A milestone for Matthew!

Thank you so much for all the lovely birthday wishes! :) I had a really nice day! We went out for that walk in the park, and I sat in a nice coffee room with some other mums from church and breastfed Nathan, while Neil and the other boys ran around outside in the park! We weren't there long, but it was so nice. In the afternoon I took a nap with Nathan! And when I woke up, Neil and Arthur had baked me a birthday cake with smarties on it (I wonder who thought of that part?!), AND our/their first ever attempt at chocolate brownies. Those were gooooood. Neil made a roast dinner, and I blew candles out on the cake after dinner, while Neil and Arthur sang "Happy birthday dear Muuuuh-meeeee!..." and Matthew "ahh ahh"ed along with their singing in his highchair! I don't think I had any presents to open at ALL on my birthday, and only 3 cards in the post, but I couldn't have been happier with my day!

Well, yet again it is LATE and I have a gazillion things on my mind to write about. BUT, I will just have to squash some of it down for another time, because really I want to make sure I write about a significant event from today!

Matthew and Arthur (and Neil) are currently sharing a bedroom - I mean, that's the plan, that they share, because we only have two bedrooms. Neil will move out when they're settled in and enough time has passed since Nathan arrived for it not to be toooo much of an upheaval for them. Matthew is in his cotbed, and Arthur is in the single bed (raised off the floor for the first time in his life!) with his bed guard in place. Neil is on a single mattress on the floor. It's SNUG (the room is only 12ft by 7ft!) but they all fit in there and it's going well.

Matthew has been chewing the heck out of his cot for ages now. I hear his teeth grinding on it at bedtime when the lights are out! He stands at the far end near the bedroom door, and just chews. He has gradually gnawed some big chunks out of that cot. We have teething rails on the sides of the cot, but he hasn't bothered with those bits! He goes for the nice arched ends, and he has scraped the varnish off with his teeth and everything. It looks yucky, and I'm sure it's not good for him either!

Then the night before last, Neil and I were putting the boys to bed. Matthew was in his cot and Arthur on his bed, and we were just getting the bedtime story ready. Matthew is OBSESSED with "Little Red Train to the Rescue" at the moment. Thankfully it's a lovely story, since I have to read it constantly these days! I have lately restricted it to bedtime, and he begs for it at naptime too! He calls it, "Leh Cwane". His speech hasn't improved much since my last entry (only a week ago, I know!), and that would be impossible to understand for anyone who didn't know him and who was familiar with what he was asking for. "Leh" is a combination of the "L" in "Little" and the "eh" for "red"! And "Cwane" is train, obviously! ;)

So I was holding it but it was out of his reach where he was in his cot. He has got sooooo tall lately. He's definitely taller than Arthur ever was at this age. He's still so little against Arthur, but he has made quite a jump in height lately (Arthur has too - we just noticed that today actually!), and for the first time he's starting to look like he's catching Arthur up in height just a little bit. He'll be taller than Arthur eventually, I'm sure. He just has a longer/leaner body type than Arthur.

I haven't posted photos of Matthew in ages, it seems. Here is one of him a few weeks ago (just before he had a LOT of hair cut off! He was so distressed at the hairdressers, and he always is, that Neil asked them to take plenty off so he wouldn't have to come back so soon! His hair grows soooo fast) - just doing what he does these days. He is into everything, curious about all things, and constantly on the go:

King Matthew, hehe!

He LOVES dressing up in Arthur's dressing up clothes, more than Arthur does in fact! And here's a photo taken just about a week ago, if not less than that (after the haircut, as you can see!). Here's something I forgot to write here when I noticed it a few months ago - Matthew's blue eyes have done exactly what my blue eyes did as a toddler (and what my mum wondered if they'd do because of my eyes) - they have "greyed up"! They are still a lovely clear colour, no rings and just one brown spot above the right pupil there. But they are absolutely clear grey, no blue whatsoever. They just WENT like it over a month or so, recently. Anyway - photo!

Anyway, I digress! Where was I? Oh yes! He leeeaned out over the cot side (which was right up), and just flipped out onto the floor! He was pretty shocked, but so were we! So, there we have it. He isn't climbing out at all. But he's tall enough to fall out by accident (he did it again last night, reaching again), and he's eating his way through the poor cot anyway! So we nervously (!) decided that it is time that we turn his cot into a toddler bed.

My parents came over from France this morning for a long weekend type of visit, to see my grandparents and Thea and our boys all in just a few days. So we'll see them a bit for a few days but only for short visits. We all miss them so I'm happy for ANY length of visit! They were here for an hour this afternoon and while the boys were occupied with Nana and Grandy, Neil went in the loft and got the toddler bed ends down, and turned the cot into a toddler bed! I went up to see it when he was finished and I felt kind of tearful when I walked in the room and saw it, I have to say. There it was - a teeny tiny little "big boy" bed - no rails or guards to confine him any longer! The old chewed cot ends were still in the room standing against Arthur's bed, and suddenly I realised my baby boy was growing up! Waaah! It doesn't matter that I have another baby boy, I still feel sad about THIS baby boy growing up before my eyes! But, since he was born I have really not like him being behind those bars where I can't reach down to kiss him (once the base was low enough) while he sleeps. Sometimes it has driven me crazy, like an itch I can't scratch! So I'm THRILLED to be able to kiss his little face while he sleeps now! :)

Anyway. I took a photo after I had my wistful moment! ;)

After Nana and Grandy left, we took the boys up to explain the changes and let them explore the new bed a little. Here they are on Matthew's new bed!

They were BESIDE themselves with excitement about it at bedtime, especially Arthur, for some reason! He wanted to sleep in there with Matthew all night, but we said there wasn't room for them both to SLEEP. He was disappointed, but we said they could lie together in there for the bedtime story! Here they are at story time (guess which story, hehe!):

Please please disregard what you see of my hair in the last photo. *sigh* It needs a wash, and my "Matthew hair" that came in 4 months after he was born is now just annoyingly too short to tuck behind my ears, but too long to have flapping all over my face - hence the very attractive job I've made of pinning those bits out of the way! *sigh*

It took the boys AGES to go to sleep. Matthew would not stay in bed. We moved the portable safety gate from the kitchen doorway to their bedroom door for the night, and Neil stayed in there with them till they slept. We padded the floor next to Matthew's bed with a big duvet cover, in case he rolled out. He is usually ALL OVER his cot and banging into the sides in his sleep, so we expected he might. At 11pm we heard a huge thump and ran upstairs to find Matthew totally unconscious on the duvet on the floor! I can't believe he slept through falling out of bed! It IS only a very low bed though, not far to fall. We put him back, and I took a photo with the flash, of the boys fast asleep :)

Aren't you amazed that I have taken, uploaded, and posted in a diary entry, a photo that was only taken like an hour ago?!! I am, hehe! I'm usually so behind with photos! But I really wanted to write about this (with photos!) as it happened, and I spent my whole evening doing the uploading. I can't seem to resize photos properly with the new camera software, so that's why they're too big for this diary page. Oh well. They'll have to do.

Anyway! I have so much more to write about but Nathan is waking and I have to get him and nurse his sweet little self! Will try to update more soon, and I also have a ton to write (and lots of photos waiting now, yay!) at my pregnancy diary! Back soon!

Difficult boys, but happy mama! :)

It's 2.30am! I'm nuts, writing a diary entry at 2.30am when I should be sleeping. But Nathan is about to wake for a feed (it has been about 2 hours since his last one and it's unusual for him to go much longer than that at the moment), so I might as well start a diary entry while I'm here! Not much to type though, unfortunately, because I am sure to have very few fingers available to type with in a matter of minutes! I reeeeeeeally want/NEED to write about a ton of stuff that is going through my mind. But I don't think tonight is the right time, because it's late, and I won't be able to type much. It will drive me crazy to start on it and then not be able to write much after just a couple of minutes!

I wanted to write about (in BRIEF!!):

* Matthew's talking, or lack thereof. I think he's about to take off in that department, but hmmm, Babycentre told me that my 20-month-old (he's 20 months!!! Can you believe it?!) now has a vocabulary of about 200 words (um, no), and between the age of 18 and 20 months has been learning 10 words a day! I want to write in more detail about which words Matthew DOES say and how he pronounces stuff and all the usual kind of thing that I write here like that! But no time. Nathan is in the Moses basket near me and he's stirring already (and thus farting, haha!), so I know he'll be up and ready to nurse in a minute. I haven't even got a vague idea of how MANY words Matthew says, just that it's not many. Most of the ones he does say are only understandable to us, but that's okay. He'll catch up. Arthur said only a handful of words I think, and then SUDDENLY had a word explosion and was talking in sentences a couple of months later (if memory serves, which, quite honestly, it does not do so well these days!). He had already done that by Matthew's age though. Matthew will get there I think.

I think it will be soon. He has had 3 nights on the trot where he's woken inexplicably and stayed awake for HOURS in the middle of the night, apparently unable to sleep. He hasn't done that for soooo long, and when he DID used to do that from time to time, it was always RIGHT before a new skill emerged. Usually a motor skill, like crawling or walking or rolling over, but not always. So I can't figure out any motor skills that he has yet to master (!). I wonder if it's talking that's about to happen? He DID start saying 3 new things just yesterday, and it's a reeally unusual thing to note the exact day that a new word is said by Matthew, let alone THREE! So maybe he is about to accelerate on the talking thing?

