Big update, some pics, and Arthur will be THREE!

It's reeeally late (way past my bedtime!) and I have a headache, but phooey. This once I am going to write in my diary anyway! I hardly ever get chance and I just FEEL like writing, and so I think I will. Just random stuff, mind you! Expect nothing exciting ;)

I am going to my local church small group in the evenings now! I think we've been back in the swing of that for a month or two. I wanted to write about it more before, but I never get time. Neil and I alternate every week, so we both benefit from it, which is lovely. It's every Tuesday night. It's weird to go along and just be ME while my little boys are asleep in their beds and I'm not personally watching over them! But if I can put that awkward, I'm-meant-to-be-somewhere-else feeling aside and warm up to the evening, it's wonderful. I LOVE worship time with other people where I don't have to be distracted by my little ones, or ANYBODY'S little ones, and where I don't have to worry that Neil is taking on too much chasing them around outside while I get to have some worship time in church, etc. Neil is wonderful like that on Sundays at church. We used to alternate staying with the boys at creche (neither of us "believe" in leaving our kids there without one of us present the whole time, as young as they are. We're the ONLY parents who feel this way in like the whole world, apparently. And thus officially WEIRD, but I don't care. I don't trust the level of care/supervision at our church creche, and I want to be there for my babies the INSTANT they look for me or get upset about something that's happened to them. So we stay.) but now I get too exhausted being an extra pair of hands at creche so Neil stays EVERY SUNDAY while I listen to the sermon. I feel horribly guilty - it doesn't seem right. We've discussed it a lot, and Neil says we should continue that way because I'm only going to get more tired and less able to chase kiddies around, and he's there and happy to do creche. He's wonderful with the other kids too. He's the only one who'll hold a crying baby/toddler and instantly manage to soothe them, whatever the issue. He can distract kids from tantrums and get a little one who is crying for their mummy giggling and playing peekaboo. He's wonderful in general! I probably don't mention that nearly enough :)

Anyway. Arthur is officially old enough for Sunday School from next Sunday (they won't take them before they're three) and his friends are in there already, so he's the oldest in creche. Sunday School is sans parents, which will be lovely, and I don't think he needs us there at all anyway. I will sit in with him at first, as they said I'm allowed to do that and I'd like to get him settled and see what they do. It looks like fun, from what I have seen so far!

So, back to small group! I'm really excited to be attending that again after alllll this time. It's also lovely to have Neil go to small group all reluctant to be sacrificing his evening, and come back on a major high, buzzing about the GREAT prayer time and that God spoke to him about such-and-such for somebody, and how the discussion really interested him, and how he's going to meet up with Gordon for lunch one day this week, etc. I love seeing him inspired like that!

Neil has been out of work since last Tuesday, so 8 days now! It's GLORIOUS having him at home right now. I feel kind of naughty for feeling that way! But I do, right now. I went to a church prayer meeting tonight (sooooo great!!) and a lady there whose husband quit a couple of YEARS ago and they're waiting on God still, told me to enjoy this part and not feel guilty about it. She said it gets less glorious, so we should enjoy it for now! I can believe it. We have a few hundred £ left in the bank, and a few hundred in a savings account (that is all, we are very rubbish with money - which we plan to change!), and then we have nothing left. Neil has no income, nor any sign of one on the horizon. We have flumple-thousand pounds worth of credit card debt. We are not in a good place financially! Christmas is coming and a new baby shortly afterwards, and Arthur's birthday is a blink of an eye away. I look at the situation and think there is NO. WAY. we can manage to ride this out! But we will. I have no idea what will happen, or how we'll manage for things we need. But I DO trust in God. I believe everything will be okay, and I don't have any anxiety over it. Yet! ;) I think it will be waaaaay harder to maintain this serenity when we have NO money left and things we need to pay for. Neil is talking about something or other to do with the mortgage, and also a loan option, neither of which sound like a good plan at ALL, but we will see. I have a book that is going to teach us everything we need to know about money management and how to get out of debt (and stay out), but for some CRAZY reason we are being really slow about getting it read, between us. Which is nuts, considering how urgently we need the teaching! Tsk.

Anyway. That is the current situation. Neil applied for a job today in London. He wants to work for a charity. He says if he could do anything, he would choose to be in a hut in somewhere like Ghana, feeding a hungry child a bowl of food. He really means that too. I get scared when he talks like that because I am a "roots" person who hates change, and travel, and being out of her comfort zone, and especially don't fancy living overseas or in a completely different culture! I am just NOT that kind of person, and I find the concept even harder now I have little ones. But I desperately don't want to stifle Neil's longings, especially if they are GOD-inspired. So I don't know what to do about that one. Neil just says he wants to DO something, make a difference. He has such a big heart, and is such a compassionate person. I love that about him! He is currently looking for roles within charities that will make him feel like he's doing something more worthwhile than office-type-work for a non-charitable organisation. But it doesn't totally scratch his "itch", you know? I don't know.

So, he applied today for a role in London, using his skills from his previous office work. It's not THE JOB, but it'll do. It might just pay enough for us to manage too, which is important! It's in God's hands now, whether he gets it or not. We don't feel remotely inclined to pray for him to get that job, as there's no sense of desperation for it, and God knows which job is best for Neil anyway.

It's so nice to have him at home!!! Right now, he is doing a lot with the boys. He is taking them out for LONG walks every day to the park, and both he and the boys LOVE that. That was something he wanted to do more when he was off work. It's great for me because I can't take them for long walks any more (or short walks some days, either) because I get breathless and shaky and exhausted (pregnantly so, that is), or else my pelvis just hurts too much. And also it's great because it makes time for me to be at home with quietness and space to be ME and get a few things done. Which has been something I've craved for a long long time!

I am sleeping in every morning. It's such bliss. I (selfishly) wish there was some magical way that Neil could stay home forever and we'd still have money, haha! It makes such a difference to have two parents at all times to deal with the difficult issues with the boys, and the discipline, daily routine, etc. I still do all the cooking and try to keep up with my FlyLady housework, etc, of course! But the lovely thing is that I can now prepare dinner without tension in my neck and shoulders, because somebody else is watching/entertaining the boys at their most difficult time of day, and I'm not having to run back and forth between chopping onions and disciplining toddlers for headbutting/climbing/screeching repeatedly, etc, etc (the list is LONG!). Dinner would sometimes be delayed by an HOUR purely because of how much time it was taking me to sort out issues, run back to food, discipline a child, run back to food, unplug the TV (long story), run back to food, lift Matthew down from scarily high piece of furniture, run back to food, etc. They tend to behave really badly (or I should probably say "difficult" rather than bad, but BAD is how it feels!) when I'm trying to cook food, talk on the phone, or go to the toilet. Both of them at once. And I've been finding it really hard, and struggling to keep my cool, and keep everything running smoothly. So, it's extra wonderful to have Neil home at this stage of things. Please God let it be some dreadful toddler stage that each of them seems to be going through, unfortunately at exactly the same time (!), that will PASS OFF very soon! I can't fathom coping with their behaviour at the moment when I am about to have a baby (and Neil is at a new job or something). Something HAS to change! Yeurgh!

Arthur will be 3 the day after tomorrow!!! I can't believe it! I think of him as a 3-year-old already. I guess most of October I've slipped up and said he's 3 a lot, but in September I was fiercely protective of his status as a TWO-year-old, not at all ready for him to reach the age of three!

We are having a quiet family day. No party. We talked to him about it being his special day and asked him things he'd like to do. He would like to cut out car pictures (he asks to do this EVERY day - he likes to have a magazine or newspaper with car pictures in it, and then I cut them out for him as he chooses them. He has like a thousand (I do not exaggerate) pictures in a tupperware tub now. I am getting a little tired of cutting out pictures of cars! But he gets so much joy out of it. He has his box of car pictures upstairs at Big Boy Quiet Time, and spends ages laying each one out on the floor.

For his birthday, I bought him a bumper edition of a glossy car magazine with about 50 million pictures of cars inside. I wrapped it up with a pair of children's scissors. He has some cheap-o toddler scissors and he has had a little practise with them, but they're not very sharp for cutting and he can't do much with them. He LOVES to practise cutting though! I think he'll be thrilled to have a proper metal-bladed pair and to learn to cut things out. It might take him a while to get the hang of it, but I know he'll be excited to get started!

His main birthday present this year is going to be dressing-up clothes. He is really getting into role-playing, just spontaneously. He pretends to be all sorts of imaginary things and people and animals, during times where he's playing by himself in his own little world. He's coming to the age where dressing-up can be a great thing to do, and can dress and undress himself to some degree quite well now. I have been on eBay for some cheap (ish) options, and now I have six dressing-up outfits for him! It's his main present because even though they were good value and second-hand, the cost adds up with several items. I hope he likes them! I think they'll get lots of use over the years anyway, with all our little ones! I bought him the following outfits: King, Cowboy, Doctor (with accessory kit!), Policeman, Fireman, and Pirate.

He's having a chocolate birthday cake with chocolate fudge icing (his request!), which has to have Smarties on it (like M&Ms, for US readers). I'm going to make it in the shape of an upright train with Party Ring biscuits for wheels, if I can manage it! I'm going to bake that tomorrow, and hopefully decorate it then too.

So we will cut out car pictures, and then he has asked to go to a specific part of the park that he really likes. It's a long walk and hilly too, but we're all going together, because that's special for him and we never really do. I hope I manage it okay for him! He's excited about it. It's going to be COLD on Friday so we'll bundle up warm! For lunch he will probably request baked beans on toast, and for dinner we're having spaghetti bolognese, because he currently has a mixture of half MY cooking (at last!) and half a jar of toddler spaghetti bolognese. I can't believe he'll be eating from a jar of BABY food, essentially, on his third birthday! Urgh! The food frustrations with that boy.... But anyway. He likes that meal so much and eats the whole lot, and it's his favourite choice, so that's what we're having. For dessert we are having neopolitan ice-cream. He has had vanilla ice-cream in the past, and then a couple of months ago I suddenly HAD to have strawberry ice-cream, but all I could find at the supermarket was the soft-scoop yucko stuff. Anyway, I bought it, since I had to have it in a pregnant way (!), and Arthur has had some of that on occasion too. He was so awed to discover PINK ice-cream that tasted like strawberries! He had no idea such a thing existed. So I have smuggled a tub of neopolitan ice-cream into the freezer without him knowing :) I can't wait to see the look on his face when he realises there's such a thing as CHOCOLATE ice-cream! In the same tub as "yellow" AND strawberry ice-cream too! I bought some wafers to eat with it as a treat as well :) I think he's going to love his birthday dinner!

