More thoughts, and photos/videos of boys!

Thank you so incredibly much for all the wise advice and supportive comments last time I wrote! I want to do a proper follow-up to the stuff I was talking about then, but it's already so late (again!) and I came to post photos and stuff, so perhaps next time?

Although, just briefly (hahaha... ;) ), we have a new plan for the bed time crisis as a result of praying a lot, and talking about it a lot, and reading your comments (I read them out loud to Neil - we are both really grateful!). The down side is it involves completely decluttering the two bedrooms, and reducing the furniture in them to the bare minimum, which I can't FATHOM us ever achieving with no time, energy, or hands free, plus a child/baby sleeping in one or both rooms quite a lot of the day! But oh well!

The theoretical plan is that Neil moves back in with me (gasp! hehe!) and we clear out the boys' bedroom till there is just a big double chest of drawers for their clothes (which is there now), and Matthew's little toddler bed in the far corner, and Arthur's MATTRESS next to it in the other far corner. That's it! We'll take Arthur's bed down and have him go back to just a mattress on the floor for his bed, without a bed guard. Then they're at a similar height, and there is not nearly so much danger with kids jumping on high-up beds if we end up leaving them to go to sleep. NOT that we are planning to let them jump on beds all evening, but yeah. Minimalist effect - I feel good about it! :)

Our room will be decluttered in a similar way to the bare minimum, so that there is room to store a cotbed sized mattress under the end of our bed, and it can pull out onto the appropriate-sized space on the floor between the wardrobe and the end of our bed, if it becomes desperate that we separate the boys at bedtime to go to sleep. Then we can carry the sleeping boy (whichever boy it might be) to his own bed after he goes to sleep in our room. I'm not sure how that would work given the fact that our room is Nathan's room as well and he would be asleep in the cot (or trying to go to sleep) only a few feet away. That might not work at all, in fact. But it's good to have a Plan B all the same! :) And it would be soooooooo much nicer for all of us to have cleared, decluttered bedrooms to sleep and rest and relax in. It might even help their little psyches or something, to be in a calm and uncluttered room for bed (poor loves!).

The schooling.... I'm not sure what I want to say about that tonight, because it's a big and waffly subject (as far as I'm concerned anyway!) and it's actually a work in progress, our thoughts on it and feelings about it. So it's not concrete, whatever I write about how I'm feeling. One thing I can say is that it isn't so much that I want to prioritise the boys having a Christian education, in fact that was a belatedly-realised bonus of homeschooling, for me! Nor is it so extreme that I don't want the boys out of my sight... It's that I want to completely oversee their upbringing in basically EVERY way, when they are very young anyway. I sort of view it like tomato staking (great analogy that I found online and which EXACTLY describes my heart for the boys). When they're young, they are not yet equipped for the world, purely because of their immaturity. They WILL become mature (all kids will, whichever approach their parents take to bring them up), but I don't want to mature them by putting them out into the world and letting the world's values shape who they become. I want to be the "stake" for my baby tomato plants! I want to personally tend to my seedlings until they are strong enough to withstand the elements without a stake. I want to feed and water them with the best nourishment (I'm talking spiritually), and I want to protect the soil they grow in, plucking weeds as soon as I see them sprouting. I want to be right there as they stretch out tender new shoots that are too little and delicate to support themselves without a carefully placed foundational structure. I want that foundational structure to be ME. Well, Neil and I - both of us.

It isn't that I want them tied to my apron-strings - though I know it sounds like I'm saying pretty much the same thing when I say I want to keep them very close during their "foundation" years. A foundation WILL be laid, and whatever they are exposed to will shape what that foundation is made of. I have a big thing about making sure that foundation is exactly what I believe to be the best thing for them. School has risks, to me, in that respect. Socialising with other kids is important (although, that is up for debate apparently, according to recent research). I know it will sound extreme (or crazy!) of me, but I do not want ANY peer influence in these formative years, for my kids. I don't want any leanings towards the "normal" exclusion of other kids because they are "not the same age as me", "girls/boys", "different", etc. Or the separation between friends and siblings. PLENTY of siblings remain great friends, but there is a mindset on the whole at school that siblings are not cool but FRIENDS are (as if your sibling cannot possibly be your best friend!). That is my experience in all the schools I attended (some working class, some quite the opposite) anyway. I also don't feel too thrilled about the beginnings of the mindset that it's We The Kids versus Them The Parents/Teachers, and the general disrespect that can arise from that, egged on by peer influence over the years.

I WENT to school, several different ones. I know that school is a lot of fun, unless of course you are bullied to heck like I was, in which case it is MISERABLE, but somehow I also remember a lot of fun and have very fond memories of school in general. I don't have a problem with ANYONE sending their children to school! This is something extremely personal, about my own mindset, and my own personal brood of kiddies, and my desires for them, and how I am feeling led to raise them as I press into God and ask him to guide me. I think my little ones would probably love school and have fun, make lots of friends, and learn a lot. I think they have the potential to do very well academically. With those things popping into my head now and then, I get worried that I must therefore be doing something wrong in thinking NOT to send them down that road - it seems crazy not to sometimes! Maybe we still will? But right now (and since Arthur was about a year old, actually), I am thinking not.

It's a hard decision to make, and to follow through on. It's not so easy as saying, "Home-schooling sounds like The Thing for our kids! Right-ho, that's what we'll do then!" with cheerful confidence! My thoughts over the years have been more (nervously), "Oh my gosh... I think God is calling me to homeschool my children! What in the wide wiggly world am I going to do?!... (much frantic prayer...) Surely God doesn't MEAN me to isolate and seclude my children, or for that matter, teach them myself when I am currently tearing my hair out over being pregnant and having a baby and a toddler who are trying my patience severely?!?!" But then I also get, "Oh, I can't WAIT to homeschool! I'm so happy they will not be going to school - I could not be happier with my decision and I just know it's the right thing for them! Yayness!" Followed swiftly by, "Yaaargh, already my children are turning into pent-up and emotionally challenged little men because of my CRAZY decision to keep them from NORMAL mainstream education! What in the wide wiggly world have I done to my sweet loves?!?!" And then, "They so need my guidance in everything this early on.... I'm so thrilled to have the privilege of building a godly foundation for their lives, and protecting them from influences which would potentially go against that. There is NOTHING more important to me than their salvation, ultimately, nothing. Though they must choose for themselves, I want them to know Jesus. I know from personal experience - if I meet Neil and get to know him, I can't very well then say, "Oh, I don't believe Neil exists!" It's the very same thing with Jesus. So, I want them to know Jesus. What's to choose once you know him? I want to provide an environment where there is plenty of opportunity to get to KNOW Jesus, not just to learn about him and a ton of other "religious options", not while they're young." And so it goes on. I know some of that could be provided for in a Christian school, but *I* want to oversee their early years, me! I'm eager to! I don't want somebody else to tell me what they did or how they reacted to this or that, or how the learning process went for them over such-and-such. I want to be involved, so that I'm right there for them in everything. I will ease back as the years go by, as I see their foundation become stronger and their limbs more ready to run with the values I have helped them start off with.

I have a million and one ramblings about it, as you can see! Lots (if not all!) of it will rub at least some of my readers up the wrong way, and I just want to say again that by stating my own convictions I IN NO WAY intend to judge others or preach by them! They are just my own personal desires for my own children, and I don't mean to say that it's the way Christians should school their children either.

So anyway. I will continue to pray and wait on God, and he will continue to lead me, and hopefully I will not have too many freak-out-panicking episodes about what I'm doing to my children as a result, whatever the end decision! ;)

Well, Nathan has been awake and nursing since I started this. He's asleep (for now!) again, so I had better hurry up and post the pictures I wanted to post, and go to bed.

Today is Tuesday, and it was a GOOD day!!! I somehow randomly (!) transformed into No Nonsense Discipline Mama when I got out of bed this morning (and it WAS a random act, I assure you, lol!), and so today has been a reeeeally good day in terms of behaviour and nipping things in the bud. How I wish that was my default setting and I could naturally be that way every waking moment! Life would be a lot simpler if I were!