His new words were "Um-ma" (that's me, by the way :) His version of "mama"), "Ni-ni" or "Ni-nay" - that's Nathan!! I'm so excited about these first two!! And the third that day was "crane" pronounced very clearly (well, maybe a bit more like "gwane"!), about a picture of a crane in a story book!

Matthew is such a joy. I love him so much! He's always laughing or smiling, and it's always because he's being cheeky and mischievous and loving it! I love the sparkle in his eye. He is kind and sweet and gentle with his baby brother. Today he did have his first couple of not-so-good moments with Nathan though. Nathan was on the floor to have a nappy change, and I turned my back and Matthew hit him in the face with a toy car :( Nathan cried so hard. I wanted to throw Matthew out of the window! I get so fiercely protective towards my tiniest baby each time I have a new one. I can't help it. But I tried to be calm and handle him sensitively. He did get disciplined though.

And the other time, Matthew was being a bit whingey and he asked for milky (to nurse). I was nursing Nathan at the time, and Neil had almost served up dinner, so it was not the time to offer him the breast. I said he could have milky after dinner, when we went up for bedtime. He understands EVERYTHING by the way. He got cross and cried, and asked again (he says, "deh-dah" to ask, just to note here. "Deh-dah" is "breasty" which is what the boys call my breasts for some reason! I seem to recall Arthur pronounced it surprisingly similarly when he was younger). Anyway I said no, and he instantly got an angry expression and hit Nathan in the head as he nursed! *sigh*

Nathan's stirring again, still hasn't woken properly though, so I'll carry on.

Another thing I keep wanting to write about (especially when it's right in my face at the time!) is how.... difficult Arthur is being. I tell you, if I was writing an entry to vent about it at the time of frustration about it (as opposed to now, when I'm relatively removed from it, since he's been in bed asleep for 7 hours now!), I would be using words like "horrible" to describe him - things I sometimes read in other mummy blogs, but always felt I could never bear to use that kind of word to describe my own child, no matter how much I felt it to be true! It just doesn't feel right to use that kind of label out there in public about your own child. But I would have.

I fully understand his issues, really I do. We have a new baby. He is three. That explains it all, in a nutshell! But yeah, it's harrrd work with Arthur right now. And yet he can also be a complete sweetie and just normal "Arthur". The rest of the time he is really horrible, or certainly CAN be, and I LOVE him to bits and pieces but at the worst of these times I am finding it hard to like him, to like being around him, to WANT to be patient with him. He is so uncharacteristically (wow that's a long word, hehe!) aggressive, especially with Matthew. He head-butts, hits, kicks, pushes. Thankfully no biting. I couldn't stand him to bite! He is just frustrated with him messing his games up and stuff. And they get on wonderfully all the rest of the time, but there are just soooo many times during the day where they are aggressive with each other now, and they WILL. NOT. LISTEN. as we tell them to stop. We end up yelling to get their attention (a LOT these days, which I hate and it needs to change), and still they continue. We discipline them and they get it and eventually apologise and kiss better and all that stuff, but then they'll do it again 5 minutes later. It drives us crazy.

There's a ton of other stuff with Arthur right now, but no time to write about it. The way he is with us - I'm sure he's taking out any difficulties with Nathan's arrival on US instead of Nathan, and I'd MUCH prefer it that way. But it's hard. He's so RUDE and disrespectful, and laughs and mocks and sings rude and unkind songs if we hurt ourselves, etc. He shouts rudely over our talking. He goes out of his way to do stuff we don't want him doing - tearing a book, say, or dropping food on the floor when we just cleaned it. He won't come when asked, runs away when it's time to put shoes on/change nappy/have a bath, etc. He has started to be rude to people out and about, which is SO unlike him. He had to miss an outing for that, the next time we went out. I stayed at home with him while Neil took Matthew. He was really upset about it, but he totally GOT that it was due to his behaviour the previous time we took him out. He was very well behaved the next time!

He screams (I do mean scream) and cries as forcefully and exaggeratedly as he can for as LONG as he can carry it on, over tiny issues. The noise is enough to make me want to pull my skin off. He makes sure to make sudden loud noises when Matthew is trying to go down for his nap, and climbs and does all sorts of stuff that he KNOWS makes Matthew copy him, and which we have told them both NOT to do. The amount of time we are spending disciplining these kids is just staggering at the moment! It feels like we are doing little else some days, and that makes us think we're doing something wrong, or that it can't be right, etc. But at least we are being consistent.

Ugh.

It will pass though, right? I keep hearing that other people who have had 3-year-olds have had behaviour like this to deal with, even without a new baby, so it could be largely his age. He WAS like this before Nathan was born, but it's just got worse since.

He does seem to love Nathan though, and constantly asks to hold him. He throws a tantrum if I say he can't hold Nathan when he wants to (say if I'm about to nurse him, or it's bath time or Nathan's asleep in his cot, etc).

Thank God Neil is home still. I can't fathom managing the boys without him right now. I mean, seriously. I soooo hope things improve with them before Neil starts work again. Which, still no news on that front.

I am trusting God. I am starting to need to just repeat that out loud now, as things are getting a bit scary financially! I am trusting God. I am trusting God. He is faithful. He will not let us fall.

The other stuff I have been wanting to write about is regarding things to do with God. Mucho long-windedness is required and I don't have the time, even if Nathan were to stay asleep another 2 hours, hehe! I NEED to write about it in my diary, but I don't actually know how to tackle it. There are lots of parts to it. I don't know how to break them into manageable pieces!

If I bullet-point a few, maybe that'll serve to help me over the next few entries I write here? Or at least help me not forget what I meant to cover on the subject! And give an idea of what I am talking about.

Family. Babies. I need to link to a few blogs that are reeeeally challenging my thinking on some stuff. Neil and I are going to set aside some time soon to pray about it. We have decided we need to ask God how many children HE wants us to have. He might not tell us a number, but we need to pray about it. I don't think we should be calling the shots any more.

No time for more detail, but have been praying - Neil has too, about the same thing but on his own. And baby number four? When HE happens? I don't know how to explain it, but both of us just "know" from our own individual prayer times that baby number 4 will be a boy, and both of us feel that he will be a boy called Benjamin. It's an amazing feeling to think that I've just had Nathan, and yet already I know we are simply waiting for Benjamin! It feels wonderful! :) I started to talk to God about having a girl. I don't have a mega urge that I MUST have a daughter. But I asked God if he would give me a baby girl. And before the question was even finished on my lips, I KNEW the next baby was already Benjamin. I'll eat my hat if it's not, when it comes to it! ;) So, I paused at that realisation, and said, "Okay God, thank you for Benjamin! Now, if it pleases you to give me a baby girl after Benjamin...." :) I am praying for a girl for my fifth baby. I have noooo vibes about babies after Benjamin, but Benjamin feels like he's already as real as my children who are already born. It's something I can't describe properly here, and Neil feels exactly the same way. Today Neil came to me and said he had wondered about whether we might have twin girls after Benjamin! Weirdly, I vaguely daydreamed the same exact thing this morning while nursing Nathan :)

Okay, Nathan is waking properly now, I think. It's after 3am, ugh!

Ooh! It's my birthday!!!!! D'you know, this is the first year that I have really not thought much about my birthday approaching. I guess I am a bit busy right now! That's probably why. But I suddenly realised it was going to be my birthday, a few days ago, and it felt so weird to suddenly realise it, so close to the date. For me, anyway.

No plans for my birthday - well, the mother's group (Fellowship Group) at church is meeting at the park for a walk with their little ones, at 9.45am (sooooo early, I still need to sleep when Nathan lets me during the morning to catch up from the night!). I forgot it was my birthday when I said I'd go, but it doesn't really change anything. I still plan to go, but I'm not sure I'll be up to it with how late it is and how my sleep will probably be very broken once I get to have some - Nathan wakes to nurse very frequently still.

I'm 32!! Or I will be, at 11.25am :) I really thought I'd have a VERY new baby on my birthday, maybe less than a week old! But Nathan is nearly 6 weeks old already. He still FEELS very new. He's my favourite birthday present, then! My boys are just the best gift from God, ever. I'm so thrilled with them (hard work and all!)!

My sweet baby boy!!! I love him soooo! Thank you God for blessing me so very much this past year. I'm excited for another year of blessings to come! I'm happy to be 32. I'm always happy to be whatever age I'm arriving at each birthday. I love being even-numbered ages though, for some reason! It must be a leap year! D'uh, of course it is. I was born on a leap year so when my age is divisible by four, it's a leap year :) That's how I remember when they are, hehe! I love 32! I love the number. I'm excited to be this age! It feels like an age where life is really happening and it couldn't get more exciting than that! What a great age to beeee! :)

A few Arthur things...

I seem to have no time at all to write here! I am still writing at my pregnancy diary when I do get time, because Nathan is still in that "newborn" window where I update there about my new baby :) I will probably keep writing about him there for another month or so maybe. I do have things that I keep wanting to write here, and I really don't like letting them slide by, because then they just leave my memory banks completely.