I wish I could write more (there's SUCH a lot in my head), but it's so late now that I am feeling dizzy, so I need to go to bed. It's really bad of me to stay up late like this anyway, but for once I have managed to write my diary when I FEEL like it and not when I get a window (but don't particularly feel like it!), so I'm happy to have done that at least. Thank you God that I can lie-in to recover a bit tomorrow, with my sweet husband home looking after the children in the morning. It's such a blessing. I don't want to get too used to it, otherwise I'll have a hard time snapping out of it when Neil goes to work again! But it's such a lovely respite right now. I wish we could go and visit my parents in France for a while. That would be the ultimate break for me. But we never did sort out Neil and Matthew's passports, and the prospect of the travelling with the little ones is horrible to consider (!) so we won't. I'll get too pregnant before long, so we can't visit them at Christmas.

I am already preparing for Christmas, using the FlyLady Holiday Control Journal! I LOVE LOVE LOVE FlyLady! Seriously! It's completely different than the last time I tried it, a year or two ago. This time I am REALLY doing it and it is totally transforming things. I'm not sticking to it 100% wonderfully, but I'm not having guilt over it because that's not the FlyLady way! :)

I have budgetted Christmas, planned Christmas dinner and the decorations, and bought most of the Christmas presents already. I have asked for help from my parents and grandparents with buying some of the bigger items on the wishlist for the boys' presents. The price is around what they normally write us a cheque for at Christmas, so I don't feel bad doing it. I'm just being organised, and trying to cut costs wherever possible, which is SO UNLIKE ME! I feel so proud of myself! :) We are making our own Christmas cards again this year - some of you may have received last year's effort, though I was badly organised last year and didn't finish making and sending in the end - I still have about 20 in my drawer! We did dark green fleece Christmas trees on red card with shiny sticker "baubles" (Arthur stuck those on!). I had some of the supplies at home already (the fleece, mainly!) and bought the rest very cheap on eBay.

This year we are doing snowmen. I love doing crafts with Arthur! He is more able to do them each year, and I'm excited about all the future Christmas card designs we'll do! I'll do less and less of the actual crafts myself as the boys get older and able to do the whole thing themselves. I want making our own Christmas cards to be a fun family tradition that we do every year, from early November. I bought pale blue card at eBay very cheap, and cut it to size at home. I bought silver envelopes for the cards. I used my huge fabric collection to make the snowmen pieces - white sherpa for the snowman's body and head, orange windpro fleece for the nose, leftover Christmas fabric for the scarf, brown or black velour for the hat, etc. I bought silver glitter and white paint and I'll mix them together with some PVA glue to make a "snow" spread for Arthur to paint on the cards before we let them dry and build the snowmen on top. I'm excited! I love crafts like this!

I started in October so hopefully this year I'll actually get them all made and posted! I am also going to make the traditional family Christmas cake recipe for the FIRST TIME this year! I need to do that like this week, because it needs weeks to mature before I can marzipan and ice it. I feel very grown-up making my own Christmas cake, because it's something only "Mummy" makes, and to my own mind, I'm still the child in that situation. My mummy always makes the Christmas cakes, and last year she was kind enough to make one for us and bring it over, so we had Christmas cake at Christmas even though were were home without family! I love Christmas cake, mmmm! Anyway. It's a BIG job to bake one. But I got the recipe from my mum, and now I've bought the ingredients and I'm really going to make one! Yay!

We are making baked gifts for all the family this year to cut costs. We're baking a million (almost literally, urgh!) sugar cookies in the shape of Christmas trees (bought the cutter especially!), and Arthur is going to help me! We're going to ice them and decorate them with hundreds and thousands. That should be pretty, and easy enough for Arthur to help me with. And yummy! And Christmassy enough for family to enjoy the gift. I need tins to put them in, but we'll recycle some of our own, and maybe buy a couple of extra if I can find a good deal somewhere. And that's Christmas sorted! I am loving FlyLady :)

So tired and dizzy, so I really MUST go to bed. A couple of pics before I go, though:

Smiley boy with Daddy:

Monkey boy who is really testing boundaries lately!...

Sleepy little sweetie whose mother cannot help forgetting all the infurating monkey business from earlier, the instant she sees him all sleeping and quiet, hehe!

Those long walks with Arthur and Daddy are making the tiny man zonk right out in the car on the way home, and he stays unconscious even when transferred into the house - hence these photos! :) He's walking and running sooooo smoothly now. He can pivot on one foot and change direction as suddenly has he likes without wobbling now too. He can stomp and march and jump and dance. He's a real little mover! He rarely stops.

My boys:

I love them ALL so! I can't wait to meet Nathan. He gets hiccups a LOT at the moment and kicks and stretches and moves a lot too. I know he's getting ready to come out and meet us. It takes my whole hand laid on my tummy to cover his back now - he is getting big in there! I love him so much already. I have BOYS! I'm so happy and excited, and I can't wait to meet my newest little man. I'm in that lovely honeymooney stage where I can't fathom why on earth I could ever want a daughter, I love my boys so much! Of course a daughter would be wonderful, and I'd LOVE to experience that, one day. Right now, I couldn't want for anything more than three little boys and my lovely husband. I'm so blessed.

I will try to write as soon as I can after Arthur's birthday. There's so much more I wanted to write about him turning 3, and about what he is like now, what he's doing and saying, and what he likes and dislikes. There's so much to write about Matthew, too. And about the big changes we'll be making with the boys as we prepare to have 3 little ones. Big changes need making (notably sleep-related and that!).

I have recently suggested the idea of potty training to Arthur (he's still full-time in his cloth nappies with no hint of potty training yet attempted) but he got all sad and said he didn't want to grow up to be a big boy and he wanted to stay in his nappies and NOT in big boy pants! Bless his heart! So I didn't approach the subject again for a while. He is totally ready, physically, I'm sure of it. But I want to wait till he's emotionally ready too.

Last week I read some great tips from BTDT (been there, done that) mothers online, about potty training. At this stage I have NO qualms (not one!) about bribing my child with chocolate to pee and poo in the potty as quickly as he can get used to doing so! So I casually informed Arthur one day that when he DOES decide to start wearing big boy pants and no nappies, every time he wees in the potty or the toilet, he will get one Smartie. And every time he does a poo in the potty or the toilet, he will get three Smarties. AND, if he does a whole day of weeing and pooing in the potty or toilet, Mummy will take him to the shops and buy him one toy car (Matchbox-style, his current obsession - Tesco's own are brilliant at 50p each!). He did this awestruck gasp and asked to try RIGHT AWAY, hehe! Of course I had no Smarties in the house so we didn't start then.

Now I am stocked up with Smarties, and ready to potty train! :) I just want it to be as quick and issue-free as possible (doesn't every mother?!). I hope it will be, when we finally do it. At least I know he's physically ready, no doubts about that, so it has every chance of quick success. He hasn't mentioned it since, so I'm waiting for a little bit - after his birthday maybe? I don't want to start potty training him within 6-8 of Nathan's due date, because the books say not to - it's too close to a big upheaval in his little life, for such a transition. That window is rapidly closing so I hope we can fit potty training in before then, otherwise I'll have THREE children full-time in cloth nappies for the first couple of months after Nathan is born! Yikes! I'm okay with that, but ohhhhh the laundry....

Right, definitely going to bed!

He did it! And pictures of my laughing boys!

Well I have exactly 10 minutes before I should go to bed (a la FlyLady - who I love, cherish and adore - did I mention that lately?!), but I MUST write an update here tonight. I know I am 2 weeks behind on my pregnancy diary (all going well in that dept at 23.5 weeks, yay! I have an obvious bump and an increasingly busy baby! Energy pretty good, feeling well, etc. Excited about my third little boy! Already so happy that he's a BOY and not a girl, which is a lovely way to feel!), but hey ho. I will try to update there asap, but not tonight.

I had to update to say that Neil handed in his resignation at work today!!!! And he has no job in the pipeline, despite hours of searching each week for the last month or so. He is still on his 3-month probation period so that means he only has to give 2 weeks notice, not a whole month. So his last day at work will be October 30th.

Neil has been getting so depressed about the job he's doing. It just SUCKS. The people there are so negative and NEVER positive. They are critical and everyone apparently has some sort of superiority complex. Neil is making mistakes on pretty much every project he has taken on since starting, and that's NOT like him at all. He began to get nervous that he would fail his probation (many hints were dropped along the way these past couple of months by work colleages, but I think they were being more nasty than accurate about the situation). The pressure was huge on him and he couldn't even ask a question without someone rolling their eyes or something stupid. Anyway.

He couldn't just leave because he had no job to go to after that, and we have a mortgage to pay and bills and food and so on, and a few little people (including the one in the pipeline!). He started looking for just temporary stuff in our local area, stuff that he didn't WANT to do, but which would be a preferable place to go to work while he looked for The Job. Still nothing really came up. We prayed and prayed about it and got no particular sense of God's guidance one way or another. We did feel that God was WITH us in it all - obviously he is. It was frustrating not to hear from him about what to doooo though, when it seemed so pressing. Any local jobs that did come up did not pay nearly enough for us to pay our mortgage, let alone everything else, so he can't take just any job. It has to basically pay enough to cover our mortgage, bills and food. And (ugh) credit card repayments (which are not small, unfortunately).

Anyway. With his anxiety over failing probation, and there only being a few weeks left till it finished, we prayed about whether Neil should hand in his notice (so that he beat them to the punch as it were, instead of having it forever on his career record that he was fired from a job when he didn't want to stay there in any case!). We prayed and waited, listening to God for a long time, but just found silence.