Arthur was put in the porch for 3 minutes today for not doing something I asked him to - something fairly small and petty on the scale of things, but disobedience nonetheless. He freaked right out in there, as he usually does (because he HATES going in the porch as a method of discipline!), and then said he needed a wee. So I put the potty in there and left him to it. When I came back, he had soaked ALL the wee up with his underwear, and was slapping said undergarments around the porch. The walls were running YELLOW and wee was spattered every which where. He looked mighty pleased with himself! Normally I would probably do my nut on discovering this kind of behaviour, because it would make me really cross! But thankfully (ohhh thankfully!) I was No Nonsense Discipline Mama today, and so I calmly administered several non-too-feeble smacks to his rear-end, and then handed him a towel and a pack of baby wipes and told him to clean the walls and door thoroughly, and left him to it! He looked most put out! I went back after a couple of minutes to make sure he was cleaning it up thoroughly enough - he wasn't, but he's only little so I did not hold that against him. I helped him clean up and then he had to stay in the porch for a further 3 minutes after it was all done. When I went back and asked him why he had been put in the porch, he instantly told me (sometimes he inexplicably loses his memory at this point) that he had disobeyed me, kicked up a fuss about going into the porch, dipped his pants in the wee and spread it around the porch, and that he understood he was never to do it again and he was very sorry!!! I am not 100% sure he won't do it again, but I was happy with his response to the way I handled it. *sigh* That boy is testing the boundaries like crazy these days! I'm constantly praying that I'm up to the challenge of reinforcing them.

Aaargh, it's so late! PHOTOS, stat!

I really wanted to post a whole bunch of photos of the boys that just keep not getting posted when I write diary entries! Some of them are nearly a month old. They are just random ones of two or three of the boys together (how my brain still boggles itself when confronted with that sentence, "two or three of the boys"! Hehe!). Arthur in particular loves to sit with Nathan - he still asks to hold Nathan, but Nathan's getting so big and squirmy and mobile now! They sit side by side more often, and it's always a photo opportunity. I always take photos, even if none of them end up coming out well. So here are some "brotherly" photos, starting with the oldest ones - of the boys loving their littlest brother (and the feeling being mutual!):

In this next one, Arthur kept on saying, "Cheese" and looking really unnatural! So I asked him to smile naturally, as though he was really happy about something. He did this, hahaha!

The next one was better :)

Here are quite a few of Arthur and Nathan that I took a few days ago - they sat fairly still long enough for me to take lots of photos! Arthur is so lovely with Nathan. He loves to be affectionate with him and put his arms around him and snuggle him :) Matthew is similarly affectionate (in fact he is a little more affectionate in general than Arthur, though there's not much in it given that Arthur is a very affectionate child anyway) and Nathan NEVER goes for a nap or to bed for the night without a kiss on his face or lips from Matthew, no matter what Matthew is doing at the time - he MUST stop and "give kiss, Ninny!" It's so adorable. *sigh*

The older boys have been a mixture of affectionate and, er, the opposite (!) with each other lately. That reminds me, thanks Jemma for mentioning the rough-and-tumble with Daddy thing! I remember somebody (you??) gave me that advice a while ago, before Nathan was born I think, and we initiated rough-and-tumble with Daddy every day after work, after that, for both boys. They loved it! It's only your message that made me realise that somehow that has slipped and they really haven't had that nearly so often for a while. Thanks so much for the reminder! I'll mention it to Neil and get it back on track!

Meanwhile the boys enjoy rough-and-tumble with each other during the day. They don't really get aggressive (mean) with each other, just play and enjoy it. I videoed them for FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT just wrestling on the floor and giggling today! But I can't show you it because I maxed out my monthly upload thingy at One True Media, with a few other videos that I uploaded (to come soon!). But here are a few photos from yesterday's rough-and-tumble :) Note Nathan in the 4th photo, as yet totally innocent to such behaviour, haha! Not for much longer, my boy, not for much longer....

On the theme of brotherliness (word?! spelling?!), here are a couple of random short videos clips (less than a minute each because longer than that and I have to wait all YEAR for it to upload). There are three, but please OH PLEASE, if you don't have time to watch them, I beg you to squeeze in a viewing of the last one! It's of Nathan finding Arthur too funny doing a crazy little quick-step dancey thingy in the kitchen (which, sadly, I didn't get much footage of, since the camera was mostly pointed at Nathan or my own double chin). He laughed so much that he squealed and gasped, and I just love it so much that I want you people to see it too! Please dooo! :)

Thursday was my daddy's 60th birthday and because he is in France, we didn't see him in person. We had birthday cake though! I let the boys decorate it with chocolate icing and mini smarties (not the sour American kind!!! ;) ) and put candles in it (the boys loved blowing those out and singing happy birthday!). And we had a little party with balloons and games! I made 2 pass-the-parcels with a little toy car in the middle of each, and a chocolate finger biscuit in between each layer! They loved that. Here is a little clip of the boys sitting ready to play the first pass-the-parcel game. I put the CD player on for the music, and it happened to be my Chris Tomlin CD which the boys hear sometimes at "Bible Time" (around 10-10.30am every day). Instead of grabbing for the parcel or bugging me to start the game like they had been before I put the music on, they sat and did a funny little bop to the music for a bit (while Nathan coveted the little parcel in my lap!):

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Here's the little video clip I made for my daddy, of the boys singing/saying Happy Birthday to him, sitting on the sofa. I have no idea why Arthur must pick his nose for the better part of each day.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

And here's the video clip of sweet little Nathan laughing his head off at Arthur's antics. Please please avert your eyes from the hideous kitchen that you see flashing about the edges of the shot (I beg you). Pretend it's clean and shiny and uncluttered and real-honest-white. Okay? Also, never mind my double chin.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Isn't he so precious?! Ahhh I love him soooo! I love them all just so much. I feel so blessed to be A Mama. She who brings up littlies. What a privilege! :D

Rambly update on finances, moving, and difficulties with boys...

Thanks so much for the sweet compliments on my photos last entry! :)

It's after midnight and I have no idea why I have opened this little box instead of where my cursor WAS heading, which was dowwwwn to the bottom left there, to shut down the laptop and go to bed. *sigh* I have no willpower! ;) It IS Saturday night, so I guess it's not as bad as if it were a week night (that is a lame excuse!).

I haven't really prepared my head to write a diary entry, so I feel like I have nothing to say!

Is it bad bad bad that I have spent the last hour googling names and searching through baby name websites? No, I'm not pregnant! But it's so much fun to think about it! :)

I think Nathan is waking up... he wakes such a lot these days. Yep, I'll be back in a bit.

Back again! He wakes at least twice in the evening alone lately! And then another 2-3 times between midnight and when he gets up (which is somewhere between 6 and 7am). When I think of it like that, I realise he is NOT a good sleeper! But, I think I have been so conditioned by Arthur that anything better than hourly wakings till age 1 seems perfectly manageable! ;) It seems amazing to me when I look at it written out like that, that I really am not having a problem at all with Nathan's night/evening wakings. I just get up, breastfeed him, put him back to bed, and get on with what I was doing. He's quick to resettle and barely wakes up (unless not attended to or breastfed!). I still LOVE breastfeeding him as much as he wants to, even in the night. He always starts the night in his cot, and always finishes the night next to me in my bed. He sleeps where Neil should, hehe! I realise this is no laughing matter, but we are quite relaxed about it at the moment, so I guess it's okay! And apparently not prevented from, um, conceiving other babies! My mum (who is not too hot on the large family/close age gaps thing) thinks it would be a risky move to have Neil move back into the marital bed, haha! He still sleeps in the boys' room. We meant to change that after we'd all adjusted to Nathan's arrival and night times had settled down more, but we just haven't got round to it. Plus, nights haven't settled much with Nathan yet! After he turns one, if he's still waking and nursing a ton at night, I will take it in hand a lot more, but not till then. I'm happy to nurse on demand at night for now :)

The older boys are currently a complete NIGHTMARE at bed time. I do not understand why, but it's really hard and rather demoralising at the moment. I WISH we had a third bedroom so that they could have separate rooms. We actually WANT them to share a room, for companionship (they want this too), and for all sorts of other reasons. But they are so dang NAUGHTY at bedtime. Even if you don't believe in the word "naughty" - this is an exception to what you believe! ;) We are trying all manner of different approaches (whilst also trying to hang onto some sort of consistency) and they are not responding to any discipline at bedtime, which is baffling. We can't leave them alone in there because they will trash the room. And (shamefully), it's not in a fit state for them to be left in it - some things aren't exactly safe, like towering piles of clothes that won't fit in drawers (do NOT want those all over the room), my sewing machine (locked) which has nowhere else to go, their bedtime drink which is guaranteed to be sloshed all over the beds if we are not keeping a sharp eye on them (they need access to it because they are always thirsty till they fall asleep), etc.