So, I have maybe five/fifteen/0.01 minutes (!!), and I wanted to jot a few things down here while I can, to make note of them while they are still "news"!

Arthur had a few firsts lately!

On Sunday when we went to church, he had his first session at Sunday School! He has been in creche all this time. They take kids up to age 3 - well, the first group at Sunday School is for kids aged 3-5. They won't take them before their 3rd birthday. After Arthur turned 3, they were rehearsing for the Christmas Nativity play and Rachel (who leads it) said that it would be better for Arthur to join the group in January, as he would come in when they were getting back to normal things again. Then of course, in January, I went and had a baby without warning anyone! ;) So, we didn't go to church much in January.

The Sunday before last, I told Arthur that he could go to the "big group" with Joshie (his favourite friend, who is 5 months older than Arthur and has been in that group since the summer), or he could stay in creche. By the time I went to remind him when it came time for the groups to start during the service, he was already in the creche room, busily drawing with crayons. But after church he reminded me that he was supposed to go to "big school" (bless him, I don't know why he calls it that!). Last Sunday when we went to church, I asked him if he would like to go to creche as usual, or if he would like me to take him to the big boys' group. It isn't just for boys, of course! But for some reason it is all boys (except for one girl, who wasn't there today) in that age range.

Anyway he said yes. Once we got in there, he went soooo shy! He hung back with his ENTIRE hand in his mouth, just toooo shy to take part, which I found interesting, as I was never sure how Arthur would be in a new setting like that. He's a very confident and outgoing little boy, and I had often wondered if he'd be shy EVER, but he has his moments sometimes. I stayed the whole time, and will do so for the next two or three sessions. After that I'll see if he's happy for me to leave. He wouldn't sit down at the table with the group till Joshie patted the chair next to him and said softly, "Come on, Arthur!" He's such a sweet little boy!

I had Nathan in my arms the whole time but he slept soundly so that was okay. Anyway it went great! They learned about the good Samaritan. They had a discussion about what it means to be kind versus mean (soooo apt for Arthur right now *sigh*). They cut pictures from the story and put them in the correct order. Rachel assigned a helper to Arthur to help him with cutting and ordering the story, but I told her that he could cut well, and he DID! I was so proud! :) He cut fast and on all the lines. They seemed quite surprised by how well he could cut :) I asked him which picture came first, and which one came next, etc, and he very quickly put them all in the right order without making any mistakes. So I was pleased that he could get stuck in with the work without being a bit behind in terms of skills learned, etc. Or being a bit young for it, and so on. That was a relief for me. They also did cutting and sticking and drawing (kind faces), and he LOVED that. He drew his first actual picture of a recognisable thing! Arthur's drawing isn't anywhere near what most 3-year-olds are drawing, I think. He hasn't yet done more than scribbles, although he can draw shapes (triangles, squares and circles). He asked me how old I was the other day, and I said 31. He wanted to write it! I carefully drew the number 3 for him to copy, and he said, "I've already done the 1..." and he had, with the little folded-down thing at the top of it too! He did a pretty good 3.

Anyway but he hasn't drawn faces, people, objects, anything like that. He will tell me he's drawing something, and it's just a bunch of scribbles to look at. I know other 3-year-olds who are drawing real stick people with smiley faces and hair, hehe! He'll get there. Perhaps I don't give him enough opportunities, or the right kind of encouragement? Anyway. So he drew a "kind face" - a circle with two slits for eyes, a line for a nose, a round mouth, and then added two lines sticking out of the bottom of the face, declaring, "That's the feet!" :) I was overjoyed!

They did singing with rhythm sticks - a pair for each child. Ohhhh he loved that! Banging things as loud as he could, and being encouraged to do so, hehe! They learned a Bible verse with the rhythm sticks, and listened to the story of the good Samaritan. At the end there was a prayer time, and to me, this was the BEST bit! Because Rachel asked if there was anything anybody wanted to pray about. A little boy stood up to show everyone a big plaster on his side, lifting up his top so we could all see. And another said he had a sore leg. Then - how precious! - the boy with the sore leg (who is 5), closed his eyes and prayed out loud that God would make his sore leg better! And another boy prayed as well. I think that was a real eye-opener for Arthur. I don't think he had any concept of children praying before. I pray with him every day and sometimes ask him if he wants to pray, but he always quickly says, "No, you." and so I do. I won't push him to pray. We also say grace at mealtimes (but honestly, we've only recently started, because we are shamefully forgetful about that usually), and usually ask, "Who wants to say thank you to God for our food?" and he always pipes up, "Mummy!" or "Daddy!" :)

Anyway, so he watched and listened. Yesterday at dinner, Arthur said, "Today, I'm going to be the one to pray!" We closed our eyes and waited, and then Arthur prayed, and honestly I could have burst into tears, my heart was so overflowing. His voice got all shy and quiet, and he said, "Lord.... thank you for our food... and..... Lord.... thank you that we like it. Amen." We found it so sweet that he said "Lord", just like we often do when we are praying aloud. Also, so cute that he thanked God that we liked our food, because he was sitting with a plate in front of him, containing a single piece of dry bread! As usual, he wouldn't eat the chicken casserole I made, and had his usual bread "with NO butter!". I also noted that yesterday was the first evening that I can remember where he hasn't rudely complained about the food. He didn't use the word "yuck" once. Which is a HUGE deal for Arthur, believe me! *sigh*

Tonight he wanted to say grace again :) It's so so so sweet to hear him pray!

I can't remember what the other "first" for Arthur was lately... if there even was one. Nathan just woke up crying so I have to stop for now. I'll try to write more bits and pieces soon!

Three children, aged three and under!

It's 11pm. I am really happy right now. My cute, snuggly newborn is 20 days old - he's 3 weeks old tomorrow. He is sleeping on his daddy's chest in the armchair. I have a precious, intelligent, difficult 3-year-old who is sleeping in a big co-sleeping floor bed upstairs. And a scrumptious, funny, mischievous 19-month-old who has woken totally inconsolable this evening and taken half our "adult" evening to resettle.

I know my husband is home from work all the time. I know I get to take a morning nap when I have been up half the night breastfeeding. I know I have it easy right now, as far as support and practical help goes. I know that pretty soon (we hope!) Neil will get a job and I'll be looking after 3 children aged 3 and under all day, every day (except weekends!) without an ounce of help. That should scare me silly! It DID, a couple of days ago.

But today, I don't know. I feel so confident. I really really believe I can DO this. And more.

Okay, so I am listening to Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" on repeat at YouTube - I just LOVE that song for some reason! I was 7 years old when it was released and it was played EVERYWHERE. I remember going swimming and it was playing while I was in the pool, MANY weekends running (we used to go swimming as a family every Sunday). I am pretty sure it was playing at my 8th birthday party, which was a swimming party (I think it was that year anyway...). I have a ton of fond memories of life while that music was around! Also I just love the song. It’s catchy and bouncy and 80s-ish, and I LOVE it! It cheers me up on a bad day, anytime. Today is not even a bad day! So perhaps that accounts for my upbeat mood?!

Anyway. I know this is temporary. Even a Super-Mummy is going to have BAD BAD days and feel despairing and overwhelmed. I know I will have them, and I will be back here before I know it, writing about how it’s impossible to cope with 3 kids at once, so young, and I will never survive the day, etc, etc. I know those days are coming. But I also know I can do this.

I feel so excited about my situation! I feel so proud of what I am doing with my life. I am a Mummy, like I always wanted to be. But I NEVER for a nanosecond thought I would ever have kids so close together! Ever. My children are 3 years and 2 months, 19 months, and almost 3 weeks old! I have 3 aged 3 and under! I know I am in the hardest season of parenting, right now. Maybe it could get more difficult actually, when I still have 3 aged 3 and under, but all 3 are mobile and I’m trying to potty train two of them? Anyway. This is the hardest season. I have been reading things about having lots of little ones close together, and how it’s a season. It FEELS long and drawn-out, but it’s fleeting. Then you miss it, even the hard parts. Maybe this is helping my perspective right now?

If you are out there with a 2 year old and a baby, and expecting another, and you haven’t already read Amy’s Humble Musings (I have already, shamefully, forgotten which wonderful person gave me the link to this blog in my comments here once – but thank you, so much!), I wholeheartedly recommend her series on living with three under three. It’s been so encouraging to me (there are 8 parts so far). Amy has 6 children aged 9 and under. The best parts are actually in the comments – there are soooo many, from other mothers who have weathered the many-young-children phase, and they give some great advice. It has blessed me so much that I am going to post a link to each of Amy’s parts to her series:

Living with 3 under 3: Part One
Living with 3 under 3: Part Two
Living with 3 under 3: Part Three
Living with 3 under 3: Part Four
Living with 3 under 3: Part Five
Living with 3 under 3: Part Six
Living with 3 under 3: Part Seven
Living with 3 under 3: Part Eight

I’m just so encouraged to be reminded that this IS the most difficult part of parenthood, it’s not just the way it feels to me. I don’t quite have three under three, but near enough. Arthur only turned 3 two months ago. I think if I ever ACTUALLY have three under three, it will be harder than this! Especially since I will also be homeschooling the older ones! But anyway. It’s not easy! Most of the mothers say that adding a fourth, fifth or sixth child is easy as pie in comparison, which is another encouragement to me, since that’s what I’m hoping to do! :) Anyway, this hard stage is just a season, and I WILL survive it. And my children will too. And will not be traumatised for the experience! I will learn patience and grace and a good many other things that I am SURE that God is waiting to teach me on this journey. Things I reeeeally need to learn!