Then yesterday evening Neil came home really depressed after an even worse day than usual, and as he told me about it, I thought how there was no point him staying even if he PASSED probation. I haven't got time tonight to go into that bit more, but anyway, suddenly my gut feeling was, "Never mind the financial panic and the house and family to provide for, just LEAVE that horrible oppressive job, and do it NOW." I shared that with Neil and he said he felt the same way, but was anxious (naturally) about the consequences. We decided to pray. We discussed it for like an hour and then put a CD on and just listened to a beautiful song (Child of God from the Vineyard "Hungry" CD) letting ourselves get into a place of worship before God. THEN we prayed. Neil prayed the most beautiful heartfelt prayer that I think I have ever heard him pray - he really poured out all his feelings and his whole heart in SIMPLE terms (rare for Neil, hehe!), and it was such a beautiful thing for me to hear. He has been so distant or closed or whatever, to God for most of our marriage, it seems. Anyway. The moment he finished praying I knew I did not need to even open my mouth, and I also KNEW God would speak to us. I could really sense his presence in the room with us and ohhhh it was just wonderful.

We waited. I think we must have prayed and waited and prayed again and then written down everything we had heard/felt, for the entire evening, about 3 hours or something. So wonderful, and so necessary and worthwhile!

We prayed a pretty clear-cut kind of prayer. We decided to tell God (what he already knew, obviously!) that we felt our hearts were being led towards Neil leaving that job, and that we thought that Neil would quit tomorrow, UNLESS God said no :) If he did, if we found that door closed in some way, or if we didn't feel it was the right thing to do, he would NOT quit his job. We were going to take silence as a cue to quit, and I guess we were asking God to speak to us if that was not his plan for us.

We both felt amazed because, after all this silence when we have prayed, God spoke to us. Not in the way that he was silent and that gave us our answer (which is what we sort of expected), but in that he did NOT say no, and he DID say pretty much GO FOR IT! I had an image in my mind of a diver (a freeze-frame image) in mid-dive off a diving board. I knew (KNEW) that Neil should quit. Who knows what is in the water or how deep it is, but it's an image of leaping off and leaving behind. And it's a leap of faith.

Before that, I had a sudden flash memory of a time when we were at Stoneleigh Bible Week, yeeears back, and at the offering evening there was a huge celebration (the offering evening was always my favourite evening!). Neil and I literally emptied our bank account, and the immense JOY and sense of freedom was just completely indescribable. I still can't put it into words all these years later. It was so exciting and freeing to be without and to know that God would provide. Of course, he did - we received back many times more than we gave, just weeks later.

That reminded me of the time recently when we gave more than we had to a family at church (I think I wrote about it here even) which I had forgotten about. I know that God will bless us for giving to that family - I knew it at the time, but I am more sure of it than ever now. Who knows when, but he will. These things made me feel like the leaning was towards Neil quitting (and God providing for us as we trust him to), and not God saying NO.

Then after we waited in silence for a while longer, a Bible verse suddenly popped into my head - just a snatch of one that I couldn't remember the reference for (I do not know my Bible like I wish I did), and it was about the lilies of the field not labouring but being clothed in more splendour than even Solomon, and we are more valuable to God than the lilies, so he will take even GREATER care of us in our need. He provides everything we need. At that moment there was no longer a cell in my body that felt ambivalous about the decision. I knew beyond my ability to know, that God was saying, "Quit the job. Trust in me. It's okay."

After a while Neil asked me if I had felt God saying anything and I said yes, but I wanted to hear what he felt first. He definitely did not hear a "No", and actually felt that God was saying it was okay to leave the job now. So I told him everything I had felt/seen during the prayer time. Both of us felt exactly the same - HUGE relief that Neil could hand in his notice the next day, and like it was TOTALLY the right thing to do. No anxiety was left, and there was only awe that God had spoken to us and showed us the way on a big decision, and excitement looking forward to this experience MAKING us lean our entire weight on God and learning to trust him more. I know it will bring us closer together in our marriage too.

So today, Neil quit!! Yippeeee! He has no job to go to. I am SO EXCITED!!! You might think I'm crazy. But I am so exhilarated at the prospect of having no way of managing, and thus when we DO, alllll the glory going to God for everyone to see. I think it will be hard, and scary. I got the feeling when we were praying that there would be a season where Neil is unemployed, not that he will find a job within the next two weeks and all will be dandy. We are actually thinking God called Neil out of his old job and into this new sucky one purely knowing that he would end up leaving and having NO job for a time, which would put us in a position of strengthening our faith in him IMMENSELY as we learn to lean on him through something like this. I know God values that kind of life experience FAR higher than anything piffly like actual careers! :) Which are still important, obviously, but an opportunity for a married couple to test their faith and be refined and changed, and equipped for his glory far outweighs the benefits of even an entire successful career. I really believe that. So I'm excited!

We wrote down 6 pages of everything that we saw, heard and felt during our prayer time, what we prayed and everything, so that we can read it every time we get anxious about the situation (I'm sure that will be plenty often!) and be reminded that God has assured us of his love for us and his ability and willingness to provide for our needs if we put our trust in him.

When we looked up the verse we found that it was part of a passage where Jesus is teaching about worry. I read the whole passage out to Neil and we both just kept stopping and gasping and staring at each other like excited children, because it was SO EXACTLY our situation, and it was like God was literally speaking into our situation with those verses. Those words were for us at this time, and we will hold them close to our hearts and stand firm on them. I want to post (copy/paste if I can find it online somewhere - quicker!) the whole passage here for reference. It's from Matthew 6:25-34...

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I love my God! :) I will try to keep up with this stuff in my diary here, if I can. I really want to record what God is doing in our lives. I think this might be a "biggie" for us, spiritually. We are going to let a bunch of people at church know, tomorrow, about our decision and get their prayer support and so on. I'm so excited! My parents are being very supportive about the idea - they have been saying for ages that the job is too oppressive and if they were Neil they would have left long ago (well, Daddy is of that mind anyway! Mummy is a more cautious person, like Neil in many ways. I'm just like my daddy.). I am dreading telling my grandparents, but hey ho.

Okay, it's getting late, and I've written about the thing I wanted to write. But I took some photos of Arthur and Matthew today, and I know I already have LOADS to post from the last month that I'm behind on, but I just can't resist posting today's photos anyway! I'm trying to get more photos of the boys together, and it's been ages since they've sat still together in a camera frame for more than a split second (worse as Matthew has been getting less of a baby and more of a toddler, though Arthur is finally sitting still for me a little more now!). Today I got them to sit on the sofa and tried to take their picture, but that didn't work (they kept wiggling and looking the other way, etc), so eventually I tried making some very silly sounds from behind the camera. The result was a bunch of photos that I LOVE, but which are rather blurry, of my sweet little pair of boys laughing and laughing. I love to see or hear them laugh, so I know I will always cherish these photos! I'll post the ones that came before the laughing started first, and then a couple of Arthur afterwards, when Matthew had climbed down :)

They are the BEST of friends, and the cutest little buddies! It fills my heart to watch them. I was thinking about Arthur's birthday and whether we should have a little party for him. He doesn't have much of a circle of friends, though he plays with some kids his age at the church creche. His "favourite" friend seems to have been Josh (from church) so far, but that's just my presumption. Sometimes they just play alongside each other still, and aren't all that interested in each other really. So I figured I'd ask him who his best friend was, and ask that person over on his birthday, or something. I wasn't sure if he understood the concept of a best friend, but I asked him the other morning. He didn't hesitate for a second. I said, "Arthur, who is your BEST friend?" and he instantly replied, "Mashew." as matter-of-factly as if I'd asked him what colour the sky was and he'd said blue. They are really quite "joined at the hip" these days, and both are tearful and cross (!) if they wake up from sleep or a nap or something and the other isn't around. They LOVE each other, even if they frustrate each other sometimes. Anyway. A couple of the photos I took really show that, I think. They hug a lot (the cutest thing EVER, in the supermarket trolley side-by-side going round Tesco - two little boys twisted in their seats, locked in tight-but-loving embrace, both sighing, "Awww" at frequent intervals! I want to just lean weakly against the crates of loose baking potatoes and cry with the maternal squeezy goodness that overflows from my heart when that kind of thing happens!).

Oh my good golly, I am just about as BLESSED as anyone could be! My precious sweet baby boys - how I LOVE them! And God is good. No matter what. And my husband is leaving his horrible job, and I know we are going to get closer through it all. And - cherry on the top - there's another sweet baby boy on the way! I'm so happy and excited and awed at how God has blessed me.

And now I MUST go to bed! :)

P.S. I am SO rubbish at emails right now - Meg, pleeease do come and visit on any Friday you like! Yay! :)

Quick update, few pics of Arthur

I'm horribly behind on both my diaries (must sort that out very soon!), but I just wanted to do a 1-minute catch-up while the boys are upstairs with a few photos from about a month ago (already!). I have 10 minutes until I have to get the boys ready to leave for Arthur's physio appt at the hospital (can't wait for our lovely physio from allll this time now, to see that I'm pregnant again!).

FlyLady stuff is going great. Neil's job sucks more than ever (still no new job on the horizon, or particular guidance from God yet). Arthur only has about 3 weeks till his 3rd birthday (aaaargh!), Matthew is 16 months now and running everywhere, and I am just itching to do autumnal things like bake flapjacks (4 batches so far!), start making Christmas cards, pressing leaves, etc. LOVE the autumn!

Today is October 15th - exactly 12 years to the day since I became a Christian! It's always a special day to me. Yesterday at church there was a big baptismal service, and it was so full of joy! Two people responded to the sermon at the end and became Christians. It reminded me so much (with SUCH joy and gratitude!) of my own path to God, because I became a Christian at the end of a baptismal service too, in response to the message preached and the prayer at the end. I remember it was my first day going to church, and I didn't know anyone, but people were CRYING with joy all around me when I put my hand up to say that I had prayed that prayer for the first time, acknowledging that I had chosen to give my life to Jesus that evening. I didn't understand why on earth they were crying and seeming so happy at the time, but I surely do now! :) Anyway, thank you Jesus for 12 blessed and wonderful years in your arms.

Okay, that's all I have time for. Back soon, I hope! I have a lot more photos so I will try to get those posted soon. Today I have 3 of Arthur to show you.

How I LOVE my funny little boy :)

The boys, discipline, photos, and new brother!

Back again!

