today at Kew Gardens. Anyway, I need to post those soon! Hopefully not allll at once, otherwise it will just be too many videos at once! And take ages to load, or something.

Anyway, I'll try to update again soon!

Getting closer to God, and a ton of boy-related updatey stuff!

Yay, I'm so excited to be back again just 3 days later!!! Gasp! ;)

Thank you SO much for all the messages after my last entry. You were all so encouraging and said such nice things! And gave good advice too. Thank you!! Every single message really helped me a lot.

I feel quite a lot better about things now, which is great! I have spent more time with God, but mostly just making sure I am focused on him throughout the day, etc. I pray when I get up so that my day gets off to the right start - just as I'm getting up out of bed, not a long thing. And I snatch prayer times throughout the day. If I'm at the kitchen sink refilling a little boy's sippy cup of water, I pray then, just while the water is running. It's enough time to ask for help with my flagging energy, or for inspiration for activities over the next hour, or for guidance over discipline, etc.

The day before yesterday there was a time for about 10 minutes when Matthew was asleep for his afternoon nap, and Arthur was well settled in his room for Big Boy Quiet Time (oh, I ought to write about that in a minute! I talked about it in my pregnancy diary but not here, I don't think). I couldn't decide what to do for my short time with the little ones occupied elsewhere, and in the end I just craved reading the Bible, so I went up and sat on the bed next to Matthew's cot, and read my Bible! It was so nice! Then after I read a bit, I prayed about the stuff I read. It was a short time, but it felt like soooo much more than just a few quick minutes. So that kind of thing is encouraging me!

I talked with Neil about the way I have been feeling (re. God) and he had already mentioned about the Christian book on discipline we're reading, and how it suggests that as parents we need to live by example, as in, our faith in God. We haven't been doing that for a long while. And we both feel it's really important that we do. We want it to be completely normal and usual for the kids to see prayer and heartfelt worship in their own home, and also for us to talk about God with the love we have for him a lot. There's more we want to do on that kind of theme in the long run, but for now we have decided to have a family prayer time in the morning before Neil goes to work. Right now, it's literally a quick prayer for a matter of seconds. But we have talked with Arthur about it, and he knows it's Family Prayer Time. We make sure the boys are both sitting with us so we can pray, and then Neil and I (or one of us) will pray out loud, but not like we have been praying with Arthur at bedtime about bad dreams and such - in those instances we have been praying using very simple language and keeping the prayers quick and childlike, so he can relate to them I guess. In Family Prayer Time, Neil and I pray like we would with other adults, or each other. We want the children to see us doing what we do, and being embraced into that.

We might start having a song that we sing before praying. I usually fall out of bed just minutes before Family Prayer Time, as Neil goes to work shortly afterwards (and he gets up with the boys - he has to get up then anyway to get ready for work - so I can cram as much precious sleep as possible for the day ahead!). I think I will sometimes find it hard to really get into the right frame of mind to pray when I'm totally bleary and sleepy. I know that for me, worship wakes my soul up, no matter the circumstance, so I asked if we could have some worship time before we pray in the mornings. I have had Christian music playing during the day sometimes, especially if I feel my energy is really on the floor, or I am getting exasperated with the kids or something. I put it on and sometimes I sing to it, and other times it just helps to have it in the background. It helps me to focus on God more. The boys don't mind it and it means the TV is off more (YAY!!!). I have some children's Christian CDs too - one or two are really funny and bouncy and Arthur loves "Lovely Jubbly" (Doug Horley), which he calls "The Poo Song" (!!) as it has a line about how God made birds that poo on your shoe, hehe! He laughs till he cries at that line, every time :)

Anyway, so it is going better!

I am praying over the boys every night before bed, and that is HUGELY powerful for me. It was quite by accident, the night of my last entry. I thought I would just check on Arthur to see if he was too hot in bed (he wasn't), and he was just soooooo beautiful, lying there so fast asleep. I lay next to him for ages and ages and just watched him sleeping. My mindset is so changed towards my children when I watch them sleeping. They may have driven me half out of my tree during the day, and I may have been relieved to see them go to sleep at bedtime, but once they are asleep, everything melts away as I watch them and I only feel this huge surge of love and an almost animalistic urge to protect them and do what's best for them. That is a good place to be, when it comes to praying for them, and about raising them right. So after I watched him sleep for a long time, I began to pray. I prayed for a long time, and he didn't stir at all.