The other day, Neil had to go out for a few hours to pick up our BIG family car (it’s a Chrysler Grand Voyager, an MPV with 7 seats! I feel so.... awed , that I have enough children to warrant an MPV, hehe!). We won it at eBay. Now, you’ll think we’re crazy (we are, I’m afraid), but we got it so cheap that we’re going to sell it :) The night after we won this Chrysler Grand Voyager (in totally yucko colours inside and out), we decided to bid on another! We won as well! The second one we won is in even better condition (though the first is also in brilliant condition). It has lower mileage and is a pale silvery purple with grey leather inside. It’s GORGEOUS :) There is about £100 worth of minor damage to the side of the first one we bought, and we plan to have that fixed, clean it up well (it wasn’t cleaned prior to selling), and re-sell it. We are hoping to get at least £500 profit. We are also selling the car we’ve been driving since Matthew was almost due, and that should fetch us about £1000 more than we paid for the first Chrysler, so HOPEFULLY when we’ve finished selling two cars and we’ve got the second Chrysler that we won, we’ll have a great family car AND £1000 - £1,500 in the bank. That would reeeally help us right now. Now that we’ve bought two large cars (!!), we need to sell asap. Neil is getting the Ford ready to sell this week, and hopefully it will sell quite quickly. We are expecting to pick up the second Chrysler next week, and as soon as we’ve put the kids’ car seats in it, we’ll get the first Chrysler ready to sell and try to get it sold quickly.

Anyway, bit of an aside there! So Neil had to go into London to pick up the car. I came over kind of cold and clammy at the thought of him LEAVING ME for more than 10 minutes, haha! Seriously though, I did. I knew I had to get used to it though, so a couple of hours would be GOOD practise. I was sooooooo nervous as we waved him off down the road! It’s so silly of me! They’re my own children, and there really isn’t anything to be scared of! But yeah.

It went okay! I surprised myself! I found that I could discipline a child whilst holding a tiny baby. And multi-task in general waaaay more than I realised. Matthew napped at his normal time, though Neil was here when he went down for his nap, so I didn’t manage that on my own! But then Nathan went to sleep, and I took him upstairs and put him asleep on the big floor bed. I covered him with his blanket and left him there! It was an “a-ha!” moment, because I realised I needed to put him to bed when he had fallen asleep, and be okay with walking away and going to another part of the house without him! It’s so alien to me to be physically separated from Nathan yet. He should still be in my tummy after all! But it was FINE. Nathan and Matthew slept an hour at the same time. It didn’t really hit me until I was downstairs with Arthur and we had some one-on-one time, which felt really comfortable and familiar as though I had stepped back in time to before I had Nathan. It was a strange but lovely feeling, and I’m sure Arthur enjoyed it too! A bit later on, Arthur was making a ton of noise (making siren sounds, and so on!) and I asked him to be a little quieter, because “the two little ones are asleep upstairs” – and the moment I said it, I kind of sat back in shock at the realisation! I hadn’t really realised how the moment has ARRIVED – I really have three little children, and I can say, “the two little ones” without meaning ALL my children!! It’s soooo surreal. And also, it’s something I feel sooo incredibly happy and proud about!

It got slightly hairier after the little ones woke up, and I could NOT get to make dinner for the kids, no matter how I tried I could not get further than getting a couple of dishes out and putting them on the surface! I had a baby in my arms or in the sling (need to find a place to put him safely when he’s down with us and awake), and the other two would not stop climbing furniture or headbutting each other, or screaming fit to burst each others’ ear drums, etc. So I had to keep stopping, and I realised I could NOT cook a meal. Thankfully I knew Neil would be home in time to help me before they got toooo late for their dinner! I need to figure something out about that, for when Neil is working again and ISN’T home to help me make dinner! Hmmm!

Today Neil had to go out again for a bit, and that was fine too. A challenge, but fine. He took Arthur with him, so actually it wasn’t all that much of a challenge as it seems! Matthew woke up after his nap and was inconsolable (I hope he’s not coming down with something), and Nathan was awake and crying, so I put Nathan in Matthew’s cot, and carried Matthew downstairs to comfort him and get him a drink and a snack. Eventually Matthew calmed down and I went up to retrieve Nathan (who, thankfully, had not become hysterical in my absence – just puked a bit on Matthew’s sheets!). The funny thing (to me!) is that while I was dealing with the two little ones, I suddenly thought how much easier it was to handle two under two, than all three together. And then I remembered the early days/weeks when Matthew was tiny, and the many times I wrote here about being completely overwhelmed and unable to manage. And I said how it was surely IMPOSSIBLE to manage looking after two children under two – how on earth does anyone juggle their needs?! So it made me smile to have the “luxury” of only having my two littlest to watch, my “two under two”, and thinking how easy it was, hehe! I am sure when I have another baby that I’ll look back and think “only” having three little ones was easy in comparison!

Okay, Nathan is waking, so I need to finish this.

I am so broody again. I always am by this stage postpartum – by about 2 weeks after giving birth actually. It was 8 days this time ;) I can’t fathom ever having a girl, but right now that is fine and dandy with me. I think we are missing a Benjamin. I can’t seem to shake it actually. Neil is someone who has trouble with names. He is forever mixing up the boys’ names! When Nathan was about a week old, Neil kept on calling him Benjamin, and saying to me that he couldn’t understand why he was calling him Benjamin! Benjamin is my next favourite boys’ name, personally :) In fact, I had it in mind for the next boy after I had Matthew. I didn’t think of Nathan right away, and was thinking of Benjamin from early on in my pregnancy with Nathan. But I didn’t like Ben so much, so I went off it a bit, and then we discovered/remembered we both loved the name Nathan :) But I feel sure we are missing a Benjamin. I feel like he is coming next, and I’m already excited about meeting him and seeing who he’s like and what he looks like! I know I’m probably crazy. But oh well! :P

Don't worry. I haven't completely lost the plot! I KNOW I will have bad days and not be able to fathom having any more babies for the time being! And feel like a bad mummy, toooo bad to manage any more little ones. But I know that will just be because I'm overwhelmed, and I know that's normal, because other mothers are out there having the same challenges, and I take SUCH comfort knowing that THIS is the hardest part. Right now, I am busy enjoying my boys and snuggling my new baby, and letting the house BE a pigsty (for now - I am slowly starting up my FlyLady routines again, bit by bit). I do have a list that I made each day, of six things that need doing. I don't expect to do them all, but it helps me to have a list to work through. With the help of lists, just today and yesterday, I have changed Matthew's cot sheets, and Arthur's bed sheets. And phoned the dentist to make an appt (can't bite food on one side of my mouth for the last month or so, as one of my teeth is HURTING when I do, hmmm!), and the Registry Office to make an appt to go and register Nathan's birth. And yesterday I ran the dishwasher and did a dark load of laundry (those were pressing things). Today I used two ageing lemons to make four lemon sponge puddings - one that we ate for dessert after dinner tonight, and the other three are in the freezer :) So the lists are helping. The house is a tip, but I'm trying not to let it bother me. It's not the time to worry about it, and I'll get there eventually.

Nathan is looking like he needs some mummy milk, so I'm going to finish this and nurse my sweet tiny boy! I am breastfeeding all three of my lovely boys, and sooooo proud! On February 13th, I will have been pregnant or breastfeeding, or both, for exactly four years, as it will be four years to the day since I ovulated and Arthur was conceived! :)

I am sorry to have been away from this diary a bit lately, with all the newsy stuff in my pregnancy diary. I plan to update here more often, if I can, even if it's just bits of news. Ooh, talking of which - Neil has found a job to apply for (at last!), and we are really hoping he'll get it. It's based in London, and pays better than he's earned before. And he's actually interested in the job, so that's a bonus! We don't know what God has planned for us, but we DO know that we are about to be completely out of money (including credit card "funds") and still have a mortgage to pay and bills, and little mouths (mouthes?) to feed. So he MUST earn some money soon. We will have no more money to pay the mortgage after the end of February. We will have maxed out our credit cards by then. Please pray that God will bless us with an income soon! And even that he'll be successful in applying for this job in London. I know it might not be the one God has planned for him. But we just don't know! So we'll pray that he gets it all the same. If he doesn't, I know it's because God has something better planned. I just hope it's soon! In a month's time, if he doesn't have a job it will get very scary.

My tiniest boy has arrived!

Just a quick entry (really!) to make note in this diary of our big news (links to more detailed diary entries included)!

Nathan arrived a month early! My waters broke on Friday (Jan 11th), and I was induced the same afternoon because I'm GBS positive and needed antibiotics once my waters broke.

Nathan Martin was born at 5.42am on Saturday January 12th. I wrote about that part in this entry. He was born a month before his due date (he was due Feb 10th) at 35 weeks and 6 days gestation. He weighed 5lbs 13oz, and was 19 inches long, which was pretty good for his gestation! I think he would have been my heaviest baby yet, had he gone to term.