Okay, so Arthur didn't really get the concept of death (obviously) but he seemed quite happy to talk about it. I was just honest and tried to keep everything I said to his level (or as near it as possible!). He knows that Cameron was a little boy who was very special to Mummy, and that Mummy loved him very much even though she wasn't HIS mummy. He knows (after some persuasion!) that his middle name is Cameron and it was chosen to be his middle name because of the little boy that Mummy loved so much. He knows that Cameron died, and that means he isn't here anymore. I chose to tell him about being with Jesus when we die, in a place where nobody is ill or too tired any more. I told him that when he's as happy as happy can be, there's a place where he can feel even happier and that's heaven, where we can be with Jesus. He loved talking/hearing about heaven! I didn't yet talk to him about the possibility of people NOT going to heaven. I saw no need right now, and he's soooo little and that can come later. It's already a concept he can't quite grasp, just dying and going to heaven!

I also focused on dying when you get very old (except for Cameron) rather than all SORTS of reasons that people could die at any age (!) because I didn't want to worry him about anyone he loves randomly popping off and never coming back again to him! He's so little for all these concepts. He doesn't know that people's bodies are buried under their graves either. So far I taught him that the gravestones are markers, one for each person who has died, and I focused on what was written on each one - that they tell us about the person who has died. He's too little to understand in any case, and I don't want him anxious about these things.

We had most of this discussion just before we left to go to the cemetery. When we arrived and I parked near Cameron's grave, Arthur looked all expectant, and when we got out, he asked, "Where's the little boy?" Even after all that we'd talked about, he expected Cameron to be there so he could play with him (oh my heartstrings, how they ached when he asked me that so innocently! I wish he COULD play with Cameron and not just visit his grave). So I can't expect him to take in any of it really. But I'm glad to have given him some explanation of why we were going and what the place was about. He had fun running about with Matthew and it was a nice afternoon.

Arthur's behaviour is HUGELY improving with the discipline we're doing! People are commenting on how well behaved he is at church and also out and about like at the shops. I am now able to be happy with him walking instead of strapped into the tandem pushchair with his brother, because I KNOW he will listen to me and mind me if I ask him to stop, or come back. And he won't go away from me if I tell him he's not to. This is a huuuuge change - only recently I felt soooo out of control on this issue! It is definitely 100% down to the discipline, although Arthur does have it in him to be a really well-behaved little boy. He needed boundaries setting, and no nonsense over the consequences if he didn't stay within them, and for the consequences to be unpleasant enough to motivate him to avoid them in the future (!), and I'm so happy that we're finally providing that for him.

Jemma asked if I could talk more about the discipline, but the reason I didn't before is that we are smacking our kids (yes, Matthew too), and I allllways get negative comments about that kind of discipline. I don't care to hear them, so I don't bother discussing what we're doing in detail, that's all! I will happily share what we’re doing though, since you asked!

The boys have a specific place that they are taken to, to be disciplined. We call it "being disciplined" with them (eg. “If you ____ again, I will discipline you.”), not "you'll get a smack!" or anything with the word smack in it. They are warned once about something they are not to do, and if they do it again, they are CALMLY (big breakthrough for me with this method, hooray!) taken to the place we discipline them (currently just at the porch door in this house, since it's too tiny to take them to another room, which is what we'd otherwise want to do). What we have chosen to believe (here's the negative comment zone...) is that discipline has to be unpleasant if it's to work well. Yes, yes, I know a bunch of you STRONGLY disagree, but please keep that to yourselves. I'm just saying what we've chosen to do and what is working for us.

We get down to their level and explain why we have to discipline them (what they've done, reminder that we had told them not to do it and that they must do as Mummy or Daddy tells them), and then they get one smack on the bottom or leg - bare skin. I do not whack them with huge strength, and the method allows for me to avoid disciplining them in anger or frustration. They rarely cry about it though. Then I ask Arthur (or remind Matthew) why I have discplined him, and he tells me in his own words (so that I know HE understands why it had to happen). Then we always ask for an apology. Matthew is LITTLE for this, he's little for the whole thing, but definitely needing proper discipline for various things at the moment. He understands the whole procedure, and says, "Yeh, yeh!" earnestly instead of sorry when that part comes! After they say sorry, they are swept up in cuddles and covered in kisses, and reminded that Mummy and Daddy love them and we are trying to teach them to ____ (do as they are told, be nice to their brother, etc) by disciplining them.

The whole thing is so calm and controlled, compared with how I used to feel out of control and just fly off the handle so easily. We have persevered patiently with this method, and it's so straight-forward. It doesn’t take a long time, it’s quick and to-the-point, effective, and I particularly love the physical affection and reinforcement of our love for them. It always ends up with them happy and cheerful, just moving onto the next thing the moment it is dealt with, and me as well, which is a change too. More importantly, they are really starting to respond. They get disciplined quite a lot some days, and other days less so.

The amount they are being disciplined each day isn't the main thing, it's how they are responding to us. Arthur is acting with MUCH more respect for us, and seems more secure. He will do as he's told much more, and like I was saying about being out and about, I can trust him to stay close to me and do what I ask him the moment I ask it, when we're out, which is essential for safety near cars!

If he's really noisy during Big Boy Quiet Time, I will go upstairs and discipline him for that. Matthew is sleeping in the next room and I don't want him woken, but also I need to set up Quiet Time as I need it to go on, with the prospect of adding more little ones to our family. I figure I need to get the ground rules down NOW, right at the start! He always knows in advance that he'll be disciplined, it's never something that's sprung on him. He has to choose whether to continue a behaviour that we've asked him not to do, and get disciplined for it, or not! One time recently, I forgot to warn him at the start of BBQT that if he made too much noise he would be disciplined, and so when he made a load of noise and I went up into his room, I only warned him that next time if he was noisy I would have to discipline him.

He eyed me with suspicion as I was telling him, and when I'd finished, he said, "But Mummy, shouldn't you be disciplining me for this?" !!!! I didn't know what to say! For one thing it was SUCH a grown up sentence (he stumbled a tiny bit in the pronounciation of "disciplining" – something more like, “dis-per-splin-ing”!), but mostly I was just gobsmacked that he KNEW he should have been disciplined, and expected me to follow through with it! Now I discipline him the first time he makes noise during Quiet Time. He knows what he's doing, and relies on me to keep those boundaries well-defined.

He won't join in the singing at church, and I won't make him either. He has fun at creche, and the rest of church is currently for me and Neil - the boys essentially tag along. I won't push him to join in anything at church, although he must go to creche (or Sunday school, once he's 3) during the sermon. If he doesn't want to sing then that's fine. We are starting to ask that he sits with me during the worship time rather than running around all over the hall. All the little ones at our (very relaxed!) family church run about during the worship time, and always have. But I'm noticing that most of the kids around the age of 3 are starting to sit with their parents more. So we're encouraging him to do that too, now. He is doing great! He watches the band play and listens to the music and the singing. There are still plenty of occasions where the worship song will fade out and a little voice will ring out, "Is it finished? Is it creche time now?!" Hehe! He is also getting better at not saying that loudly when we remind him!

He does take in things though. He won't sing or do action songs at church (in much the same way as he wouldn't join in at Tumble Tots with the singing or group activities), but my heart soars to watch him playing with his cars and singing joyfully, "Our God is a GREAT BIG GO-O-O-OD and he holds us in his haaands!" :)

We are starting to work on "attitudey" stuff with Arthur, as there's PLENTY of it these days. *sigh* He's starting to respond, mostly in that he expects to be disciplined if he's rude to us, or shouts at us and stuff. We don't tolerate his whiney voice, but he still does it allll the time. There are still a LOT of things, but he’s little yet. The things we mainly won’t tolerate from little Matthew are high pitched screeching (in defiance, not so much for excitement) right in our faces, as it’s giving me tinnitus (I kid you not, my ears ring even at night after a day with a few of those award-winning screeches from Matthew!). It really HURTS my ears, and my hearing is numb for a while afterwards, so 15-months or not, he MUST stop it. We also warn and discipline for shaking the TV (he’s breaking it gradually), climbing onto the big chest of drawers even when told not to as he’s about to, hitting (Arthur or us) or throwing toys at people (!!). He needs to learn NOT to do any of those things, even this young. We always warn him carefully, on his level with eye-contact, in simple words. He pretty much goes back and does the same things again after he’s disciplined, but then he starts to get the message after a few times in a row being disciplined for that particular thing!

The battery is almost gone on my laptop and dinner is nearly ready (I decided to continue this entry while Neil was cooking the dinner after they got home - yay for a break for me at the weekend and my lovely husband!), so I'll continue this later after the boys are in bed.

Okay, back again! It’s 9.45pm – later than I planned, because I had an uncontrollable (!!) urge to make flapjacks. They’re cooling in their tin now, and I am sooooooo longing to eat the whole lot before it’s even cooled. *sigh* Here I am instead, though! ;)

I can’t remember if there was anything else I was going to say about discipline.... nope, my brain has gone blank. Anyway, it is going WELL, for us AND for the boys.

Oh, I wanted to mention in this diary that we went for our scan this week and found out we are having another baby boy!!! Yay! I am really getting used to the idea now (I actually thought it was a girl until the scan!). His name is Nathan Martin (Nathan – we love it, means “Gift of God”, and Martin – my daddy’s name). You’ll be hearing that name a lot here from now on :) Starting now! Nathan has hiccups! I can feel them blipping against the laptop! My bump is growing quite noticeable, but my energy is good and I’m feeling pretty good too. I just love this middle-of-pregnancy stage! I need to update my pregnancy diary asap (I’m 22 weeks tomorrow, and thus another belly pic is due!), but I doubt I’ll get that done tonight with the HUGE entry I need to write here first!