I prayed about me, how I am doing as his mummy, and for guidance over lots of different things. I prayed for Arthur - loooads of things specifically. I laid my hands on his sweet body and asked God to bless him. I asked forgiveness for things I was doing wrong - not as God would have me do. I felt so close to God and so close to Arthur, all at once. I prayed in tongues and praised God for my sweet little boy. It was a lovely time!! Then I went to Matthew's room and prayed for him too. I didn't pray for nearly as long, and I couldn't get right in there with him because of the fact that he was waaaay down in his cot (mattress on the lowest setting now) with all those high BARS all around. *sigh* Some aspects of cots really don't sit too well with me. I'm happy that he sleeps in a cot, but it doesn't feel natural to be so cut off from him by bars! Anyway, but I prayed for my tiny boy too. I was at least able to lay my hand on his back, but he was more stirry than Arthur was! Then I lay down in bed to go to sleep and put my hand on my new little bumpy bit, and prayed for my little beany person!

There's so much responsibility with having children. The more children you have, the more children you are responsible for (obviously! But it sort of hit me anyway). So it's WONDERFUL that God is right there to help and guide and take the burden of everything. Not that children ARE a burden. I mean, there is a lot on the shoulders of a parent with several small children. God can take the weight of that and help me as I raise them. I'm so so glad and grateful.

Last night, Neil and I were praying together for a bit - we are praying together more about stuff, yay!!! Just quickly when we get time, but still. I'm so excited about that! Anyway, a few weeks ago, a lady from church and her teenage daughter came to help me get the boys' lunch for them and play with them for an hour or so. They did our food shopping for us beforehand and brought it with them. They gave me the receipt from the shopping so that we could pay them back when we had cash to do so (I didn't have any in the house at the time). This was when I was on bedrest briefly with my big scary bleed at 11 weeks. Anyway, I am SO ashamed that 2 weeks went by and still we had not repaid them! How awful is that. We had spoken to them at church and they had said we could just put a cheque in the post if that was easier (we NEVER seem to have cash on us!). So the week went by and still I didn't remember to put that cheque in the post. Finally last night (Friday), we decided one of us would drive round to their house with a cheque and be done with it! We should have done that AGES ago, but never mind. It's worse because that family are short for money at the moment, urgh. I feel sooooo bad.

Anyway. Last night after the boys were in bed, we were getting the chequebook out and talking about what to say in the thank-you card, etc, and both of us said how we felt we wanted to give them more back than we owed them. So we stopped what we were doing and prayed about it, and asked God if we should give them a gift in his name, and if so, how much? Neil wanted us to pray because he said *I* might hear something from God about it. Tsk! He never really hears guidance from God when he prays and is generally quite negative about it. It bugs me. It's like he closes off to hearing God's voice before he even gives him a chance, with his attitude. But anyway! Sometimes I DO hear God's voice on things, when we pray and wait on God. So we prayed, and waited. The grocery bill was £33.47 and my head was thinking that maybe we could give them £50 or even £100. I waited for God to confirm one of those figures. Within seconds, I started to feel that God would have them receive TENFOLD what they paid! My ungenerous mind (sigh) started to think, no no, I will wait a bit longer and see if God comes up with something less expensive! We can't afford anything like that anyway. We had a message on the phone from the guy at church who we need DIY help from, to get our house ready to sell. He has time to help us, and is thinking of us paying him £100 a day plus expenses, and though we can't POSSIBLY sell the house without some work done first, we can't think how we can afford his help! That was literally 20 or 30 minutes before we were praying about this, so my mind was all fresh about not being able to afford stuff!