He had no breathing problems, no blood sugar problems, and was able to stay with me for the few days we were in hospital. He didn't maintain his body temperature too well in the first 24 hours, but he was fine after that. I had to supplement him with small amounts of formula in the hospital to keep his blood sugar levels steady. My milk came in during the evening on Day 3, after we arrived home from hospital, so he isn't getting formula top ups any more. He is nursing plenty, and Matthew too. I love tandem nursing! Arthur decided my new milky tasted yucky and disgusting (!), and wouldn't nurse any more. He seemed quite unhappy about it, as though he really WANTED to keep nursing but didn't like the taste. He seemed to be the one dealing LEAST well with having a new baby brother. Matthew is eager and excited, and VERY sweet and gentle with Nathan. He calls him "dee-dee" (baby) and strokes his hair sooooo softly, saying, "Deh-doh" (gentle). He wants to see Nathan every single opportunity he gets.

Yesterday evening Arthur asked for milky at bedtime. I asked if he was sure, and he said yes. When it was in full flow, he seemed not-so-happy about being on the breast drinking it, but he continued anyway. After he finished, I asked him how he felt about Mummy's milky tonight. He said it was yummy again and that he wanted to have milky all the time again now :) He has nursed quite a few times today, and as usual at bedtime, with no problems. He declares that it's yummy every time. I think we're back on with the tandem (triandum?!) nursing, and I'm happy about that. I think it will help Arthur to bond with Nathan. Already today, when Matthew was napping, I was nursing Nathan and Arthur together, and Arthur was acting WAY more calm around him (he's been a bit boisterous and aggressive and fidgetty around Nathan thus far) and gently playing with Nathan's fingers while they nursed. So that is good!

I wrote another diary entry from the hospital before we left, and then a big entry with the first photos of Nathan. I will keep updating about my tiniest boy at my pregnancy journal, like I usually do, until he's 6 weeks old. Then I will (sadly, as always!) close things down there till next time (ohhh I hope there will be one!), and continue to update about ALL my boys here! This diary sometimes gets a bit neglected while I'm writing about a new tiny person (and his brothers) at my pregnancy diary, so do check there as I write a lot of stuff there that really ought to belong here, during that time! I have a lot more photos to post there soon, but haven't finished uploading and resizing yet. We are not getting a lot of sleep at the moment. I need to write about that there, too.

But I have THREE sons! I have ALL my boys! I am sooooo blessed! I love each of them so very much, and I can't believe this is my life, and they are MY children! I am just in awe. Thank you Lord, for the safe arrival of another precious baby boy, and for blessing me with each of my children. Please help me to be the best mother I can be to them, and to parent them lovingly and sensitively. Help me to meet each of their needs and learn to juggle caring for three. Keep me from hormonal issues in the next few months, and equip me for everything that will be demanded of me! Help me lean on you above all. I need you more than ever. I love you Lord! I just want to praise you for your faithfulness to me, and your loving kindness. You are all I could ever need. Amen.

It's 2008, wheeee! :)

Yay, it's 5 minutes into 2008!! Fireworks are going off everywhere here, and I'm watching some spectacular ones on the TV while I type this.

I'm SO excited about 2008!!!!!!!! Now it's actually here, it's so so so exciting! I'm going to have a baby, and oh how my boys will grow and change, and what a lot I have to look forward to! I know it sounds CRAZY, but maybe I will even be pregnant again by the end of the year? Nathan will be 10 months old, and that's about when I get pregnant again. We know we want a fourth and with a similar gap if we're blessed that way. Weeeird thought right now though, hehe!

It's also JANUARY now, which means I can say that my baby is due NEXT MONTH!!! And near the beginning too. Yikes.

I am perfectly content with my New Year's Eve. Neil was tired out with a headache and went to bed RIGHT after we put the boys to bed and did our chat-and-pray thing - about 8.30pm! He has stayed up pretty late for several nights and will feel sooooooo much better for a long sleep. He's someone who just zonks out the moment his head hits the pillow, never mind if it's like 5 hours before he normally goes to sleep! (yes it does bug me!)

London's fireworks are pretty this year!

I wasn't going to take much notice of the big countdown but I can't resist, if I know it's a few minutes to midnight, just popping the telly on to hear Big Ben's bongs :) So I did that with 30 seconds to go. I have just been trying to catch up on my online forums and stuff tonight, and also watched a couple of funny relaxing things on TV after Neil went to bed. And ate chocolate, of course ;)

Matthew came down with Neil's cold in the night last night, and has been a bit miserable and snotty today. He has been laughing and energetic other times though, so he's not too poorly. He woke about an hour ago wanting a drink - it's SO nice that he can ask us for those now! He says, "Di-di" for drink, for some reason! But it's clear enough and we know what he's asking for. So I gave him a drink and he dozed off on my shoulder again, so I put him back in his cot :) I love that boy bean soooo.

Both of them have been a serious handful today! We went to my grandparents' for lunch and they just ran riot in the very UN-toddler-proofed house. They purposely didn't toddler proof it much because "the boys need to learn". *sigh* Never mind that this makes it SUPER HARD for us to manage them and protect a zillion breakables, etc, and thus get exhausted and not really be able to listen to everything my grandparents are trying to tell us all the time.

Anyway, so a hard day! I got 2 hours and 45 minutes sleep last night because I was up late and then couldn't sleep, and then Matthew was really restless and wakeful with his cold. He's been up from 5.50am three mornings running now, urgh. I work on settling him back to sleep for a bit (never works) and then breastfeed him for 30-40 minutes. This gives Neil extra sleep, and also it's lovely to still have a couple of long breastfeeding sessions with Matthew. I don't want him to stop! He still loves it so that's good. He only nurses before nap and bedtime now though, and on waking in the morning. And occasionally if he sees Arthur breastfeeding in the day (which isn't so common now - Arthur often only nurses ONCE before bed, which is still such an alien concept to me! He was still breastfeeding like 6 times a day when Matthew was 6 or so months old!), or if he gets hurt badly.

Anyway. I can't remember what I was saying! Oh yes, I am really tired. I should have gone to bed early too. After I finish this entry I am going to empty the dishwasher and reload it, and set it off, and then lay out the boys' clothes and go to bed. I'm REALLY happy not to be out partying somewhere! I like my quiet home life :)

Oh I knew there was something else to say! Arthur is mightily difficult to handle at the moment, as I said last entry, but today and yesterday he has said a couple of such sweet things! I wanted to document them here so I don't forget the GOOD stuff while it's a hard patch with him :)

Yesterday we went to church. I had nothing clean that stretches over my huge bump any more, so I was frantically trying things on before we went - all of them too tight on my legs! In the end I found some dark blue denim dungarees and decided to wear a top with them that I have not worn before. It's a floaty shirt that has little flowers allll over, and it's very PINK! I stood for ages in front of the mirror worrying that it was too pink or too floral, or whatnot. Or that it didn't flatter me or look nice enough to wear out.

I went downstairs to ask Neil if it was too pink, and he was in the kitchen. On my way there, Arthur turned and saw me, and GASPED! He walked over to me open-mouthed, and said in a completely awed tone, "Mummy! You look beautiful! You've got flowers all over!! You look beautiful just like a flower." Bless his sweet little heart! It was just what I needed to hear, even if it didn't change the fact that it might have been TOO PINK to wear! I wore it anyway :)

Today after our challenging day with the boys, I had settled Matthew in his cot, and then I went in and breastfed Arthur in his bed for a bit like normal. I prayed with him like normal, and he reminded me to pray for Daddy's cold as well as Matthew's :) He was still wide awake after our bedtime routine and insisted he was not going to sleep. Sometimes this does not bode well! So I was telling him that I wanted him to lie in bed and wait for sleep to come, etc, and that he must not make a ton of noise or get out of bed now that it's bedtime. He is pretty good with this, actually.

Anyway, he lay there with his eyes exaggeratedly open, and so I did not want to get into a battle with him. I just kissed him, and told him something I sometimes say at bedtime (or randomly in the day!) - "I love you. You're my sweet precious love. You're my favourite Arthur in the whole wide world. I'm so proud of you!" and he stayed looking ahead into the room, but did such a satisfied little smile, and then said simply, "Thank you, Mummy, for saying that!" And then he screwed his eyes tight shut, and didn't even respond when I said goodnight and left the room! He IS such a precious lovey. I love the things he says. Sometimes he's so straightforward and plain in the things he communicates, and I love that about him. He says what he means and means what he says, and that's a GOOD thing to be able to do. And I love that he knows to be thankful for things and voice that. I love that he communicates to me things that make him feel happy, so that I am more aware of it for next time. I don't just have to try and read him, or wonder if a facial expression meant this or that, or just wonder if he even heard me at all! If something means something to him, he lets us know. I love that about my boy.