Soooo I have three little boys! I am so blessed!!! I can’t wait to post pictures of all three of them here! Arthur has some understanding about Nathan already, and his whole response is just wonderful and encouraging. He’s already a fabulous big brother, and I know he’ll be the same with Nathan as he is with Matthew. Arthur seems to me to be just made to be the eldest of lots of siblings, and I’m so thankful for that! I’m not sure about Matthew though.... We are praying about that! Praying for Matthew and his transition to come, and about his relationship with Nathan. I hope he’ll be okay and not find it too traumatic or threatening. I guess you just never know with each of your children who has never had a baby brother or sister before – each child is different and will respond differently to having a new sibling. Arthur may respond differently too, being older than he was the last time – I mean, he was too little to know much different, and can’t remember a time before Matthew was around. He’ll be 3 and a quarter when Nathan is born, which is a whoooole different stage, developmentally. I have high hopes though, for Arthur. I think he’ll be fine, and possible a wonderful steadying influence for Matthew too, as Matthew and Arthur have such a wonderful relationship and will have each other through a big family transition. It should be okay. I hope! :)

Arthur knows he is getting another baby brother, and that his name is Nathan. He is THRILLED, seriously! He smiles soooo much every time I mention it! He knows Nathan is in my tummy, and instead of saying, "Mind my tummy!" if he’s clambering over me, like I used to, I now say, "Mind Nathan!" and he stops and smiles, and pats my tummy :) He has been talking about Nathan a LOT int he last couple of days. He comes out with stuff from nowhere, so it tells me that he’s really thinking about it. He will tell me how he and Nathan and Matthew (still saying "Mashew" - so cute!) will all play together (clasps hands with glee, bless his heart!), and that he thinks Nathan (which he currently pronounces, "Nay-fan" or occasionally "May-fan") will really like such-and-such a toy, book, or rough-and-tumble game that he and Matthew enjoy. I tell him that Nathan will be very tiny at first and it will take him a long time to get bigger and learn to play the things that he and Matthew play. He shrugs it off and seems just excited about Nathan being around anyway. Which is lovely!

He said some stuff the other day which was music to my broody ears, haha! ;) He said, completely out of the blue, "After Nay-fun, then there'll be Beth-nee...." I said, "Really, Arthur?!" and he was so matter-of-fact - he said, "Yes." I said that we'd have to see about that, and for now there would just be Nathan. I asked him if he wanted more baby brothers or sisters, and he was SO enthusiastic and said, "YES!" immediately, and gleefully exclaimed things like, "Lots and lots and LOTS! And we'll all play together!" :) I asked him if Mummy and Daddy should FILL our little house with babies (hehe!) and he said, "Oh yes!" Not with glee, but with total matter-of-fact-ness, like that was totally something he would like to be part of. I love him! :)

He was patting my tummy this afternoon reeeally gently (I was lying on the sofa with my feet up and he was kneeling next to the sofa peering at my round tummy!). He said, "Gosh, that Nay-fan's getting really big already! Look at your big tummy!" hehe! And then he patted some more in silence, and looked at me to say, "I think Nay-fan really likes this patting...." I told him I thought he did too :) I announce it now when Nathan is awake. I feel him start to kick me after being quiet for a while, and say, "Nathan’s awake!" Arthur always stops what he’s doing and looks at me questioningly. I tell him that I can feel him bumping and kicking inside my tummy, so I know that he has just woken up! I can’t wait till he kicks me strongly enough for Arthur to feel it CLEARLY with his little hand on my tummy. He was too little to appreciate that last pregnancy, and I know he’ll LOVE it this time! Nathan’s kicks can easily be felt from the outside but I figure it should be really obvious (much stronger) for Arthur’s benefit.

We were reading stories on the sofa this morning when Matthew was elsewhere (napping? Maybe it was just after lunch then), and Arthur and I were sitting side-by-side as we read his books together. As I read him his Monster Machines book (one of his favourites!), he casually laid his hand on the top of my bump, while he looked at the pictures. I read on, and after a while he looked at me and said quietly, "I'm just keeping an eye on Nay-fan, okay?" Neil took pictures :)

I so love that boy!!

Well, time is getting on, and I have tooooo much stuff to write in just one evening/entry, not to mention a ton of photos to post, so I think I will try to think of some basic catch-up stuff about each of the boys. I don't think I've covered what stuff they're doing/saying/measuring (!) etc, for a while now, so it should be done now!

Arthur is 3 NEXT MONTH. Oh my gosh!! I can't believe another year has nearly passed and he'll be 3. Really. He wants a chocolate cake for his birthday cake, with chocolate chips in it, and lots of colours on top. I like the way he thinks, hehe! Last birthday I made him a chocolate cake in the shape of a car with Smarties on the top, which is pretty much what springs to mind when I think of his request. I want to make it different from last year's cake though, so we'll see. The choc chips will be different at least though, yum yum! ;) When I asked him what he might like for a present, he said he would like some "cubboard" raisins (yoghurt covered raisins)!! That's it! Although he seems excited at the prospect of his own camera, which we've suggested to him (I'm thinking of the Kid Tough digital camera - anyone know if it's any good?). I think he'd be thrilled to take his own pictures!

Arthur just got some new shoes - the hospital physio told us in April that when it came to the autumn (it's autumn, it's AUTUMN, hooraaaay!! I love autumn!) we should buy him some sturdy lace-ups instead of the velcro-fastening shoes he's been wearing. She said they would give his feet more support (they are still a little curly, hmmm...). So last week I got to thinking that I should get the boys' feet measured to see if they need to go up a shoe size or something. Their shoes fit on fine as far as I could tell, but it's so important to buy shoes that fit children properly for their feet to grow and so on. So I took them. My oh my, what a FUN FUN outing that was (sorry if my sarcasm dripped on you there!), but hey ho it's all done, and I discovered that Arthur had grown out of his size 6Hs that he's been wearing for many months. He is now a 7G (I'm always happier when his feet drop to a G instead of an H!), but that shop didn't have any lace-ups in his size. So a few days later we went to a different shop (seriously, we were NOT going to another shoe shop that same FUN-filled morning!) and found 3 measly pairs of lace-ups in his size to choose from, and a million pairs of gorgeous shoes that fastened with something other than laces, tsk! The lace-ups were not that nice either. The first pair (Startrite) didn't fit him well (he's been in Startrites for a long time so I was surprised), and then the Clarks pair was just tacky and horrible. THEN the lady brought out a pair of sturdy brown Timberland boots. They fit him beautifully, looked great (and I knew they'd go with pretty much every outfit he has), and he liked them. They cost forty pounds!!!! Oh my gosh. The sales lady was actually apologetic about the cost - it's way more than we've paid for his shoes in the past and we haven't got any money at the moment! But I told her we had to have proper shoes for him and I would pay with my eyes closed, haha! ;) Timberland boots seem to come up really small for their size, so he's in a pair of size 8.5 G!!! He has lots of growing space which is fab. Hopefully they'll fit him for a long time to come, and support his little curly feet well. Arthur has a physio follow-up in just over a week, come to think of it. It's every 6 months now. Wow, those last 6 months disappeared in no time!

Arthur has all his teeth, fully in, even the back molars. He can clean his own teeth well, but he can't quite make the brush do little circles over his front teeth - it's very side-to-side. But other than that he can do them really well. He brushes his own teeth and then I go over them quickly afterwards and praise him for doing a great job!

He talks non-stop. I can't think of anything he CAN'T say! He likes to sing a lot (except in an unfamiliar setting or when asked to sing!), and he is singing way better in tune than he used to. He can follow all sorts of actions to dances and things on TV. He does forward and backward rolls, which he taught himself many months ago, and likes to jump more than ANYTHING, on a bed or the sofa. He likes the trampoline effect and says (breathlessly!) as he's jumping that it's his favourite thing EVER!

He has crazy amounts of energy, but often complains of being too tired. He uses phrases like that for attention or to avoid doing certain things, sometimes. He reached TICK-FREE ZONE (!!) on September 27th and is healthy, so I'm praising God that he didn't contract Lyme Disease from that tick bite at the park where the deer carry it. I got a letter from the hospital to say they were aware of Arthur's case, but that they have only yet known of ONE child case of Lyme Disease from a tick bite at that park. Which was VERY reassuring! Phew! I threw the dead tick away - yay! :)

Arthur isn't really eating any better when it comes to my cooking. He loves jars of toddler food still (urgh, he's nearly THREE!) but rarely gets them. We keep some in the cupboard for occasional days when the entire afternoon has gone wrong (!) and dinner will run toooo late for the boys if I don't bash something together FAST. Soon I won't need to fall back on jars, because I'm really (really!!) doing great with FlyLady and will be moving onto the meal planning section soon - I already meal-plan pretty well (though I've been slacking since starting morning sickness a few months back), but FlyLady is helping me be organised so that things like that won't happen - the afternoon shouldn't go wrong and affect family meal time.

He does now eat ham (gasp!) but it has to be Bob the Builder ham. *sigh* He'll eat cheese, but only sliced or grated, and then he won't eat it grated if he's not in the mood for grated cheese that day. Cue MEGA tantrum if I mistakenly give him a grated cheese sandwich instead of a cut cheese (as he calls it) sandwich! He won't eat pasta or potatoes in any form. He will only eat rice if it's part of a jar of toddler food. Oh, and spaghetti pasta in jars, but not mine. He won't eat meat or most vegetables, so he doesn't eat much when we have a roast dinner. It sounds like it should drive me CRAZY but it doesn't, not nearly as much as it used to. I have no idea why he's not responding after....EIGHT months of just not giving him anything else to eat if he doesn't want what I serve him! But he's not. Anyway. He does eat sandwiches, albeit samey ones (marmite, cheese, that's about it) with the daily essential Bob the Builder ham on the side! He eats banana and apple, loves raisins and fruit yoghurt, and raw carrot. And sweetcorn, and baked beans. So he gets his fruit and veg, I make sure he does. He doesn't seem to go hungry.

He is still breastfeeding, though I have NO milk as such any more. I keep his nursing sessions very short now in the day. He gets the odd random one if he asks for it during the day, and otherwise his only routine breastfeed is at bedtime as it always was. He would happily nurse more, but although I am not trying to WEAN him, I am intending to cut him down a little before Nathan arrives. I am happy to nurse three, really and honestly. Arthur will probably only nurse at bedtime, and Matthew might only nurse at bedtime and naptime. I can't believe I am close to hitting the THREE-YEAR breastfeeding milestone!!! How awesome is that?!! I'm soooo proud. I am beginning to not really remember too well what it was like to NOT be breastfeeding, and I love that :) I would happily nurse for the next decade if I could!

Anyway, so Arthur is doing well. I'm not sure what other things I wanted to say. He is big for his age I think. I don't know his measurements, and maybe he's NOT actually big for his age, but people are always sizing him up and saying, "He's, what, 3 and a half?" So I guess he looks big for his age.

Moving on to Matthew!

Matthew is doing wonderfully! He is going on 16 months old - how crazy! He is teething at the moment. He has his four top middle teeth, and the bottom middle two, then he got his first top molar and the 3rd bottom middly on the same side, a day apart. He is working on molars right now. They suck and take SO long to come in! He has just cut his first bottom molar (the same side as the other recent two), and the top molar on the other side - just tiny corners of those poking through so far. So that makes 10 teeth for Mathsie so far! Halfway there! :) He has had a couple of days of being dosed with Calpol, and has been having the occasional HIDEOUS teething poo which nothing but an instant bath can resolve! They completely bypass pretty much any nappy I put on him, urrrgh. Hopefully he will get these molars quickly with as little bother as possible!