Anyway, I waited and waited, and allll that was in my head was the word "ten-fold" over and over and over, giving me no rest at all! Eventually I looked at Neil and asked him if he felt God had spoken to him. He wouldn't say, because he wanted to hear from me first. I would not give in, so in the end he said he felt we should be giving more than we'd first thought. I said I had been unable to shake the word, "ten-fold" and he was SO excited and said that the very first thing that came to mind when we were praying was the word "ten-fold", but he instantly dismissed it because he felt it was too much and I wouldn't agree!!! So, we JOYFULLY wrote a cheque for £334.70 and I drove round to give these lovely people the cheque and a card. I explained that we had been praying and that we felt God would want to bless them with this money. I can't DESCRIBE the joy I felt!!! They accepted it happily and also encouraged us over having been obedient to God's calling :) Which was so nice! They did say for a moment, "But, you can't afford to give us this much!" and I just said, "I know! Isn't it GREAT?!" and we all laughed, hehe! I ALWAYS know it's God when we give a large sum of money away as a direct result of God asking us to do so (and specifying the amount), because of the incredible joy and abandonment that comes with it. There is literally nothing else like it. It's exhilarating to know that we don't have that money in the bank! Not from a "dangerous thrill" perspective, but because it's such a FREEDOM to think that God knows full well what is in our bank account, and the fact that we're obedient when he asks us to give more than we have is just so exciting. We have never had an occasion where we give financially like this and DON'T get seriously blessed financially in return. Ever. I don't know my Bible well enough (which I SO want to change), but doesn't it say about when you give, God brings it back to you in a greater amount than you gave out? Or something? Anyway. We have always received more than we gave - usually exactly what we need for something urgent at the time. When we moved house last time, years ago, we had recently given money like this and there was an unexpected problem at the very last minute with our purchase of this house that we're living in. We needed THOUSANDS of pounds. We literally sat on the bed to pray about it, and the phone rang when we had finished! It was my dad, offering us basically the exact number of thousands of pounds that we needed. My parents had just felt that they wanted to give us that money as it might help us to have it (not knowing about our sudden need). He even said, "I hope you haven't been praying!" - he is NOT a Christian and it hugely annoyed him that we'd just prayed for that money and HE was chosen to bless us with it, haha! ;)

Anyway. I'm SO excited that God chose us to bless this family, and SO excited that we just put ourselves in a sticky situation financially in God's name! I wrote it all out here because I have such complete faith that God will now bless us abundantly. You just watch my God bless us!!! ;) He is so faithful.

Driving out that evening also gave me some alone time in the dark in my car, and I took a worship CD with me (my much-scratched and battered Michael W. Smith "Worship" CD). Some of the tracks wouldn't play because it has been kind of scratched, but I had some lovely time with the tracks that would play! I remembered what some of you guys said in my comments about getting away even for a short time (like that walk last year or sometime) to be OUT and pray. I can really connect to God quickly if I am on my own, out of my house, especially somewhere vaguely private, like walking in a park or in my car. I had forgotten about it! Thank you for reminding me! That's just the kind of thing I need to do. I would have done it today but I have had a bad headache. I will definitely try to do that more often, maybe every weekend when Neil is home to watch the boys? Or some evenings if I feel the need, maybe.

So I feel way better about things! I have also been searching the internet like CRAZY for stuff like Bible studies that are specifically for women, or mothers, etc. I want to read my Bible, but at the moment I particularly want to get stuck into verses and passages that will guide and encourage me over things that I'm going through right now. I'm also generally looking for Christian sites that have good advice about parenting in general and discipline, etc.

Thanks Jennifer for suggesting the Duggar family website! I have heard of them - they had just had their 14th child when I was pregnant with Arthur (or had just had him?) so I have vaguely kept up with their news since then, with interest. I think everything they stand for is GREAT, personally! :) I know they get a lot of flack, but I love what they're doing. Anyway, I went to their site after I read your message, and followed links there to some really useful places. In particular, Titus 2.com which has some reeeeally helpful articles written by these parents of 8 kids (under the Dad's/Mom's corners section, if anyone is interested!). There are so many to read in the archives, and I have already had lots of help from them over things like anger with the kids and my attitude. There's SO MUCH MORE! I am able to treat these as the precious Bible studies that I've been looking for, because they are based on Bible verses and I can get my Bible out and read the verses and then really think about what they mean as I read the article. Sooooo helpful! I'm so excited to have found it! They are a homeschooling family (as are the Duggars) so that is of great interest to me as well!