I just LOVE my boy. I love my boys. I'm going to have another one sooooo soon!! I'm so excited! And so completely petrified about how on earth I can possibly cope with three boys! The comments are starting to come thick and fast - oh how helpful people can be! They watch me struggling hugely and pregnantly after my wildly energetic boys, breathless and unable to keep up, and say slightly smirkingly, "How are you going to manage THREE?" Gee, thanks. I don't think they MEAN it nastily, but it's not exactly a nice thing to say when you think about it (which they obviously don't - think, that is!). It is making me very nervous at the moment. If they weren't so VERY energetic then maybe I'd feel less anxious! Everywhere we go I get comments, even places filled with other kids their age - how nobody's ever seen such energetic kids, etc, and my goodness do they ever stop?! Etcetera. I nod and smile and agree, but underneath I AM getting anxious! Neil won't be home from work for ever, and I'm not managing them remotely even now. In fact, just lately the TWO of us aren't managing them too well between us! It's scary to think of adding a newborn to the mix in our tiny house.

Megan, they grow out of it by the age of FOUR?!! That rather scared me to read, because I'm having a baby NEXT MONTH!!! I don't have time to wait for Arthur to be all normal-3-year-old and grow out of it in 6-9 months time! I can't possibly manage his behaviour with a toddler and a newborn as well. Something has to give. I hope it's not my sanity! I'm a little concerned about PPD as well. I really need to have some kind of handle on things with the kids, to feel like I'm coping.

Anyway, I will now pack those unnerving thoughts away otherwise I will be awake hours again (tsk!), so that I can go to bed. It's 12.40am now - no fireworks at all any more. Matthew woke again a few minutes ago and I went and covered him up. He isn't too congested yet, just feeling yucky and nose running like a tap, etc. Poor baby boy. He is also teething, but still no evidence of any actual teeth, even since the last bad bout. I'm expecting canines any time, but he is STILL missing his 4th incisor at the bottom in the middle! I wonder when it will turn up?!

Going to bed. Happy New Year! I hope 2008 will be exciting and wonderful for everyone! I have a good feeling about it for me, and my sweet little family! :)

Christmas (no pics yet)! And thoughts...

We had a lovely Christmas! I hope everyone reading this did too.

Arthur came down with a cold on Christmas Eve but it didn't slow him down too much on Christmas Day, and it has cleared up already - none of the rest of us caught it so that's a relief! Neil has a sore throat today, but we spent the 27th with Neil's family, including sweet little Ella (the boys' 2-year-old cousin) who had a runny nose. I know we're coming to the peak of the germy season in the New Year, but I sooooooooo just want us to stay healthy somehow all the same! I really don't want any illness at ALL when I'm this pregnant and when we've got a teeny tiny new baby in the house.

I am eating Thorntons vanilla fudge. Ohhh yes :)

Neil's brother got us a CROCKPOT!!!! I'm sooooooooooo excited! And we had planned to pool our money from my grandparents (they usually give Neil and I a separate cheque to spend on something we'd like) to buy one, after Christmas. I was looking online only last night, and had chosen the one we would buy. And then Ian dropped by today with our Christmas present, and it was a crockpot!! A really nice one too, and as big as the ones I'd been looking at. I can't wait to start cooking meals in it!!! :) And we can use the money for something else, yay!

All the Christmas photos and video clips are still on the cameras and not uploaded or resized and all that stuff, so I will have to get around to doing that before I can post them here.

I'm not sure what I came here to say, actually! I just thought I would update. I kind of want to wait to write about Christmas in a lot of detail until I have photos to go with it, but knowing me, that might not happen till April or something, haha! So maybe I should write about it?

Well, in a nutshell (stop laughing), the boys got up as late as 7.30am!!!! Which was lovely! We spent Christmas Eve wrapping presents, but I'm so proud and joyful because although I did not follow my FlyLady Holiday Cruising thingy to a T, I followed it enough so that most of the gifts were wrapped by the week before Christmas. We put together a couple of bigger toys that Ian brought over for the kids before Christmas - Matthew got a wooden rocking horse! It's an Early Learning Centre one, for toddlers. It took Neil HOURS to put the thing together, but it was worth it when they tore the paper off it in the morning and could ride on it with great delight straight away! I put together the light-up globe that Ian got for Arthur, and wrapped it. He loved it! Straight away we showed him where we live, and where Nana and Grandy live.

And today he learned where America is because my parents are (as I type) on a plane to San Francisco for a 10-day break. I'm nervous. I always feel nervous for my mum when they are flying long-haul. She is terrified of flying, always has been. And the last few times they've flown to the States, she has been really sick after the flight and not at all well. Like flying just doesn't agree with her physically any more. She has refused to go again for quite some years, but my dad LONGS to go and so she said yes this time! I hope she's doing okay over/up there. Anyway that was a good example to show to Arthur on his new globe! The United States has a picture of a car on it (for some reason!) and he wanted to know if they were going to drive that car when they got there :)

My parents came to see us yesterday! It was so nice to see them!! Arthur was so sad when they left. They came a day earlier than they needed to fly out, because then they wouldn't have such an early start in the morning. And they got to spend a good part of the day with us! Yay!

It was so nice to spend Thursday with Neil's family. The last time we did that was exactly a year ago. We must do it more often! We don't live all that far from each other, really, except his mum and youngest sister in North Yorkshire. Ella has changed sooooooooo much! She has a headful of wildly curly hair! She's 2 and a half, and talking so clearly like Arthur does. She is completely potty trained! At one point Rosemary (her mummy) took her for a wee in the toilet, and Arthur waited outside, very curious! As she was coming out, I was busy explaining to Arthur that Ella was a big girl and did all her wees and poos in the toilet, and she wore big girl pants! When she appeared, Arthur said, "Well done Ella, for doing your wee in the toilet!" and tried to look up her dress, I guess to see if she REALLY did have big girl pants on, haha! Ella obliged by lifting her dress to reveal her princess knickers, and Arthur seemed satisfied by that ;)

They played together sooooo sweetly! They sat on the floor at one point while the grown-ups were still at the table eating, and I could hear them chatting away to each other, so I leaned back in my chair to crane my neck round and see them. Arthur instantly spotted me and held his hand out like a stop sign, saying quite crossly, "No! You go away! We're busy talking!" !!!!

We're having SUCH trouble with Arthur's attitudes and behaviour at the moment. *sigh* I mean, yes yes, he's completely normal to be like this at his age. But we really don't intend to tolerate it at all. He's so RUDE and grumpy and, well, kind of like a stroppy teenager if I'm honest! He rolls his eyes and shouts and calls us names, ugh. He gets disciplined a LOT at the moment. Thank God Neil is home all the time. I would not manage it otherwise, I think. I just don't know how I would. I'm praying that it's short-lived, or else that we get a seriously firm grip on his behaviour very soon, because soon enough Neil will suddenly find a job, and equally suddenly, I will give birth and then have 3 children under 4 on my own, one of whom is just impossible half the time! I don't know how to manage that. Matthew is a handful himself, in lots of ways, but it's the attitudes and stuff from Arthur that NEED active responses from us to correct him constantly. That's such hard work at any time, but I can't think how I'll juggle it with the littler boys' needs too.

We are currently working on him saying things nicely, not shouting at us, not using certain words that we have decided we won't have ("hate" in any context, "bleuuurrrr, it's YUCKY!" about my cooking at the table, "BLAST YOU, Mummy/Matthew/Daddy!" when angry with one of us - he got that from Tommy Zoom, which we have finally decided to stop him watching from now on - etc.) It's not just the words, but the nasty tone of voice that goes with them. He also shouts rudely at us all the time, especially when we are attempting to correct or discipline him over something. Quite apart from the shrill screaming of his regular tantrums (!), the neighbours must hear things like, "NO! I'M NOT GOING TO ASSEPT MY DISCIPLINE!!!" and so on, on a regular basis!

He IS, however, completely lovely and delightful the rest of the time! It's just harrrrd work with Arthur right now. And it needs to change, he needs to learn to obey and respect us asap. Our discipline method is still going strong, and it's the longest we've stuck at any method by far. We comfortable and confident with it. We have added "The Porch" into the mix though. When he is just a screaming flailing creature as we're trying to explain why we have to discipline him, or why we have just done so, and he won't stand still and listen to us, he goes into the indoor porch (a tiny room with just coats and shoes in it, between our front door and our inner door to the living room) until he can calm down/behave himself. He HATES this. Partly it sometimes becomes necessary for him to be able to calm down, if he's too far gone otherwise. And partly it's for US, so that he doesn't drive us soooo crazy that we start to lose our cool. It's so so easy to lose your cool with that boy right now. *sigh* We've both done it, so we decided on The Porch to help us all. Matthew also gets scared by the very loud angry screaming that Arthur makes, so separating Arthur till he can calm down gives Matthew some space, and me the opportunity to reassure him instead of wrestling a 10-armed three-year-old while Matthew cries in terror! It's sure to be necessary for when Nathan is here as well. I'm not having that noise and fuss around my new baby. Urgh, it drives me crazy!