Matthew is finally growing into size 12-18 month clothes. Some of the more generous 9-12 month clothes are still juuuust fitting, but really I should put them away because they're not a generous enough fit on him anymore. Some of his 12-18 month clothes are just HUGE on him, but others fit well. He is in 18-24 month popper vests though, but that's probably just the cloth nappies! He is on the closest setting on size large Fuzzi Bunz, and otherwise still fits size 2 Kissaluvs, but only just. They are too low-cut for my boys really. Matthew only fits them this long because he's so lean and little! Arthur was soooo chubby! :)

I have no idea what he weighs or measures these days. There are no more baby checks after 8 months (crazy!!!) but I had that extra one at 12 months for him because they wanted to check his weight. He eats great (is starting to be slightly fussy about some foods though...) and HUGE portions, and is very healthy and active, so I never even think about his weight anymore. He is definitely lean and little, but like Arthur, people have started to assume he's older than he is lately. He has recently had a growth spurt (in height) so maybe he just looks tall for his age right now? I don't know.

His hair grows even faster than Arthur's and Arthur's grows FAST! It's still light brown, not getting any darker. It was a little fairer over the summer, though we really didn't have any summery sunny weather to speak of! His eyes are still blue, but have a yellowy hazel-ish ring in the middle quite clearly now. Sometimes his overall eye colour looks grey, just like mine. I am still waiting for his eyes to turn a proper grey, but maybe they won't? Mine were blue for a good long while before they gradually "greyed up" according to my mum.

I call him ever so many daft nicknames! I can't help myself. He's sooooooooo cute and scrumbly and that makes me keep coming out with cutesy names for him. *sigh* I'm hopeless like that! He is still mostly Mathie or Mathsie to me. I call him Matthew a lot though, too. For several months, one of my unexplained random nicknames for Matthew has been Matthew-Binks. Don't ask why - I really don't know! That has (of course!) morphed into all sorts of other nicknames, which both Arthur and I use for him all the time! The most common ones are just plain Binks, Binky, Binksie, Binksie-boy, Binksie-bean, etc. He is also known as a Binky-minx! Because he's just a bundle of mischief and playfulness! This has also translated itself into other nicknames, so he then became "that minxie boy" or "that mini minx". Which then gave way to "mini boy". The latest run of nicknames for him (though the others are ALL still in use, the poor child!) is "mini". I don't know why, it just keeps on popping out. He's just so little and such a mini version of a little boy. So I often find myself just calling him "mini" or "mini boy", or "mini bean". Arthur uses ALL these nicknames with ease. I sometimes hear him say to Matthew, "No, nooo, you mini minx! I know all about you, Binky-boy!" hehe! What have I done?! ;)

I just can't helllllp it. I look at him and suddenly my insides squoooosh and I want to squish him all up in my arms and basically just EAT him. He is so delicious and lovely! I love him soooooooooooo much. I hate (HATE) his cot bars at the moment. They are preventing me from being able to kiss his sweet cheeks while he's sleeping. Mind you, they are probably helpfully protective - he might get very little restful sleep if I was actually able to access those cheeks during the evening! ;) We are thinking ahead at the moment, about transitioning him to a toddler bed (perhaps the "bed" version of his cotbed?) or normal single bed before Nathan is born - the boys will share a room when that happens. Right now, he's not ready. But we're thinking on it.

I need a flapjack. Sort of like oxygen, right now :) Back in a mo.

Matthew's shoes were a perfect fit - he's in proper walking shoes now and I have been putting him in a pair of Clarks 4Gs that Arthur outgrew like 2 weeks after they arrived. All of Arthur's bigger shoes will not be suitable for Matthew, even if he's the same width foot and everything, because Arthur's feet are curly and have moulded the shoe somewhat. Also, I keep hearing that it's just not good to hand down shoes for everyday wear. Old shoes are already moulded to somebody else's foot and thus don't give the best support to the next person. Children need the most ideal support and best fit possible while their feet are growing and they're so active on them! So, yeurgh, expenses! But worthwhile ones.

I'm so glad that Matthew was measured as needing a 4G! The shop assistant checked the shoes for me, and pronounced them perfect for him, so I'm really glad. He loves his shoes at the moment, and is always bringing them to me to put them on so he can go out!

He is running now, having been practising it for AGES, back and forth across the living room, faster and faster till he would fall and then get up and try again! He can run and he's so pleased with himself. He has also more recently been working on stepping down from something (say a box that he's climbed on), forwards with one foot first, but without holding onto anything. He has had soooo many falls doing this, but he won't be deterred. He gets frustrated but that makes him all the more determined. He can do this over and and over and over for like 20 minutes without stopping! He is the most determined child I ever met. Although I think I was pretty much the same kind of child, so that's probably why! He has been doing this from when he was a tiny baby, first with practising to roll, and then to crawl, etc. Every gross motor skill has been worked on like this, and many of the fine motor skills as well.

Anyway, the day of our scan, my grandparents babysat for us while we went together to see our 3rd little tiny one! It was the first time that the boys had been left with someone without either Neil or myself for any length of time. They were fine - Granny said Matthew didn't seem overly happy about it just after we left, but they got the jigsaw box down and he was instantly fine :) Anyway, when we got home, Matthew was standing on the jigsaw box doing his stepping-down practise, and they said he'd been doing it for quite some time. He finally perfected it that afternoon! He can now step down off the mattress that is our floor-bed, any box of similar height - he'll even practise climbing on a book that's flat on the floor and stepping down off it! And he can do it smoothly, one foot first, without needing to hold onto anything. He is SO pleased with himself! He does it over and over, beaming HUGELY the whole time and looking up every time for approval and praise! He's the cutest pie.

He isn't saying much yet. I forget when to expect that kind of thing! There's so much variation, and I can't even remember what Arthur was saying at Matthew's age, or when he really got talking. I know he seemed to not be saying much when other toddlers were, but then he suddenly started saying a LOT very quickly, and left those same toddlers behind. I don't know if Matthew will be the same - every child is different after all.

He currently says:

Mama (but only recently and not very consistently)
Dada or Daddeeee!
Down (dah)
The end (dee eh) for the end of a story when I close the book
Doooo! (that's "moo" for a cow, bless him!)
din or dink (drink)
dindin or dinder (gingerbread man - those Organix gingerbread men are his ultimate all-time favourite snack right now!)
Boo-dee! (Boogie Beebies - a TV programme on CBeebies that he loves to dance and clap to and is very excited when it starts!)
Toh Doooon (Tommy Zoom, one of Arthur's favourites on CBeebies at the mo)
Ta (Thomas the Tank Engine - yes, too much telly is still happening at our house)
Tee! (teeth - he LOVES having his teeth brushed now, and this is his excited exclamation when we approach him with his toothbrush!)
Den (again)
Dih or didit (biscuit)
He says something consistent for "breakfast" but I can't remember exactly how he says it well enough to write something here
Same for "Arthur". It's so vague and changes all the time, but I know he's trying to call Arthur by name specifically. It has been "sur" or "sur-sur" or "ah-dah" before now, but never consistently.
Zooz (shoes)

I can't remember any others for now, though there might be a few more. Nathan is kicking me :)

What else about Matthew? He is ever such a rough-and-tumble boy! He is so aggressive in his play, it unnerves me! He loves any kind of roughness in play that's done to him, it makes him giggle like CRAZY. I have started to find it a sound that makes me actually unsettled if I'm in the kitchen preparing dinner and hear Matthew start to belly-laugh! I go quickly to see what they're up to, as it's guaranteed to be some sort of wrestling with head-locks involved, on the sofa, if Matthew is giggling like that! Funny boy! He LOVES to wrestle, and initiates it all the time with Arthur, who puts up with it very generously! Actually, Arthur loves to play with Matthew, anything that makes him laugh seems to make Arthur laugh too, even if it's not his best choice of game! Arthur prefers playing with cars and pretend play, but Matthew is always desperate for a game of chase, catch, ball-throwing, or wrestling! If Arthur makes funny faces as he pops out from a hiding place, Matthew squeals with excitement and laughs and laughs. They have invented some crazy games that make them both laugh a lot.

I took some photos one afternoon of some games they were playing together. These photos are probably nearly a month old now, but oh well - better late than never! The first game they played looked decidedly odd to me, so I asked Arthur what game it was. He said it was "biting noses"!! They never actually bit each others noses, just acted threateningly with open mouthes poised over each others noses, as though they MIGHT bite! It made them laugh waaaay too much to ever actually get to biting. They are such funny little boys!

This very weird game (!!) was swiftly followed by one where Arthur ran about the room with a ball wedged in his mouth, and Matthew chased him, laughing too much to really do more than a stagger. Then Arthur would stop for a moment, allowing Matthew to catch up and reach for the ball, before suddenly taking off again - this would leave Matthew giggling too much to move for a moment and then the whole thing would repeat!

Finally, the fun concluded with Arthur hiding behind various items of furniture and popping out with wide eyes and mouth at Matthew, who just stood rooted to the spot, squealling with delight every time Arthur popped out. He looks very still and calm but he's actually screeching fit to shatter the windows!

Here are my little scrumbly boys playing boats in the cheap boxes I bought from Homebase (to help me Fly!):

And here's a random photo from bathtime one night a few weeks ago. Matthew loves splashing! They don't have many toys in the bath any more because usually we're just trying to hurry and get them washed and out again, and also Matthew has started dumping everything over the edge of the bath onto the floor, never mind if they're FULL of bath water, so we have had to stop putting fill-able toys in the bath for now! Arthur HATES having his hair washed. He makes a terrible fuss about it every time now. We have a ring for him to wear around his head but he hates that just as much. Matthew isn't nearly so bad with hair washes!