So, overall, yay! :)

It's getting late now (waffled more than expected, as usual!), so I will try to post some more pictures and then go to bed. Oh, I forgot to say - Arthur has stopped having naps. I think it has been 3 weeks now since he has napped. He has taken the odd nap (maybe 2 or 3 times) in that time, but it has NEVER been worth it - he has always been up till 9.30 or 10pm being kind of difficult, even with a 30 minute snooze in the afternoon. With no nap, he's out like a light as early as we can put him to bed! He is often asleep before Matthew, whose afternoon nap is finishing juuust a little bit too late for him to be ready for sleep again at bedtime. He can't seem to manage with just one nap yet, so I'm not sure what to do about that. But Arthur will be asleep for 7.30pm if we can get him in bed for then. He breastfeeds right before sleep, and sometimes falls asleep within a minute or two on the breast. Other times, I take him off and pat his back for a moment and he's out. The idea was never that he'd depend on us to fall asleep, but he's going to sleep so fast that we don't really have time to leave the room before he's out, at the moment! He sleeps right through and wakes between 6am and 6.30, usually. If we haven't been able to get him to bed till after 8pm (which is the norm at the moment since Neil isn't home from work till after 7pm), he sleeps till almost 7 the next morning. I wish we could consistently get him to bed so he can fall asleep before 7.30. I think even 7pm would be great for him. But with Neil commuting and getting home late, that is very hard to achieve. The boys need to see their daddy, and at the moment I need some help to get them ready for bed. Although, I can now bath them and get them dressed for bed by myself :) I discovered it the other week when I just DID it and found that I could! Also, Neil worked late last night and didn't get home till 8pm. So I got the boys ready for bed after the three of us ate dinner (Neil's was ready and waiting for him too!), and put Matthew to bed, intending to take Arthur up right afterwards, when Neil got home as I was just finishing putting Matthew down. Matthew wasn't asleep yet so Neil went to say hello/night-night, and then he read to Arthur before Arthur went to sleep. But I almost did it all by myself! It's getting easier. I am just learning that I need to be seriously organised. And accept being busy in the home as a Godly calling - a JOYFUL one at that ("Then [the older women] can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:4-5), instead of a hardship, which I think my attitude has become lately. I love this verse!! It's so helpful to me. I can't wait to read more wonderful stuff like this in the Bible!! :) I can see I SERIOUSLY need help with the bit about being self-controlled and pure. Seriously. And the rest of that verse, too, but right now I am going to focus on becoming self-controlled. It's a fruit of the Spirit, and so I need God's help with that. I have very little self-control these days so I think I will be a tough nut to crack! But I am willing and eager, and God is good and faithful, so that's alright :)

Instead of naps, the very first day he properly refused to nap, I told him that if he was big enough to stop having naps, then he was big enough to start having Big Boy Quiet Time! I made a big deal of it and he seemed excited to hear more about it, so I told him that big boys got to play quietly in their rooms all by themselves for a while, instead of naps! I told him he could take any toys he liked, so long as they were quiet toys. He was really eager! So we started from there.

At first he was happy playing with cars on the bed, but after a few days the novelty started wearing off a bit, and he came out of the room more and more, and made noise and jumped about sometimes too. At that point I was concerned about how to enforce it - I DO want to enforce it. I like the way the large families I read about online have a set quiet time in their day (or two, sometimes) - and their well-disciplined children sometimes have 2 hours of quiet play in their rooms! That's better than naps for me! I will know the kids will be occupied and if I can get it properly sorted, they will know that they have to stay put and play quietly for a good while. That is more freeing than when they're asleep and I have no idea how long they'll sleep for. I'm always "on call" at any given second, for when they wake up. I will feel more relaxed knowing that the kids are occupied in Quiet Time for a good while, so I can get things done, or have my own quiet time. But I didn't know how on earth to enforce it, or get it going properly. One afternoon I left Arthur upstairs having Quiet Time, and was praying on the way downstairs that God would help me find some help on the subject. I set up the laptop straight away and searched online for answers but didn't really find what I was looking for. Then I thought I would just check a few diaries and blogs that I normally read, and one of them was Sarah's. The VERY latest entry right at the top was dated August 1st 2007 - that very day! It was entitled, 'Sanity Spelled "Roomtime"' and contained basically everything I needed to know! Thank you God! So, the next day I made changes to Arthur's Big Boy Quiet Time. I let him choose a snack, and he had his drink and snack all by himself in the bedroom, which he was very pleased about! I bought him a couple of special toys that were ONLY for Big Boy Quiet Time. They are a roap-map floor mat, which he can drive his cars around, and a big car transporter that he can drive his cars onto (he LOVES car transporters at the moment). He is not allowed to have those downstairs, or play with them outside of Quiet Time. They are special toys that Matthew can't play with because they are Arthur's for Big Boy Quiet Time. Also, I closed the bedroom door on him. He didn't like this on the first day, but I basically gave him no choice. I explained that I didn't want the noise of his games to wake Matthew, and if the door was closed, Mummy would not need to come upstairs and keep reminding him to be quiet so often. He protested, but I was firm, and on Day 2 he didn't mind at all. He has been happily playing in there with the door closed since then.