Annnyway! Back to Christmas. The boys opened their presents (Arthur peered over the stairs to see if Father Christmas had been, on his way down, and gasped, "He HAS!!!") and we all ate breakfast (the usual cereal/toast thing) at 8.30am because it was "time", despite Arthur's protests - he hardly ate a thing, but wanted ALL his edible stocking fillers to eat moments later! At the last minute before Christmas, I got Arthur a variety pack little box of Frosties cereal, and Coco Pops too, for stocking fillers (Matthew had the same for his stocking). He often asks for "blue cornflakes" and would LOVE chocolate cereal, but never gets them. The boys eat rice krispies and weetabix and normal cornflakes for breakfast, and sometimes my muesli/granola with raisins too. They like those fine, and they're so much better for them, so we don't give them the sugary stuff. The cereal stocking fillers were a big hit! And Arthur ate his Frosties at the table about 15 minutes later :)

I wrote a schedule for the day (mainly the cooking, but also the morning because of needing to get out to church on time, etc) and put it on the fridge door the night before. That was so helpful because I could stick to it and see what was happening next, all day. I put a HUGE chicken in the oven (we're too small for a turkey!) right before we left for church, and then we went to the short service at a different church which we join with on Christmas Day. That was lovely, as some of our friends from waaaay back at our church now go to that church, and we only get to see them for our joint services. They didn't know I was pregnant, obviously, so that was fun :)

Random strangers commented on my bump after the service - ALL of them saying, "Ohhh, that baby's about due, isn't it?" or "February?! You'll never make it that far!" etc, etc. I just smile and nod. Yes I am ENORMOUS and feel positively full-term this last week (I'm 34 weeks tomorrow), but I always manage to go beyond my due date all the same. *sigh*

Anyway. The service was nice, but we spent it with the boys in the creche room trying to referee "tensions" over the one toddler slide and ride-on car in there! I came over sweaty and faint and basically just sat down fanning myself a lot. But afterwards it was fun to chat to friends and see people. Then we came home, and I put the potatoes and parsnips on, and the mixed fruit sponge (no Christmas pud for my picky boys!), and we played with the little ones and their new toys for a while. Then we all ate a YUMMY and hugely successful (yay me!) Christmas lunch with fabulous homemade gravy, and I ate a miserably pathetic individual-sized Tesco Christmas pudding (never again - even if it's just me next year, I AM making REAL Christmas pudding!), and then Matthew went for his nap and Arthur played with his new things.

They got a lot of toy cars which was Arthur's favourite present :) He also liked the chocolate presents - covered raisins, and chocolate biscuits and Smarties. We had trouble limiting those throughout the day! He kept sneaking off with them and eating them behind furniture where we couldn't see what he was doing!

In the afternoon the boys played with toys and watched Arthur's Roary the Racing Car DVD that he got for Christmas, and then a little of Matthew's new Thomas the Tank Engine DVD - those went down very well! Matthew was soooooooo excited about his Bob the Builder presents!!! He is so tiny, still such a baby boy at only 18 months old, and he doesn't speak yet as such, which made it soooooo much cuter to watch him peer into torn wrapping paper, gasp exaggeratedly, and exclaim, "Boh-Buh! Boh-Buh!" (that's Bob the Builder in Matthew-speak!). As we helped him get the item out, he would stand as close as he could, hands held up either side of his face, and his arms and hands did the tense little shake that he does when he's really excited :) He's such a sweetie, that boy. He got some GORGEOUS Bob the Builder boots, but they are a tiny bit too big for him so we'll save them for a few weeks. I reckon he'll fit them within a month though. He is enjoying just "handling" them at the moment! :)

The boys had their usual lunch of sandwiches and stuff for tea, as Neil and I were still so full from lunch (which the boys didn't eat much of). We ate Christmas leftovers and pickles and things, later in the evening after the boys were asleep. They had a bath, and then went to bed! It was a lovely day!

Did I mention that Rosemary (Neil's sister) is pregnant? I can't remember if I did. She had a miscarriage at 11 weeks in March. Anyway she is 17 weeks pregnant now, due in early June, just like Matthew was - and Ella, for that matter! Matthew and Ella both have birthdays on June 14th, and now there will be another little one with a similar birthday! I'm excited!!! They are not going to find out the baby's sex - they didn't with Ella either, and they like the surprise. I can't wait to find out if it's another girl! Rosemary thinks it is so far, though she's had more morning sickness this time, so hmmm. She had very little with Ella.

The three little cousins are such sweet little stair-steps! Arthur is 7 months older than Ella, and Ella is obviously exactly 1 year older than Matthew. Then my brother's baby girl, Thea, is 11 months younger than Matthew, and Nathan will be 9 months younger than Thea. When Rosemary's baby is born, he or she will be 4 months younger than Nathan. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how the boys have siblings AND cousins on both sides so close to their ages! It's so lovely for them!

On Thursday, all 3 played so sweetly together. Matthew didn't seem in the least bit left out as the youngest with the biggest age gap amongst them. I think he may do well in that dept though, as he's very forthright and won't BE left out if he has anything to do with it! Also it's good for him that he is close behind Arthur in age, because there are no big gaps to isolate him somewhat in play when the two older ones get together and want to play something that Matthew isn't "big" enough for. Matthew IS big enough because he's still so close to their age, which is lovely. They all ran about together, back and forth, like they were playing races. Matthew runs as well as the other two now, and they had so much fun! They yelled and laughed till they were breathless, and danced to some music on Auntie Lilian's (Neil's youngest sister) mobile phone. The dancing was so so indescribably cute that I swear I felt my ovaries aching, haha! I actually said, without thinking, "Ohhh, my ovaries!" as I watched them, and everybody laughed so hard that I blushed horribly!

We forgot to take our camera AND our camcorder :( I can't BELIEVE we did that. I know some of the others got some pics and video clips so hopefully I can get hold of some soon and post them.

The little ones all played cars and shops and jigsaws, etc. We had to referee a little bit now and then, but mostly between Arthur and Matthew, as Matthew is so.... "forthright" like I said! He is so determined, and currently wants to do everything that Arthur is doing, and play with the exact toy that Arthur has in his hand at all times. Fun times ;) Arthur tolerates this better than many kids might, but it still erupts into scuffles sometimes. Matthew has started to have some serious tantrums lately when we have to give a toy back to Arthur that he's swiped. Poor little boy! It's a learning curve....

Arthur got a few jigsaws for Christmas, and can do the 24-piece one pretty well, though it takes him a while. Matthew got a box of beginner jigsaws but prefers to eat the pieces, so they have been put away for a while! They both got wooden stacking toys. Arthur got quite a complicated wooden stacking jigsaw that said from age 4. Matthew LOVES it! Arthur has been too busy with his Roary jigsaws so far to pay much attention to the wooden stacking one, but Matthew is loving the more traditional toys this Christmas. His favourite seems to be the rocking horse, and although we are making it something they can generally share (whilst emphasising that it's Matthew's present), Matthew gets VERY put out when he sees Arthur on it, hehe! He kind of stands close by with his arm out, pointing at Arthur, face scrunched up into a most dismayed expression, and moaning, "Ohhh!" to alert us to his severe displeasure, hehe! He's so funny :)

Matthew's other favourites this Christmas have been a great ball that we bought him (a red one) - it's soooo easy to catch and grip, and it's so lightweight and bouncy that it doesn't hurt anyone or anything. We inflated it to just the right squishiness for Matthew. He LOVES it! He throws it about for ages, crying with glee, "Boah, boah!" (ball, ball!). He also LOVES his wooden stacking toy. It's just a pole with bright coloured wooden rings, you know the type? Very traditional. He got stuck right in the instant he opened it, and we didn't say anything, just let him get on with it. He sat down, pulled all the rings off, and started stacking them back on. Each time he put one on, he clapped and shouted, "Yaaaay!" and then reached for the next one. When they were all on, he pulled them all off and started again! This went on and on. He got so focused and concentrated so hard that his movements got faster and faster. He would drop each one on with a flourish and whip his arms away quickly to grab another ring as fast as he could! It was such fun to watch! Anyway he loves that toy :)

Arthur did a wee on the potty by himself the other day. He isn't doing much of that lately, but the other day (AFTER our visit to see Ella, actually!), we had him undressed for his bath, and he was running around upstairs while we got Matthew into the bath. He came bounding into the bathroom all excited, shouting, "I did a wee, I did a wee!" Neil thought he had done a wee on the FLOOR somewhere, and was about to be not-so-pleased, but then Arthur said, "In the POTTY! All by myself!" He had found the potty, lifted the lid back, and sat on there to do his wee! He got a green Smartie :) Matthew has lately got very interested in the potty. He likes to sit on it after Arthur has had a turn (not while there's still something in it, of course!) fully clothed or nappied, and he smiles like he's soooo proud of himself while he's sitting there! He makes a concentrated face, and then gets up, peering into the potty, hehe! I think he might possibly potty train earlier than Arthur will - much earlier perhaps? Because he is so keen to do what he sees Arthur doing, and he has quite a different personality - he has always been so determined to get things DONE that he wants to achieve, which Arthur has never really had. He was so determined to crawl that he was cranky as anything about it by 5 months old. He worked on it, literally like an adult working out, day by day, and was crawling at 6 months. He has done EVERYTHING else the same way. I think (hope!) he will tackle potty training this way too, and a crazy thought occurred to me the other day, that just maaaybe if Arthur potty trains on the late side, Matthew will have reached an age where he's actually old enough to potty train at the SAME TIME! What a strange thought! But how nice that would be :) And maybe it would help them, to do it together?