Bed time uses up half the evening at the moment, seriously. They muck us about for over an hour sometimes, and it's so infuriating and stressful. They get later nights than they should get, as a result (they are TIRED by 7pm, but rarely sleep till at least 8.30 - past NINE THIRTY some nights this week - due to the way they're behaving at bedtime right now). They make so much NOISE, and wind each other up. It's not "aw, how cute that they are just so excited to share a room and love playing and having fun!" No no. It's sheer determination to undermine absolutely everything we ask them to do, disobey as much as possible, and while they're at it (esp. Arthur), make as much noise as humanly possible with all body parts, and laugh and scream manically (manicly?) till a brother joins in. Also make sure beds are jumped upon till an accident occurs, and ensure that vocal sounds are at a sufficient volume to DROWN OUT parents SHOUTS for kids to calm down, get into bed, and stop that noise! Not forgetting, make as many rude noises as possible. Again, not "aw, boys will be boys with the farting noises and all that..." No no. Farting noises are definitely in the repertoire, but so is yelling, "WILLY FART BOTTOM WEE POO WILLY WILLY WILLYYYYY!!!" without the need to stop for A Very Long Time. They will also respond to things we say to them, or questions we ask them in a really rude and disrespectful way - either with noises and laughter, or with increased whatever-we've-asked-them-not-to-do, or even, "No! (laughter) Ner-ner-ne-ner-ner!!!" This is actually a pretty common response from Arthur. He is hard work at the moment, and I can't understand why.

Matthew is suddenly talking in 3-5 word sentences, and can communicate anything he wants to. He has a surprisingly large vocabulary from nowhere, although it was probably already "there" in his head, but he can only just now verbalise it. But he's now copying Arthur much more in NOT good ways. *sigh*

We've been praying about it a LOT lately. Bed time in particular, and Arthur's needs in particular, in case it's all stemming from needs that we are not meeting. I feel so discouraged and inadequate when I think that I'm simply failing to meet his needs and it could be resulting in SUCH behaviour. I feel like I'm getting nowhere with him. He can be pretty badly behaved in the day too. He has these crazy episodes where he just runs about like he's completely out of control - screaming and laughing in such a manic way it's almost scary. I can hear that it's forced and he's doing it on purpose, but it's hard to tell whether he's able to control himself or not. I have discovered a couple of times that he IS able, but it is seriously hard to figure out. He thrashes about, bangs on the doors/walls, makes as many crazy/rude noises as he possibly can just continuously, and ignores us completely as we tell him to stop the noise or to come here, etc. He won't be talked to calmly or rationally.

It drives me CRAZY! Seriously! I am having the hardest time keeping my cool when he does this. Again, this is another instance where he does not respond to any sort of discipline, it seems. I do not know what to do about it! Or why on earth he's doing it. I'm wondering if he's bored or not stimulated enough. Or if he's not getting enough energy burn-off time/space? Or if he's got pent up anger or frustration? All of the above make me feel like I'm failing him. I have not told anyone about it (it has been going on for a few months, but it's just awful at the moment) because I just feel like everybody is waiting for an example so they can tell me he should be in school or mixing with other children, and then he will be "a different child" and sooo much happier/better off, etc. I don't want to be letting him down by the fact that he is not at nursery school, mixing with other kids left, right, and centre. But I honestly feel like God has CALLED me to homeschool him - all of them, but so far very much focused on Arthur. And so I can't just throw up my hands and send him off to fix the problem. I don't know if it even would fix the problem, since I have no idea what it's about. Also, I don't personally WANT my kids out of my care for any part of any day. I cherish being 100% responsible for their entire upbringing! I don't want anybody else caring for them while I'm not there, and for me that includes schooling. I am still trying to keep an open mind, but there is no denying that it is definitely something God is calling me to do.

We will be moving to Hampshire soonish - Neil's new job is going well, and it definitely seems to be a job that he'll be sticking with for many years. They pay him well, they're pleased with his work, and he looks set to get a pay rise next year for sure. If we move to the town where he works, he'll be able to get home from work within 15-20 minutes (how wonderful!) and the place is lovely! We have discovered (through Meg's advice - thank you Meg!) that there is a wonderful family of community churches. We have checked them out online and found that they are EXACTLY what we're looking for. They are everything our current church is like, but slightly bigger, slightly more community focused, and VERY mission-focused, which we love. They are friendly, informal, charismatic, full of students and young families (like our current church). They also seem to have more evidence of large families and international adoptions - two things very close to our hearts for our own family, which is so exciting and encouraging! They run parenting courses! :) We would not have to travel far to go to church no matter which part of town we live in, because they have several churches in the same family group, dotted around the town :) I'm so excited about the church situation!

They also run a Christian school, which is currently only for children of members of their churches - parents all have to take part in teaching and be actively involved in the school. Again, we've read a lot about it and it sounds excellent. They take children from year 3 (7-8 year olds) to the end of school (age 16). I can't remember if they have a 6th form beyond that. Anyway, so I'm open to the possibility of home-schooling the boys till age 7/8 and then maybe enrolling them in this school. We'll see! We know these are the churches we want to be involved in, so we would definitely have that as an option.

We have also discovered that with Neil's new wage, the fact that we're leaving an area where houses cost a LOT, and the fact that the new area is less expensive, we can afford a nice place to live! We are currently thinking about whether to buy a 3 or 4 bedroom home with a good sized garden, and extend it at a later date to provide an extra bedroom and a larger downstairs (garage conversion to a playroom probably), OR whether to buy a 5 bedroom home with smaller rooms and a less wonderful-sized garden, with no spare funds for extending later. As you can see, we are mightily blessed by God to be able to just walk in and buy a detached home of that size! We have Neil's sister in the area to tell us which parts of town are nice and which are not, so that is a great help!

We don't plan to actively sell/buy for another couple of months, but then we'll really get going on it. I hope we can sell okay.... The market is not good for selling right now, but it's great for buying! The first place we bought took over a YEAR to sell, on the market the whole time, ugh.

August has been a really hard month for us, financially. I haven't had time to write about it, and since Neil has a job now, it might seem that the financial troubles were joyfully behind us! Not so. He was out of work for 9 months, and as you know we had literally nothing by the end of it, and were relying on my parents for money for food and to bale us out on a couple of mortgage payments. The money for the sale of the end of our garden STILL hasn't arrived, because there were delays with surveyors and so on, but it's allegedly actually going to hit our bank account some time next week!!! Wheee!

Anyway. So Neil started work on July 20th. He didn't qualify for a pay cheque in July because he started after the cut-off date. So we have had to wait through July and allllll the way through August for his first pay cheque. It's substantial, praise the Lord, and it's HERE as of yesterday!!! But oh it has been so hard these past few weeks. We ran out of money for food, and also Neil had to take a day off work one day because the car did not have enough petrol to get him to work, and we didn't have enough money to pay for petrol, or even public transport to get him there. That was a strange situation - he needs to go to work to earn money, but he can't get to work because he doesn't have enough money to get there! He really did not want to tell work about the money situation (I can't think why not, but anyway), and happened to have a migraine the day before which ended up with him leaving work a bit early. He still had it the next day when we had no money for petrol, and so that was the reason he gave for not going to work. He ended up having to go to bed and was quite poorly so I think he would have had to stay home regardless of the petrol in the car.

My parents came to the rescue again! They have been so wonderful! But we would have had to beg somebody for money, even if they could not have helped us, because we had to feed our kids (and ourselves) and Neil couldn't take 10 days off work till he was paid enough to buy petrol, could he?! My parents arranged for us to be able to pick up some cash at a local bank, which turned out to be a huge palava with me dragging 3 little kids to the bank, where the staff were most put out that I could just walk in and say I was here to just collect some cash without even having an account! They seemed quite affronted! ;) It was sorted in the end, and the boys were so well behaved, and yay we were able to buy food and put petrol in the car. Phew!