I am firm about the rules. There is no loud talking or shouting, and no jumping or climbing. He does not come out of the bedroom until I come to get him. Mummy will tell him when Big Boy Quiet Time is finished, it's not something Arthur decides. And he has to try to remember to be very very quiet. If he breaks any of the rules I go straight up and remind him not to do those things. If he breaks the rules more than once then I warn him that he'll be disciplined the next time, and then I follow through with that if necessary. He rarely needs disciplining over Quiet Time rules. He generally has lots of fun playing and will stay for up to an hour. An hour was my target, and right now it's my minimum. I don't push him to take more than an hour right now though. Once or twice I have gone to fetch him after an hour and he has said, "But I haven't finished! I'm still playing my car game!" So he stays for another 10 minutes or so. He has to pack up all his cars before he can come downstairs, and he has to do it by himself as part of the Quiet Time. I am intending that starting out strict will pay off! I want no trouble with Quiet Times! I want to start as I mean it to go on. When Matthew gets older, he will have Quiet Time too, but in his own room. I like Sarah's thoughts on the value of learning independent play, and getting space of their own, especially when there are other little ones in the house. For Arthur it has started to mean less frustration (a little, anyway!) over Matthew messing up his lines of cars and things during the day. I simply remind him that when Matthew has his nap, he gets to have Big Boy Quiet Time, and play all sorts of wonderful games with his cars (his absolute favourite thing right now) where Matthew IS NOT ALLOWED to interfere, because it's Arthur's special time by himself. He looks forward to it sometimes for that reason, and he shares the cars much more nicely with Matthew after he has finished his Quiet Time - in fact, when Matthew wakes from his nap, if Arthur is still in Quiet Time, he calls me and asks if Matthew can come in and play cars with him on the bed! Which I always allow, and they have loads of fun. It always ends up with the cars being put away after a short while, and the boys jumping and jumping and jumping on the bed! Arthur calls out breathlessly, "I love jumping! It's my favourite thing to jump with Mashew on the bed!" :) Matthew jumps in the middle of the mattress with no support, but his "jumps" aren't big ones yet. His heels leave the bed, but he stays firmly rooted to the balls of his feet till he overbalances. He sticks his cute little bottom out for added effect as he bounces! He loves to fall onto his bottom and I say, "Boi-oi-oi-oiiiing!!" and he laughs and laughs at the silly sound :) Then they like to play "follow" or "walking follow" as Arthur now calls it, since Matthew likes to mostly walk, from one bedroom to the other. And then somebody usually poos and we all go downstairs for the usual nappy changes and meal preparations! :) I do love my life! It is hard work but I do love it.

Sometimes Arthur DOES get tired in the late afternoon, particularly if he's had a busy active morning or early afternoon. Often in the late afternoon, I am preparing dinner (yay, I'm able to do a bit more COOKING again now that my morning sickness is easing off!), and he will watch CBeebies on the telly for a while. Matthew sometimes watches, but mostly plays on the floor with toys and things, and walks around carrying things (his latest thing - the heavier the item, the better, apparently!). A couple of weeks ago, when he had been a week without naps, I came in to check on the boys and found Arthur in front of the telly like this:

Complete with drool (he's so like his father...)!