Most often now, I am bathing the boys on my own because Neil is only home at 7pm or a bit later. I have adjusted to it at last! :) FlyLady is helping LOADS. I long to write more about all that but I just don't have time tonight. But I'm so proud of myself. The house is getting CLEAN and decluttered, the boys are eating, getting nappy changes, and sleeping on time, they get to go out every day, and by the time Neil is home, the house is that bit tidier than when he left, the kids are fed and bathed, and sometimes changed for bed too. Usually that's what I'm doing as he walks in, changing them for bed, although sometimes I'm running late and we've only just finished dinner (on non-bath nights - baths are every other night). Also I'm not stressed and snappy and at the end of my rope any more when he walks in, which is WONDERFUL.

Okay, I really MUST go to bed! I have so many more photos to post, but no more time tonight. I will leave you with a couple of photos of my little boys at the park on one of our daily outings a few weeks ago - I reached for my camera because I was watching them and suddenly they seemed so much like two little boys, not so much like a little boy and a baby brother anymore. They both walk and toddle about together, climb hills and roll down them! They follow each other about and amuse each other. I remember a long while back, writing here in my diary that I was so excited to reach the day where I could actually see them run about together enjoying each others company when we went out and about, and here I suddenly am! It was so delightful to watch them. I took a photo of them walking and climbing a little slope, my two little walkers! And then a hastily snapped photo of them sitting on a nearby bench. They only sat still for about 3 seconds each, but only about 0.5 of those 3 seconds coincided! So Matthew (whose 3 seconds started first) was already sliding his little butt off to go somewhere else, and Arthur was just settling into quick-grin-for-the-camera, so it wasn't the best photo! But it's the ONLY photo I've had of the two of them looking vaguely at the camera for ages, so I was glad of it all the same!

I have lots of photos of the boys each on their own, but tonight I've managed to post all the outstanding ones from my "The Boys" file at Photobucket (thank goodness we're having another boy - the name of that file could have posed problems later on otherwise, hehe!). I'll try to post those ones soon, before I have too many to post again and they get too old. I also have loads more that I wanted to write about, notably God/church, more about FlyLady stuff I'm doing, homeschooling, stuff about Neil's job, etc. And all my usual rambling thoughts! It's always good to purge those somewhere :) I'll be back! Hopefully soon!

Almost an entry!

Another way-too-huge gap between entries! Again, I have been wanting to update for ages, but just haven't had chance. I update at my pregnancy diary mostly, but even that is only weekly at the moment. I just never seem to find the time it takes to write alllll the newsy stuff about the boys and so on. Today is Saturday, and the boys are at the local swings with Neil. They won't be gone for much longer, so I'm probably crazy to start a diary entry but oh well. Otherwise I will just NEVER write one! We'll see how much I get done. Maybe I'll have to post what I've done, and try again another time, or maybe I'll feel in the middle of something and save it on Word to finish later (that's what I usually end up doing). We'll see.

So, it had better be bullet-points again this entry!

* Just to update on my last entry, baby Copeland died just over a week after birth. Please pray for this lovely family (link last entry)! I can't fathom what they're going through right now.

* I took the boys to Cameron's grave a couple of weeks ago - September 24th was 4 years since he died. I can't believe it's been four years already, it's crazy. They filled my heart with joy and gladness, watching their sweet little toddly selves running and chasing each other around the cemetary, their giggles ringing out across the empty place. There was nobody else there that afternoon. I took some photos of them playing with the windmills on Cameron's grave (Cam has a new stone gravestone as well, since I last visited, but the original wooden engraved cross is still there with it), but I don't think I will post them because Cam's full name is visible in the photos on his gravestone. I don't like my full name known on the internet, so I would want to protect anyone else's too. I miss that boy. But it was not a sad time when I took my little boys to his grave - thank you God for my blessings!

It did result in a long talk with Arthur about death and graves and Cameron, probably 98% of which he is too little to comprehend yet! I read that little children (under 4?) aren't actually able to comprehend the permanence of death yet - they haven't reached that stage of psychological development. Arthur isn't even 3 yet so I knew he it would be beyond him. But he needed some sort of explanation about the place we were visiting, and what the graves were, and who Cameron was and why he isn't here any more.

I think the boys are back ALREADY! Oh well. I guess I will be saving this for later then! Will try to do a proper (probably LONG) entry this evening after they're asleep, and post photos this time too.

Actually I think I will post this now, and then have a slightly shorter post later without these paragraphs at the start! ;) It's just a pre-emptive entry, or something, hehe! Back later :)

Just because it touched my heart....

I was reading Sarah's blog and followed the link to Boothe's. Please pray for Boothe and Conor. Their baby girl will be delivered tomorrow and she has Triosomy 18. She is not expected to survive long after birth. Her name is Copeland. These people have the most INCREDIBLE faith in God. They inspire me.

Then I followed a couple of Boothe's links (you know how it is with the old clicky-clicky late in the evening when you should really be sleeping or something else useful!), and read the entire of Mandy's blog for her daughter Madeline, who was born with Triosomy 18 and died the next day. I read an entire Caringbridge journal about a baby who died 5 days after birth, though not due to Triosomy 18, but I can't seem to find the link again now.

Reading about Madeline, I was just sobbing my heart out. Oh it makes my heart ache SO to think of the kind of grief that must be entailed, to carry a baby that you are SO bonded with, and then to kiss their sweet little features and say goodbye to them so very soon after you meet them. I can't fathom it. I just couldn't see for crying about those babies and their families.

Neil went out to the supermarket late this evening, to pick up some things we've run out of for tomorrow. It's 11.30pm now and he's just got home with them. So I guess I was reading this stuff between 10 and 11.15pm or something. Just exactly at the point where I was getting waaaay too upset and past the point where I could pull myself together, and praying to God that my own tiny baby will be okay, Matthew woke. Not at a time he usually does. He just did. I think he had a dream or something, because he just cried like he was lost and needed his mama. I went and spoke softly to him and rubbed his sweet back, and dripped tears on him, and he went back to sleep. I was so grateful for that moment to connect with one of my precious babies, to touch his warm, healthy little body and thank God that I have him here with me.

He went back to sleep with just me rubbing his back, and then as I left his room, I heard Arthur stir! Arthur never wakes really, any more. It was quite uncanny that they should both wake so close together, one after the other, and at that precise moment where such a thing was such a HUGE blessing to me. I went in to his room and found him sitting up in bed. I gave him a drink of water, and patted him gently when he lay back down. He was barely awake, but hopefully he heard me tell him how much I love him before he fell asleep again. I kissed his sweet face and thanked God for having him here with me, and came back downstairs still tearful but just feeling so blessed and lifted up.

I'm sooooo thankful for my children. I love them so so very much, like I could never put into words. As I type this, my tiniest sweetheart is giving little kicks, still so light and tiny that they barely make my tummy "blip" visibly. But what a precious thing! To have my two precious sons sleeping upstairs, as near to me as they can be and as far from me as I can bear to let them be. And still snug inside me, another baby-mine, growing and developing and getting ready to join our little family. I hope and PRAY he or she is healthy, especially after I read things like I have tonight.

One of the days last week that I was waiting for hooours at the hospital to see a doctor about my bleeding (MUST update my pregnancy diary soon!), I was sitting in the main waiting area, which is mostly occupied by pregnant women waiting for their scans. I had to sit there for a couple of hours in total, and I mostly read my book, but sometimes I did a bit of sneaky people-watching (I do love that sport, hehe!). I especially love pregnant-people-watching! Anyway, somewhere during the time I was in the waiting room, I saw a lady get called in for her scan, at last - she had been waiting a while. She got up with a smile and went in. Judging by her little bump, it must have been the "big scan" (the one I'm coming up for in just TWO WEEKS, wheeee!), but she was on her own. I went back to my book and then the next scan room called another lady in with like HALF her family! ;) I read on, and then I looked up to see the sonographer from the single lady's room come out and go into the family's room. She came back out with the other sonographer, and they went into the single lady's room together. Eventually, one of the sonographers came out with an arm around the lady who was crying, and she took her to the toilets. My heart was instantly in my mouth and I felt so anxious for that lady, about what must have happened - what had they seen, and what news had she been told? I got called away to have my obs taken and when I came back the lady and her husband (who had arrived) were just leaving the "interview room" (as it says on the door), which has always given me a feeling of dread, as I never imagined it was for "good" interviews. They looked shocked and the lady looked like she had been crying a lot. A doctor was directing them somewhere else in the hospital at the doorway, and they headed in that direction.

They have been on my mind such a lot since. I don't know what the prognosis is for their baby, or if it's even alive. It seemed scary to me, to see a lady who was happily waiting for a normal scan have her whole life turned upside down in a matter of minutes. Something devastating has happened which can't be turned around, and nothing will ever be the same or feel the same as it did when she was sitting in that chair waiting to be called in. It made me anxious about the same kind of thing happening to me. You just never know, I suppose.

I know, I'm just being pregnant and overly anxious, but still. I will be so relieved when we get to our scan if all is well with the little one. This scan is called the "anomoly scan". They are looking for things that might be wrong with the baby. I hope they find NOTHING! I don't care what the gender is, though I'm eager to find out! I just long for a healthy baby to add to my small brood of sweet little ones at home!

And that should all have been in my pregnancy journal. Oh well! It's super late now so I must go to bed. This wasn't what I meant to write next time I wrote here, but it just had to be written. I will try to write the usual stuff and POST PHOTOS soon!

Newsy update on various things

Well, it has been FOR EVER since I updated, and most of that time I have been feeling sooooo desperate to update here, I can't describe it! Only, I never seem to find the time or energy, and my priority has been my pregnancy diary because I don't want to miss recording every stage of my new little one growing in my tummy! And sooooo much is happening, or has been newly occurring to my mind, etc. I have really NEEDED to write here a lot of times, but never been able to.

And now I'm not able to either! It's 2.30pm and Matthew is 1.5 hours into his nap, and Arthur has now had about an hour of Big Boy Quiet Time (not so quiet as it really ought to be!), so that pretty much gives me zero extra minutes to write anything here! I just wanted to at least SAY I want to update! And maybe list a few of the things I wanted to talk about, so that at least I don't forget when I finally do find time. Right now, I can't think of many of them! Tsk! But let's see...