So now that Neil is getting paid regularly (monthly) and the garden money is soon to arrive, we will be able to tackle a few things that are a bit desperate right now. For a month or so we have only had one working tap in the bathroom! The hot tap on the sink works - yay! But not the cold tap (it broke off in Neil's hand a few months ago). And last month the bath taps stopped working. We had a sudden drop in water pressure in general and we are covered for free inspection on anything to do with our boiler, so we had someone come round and check it. The water pressure resolved, but the bath taps have corroded away to nothingness inside, and won't produce a drop of water. So we've had to bale baths for the boys with a cup, which is no fun! We have a shower though, but they won't have anything to do with it - they get really scared of it for some reason. Anyway we really need new taps! And a new carpet in the living room - ours STINKS because too many babies have POOED on it over several years and it was impossible to fully get it out. Ughhhh. It's hideous. I can't bear that my little ones play on it all day, and that tiny Nathan has his sweet face so close to the toxic stink all the time. I'm sure it's great for his immune system, but the smell is so bad close to the floor that it literally makes my eyes water! So the carpet has to go.

Our windows on the front of the house are so weather beaten and damaged that the glass panes are EXPOSED at the edges! Every time we close the window (which is hard to do since the wood is cracked and swollen) I am so afraid that the glass will simply FALL OUT and smash on the ground below, and then we'll have no window, no security, no barrier to the wind and rain, etc, till we get it replaced! So we are getting new windows, as cheaply as possible. It seems crazy to spend money getting things done on the house when we're going to be selling it soon, but some of this stuff will put off buyers. In the mean time, it needs fixing before it all falls apart on us! We have already budgetted to allocate some of the garden money to the house repairs. We also need a new extractor fan in the bathroom. I think buyers would be put off by the HUGE GAPING HOLE in the ceiling, and the fact that it's against building regulations not to have one. *sigh* That hole has been there almost as long as Nathan has!

Talking of whom.... can he really be waking again?! Okay, I have waffled long enough anyway, and it's late. I'll leave you with a photo of my little boys all ready to do PAINTING in their painting "aprons". We use Daddy's old T-shirts for painting, and I clip them behind their necks to keep the sleeves up and make the neckholes the right size for them. They looked like cheeky little angels, hehe! They are hard work at the moment, and we have some things that need ironing out, so to speak, but I love them SO MUCH, and I'm really enjoying them. I love being their mummy, and having the privilege of staying home all the time with them!

Nathan is 7 months already (photos!)

It's already soooo late, but I didn't get to do my second update this weekend (I know it's Monday, but it's Bank Holiday Monday so an extension of the weekend therefore!), and I really wanted to! I will try to be quick! You know I will not manage to be. But I will try!

I have so so so much to catch up on here, but I will choose mainly Nathan this entry, because Annie asked for more photos of Nathan! :) Thanks, Annie!

Well, my tiny boo-bean is now SEVEN months old!! Actually seven and a half months old tomorrow. Craziness. He had his 2nd lot of immunisations (very late!) a few weeks ago, and I had him weighed at the same time, since I haven't had him weighed in months! He weighed 16lbs 12oz at his adjusted age of 6 months exactly. He has gone down to the 30th percentile, roughly, which is fine. I compared him with his brothers at 6 months in their red books, and Arthur was 20lbs 11oz!!!! Yikes! Matthew, my lil peanut, was 15lbs 7oz. So they are all different! Nathan is looking to be more like Matthew though, perhaps? I always thought he'd be more like Arthur in his body-type, but perhaps not?

He is not eating much yet, but mainly because we're just getting organised on that rather slowly! We bought a booster seat with a tray for him to sit in with some Mothercare vouchers that we were given when he was BORN! But Matthew occupies it a lot of the time (without the tray) as his seat at the table. His highchair is so bulky and he's really big enough not to use one now. We need another booster seat like Nathan's really, for Matthew.

Anyway! He has so far only had a bit of carrot, green bean, and banana. Oh and yesterday we had roast dinner with roasted sweet potatoes. We handed Nathan some suitable hunks of sweet potato and he really went for them! I think he ingested quite a bit, and he really isn't doing any gagging yet either, which continues to surprise me. I have photos of the new booster seat (with the boy in it!) but alas, no time as yet to upload them properly.

What else? Oh, he has finally juuuust about started to sit unsupported, though most of the time he won't stay upright and shoves backwards, or casually lets himself crash to the ground sideways, etc! I am always there to catch him, of course! Here is a video about THREE seconds long, hehe! He was just sitting there (I plopped him down to see if he'd stay, and he did for about 10 seconds!). I think he was relaxing for a moment, so he stayed sitting. Usually he's too busy wanting to move, and that topples him. Arthur spotted him sitting and came over right away to rejoice in his new skill! :) The camera suddenly spirals to the floor at the very end because Nathan saw me and smiled, and immediately lost balance as I distracted him (yes, I did call him Noodle - 'tis one of his many nicknames), so being an attentive mama, I tossed the camera to save my boy! ;)

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Here he is moments later with proud big brother:

Nathan is getting sooo mobile! He still just army crawls, but so so fast, and he's at the porch chewing the shoes (urgh!) before I can believe he's there - I turn my back and he makes a beeline. He is also spending a lot of time rocking on his hands and knees, so I know the real deal is just around the corner! On warmer days when he's just in short sleeves, he gets a little carpet burn on his forearms just below the elbow from all his leverage against the carpet at high speeds, hehe! It's hard to photograph him when he's focused on getting somewhere fast - I end up with photos like this one:

And I can get in place ready to take a picture of him, and in the few seconds it takes me to take the actual picture, he moves towards me fast enough so that I'm now getting pictures like this (can't BELIEVE we're already at this stage with Nathan! It seems like yesterday I was getting photos like this of Matthew - craaazy!):

The reason his mouth looks funny in that photo is because the boy seems to constantly chew on his tongue at the moment, with his little bald bald gums (can gums be called "bald" to refer to them not having teeth?!?!). Here's a better example of him doing this, but the light is bad:

Matthew used to do this all the time at Nathan's age too. I don't remember Arthur doing it particularly though, but maybe my memory is just fading? Nathan still has no teeth, and he has just had a week of pretty bad teething, but still no sign of any coming soon. He's getting near the age when his brothers got their first tooth, so I hope the next bout of teething will be fruitful! I can't wait to see his first cute lil toothie!

Okay, nooo time left! Some more random photos - here's one of Nathan army crawling over to join in Arthur's game. The boys are excited that Nathan is able to get about now, but juuust beginning to realise the potential implications, hehe! I'm starting to hear things like, "Nay-THAN!!" as they play cars while I make lunch, or, "'Top, Ninny! Hey! MY car!" (yes, Matthew is talking LOADS now and in short sentences too! And Nathan is still "Ninny" to Matthew, which I love - call me crazy, but I love it, and I confess to often using it as a nickname for him too, except he's mostly Ninny-noo, or Ninny-noodle. The poor child.) It makes me smile :) Oh, the photo! (I do get side-tracked easily, you know!)

Here are two photos that illustrate one of the few downsides to being a small pea with big brothers ;)

Ohhh I have so many more photos, it's frustrating me that they're allllmost ready to post at photobucket and yet I just haven't got time now - it's so late and I must go to bed. It's Tuesday tomorrow and I have the boys to myself. I got my period today after what looks like a chemical pregnancy (super duper early miscarriage), and Matthew was bitten by a tick at the park today - I tweezed it like I did successfully with Arthur's last year, but dadgum it (!), the head stayed in him, so I will haul them all to the doctor's tomorrow to see if anything needs doing. *sigh* So I need to go to bed!

I will leave you with two sweet photos of my precious lovelies! These were taken first thing in the morning when they all got up, earlier in the week. The first one is my favourite, but I love the second one too, because look at their sweet lil chinnies! And I love the fact that they are all doing pretty much the same things with their mouths :)

More as soon as I'm able, I promise! xxx

Jaya's 4th Birthday Party (update at last!)