I woke him up after I smiled at him being so cute for a while (!) but it still affected his bedtime later.

They were both getting such LONG hair at that point, and really needed haircuts! Neil finally took them to the barbers to have their hair cut, and it seemed so short when it was done! Arthur's wasn't as short as last time, because I asked him to make sure they didn't cut it as short! But Matthew's was shorter than the last time. He looked so much more like a little boy than a baby to me when he came home! Waaah! :( But they both look nice and neat now :) Here's a picture of them playing with cars and shoe boxes (garages!) on the sofa together, after their hair appts:

And here are a couple of rather samey photos of Matthew just about a week ago (pretty much the most recent photos I've taken of him):

Oh, another GREAT thing about me starting to feel better, is that I am able to get back to doing fun crafts and stuff with Arthur when Matthew has his morning naps! Poor Arthur has been sooooo bored lately, and keeps saying, "I want to do something SPECIAL!" Lately we've made weather collages, and pictures of flowers, and tissue paper flowers. Arthur always comes up with what we'll make. He usually randomly says, "IIIII know! Shall we make a daisy?!" like it's the MOST exciting idea he ever had! :) So we make a daisy! I have lots of craft supplies to hand so it's usually straight-forward to make what he wants to make. One morning we baked chocolate fairy cakes! He loved that. And another morning we were watching CBeebies and some children were making hats, so I asked Arthur if he would like to make a crown, and he was excited about that. So we switched the TV off and made a crown together! He wanted to make a GREEN crown, and I got him bits of all sorts to stick onto it, and fixed it the right size for his head. He was sooooo proud and beaming as he wore it after it was finished!

He kept saying, "I think Daddy's going to EVER like this! I think Daddy weew be EVER pleased!" Bless his heart! And he said Matthew would EVER like it when he woke up, too :) Daddy DID like it, so much that he took another photo when he got home that evening, with Arthur's helper in it too!...

I think that's all the photos for now. I just wanted to post a couple of random things Arthur has said recently. The other day the boys were eating lunch, and they had Arthur's chocolate fairy cakes for pudding! Arthur had some crumbs of his cake on the table, and he put his drink down on them. When he realised there were crumbs on the underneath of his drink, he lifted it up and started to lick the underside of the cup. He said to me, "Mummy, I'm licking my cup!" and I was trying to clean Matthew up so I just replied absent-mindedly, "Ohh, that's good..." and he immediately did a sort of exasperated sigh, and then said, "Don't encouwage me!" hehe!

Also, the other day I was in the kitchen and I heard a very audible FART from the living room as the boys were playing with cars together. There was a brief pause, and then Arthur said, "Mashew! Was that your bottom?!" and Matthew did such a cheeky giggle in response, so Arthur joined in! Funny boys :) It has to be said, Matthew is HIGHLY impressed with himself when he farts audibly. *sigh* I don't know quite how he has learned this! He always tries soooo hard to do it again and again, after he's finished giggling from the first one. He goes quite red in the face with the effort! They're not even anywhere near eight years old yet! I can't fathom what I'll have to deal with when they are 7 and 8! It's SO nice that they make each other giggle already though :)

I'm trying to get the boys on video more lately. We ran out of tape for a while, and then while we've been ill or I've been bleeding, we just seem to have been really slack on both taking photos and getting video footage of the boys. I really need to get some good footage of Matthew walking because otherwise I'll miss a WHOLE stage of his development! He walks everywhere, and doesn't crawl much at all any more. He also walks well outside in shoes, and walks quite long distances on bumpy grass and stuff without difficulty. I can't wait till I can go for walks with my little boys, holding one of their sweet little hands in each of mine! I don't think it will be long now before I can.

Okay, I don't think there's anything else for now, and this entry is SO long! I'm so glad to have had the chance to finish all the updatey stuff that I wanted to write last time. And I'll try to come back again soon. My morning sickness is definitely on the way out, so my chance for diary updates will improve now! I need to write a pregnancy one tomorrow though. I can't believe I am 15 weeks already! I have a scan on Monday which I'll update about on the day at the pregnancy diary, too.