1) We just feel like we have nooooooo idea what we're doing re. disciplining our children. I think we're hard on ourselves, and we are doing better than we think, but still. We aren't confident in ourselves and I feel like I'm not getting it right all the time. So:

2) We asked a couple at church to help us! I read a verse in the Bible about older women coming alongside younger women and teaching them how to love their husbands and their children, and keep house and raise kids, etc. Or something like that. Because they'd been there and done that. And I thought, "That's IT! That's exactly what we need!" There's a couple at church who we've known since I became a Christian nearly 12 years ago. They have four children - I'm sure I've mentioned them several times at least in my 6 years journalling here at Diaryland! When we first met them (the husband is one of the leaders at church), they were expecting #4 and their first three kids were aged 4, 2 and 14 months. Their kids are all 18 months apart in age, and they are the only family I know in real life with a bunch of kids close together. Scarily (!!), their children are all teenagers now, except for the youngest - and all at secondary school! Yikes!

So I asked if they would mind sharing with us how they disciplined their kids, what worked for them, what they learned, and what wise tips they might be able to pass on to us! I used to go round and help out with the kids a lot once baby #4 was born, so I watched their parenting in action with four children under 5, and I was sure to take it in very carefully and store it away for future reference, knowing that I wanted a large family too! So they seemed the perfect people to ask. They are also just completely LOVELY people, fun to spend time with, easy to chat to, honest, and always eager to help and encourage others.

They offered to have us round for dinner so we could chat properly, but we don't leave the boys with babysitters (well, we haven't done so yet anyway), so then they offered to bring round some pizza and wine! Yay! They came round last night - I have been looking forward to it for the WHOLE 2 weeks that it was planned! It was just the best evening. Our living room was the tidiest it has been since I was planning to give birth in it (!!) and we had my favourite pizza and wine (yes, I drink wine whilst pregnant and don't worry about it - I NEVER drink more than half a glass when NOT pregnant, and that's like once in a blue moon!).

Best of all, they were sooooo helpful. They seem to be right on our wavelength for what we are actually wanting to achieve, and agreeing pretty much across the board on methods and stuff, which was extra helpful to our discussion. It was light-hearted and encouraging, and I just feel so much relief that I'm not experiencing ANYTHING that this lady did not also go through with her kids, regarding her own feelings, issues with the kids themselves, and tiredness/coping, etc. They offered another discussion on another evening about finances if we ever want help, which sounds SO good to me, because -

3) Oh my gosh, are we ever in POO financially! I don't have time to go into anything about it, just that sentence will have to suffice. Pee-double-oh. Poo. My husband is just AWFUL at financial management. I have felt quite angry and let down by him over it, but I can't justify that because *I* haven't thought to keep an eye on things either - I'm no better than he is! And there's no point in getting a wedge in our relationship over finances - that will not be a good thing! So I have to let that go, and we need to move on together. I have just got a book that his hugely recommended online, which I'm about 1/4 of the way through so far, and I have high hopes that it will teach us pretty much everything we need to know about managing our finances and getting out of debt (we are in THOUSANDS of £ of debt. Thoooousands.). I'll post the title of the book sometime but it's slipped my mind at this moment, and I took a break a moment ago to get the boys up. They're down here and starting to be restless with me updating so I need to finish this and continue another time (who knows when! Hopefully soon!).

Oh, but:

4) I'm still bleeding and it is starting to really suck. But oh well.

5) Neil's job still reeeeally sucks and we have no idea what he'll do or where to go. We're waiting on God still.

6) Matthew's practising running and is communicating in lots of detail now, though with not too many actual understandable words yet!

7) Both boys have colds right now. Matthew just sneezed, went to the box of hankies, pulled one out and brought it to me, waving it frantically and "asking" me to use it to blow his nose! Which I did. I wish Arthur was as compliant over nose-blowing. *sigh*

8) Arthur has lately had some tantrums that defy any tantrum ever seen in this house before, urrrrgh! I mean, I'm surprised our windows are still intact from the ear drum popping, distorting screaming.

9) But, he is being disciplined in a new way lately, and not liking it one bit. Which is a sure sign that it's discipline, the fact that he doesn't like it! It's finally a method I can stay calm doing, and one which helps me nip in the bud alllll the various behaviours I am not happy with him exhibiting lately. We also discipline Matthew in exactly the same way.

10) He's so lovely! He is now 34 months old! Just two months (less now) until his THIRD birthday! I can't believe it.

11) We are officially going to homeschool. That's one of the things I've been longing to write about here. Unless God says, "NO WAY!", we will definitely be homeschooling our children. I am praying about it all the time even though I feel like 99.9% sure about the decision, because I REALLY feel that God has called me to homeschool my kids. It actually feels like a Godly calling for me, personally. So I want to be praying about that so that if I'm wrong and it's NOT of God, then he'll show me that. So far I am just getting either silence or encouraging things when I pray about it (!!) so I really do believe (and thus can finally share it honestly) that God has called me to homeschool. That knowledge will help me greatly when I am at my wits end about how on EARTH I'll ever manage to do it, like when I have toddlers, a new baby and a child who is definitely of school age, needing to learn!

12) I know Arthur is only 2 still, but as of the first week of September, we are officially having "school" every week day! It's still basically what we're already doing - crafts, jigsaws, just playing together, etc. I wanted to gently introduce the concept of "school" as a special time between Arthur and Mummy, and I figured why not start now. Arthur LOVES it. Loves it to bits. He's so excited to do school. We always do school when Matthew goes for his morning nap. I'm not sure what we'll do when Matthew drops a nap (which he's kind of vaguely on the verge of doing these days). Maybe they'll both have quiet time during the morning and then Arthur and I will do school in the afternoon while Matthew has his afternoon nap? I'm not sure yet. I have got a TON of books from eBay about teaching and homeschooling, and in particular, activities for pre-schoolers.

13) I'm so EXCITED and relieved to declare 100% for sure that Arthur Will Not Be Going To Nursery! Now that he's nearly 3, I'm getting soooooo many people asking when he will start nursery, like with pressure, which has been stressing me. It's a stress to reply, "He's not going! We're going to homeschool!" because even though I'm confident that it's the right thing for our family, nooooobody else in the world (so it seems!) shares my opinion, espeically those with a special interest or attachment to my children! My parents and my brother are VERY excited and supportive though, which is a huge relief and very helpful. I am DREADING telling my grandparents. Dreading it.

Anyway, that's what we're doing. I have stuff ready to teach him phonics and the beginnings of reading, and also some number stuff. But I am not wanting to jump into that too early. He is bright and eager, so I'll follow his lead. Right now I'm adding in things like learning months of the year and days of the week, which he is picking up quickly. And counting games. He can count items up to 12 at the moment - actual counting, not reciting, and he can tell me at a glance how many items there are up to 3 of them, without putting his finger on each one to count. He knows we're in September, which came after August, and that it's October next, and then November, when it's Arsur's BIRTHDAY!! Then it's Christmaaaaas!! Hehe! We are also doing a few new things with school like nature walks where we make a book full of things we pick up, or try to collect certain things to take home, etc. It's all very lighthearted and easy going, and FUN, so Arthur is loving it, and I am too! It means I have to prepare before bed every night, as it NEVER works to wing it. Well, sometimes maybe, as it's still ever so simple, and we can just play dominoes for "school" when it comes to it. But anyway. That's some big news for me (and Arthur!) that I'm excited about.

Lastly - well, there's more but nooo time left to write about it! - I haven't wanted to write about this too early, but now that it has been nearly 2 weeks and I'm still going strong, I am excited to say that I'm FLYing again!!! I re-joined Flylady and I'm working on the Beginner Babysteps, and doing GREAT so far! Much better than I ever did before when I tried it and gave up.

We had a cleaner company come round to assess - a professional agency sent their "assessor" who does this all the time, and she walked in our kitchen and I heard her say, "Oh my God!" So there you are - I wish I could describe just HOW BAD the house really is. The living room is the least awful because that's where we live all day long with the boys. But the kitchen in particular is dreadful, and the main bedroom where Arthur and Neil sleep. Dreadful. I don't exaggerate! I feel like although I've been moaning about HOW BAD the house is in my diary, nobody has probably actually realised HOW BAD it really is! It's bad. The cleaning company say they can't clean it in the state it's in!!!! Haha! We have to declutter otherwise they can't GET TO the areas that need cleaning!!

So, Flylady. And it's a MAMMOTH task, believe me. But I am already starting on it and managing in baby steps, and I am starting to have real confidence that I can do it!!! We still might get cleaning help once the clutter is more manageable, given that I'll have a baby and not be up to cleaning as much, plus the hormones that tend to affect me for the first few months postpartum, etc. But we'll see. I can't believe I'm FLYing!!!!

Okay, that has to be it! Matthew didn't nap this morning so school is waiting to start :) We're going to the newsagents to buy a car magazine - the one with the MOST car pictures inside, and then cutting the pictures out for crafts and just for lining up and admiring, etc! :) Arthur's choice. And he's very excited, so I must go and do it with him!

All seems to be going swimmingly, but I don't want to leave a false impression - this morning was the first since Matthew was tiny that I was crying on the phone to Neil saying I couldn't do it, I couldn't possibly cope till the end of the day, etc! I am just SO. BONE. TIRED. today. I think I am pregnant tired, rather than just tired tired (if that makes sense) but I am having problems with pregnancy insomnia this week, and Matthew has been wakeful with his cold so I'm not getting much sleep. I'm just exhausted. I feel tearful with exhaustion today, and by 9.30am I was on the phone to Neil, completely incapable of managing for another minute, let alone another 9.5 hours till he got home! But it's going okay now. I've managed the worst hump of the day!

Oh! Matthew is 15 months old today!!! And he slept THROUGH THE NIGHT twice running this week (first time ever!) - so first time he slept through the night, for the record, was at 14 months and 4 weeks old. He didn't last night though, as he was too coldy and bothered. The previous two nights he slept 8pm to 6am (6.30am on the second day) - I couldn't believe it! And I don't know why either, but my milk is ALL GONE this week suddenly. It's rather a shame I was so troubled in my own sleep those two nights! Tsk! But thank the Lord it's weekend now. I'm so relieved! May it feel like it is lasting FOUR days rather than two. I've been in the hospital twice this week with bleeding (and am bleeding again today so probably should be back there, but no help with the kids, etc, so I'm not going in), and that means Neil has had to take 2 days off work that they're not too happy about. We have NOBODY else to call on, so if I have to go in then he has no choice, whatever work are going to say about it. With the boys all coldy, G & G can't help us as they can't risk getting poorly.

Okay, MUST go, snack time has finished and boys ready to go out! Will try to update v. soon with photos.