Oh, I am soooooo behind!!! I can’t believe it’s been so long since I updated. Things have been so busy with the boys, with Neil at work. I have SO much to write about (ridiculously so!), that I know I will have to try to cram a few entries close together to catch up on it all (and the photos!). I have video clips too, but NOT uploaded so I don’t know if I’ll manage to get those done. They take so dadgum long to upload (dadgum = beloved new word for me - Michawn’s fault!) that I doubt I will get more than one or maybe two uploaded this weekend.

Thanks so much for the comments after my last entry about Angie’s blog. I’m so thrilled that some of you have visited after I wrote about it and found it such a blessing! I just love Angie and her family. Emma, thank you for leaving the link to MckMama’s blog - you’re right, it IS a blog I am reading already :) MckMama has three little ones (aged 3.5 and under) and another on the way. The on-the-way one is a baby boy named Stellan, who has been through heart failure even before being born. We joined them in their photo gallery project (spelling out Stellan’s name all over the world in all sorts of imaginative ways) a week or two ago:

I read toooo many blogs at the moment! It’s hard to keep up with them all, and then it leaves me no real time to update my own diary, and I do really want to! But I’m addicted to other people’s lives, haha! I have grown to love and cherish lots of random people around the world, which is lovely. And I get to pray for them, and find new friends. But it takes up a big chunk of my evenings!

So, the first thing in my last entry that I said I wanted to write about was Jaya’s 4th Birthday Party! (link is for those of you who have Jemma’s password – we’re in the slideshow a few times!) I was so excited that Jemma invited us. We rarely meet up and it’s always so lovely to see the little ones and Jemma and Stu live and in-person! They are such lovely people and have such a nice family (very good hosts at parties!). The boys enjoyed the party a lot, but Matthew did his usual thing of melting down in terrified tears at the start, and clung for a good while before he would relax. He took one look at Jemma and dissolved, when we walked in the door! He has done that every time we’ve seen them since he was a baby – poor Jemma! I know it is nothing to do with Jemma so much as the new busy situation, and she happens to be the first person who comes towards us to greet us each time! Arthur never did that when he was little, but Matthew’s just a different personality. Nathan seems to be different to Matthew too, as he went happily to Jemma for a long cuddle/walk about! I took a photo but bums, it was blurry! Especially of the wiggly blurry baby boy! But here it is anyway – see how happy he was with her?!

The weather wasn’t so good that day but we did have pretty much the only non-rainy window at the party (it started to rain just a bit but didn’t really do much in the end), which was lovely as it was mostly outside in the garden. We prayed with the boys in the car on the way there that the weather would be okay, and before bed that night, Arthur said with some surprise, “God really did answer that prayer, didn’t he?!” hehe! The boys played happily with garden toys but pretty much only with each other, not with the other kids. Jaya was mostly riding on her new bike! And Jove was busying himself about the place! It was so surreal to be there after having not seen them for a few months, and yet “seeing” them all the time at Jemma’s diary!

I went in the kitchen at one point to get a drink, and saw the birthday cake sitting on the counter. I had to run and get my camera, because a) it was so pretty!! And b) it made me giggle to see two scoopy finger marks at the edge of the cake through the thick pink icing, hehehe! I wonder whose fingers made those marks?!

I’m so thrilled to have caught two LOVELY photos of Jaya blowing out her candles after we sang Happy Birthday!!! I’m usually not in a good place for a good photo at a party, but yay, I’m so pleased with these! (note to Jemma – will email you all the pics soon!)

The cake was so yummy! The boys really enjoyed it! Here are some random photos from around the time people were eating cake outside:

Matthew on trike:

Jove with cake, Dylan running, and unfortunate kangaroo...

So sweet! Jove offers cake to Matthew (who did accept and enjoy!):

The boys also enjoyed playing for AGES in Jove’s new bedroom upstairs!

And I tried (as I always do!) to catch a photo of mine and Jemma’s (that does not sound grammatically correct somehow!) firstborn babies together, but one or both of them is ALWAYS blurred in every photo I try to take, as they are both movers! ;)

Nathan didn’t nap at all while we were there, and had a 4 hour gap between naps!!! He did great though, and was smiling and cheerful pretty much for the whole party. He fell asleep in the car on the way home though! The boys got party bags which included girly hair bands, haha! ;) Not to put anything to waste, here’s Matthew the next morning:

Poor boy, hehe! But isn’t he pretty?! ;)

Okay, it’s getting late (past midnight) and I have so so so much more to write, but I should call it a night and go to bed. I feel a bit not-so-great in my stomach tonight and I have a headache (maybe possibly pregnant? Will keep you posted about that in my pregnancy diary!), so I want to go to bed now. I’ll update again with more stuff asap though! :)

Finding God in the rain (Audrey Caroline...)

I know! Another mid-week entry!! :) Thanks so much for the sweet comments on my last entry with the new diary photo and little video clip!

I know I said I wanted to write about other things that I had no time to update about, like Jaya's birthday last Sunday, and things.

But. It's after midnight and oh how I need to be in bed by now! I'm not here to write about my usual stuff, though I promise I'll catch up on it soon. I'm not even here to write MUCH because it's too late to let myself.

Tonight and last night I have been re-reading a blog (http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com) I found in March or April this year. I keep writing this next sentence and then deleting it over and over because I am trying to sum up the blog in a nutshell for you, and I can't! I don't want anything I say to put ANY single person off going there and sitting down for several evenings in a row and a couple of boxes of tissues, and reading the whooooole thing from start to finish. I would not necessarily recommend it at this immediate time to my sweet friend Megan who is ABOUT to give birth, or anybody else in that precarious a position! Angie (who writes the blog) is married to Todd, who sings for the Christian band, Selah. They have three little girls, and recently carried another precious baby girl almost to term after discovering at the 20-week scan that she would not possibly survive. They got to spend 2.5 hours with Audrey which was so precious to them! The key, hit-me-with-a-sledgehammer thing about this blog is Angie's incredible talent for writing - I have seen writing talent on blogs and she is just the best writer I have ever had the privilege of reading. Just in the way she communicates her feelings, her children, her longings, her pain, her experiences, and her faith in Jesus. And, oh, the latter thing - it's got me hungry. There is incredible music playing the whole time I'm reading (Selah, and MercyMe - two bands I am going to have to include in my CD collection, amongst others).

This song (I found it with lyrics at YouTube, below) has been on my mind all day, and yesterday too. I guess it is so appropriate for Angie and Todd, and everything she writes echoes its sentiments. But for me, for MY life.... It's sort of a song I feel slightly scared to sing out loud! Okay so I should stop waffling about it before anybody even knows what song I'm talking about or what the words are! I am just writing as thoughts enter my head, not very well-thought-out for people reading me. Here is the song. Just let it play, do do do. For me, it's just one of those "let it wash over you till you get goose bumps" songs. Waaaaay more so when reading Angie's blog and seeing its absolute match to her life.

Another song on the playlist there is "All My Praise" by Selah, and WOW, the words just get me right there every time I hear it, because not only is it a beautiful, beautiful song, but it was sung by Audrey's own daddy, years before she was even conceived, and he sings "I will follow you through dark disaster and sing "Hallelujah" through the pain. Even in the shadow of death I will praise you. And even in the valley I will say - Holy, my God, you are worthy of all my praise!" It just give me goose bumps, seriously. It's sooo powerful. I couldn't find a really good version on YouTube but here's one with lyrics to save anyone searching:

Just lately I am getting that feeling again of "missing" Jesus. Hunger like I can't quite ignore or satisfy by anything I do. I'm more familiar with it every time I feel it. Do you know that I have been a Christian nearly 13 years?!?! That is just craziness. I can't believe it has been that long since my whole heart changed and I became FLUNG out of the pigeon box that was my life, and all I thought there ever was (and was fairly satisfied with that, some of the time, since I knew no better), into the vast vast skies that stretched without end, to spread my wings and fly for the first time.

Free.

I know this about myself: I find myself in God most passionately and intimately when I worship (singing and praising with my voice and my body and my whole heart), and through nature. I don't know why, it's just how I am. Many people are the same, but I guess lots aren't as well. I know it about myself. I feel so stagnant lately - not that I'm far from God at ALL, which is wonderful! But I am increasingly longing to lose myself in his presence in the midst of his creation - watching a beautiful sunset, water in some natural form, just greenery instead of roads and pavements and houses and buildings everywhere, and people people people. I just want to get away and lose myself in God.

I crave a moment in nature with God at the moment. I feel desperate sometimes out of nowhere! I lie down on the armchair so that I can see a little square of blue sky with clouds through the window (carefully angled to blot out the buildings from my view), and I praise God. I smell the rain through an open window and instantly my heart soars and I lift my hands in worship. I just can't help it. I LONG for God right now. I long to get back to the "roots" of it all, just my Creator God and what he made (including me!). Just me and him. And to love him.

Reading Angie's diary over again has reminded me to see everything in a different perspective - a beautiful perspective; a thankful, joyful perspective. It reminded me again how precious my children are, and how fragile their little lives are. Who am I to know when they will leave me? Every DAY at the moment I beg and pray for God to let me keep them for my whole earthly life here. I can't fathom ever losing a child. I love them more than I can bear as it is. To turn that love inside out in pain surely can't be survived? But Angie's writing is proof that it can be survived. I know (she knows) that she could not have survived without God's constant presence, through all of her emotions and turmoil.

I find myself pondering on the words of that "Bring the Rain" song -

"Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain"

It's strange to me how I can say the words "Jesus, bring me anything that brings you glory!!" with SUCH overwhelming passion and my heart just bursting with sincerity and longing... and at the same time be scared to open up that door in case he decides to allow me to experience something almost unbearable in order to refine me like precious metal, and bring glory to his name. I WANT to be made pure, and refined by God's hand sooo badly, and more than ANYTHING I want to bring glory to Jesus - my precious Jesus, my Saviour and my heart's desire. I just long to glorify him. But at what cost?! I don't know if I'm as sincere as I think I am when in the next breathe I say, "Oh, but..."

Now, Angie is GLORIFYING him. So if he brings me to something heartbreaking like he has Angie, then I can only pray that he will enable me to rise up and glorify him as well as she is doing.

My longing to be with nature right now, coupled with reading about losing a child and thankfulness for my own children, led me to take the boys to the cemetary today, to visit Cameron's grave. I haven't been there in a few months. I really can't get my head around the fact that he has been gone FIVE years in September. That gap would have transformed him from child to young man - he would be sixteen now, and he was ten when I last saw him. Massive gap. I remember how my heart hurt all the hours of every day for what felt like years upon years and it seems another lifetime ago. Now it's matter of fact that Cameron isn't part of this world I live in any more, and has been for long enough to feel very normal to me. I remember the hardest part was KNOWING that time would come when him being gone would be normal, and just not being able to bear getting nearer to that time day by day. I wanted to keep him in the present, but you can't stop sand slipping through your fingers.

Well. All is as it should be. He is where he belongs at exactly the time he should be. I can. not. WAIT. to see that boy again! I absolutely rejoice in the knowledge that I will! :) And I praise God for his perfect wisdom in the timing of it all. I just do.

So we went to the cemetary. The boys ran about while I pushed Nathan in the (broken) tandem pushchair. We picked a few pretty yellow wildflowers growing along the path, to put on Cameron's grave. I wished I had been to a florist and bought some flowers for a beautiful display at his grave, but never mind. I will, soon.

Arthur and I talked about the children who are buried there - he wanted to know everything about them, and what their markers said, and why the items on their grave were there. He is reaching an age where he's transitioning from really not being able to comprehend "before birth" or "after death", to a different level of understanding on that subject - it's a confusing time for him though. It's hard to explain things clearly enough, or without making him worried about some aspect or other. He now knows that when people die their bodies are buried under the ground (which I purposely didn't explore the last time we were talking about death!), but he's bothered by the idea. Once we were at the cemetery though, he didn't seem bothered. Just asked lots of questions and explored graves respectfully. He helped me dispose of some old browned flowers at Cam's grave, and he put our tiny bunch of flowers in place instead :)

Then Matthew ran too far and wouldn't come when called, so he went in the pushchair too. And it started to spot with rain a bit, so Arthur suggested we sit on a bench under a tree near the children's graves. I stood back and looked at my THREE sweet, beautiful, precious children, sitting alive and alert, taking in the world around them, chatting and laughing, chewing parts of the pushchair (!) and feeling the bark of the tree, against the backdrop of a row of graves belonging to little children and babies, including Cameron - who I loved so much that I remember being anxious that I could never love my own children as much (I do, by the way! :) ). And I just couldn't get my heart and mind to fully comprehend how very blessed I am, and what precious rewards my children are - for what?! What did I do to deserve such rewards?! God is so gracious to me. Here are my attempts to capture that moment for prosperity in pictures, as it was such a special moment in my heart:

After that, the spotting of rain cleared up, and I pushed the little ones in the pushchair to see a digger that wasn't in use, at the far end of the cemetary where they were making new space for new graves. Arthur ran on ahead, and after we looked at the digger, we looked at the freshly turned earth on a new grave. The tiny marker said the elderly lady died only 5 days ago. For some reason that just quickens my pulse (fear? trepidation? what?) to think that she was here 5 days ago, and now under the ground. I know that's how it goes, but it still shakes my core a little when I come face-to-face with the reality of it.

Anyway. We headed back to the car, as it was time to go back for lunch. We took our time, and on the way I tried to soak up the surroundings, the greenness, the quietness, just seeking God. I found myself dwelling again on the song called "Bring the Rain". I started singing it, and we were maybe 50 yards from the car when I turned around and saw the strangest thing - I couldn't make sense of it. Where we'd walked from, there were such SHEETS of rain falling that the men working within and beyond it were just fuzzed out with the greyness of falling water, but where I was standing there was no rain falling at all. So weird. It really wasn't that far away! I was so puzzled, and kept looking up at the sky above me, and then back to the sheet of rain so nearby. When I looked back again, the sheet of rain was closer than before, and suddenly I realised it was COMING, not just sitting there looking pretty and curious! I have never really been in rain like that before, that sits over there where you can look at it, and yet no rain is falling, and then it comes in. I ran for the car with the boys, and by the time we reached the trees that we were parked beyond, I turned back and the sheet of falling water was RIGHT the other side of the trees from us, and yet still there was no rain falling on us! I fairly threw the boys into the car and as I put Nathan in his car seat the rain swept over me. It drummed on the roof of the car so loud that we had to raise our voices to be heard. It drummed on me as I fumbled with car seat straps, and as I ran the pushchair to the boot. I stood under the shelter of the raised boot after I put the pushchair in the back, and just watched in absolute awe. It was, to me, like a visible image of how God can POUR OUT his Holy Spirit on us - how sudden, and how all-consuming (rivers were running in the roads within 30 seconds of it starting!), and how refreshing, and how INTENSE. The boys were making noise in the car so I went into the back with them, and left the boot open so we could watch the rain over the back seats through the open back of the car. Matthew, Arthur and I just leaned over the back seats on our knees, absolutely awed by the torrential rain - the sound, the spray on our faces, the smell, just the SIGHT of it. Incredible. I was just filled with joy and praise, and I couldn't find words to say until I just began to sing, "Let it rain" (you know the one that goes, "Let it rain, let it rain, open the floodgates of heaven..."), just the chorus over and over. I looked at Arthur and he had such a happy little smile on his face, swaying side to side gently, to my singing, and watching the rain. I told him how close I felt to God, and he asked why. I told him I always feel that way when I see the things that God made - the rain, the green grass, the tree, the flowers, etc. And that it makes me love him and want to say thank you for those wonderful things.

Almost as soon as it had started, the rain stopped again, and we buckled up, closed the boot, and drove home for lunch.

But what a wonderful time out of our ordinary-ness. For me, that was time with God that I have longed for. I hoped such a time would fill me up a little, but I feel hungrier for God than ever. I am going to try to carve out more time for God. I need him, and I just love him and want to spend my time in his presence.

I found this verse during "Bible Time" with the boys the other day, and attempted (unsuccessfully - *sigh* my brain seems to have no cells left for this kind of thing!) to memorise it:

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

Thank you, Lord. I just love you so much.

Nathan scoots, and new diary photo!

A mid-week entry!!!! But reeeally no time for words, as such! :)

We went to Jaya's 4th birthday party on Sunday and I want to write about that! I have pics and a couple of videos - soon.

Yesterday was a great day with the boys! Today is Tuesday and I am trying not to look on Tuesdays as a not-so-great day (Tuesdays so far have been BAD days, and the only bad days at that, since Neil went back to work), and praying about it too! I don't want it to become some weird superstition for me! That would be bad bad bad.

But here we are at Tuesday, and until 3.30pm, OH it was the best day! I did great with the boys, the housework, the activities, the meals, nappies, naps, snacks, outdoor time, and discipline! And then it went soooo pear-shaped. *sigh* Even with all that loveliness for the majority of the day, the entire day still feels pretty Tuesday-ish. I was silly though, and made a chicken and vegetable pie from scratch for dinner (I did a roast dinner yesterday and that went great!), and too much craziness happened during that time - Nathan cried lots, Matthew emptied the bin and Arthur's potty of wee onto the carpet, the moment Arthur had stood up from doing it! Etc. There was headbutting and stuff to sort out. *sigh* I got frazzled and lost my temper, which I hate - my kids do not deserve a mummy being all tantrumy :( Thankfully they both forgave me and we had some nice cuddles.

Nathan is really disturbed this evening and seems to be farting a lot! The room really smells bad when he is fussing and I go in! Poor lovey. He isn't really having any solids at the moment so it can't be that.

I actually wrote this evening to post a little tiny (16 seconds!) video clip of Nathan that I took today! He's scooting much more efficiently today and yesterday, and can now take himself anywhere in the room that he wants to go, quite quickly! It's lovely to see him explore so happily - he really seems so cheerful now that he can take himself anywhere, and forwards too! :) Here he is this afternoon:

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

And also, I was putting some coats away in the porch this morning, and the boys were all playing in the living room on the floor. They were doing their own things, and suddenly I heard Arthur say, "Mummy, look at us!" I turned around to see the three of them lined up facing me, propped up on their little elbows looking very pleased with themselves! :) It was so cute that I RAN for the camera, hehe! I took a few pictures - two of them came out blurry, but one was so lovely that I decided to change my diary photo at the top (gasp!) and replace it with this one. It's the first one that has included Nathan! I'll post it here too, in this entry, for prosperity after I have replaced the diary photo again further down the line.

Nathan was not smiling in this photo, and he's usually sooooo smiley! He was about due for a nap, and getting a bit tired. The boys are laughing so beautifully because of my cunning ways to make them smile and look at me at the same time, hehe! I was blowing one lonnnnng raspberry the whole time I was snapping pictures, haha! Nathan still does not get this humour. The DAY he finally does, I will absolutely update my diary photo with one of all three boys giggling at my silly noises ;) For now, I'm really happy with my new diary photo!

Thank you so much for the comments on my last entry, and the encouragement! It's late now so I must go to bed. Will update again when I can.

Another trip to the doctor, and Nathan-milestones!

Another good week! Neil has realised (!!) that the working day ends at 5pm where he works, and not 5.30 like he thought (that's when he has always had to work till at any other job), so he's home at 6pm now! Which is lovely :) Some days (okay, most days!) I am running behind with the schedule somewhat by dinner time, and it's on the table between 5.30 and 6pm instead of 5pm like my schedule says. That's okay though. And now it means that Neil can join us for dinner! Usually we've started, and sometimes we're nearly finished, but it's so nice to see his car pull up and then be able to get his plate out and serve his food hot, ready on the table with the rest of us sitting eating, when he comes in! I love it because it makes me feel like a "good wife" - I know that's not what defines a good wife at all, but it's a nice feeling anyway :)

I had a good week with the boys, but another pretty awful Tuesday, the same as last week. It could be huge coincidence, but I wonder if there could possibly be a reason for the bad Tuesdays? The boys are HARD work those days, I am tired, I make mistakes all over the place (including discipline), and the schedule is NOT followed, or else slips crazily. That schedule is really really changing things around here, it's great! If I stick to it as best I can, everything runs so much more smoothly, it takes a weight off my shoulders somehow, the boys seem happier knowing what's coming next, and I am way better able to maintain the mess to some degree. It also allows me to graaaadually pick at the mountainous clutter and "deep mess" around the house, which I was never finding time to manage before.

On the weekends I can tackle things that require a little more help with Neil watching the little ones or doing the heavy work for me. This weekend I am desperate to declutter the porch and the kitchen. During the week some of the 15-minute decluttering times with the boys have been focused on the piles in the kitchen. We cleared a bit box of tupperware and sippy cups, etc that has been looking hideous and taking up loads of space for many months. Now there's a clear space and a nice ordered cupboard below, containing those items! :) I feel like I can breathe a little easier looking at that space now!

My focus this weekend is the kitchen floor. It has clutter on it! Boxes with "stuff" inside and highchair accessories that we don't use any more but which don't have a home, etc. Clutter on the floor prevents me being able to quickly whip around the room with a brush and dustpan, or to EVER clean the floor, it seems! I struggle with maintaining the kitchen floor hugely, and I know this about myself, so I know I MUST get it so that there is nothing on the floor but chairs and a table. Then crumbs and dropped food have nowhere to hide, and I can easily sweep up after each meal (which is what is necessary here!), and encourage the boys to help me do it. THEN I can actually mop the floor now and again too! So decluttering the kitchen floor is a big goal. I also decluttered the porch of shoes today. There still seem to be way too many shoes in there though! We have a tiny porch (it's less than 3ft square!) with just the front door on one "end" and the door to our living room a couple of feet away on the other "end", and hooks for coats on a wall in between! Under the coats are where we put the shoes. But obviously it's a tiny tiny area to store shoes and we don't have shelving. Shoes just multiply in there and somehow we end up with crazy-hundred pairs of shoes that spread out so that we can only open the FRONT DOOR half way to sliiiide out when we want to leave the house! It's that crazy, and has to change! Every time I stack them up neatly, a small boy "rearranges" them so they're wall to wall again. The porch is a discipline zone for us at the moment and has been for some time, so that doesn't help! Arthur has 3 minutes in the porch and Matthew has 2 minutes, for various indiscretions. We also smack.

But - is this beginning to sound familiar?!?! - we are prayerfully considering a different method of discipline right now. We have been for a while, but this week has had some really disheartening moments which makes us want to change things more than ever. I am currently reading and researching, and will probably update more about what we decide upon some time.

I had another trip to the doctor's with all 3 boys (and no pushchair again) this week - poor Matthew has the boys' version of thrush, and as soon as I changed his nappy that morning I knew I needed to take him to the doctor! Poor love - he keeps saying, "Sore!" and crying :( Anyway, the boys were well-behaved going into the doctor's from the car, holding hands and so on. But it was a whoooole 'nother story going back out again. Arthur lost his smartie, that is, the reward of having one for good behaviour, on the way back to the car, and as soon as he heard he would not get one, he immediately decided he might as well behave as badly as he liked if he was not getting the reward anyway. *sigh* He ran off squealing into the car park and wouldn't stop even when I shouted at him to do so. I had Nathan on my hip, a huge bag of potty-et-al in my "Nathan" hand, and was holding Matthew's hand in the other, so I could not run after him properly. THANKFULLY the car park was a tiny one with only two cars parked in it, and nobody else arriving at the time, but that's not the point.

At the car he led me a merry dance dodging around the vehicle and giggling as loud-and-crazily as possible while I felt completely embarrassed (despite nobody being there to watch!) lumbering after him this way and that with Nathan on my hip. I gave up and told Matthew to put his hands on the car while I unlocked it (I had no free hand to manipulate the keys otherwise). I was anxious that he'd run off with Arthur, but I didn't know how else to open the car! Anyway, he did run off with Arthur, squealing and laughing. I shouted "Stop!" to both of them but they continued running to the entrance of the car park, laughing all the way. I RAN after them with poor Nathan on my hip (I didn't have time to put him safely in the car), which can't have been comfy for him. I was so ANGRY with them at that point. I just grabbed Matthew and hauled him back to the car, barking at Arthur to follow. Once they were both inside (and prevented from exiting by my large behind, hehe!), and Nathan was safely in his car seat, they both got a serious "spanking" (as I have heard it called in the States!) and Arthur in particular got a strong lecture about all aspects of his various mis-deeds. He did not like that part. He didn't want to look at me while I told him, and he cried a lot.

The way I disciplined them was pretty strong, for me, but I absolutely will not have that kind of behaviour out and about again. I needed to give them a consequence that would help me achieve that! I don't trust that it won't happen again though, but they'll get the same consequence every time they try it. I completely draw the line at road safety.

Arthur also spent 3 minutes in the porch as soon as we arrived home, mainly for the bit where he initially decided to run off and ignore me, and lead me a merry dance of disobedience, but also for leading Matthew astray. He HATES 3 minutes in the porch. So much so that he ended up with another three minutes right on top of the first lot, for thumping me when we got into the house and I told him he was to stay in the porch for his 3 minutes like I had told him in the car! Sometimes I don't know what to do with that boy. Sometimes it seems like NOTHING works with him. I am guessing that no matter what I think I am doing right, I must NOT be being consistent enough with the discipline.

Behaviour at bedtime has also been atrocious two evenings in the latter half of this week. He leads Matthew on who is then just as bad as Arthur. It's mainly the rudeness and the wilful disobedience, not so much the actual mind-bending noise and lonnnng-drawwwn-ouuutness of it all. I really wish we could seperate them at bedtime but we only have two small bedrooms for the five of us! So we can't. There are little ones in both bedrooms as it is, so we can't split the boys up, even for one of them to fall asleep on our bed to be carried into his own bed later.

Anyway. It has been a hard week for discipline, which has been pretty discouraging and exhausting at times. I am still reading various things, but I am currently thinking that I will start Tomato Staking them, though I'm slightly dreading starting because I know it will be a lot of hard work at first, especially with more than one toddler! I'm still weighing it all up anyway.

I actually came here tonight to write about something completely different to what I just wrote about! ;) But now Nathan has woken and nursed, and stirred again a bit further into writing this entry, and now it's really late and I have no more time to write. I didn't even get started! And I got carried away talking about the week, so that's okay. I need to write about that anyway! I'll try to update again soon about the other stuff (and to catch up a bit on photos!).

Thanks so much for the lovely comments, and compliments on the pictures of my sweet little boys! :) I took some more of Nathan a week or so ago, which are waiting to be posted - they're kind of similar to the ones from last entry, so I didn't post them last time. Here they are now. I just ADORE that boy! :) The first one isn't so samey, but it just makes me giggle, hehehe!

Nathan has hit a few milestones this week, all of a sudden! He's sitting up on his own a tiny bit. By "a tiny bit", I really mean only a few seconds, but he's balancing on his own while he does so, and corrects himself back to his centre of balance if he has leaned forward or sideways slightly for a toy or something. And he now sits with a straight back, which he wasn't doing at the beginning of the week. He's so keen on shoving himself backwards though, when sitting! Arthur did the same, and he had to have a pile of cushions behind him at all times for a few MONTHS after he learned to sit, as a result! Matthew didn't do it really, or not nearly as much, so never sat with a ton of cushions for protection. He was always much more interested in propelling himself forwards, not backwards! ;)

Talking of which, Nathan has also suddenly started pushing to elbows (occasionally hands) and knees, and rocking!! Out of absolutely nowhere too. He started maybe 3 days ago, and now he is already spending a lot of time rocking and pushing into that position. The elbows and knees position is unfamiliar to my memory banks, so I don't think it's something either of my other babies did. I wonder if that will pre-dispose Nathan to "army crawling"? The others never did that. They rocked on hands and knees and eventually set off. So, I wondered that aloud to Neil the other day, and then yesterday afternoon, Nathan saw a puzzle two feet ahead of him and army-crawled and squirmed and lunged himself along the floor until he reached it! He worked really persistantly and quickly too. I was excited to tell Neil when he got home from work, and then I set up the same situation for Nathan that evening for Neil to see, and he did it again and again. Today he has been army crawling to whatever he's interested in reaching, but only within a few short feet, not across a room or anything. And it's not TRUE army crawling yet - I just call it that because he's using his knees and elbows to get there, though much of it still involves his stomach sliding and wriggling across the floor! ;) He isn't too coordinated with it, and tries a variety of random moves to propel himself (he'll shove his bottom in the air and then push with his toes, then try a good lunge forwards, then use his elbows and knees, then sort of roll onto his side and arch his back, so that when he's back on his tummy again he is a little further ahead, etc). But he is certainly mobilising now!

He is 6 months and 3 weeks old - which happens to be exactly how old Matthew was when he started proper crawling (after 3 weeks of grumpy rocking, hehe!). Nathan is a month behind gestationally though, so he's doing great! I think he'll be a while getting to actual crawling, but I'm excited that he's able to move himself about forwards to get to things he's interested in. He was starting to get a little frustrated with rolling sideways, as he'd have his eye on something up ahead and the only thing he knew to do was roll, which would relocate him frustratingly further away from his desired object! I'm not dreading the crawling-at-last! stage at all. One more mobile small person surely won't make ALL that much difference in this tiny house?! We're already baby-proofed, and the boys are so excited that he's moving! They'll be less excited when he moves to their games and knocks their cars all over the room when they were trying to line them all up, etc, but such is life ;)

Another milestone for Nathan is that he signed "milk" to me for the first time this week!! I have been signing milk to him since maybe 3 months old. I'm so excited about it! He has been signing back when I sign it to him, but not THAT obviously - just a concentrating expression and fingers that are obviously trying to do something, which has gradually improved. Then the other day, he was lying on the living room floor fussing, and when I looked at him, his face suddenly got very "urgent" and focused, and he held his arms out stiff from his body and went very still, while he sort of "fiddled" his fingers open and closed! I asked him did he want milk, and signed milk as I asked him, and he did such a squeaky gasp of excitement and did such a huuuuge grin and his little stiffened arms shook likehe was too thrilled and excited to contain himself! It was so lovely! I scooped him straight up and nursed him :)

He's babbling differently this week, as though he's trying out a few new sounds. And he's enjoying "older baby" games now that he didn't use to quite understand! He loves being tossed in the air, and squeals with delight with a huge open-mouthed smile! And he is starting to enjoy peekaboo. He did NOT get that game a few weeks ago! ;)

Oh, I forgot to say, at the doctor's when we went, the boys sat nicely in the surgery waiting room! There weren't a lot of people in there, but a few elderly couples and a mum with a little girl. I overheard one of the elderly ladies say to her husband as we sat down, something about it would be worth it when they're older (in reference to my boys) - I guess we're starting to turn heads now and then with how many and how close together they are. Arthur and Matthew are starting to look closer in age than ever before, and the gap between Matthew and Nathan looks quite a lot bigger, given that he's a baby, but it's exactly the same. They were great going in though. Arthur picked a car magazine and sat on a chair, and Matthew stood at the fish tank watching the fish. I sat proudly with Nathan on my lap next to them! :) Then a nurse came out, and my little chatterbox piped up, "Are you a doctor or a nurse?" She said, "I'm a nurse! Are you here to see the doctor today, or the nurse?" Arthur took a breath and said, "Well..." and time went into slow motion as my brain realised that he was about to use his louder-than-average volume to tell the reason for our visit to the oh-so-quiet waiting room! I did that mental hand-held-out, "NoooOOOooooOOOOooo!" thing, and then time snapped back to normal speed, and Arthur continued (loudly, and in a VERY quiet room full of listening elderly people (not forgetting that mama with her 5-year-old daughter)), "Mashew's got a TERRIBLY sore willy. And so we're here to get the doctor to look at his willy and see if she can make it better." The nurse said, "Oh?!" in an interested tone, and I blushed, though there was really nothing to blush about so I'm annoyed that I did - he was being perfectly innocent and I doubt anybody minded that! I'm sure they all thought it was rather amusing, but I confess I didn't look at anyone to see! Then the doctor (bless her heart!) opened her door and called us in, and the nurse left abruptly saying with some humour, "Well, good luck with that Matthew!" :) And we went in. He has special cream that I have to apply, poor love. And he's still sore, but I hope he'll get better from it really soon.

Okay, that's ALL! I must go to bed!! :)