We sooooooo need to get them in the same bedroom. It's going so slowly, getting the room ready, urgh. We are running out of time!!!! I feel a little more panicky about it now that Christmas is over, January is imminent, and I'm ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!!!! Ahem. I made a list of everything that needs doing before Nathan arrives. That way it will be easier to check the list and use any spare 30 minutes I have to chip away at it. I never have 30 straight minutes of energy any more, in fact I'm lucky if I get 15 straight minutes, but I'll take what I can. I feel sure Neil is ABOUT to get a job and then I'm in trouble!

Our sink is leaking big time in the kitchen. We can't fill it at all. Someone needs to fix that but we have no money-o. The bathroom sink was leaking the same but it has somehow stopped for now. It did that a while back, too. There's a towel under it just in case it starts again! We got advice on our damp problem, and it turns out to be a condensation control problem, not penetrating damp or rising damp - PHEW! It's because the bathroom fan broke, probably, and thus the house was too humid. We have no working extractor fan in the kitchen either, and don't open the windows so much now it's all freezing cold and wintery, so there we have it.

The advice line told us we should get some devices fitted in our bedrooms that would permanently remove the condensation issue, even without replacing the bathroom fan. I told them we had no money and were not eligible for benefits! The guy was so great. He asked if there were any children in the bedrooms. I said yes, in both! He asked their ages. I said, "Three, one, and another on the way." He was really concerned and said we had to get the black mould cleaned up right away - today even. He recommended Dettox (Dettol?) mould cleaner, and we happened to have some in the cupboard! Neil cleaned the mould off and it's all healthy again upstairs. We have put the heating up by 1-2 degrees, and make sure to open the windows even if it's just for 10 minutes a day. The thermostat thingy in the bedroom is giving us much better readings now - humidity is down from being permanently between 85% and 95% (!!!), to between 60% and 75%. And the temperature in the bedroom is about 20, whereas it was about 18 before - cold and damp. That might be enough to control the condensation issue without having to spend money on a solution, for now. If the mould grows back then we'll know it's not working (but we'll clean it off again all the same!). For now it looks okay.

Nicola, lovely Nicola! She sent another package! I'm sorry I haven't emailed you yet Nicola. I'm so behind, and I wanted to mention it here in case it takes me a while to get to my emails, to thank you! There was a LeapFrog interactive book thingy for Arthur! He loved it and is learning to use the pen thing to make the sounds and letters. And Thomas trains!!! Both the boys were so excited to see them and spent ages playing with them the day they arrived. They are played with every day. I have photos, but they are with the Christmas ones on the camera still. Nicola sent the sweetest letter and £20 for us. I was just completely bowled over by her lovely generosity! We were all so blessed by the package - thank you so much Nicola! xxx

Well it is getting late and I want to try to keep up with the FlyLady stuff that I've started to pick back up on these last few days. And then go to bed. Tomorrow is Sunday (it's so hard to keep track of the days, the week of Christmas!) and we'll go to church in the morning. On Monday we're going to lunch at my grandparents' house, but if we're all coldy then we'll probably have to postpone - they're in their 80s and get positively battered by colds these days. And then it's New Year!

We are not doing a thing for New Year, as always. I never have any interest in seeing in the New Year, etc. I'm not the party type at ALL, and getting drunk bores/disgusts me, so there's nothing much in it for me really! If I go to bed before midnight (not so likely these days!) then it's no big deal - it's still a brand new year when I wake up in the morning, which is the exciting part! Only I'm not nursing a hangover and have had a (vaguely!) good night's sleep ;)

I'm excited for it to be 2008! I am going to have a BABY in 2008, wheee! And be an auntie again! And have a 2-year-old again :) And a FOUR-year-old! I'm so excited to live out this next year! My little ones will change so much and it's so much fun to watch them change and grow - so long as I always have a little baby or one on the way, haha! Then I'm okay with it! Which I do, so yay for 2008!! ;) Also, I'm weird probably, but I really feel "comfortable" with even numbered years. I love even numbered years! Odd numbered years make me feel strange for some reason. Like, not quite settled under my skin, and I'm always quite keen to see the year go and the next one start. That's so weird and inexplicable. But there we go. I have always felt that way. Maybe it's just something simple like I was born in an even numbered year (1976 - oh that is starting to sound long, long ago!).

Neil will be 34 in January. My mummy will be 60! My brother will be 28. I will be 32 in February, and my granny 82. And Nathan will be born! So exciting!!! :)

Okay I am starting to waffle, so it's time to go! I feel a bit fudge-queasy, but that's my own fault! I think I will go and eat a nice apple. And drink a lot of water. That will be nice :)

Definitely a 3-year-old boy....

Thank you for the comments on the photos of my sweet beany boy! :) I never quite see how he looks SO very much like me, and my parents aren't sure who he looks like! He is a mix like Arthur, but people DO tend to say he looks like me and Arthur like Neil. I'm always intrigued to hear what people thing on that :)

Well, it's 1am and I need to go to bed. I'm up late keeping track of my Christmas budget. I went (waddled) into the local high street today and got MYSELF some Thorntons chocolates for Christmas! That is from my mum's Christmas money for me. I just thought, yes, yes, we've got money issues and this could be far more useful in the bank, etc. But darn heckit, it's Christmas and I feel like I deserve to unwrap a gift that I would reeeally like to receive, on Christmas Day! I don't care if I buy and wrap it myself! All I know is that it's money given to me specifically to buy things that will make me feel happy, special, or pampered at Christmas. So I made a little wishlist!

Half of it is FlyLady tools - I really want to get her feather duster set and also her ultimate timer. And the calendar for 2008. But I will have to wait till next year I think, or maybe even use birthday money in February. FlyLady's shop doesn't take paypal payments - if I don't use a credit card (which I do not intend to ever again!) then I have to BUY an international money order and send it snail mail to them. Tsk! So I am not getting that sorted before Christmas. Besides, the stuff would never reach me before, well, probably February anyway! ;) So, I'm leaving that stuff till next year.

I put other things that I like on my wishlist. Chocolates, obviously! Thortons make me feel special because they're a bit "special" and pricey, and I just like the actual chocolates! I always like getting pyjamas too! But, I'm huge and pregnant so I wouldn't be able to wear any of what I buy, if I get myself some PJs. I decided to look out for PJs on eBay that I really like the look of, in a size that I will HOPEFULLY fit in when I have just had a baby - size 16 maybe? I was easily that size, maybe even 16-18 after Matthew (from a 10 pre-pregnancy!!!), but PJs are roomy, so... Anyway, PJs that FIT during my postpartum period and which I really like and make me feel special, will be LOVELY to relax around the house in :) So far I have bid on (and won!) a pair of La Senza PJ bottoms, brand new (!) for just a few £. Just bottoms is fine with me because I have a zillion tops that will be comfy with them and I'll need to change my top like 3 times a night in the early weeks of breastfeeding anyhoo! I am a leaky lactator once I get going! ;)

I also wouldn't mind some Crabtree and Evelyn soaps and stuff, which feel VERY special to me. They are just expensive and what's-the-word, and lovely quality. And I'd NEVER get that stuff outside of a special gift, so using some Christmas money on a few nice smellies from Crabtree and Evelyn would make me feel very pampered! :) I haven't bought any though. They didn't really have what I was looking for when I went last week. Maybe I won't get anything from there after all?

I can't remember what's on my wishlist - a couple of books?? Something else sugary to eat? I can't remember now. Anyway. I don't mind buying them myself - they are still a gift from someone else, and I'm still excited to have them and keep myself from opening them till Christmas morning!

I don't know what Neil will buy with his Christmas money from my parents. We aren't buying each other Christmas presents this year, because there's just no point really. We have money for gifts from family, and we have NO money to spend on each other! And we don't need to either. We will definitely not feel deprived without buying each other a gift! We'll be super busy with our little boys on Christmas Day anyway. They have got quite a lot of presents now, from my parents and grandparents, and the few things we bought before we ran out of money a couple of months ago. My family have been sooo generous with Christmas money for the boys, so they do have some nice things.

Arthur is getting a lot of books this Christmas! Matthew is getting a few too - notably a Bob the Builder musical book, which he's going to LOVE! He also has a pair of sturdy Bob the Builder boots, and some Bob the Builder slipper socks (Arthur has a pair of the socks too, for stocking fillers). Matthew has one pair of expensive Startrite shoes that he just got fitted for a couple of weeks ago - his feet grew a bit, so he's now in size 4.5. His foot width is an F at the moment, down from his last size of 4G. They are nice little navy shoes with red parts and velcro straps, and they are PERMANENTLY caked in mud from walks at the park! He does have welly boots but they slow him down a bit and get him frustrated, so unless he's out to splash in puddles, he's better running in normal shoes. But ohhhh, the mud! So he needs another pair of shoes, just so that one can be being cleaned while the other is used, or something. The Bob the Builder boots might be a bit big for him at first, as they don't do half sizes so they are size 5. His wellies are size 5 and fit him fine though, so we'll see.

Why am I here waffling about stuff at this hour?! I had no idea of coming here to waffle! It just happened! I like that I'm updating more often at the moment. I hope I can keep it up. I really like it when I keep touching base here, and adding photos and things that I'll otherwise forget, on a more frequent basis.

I DO have the photos ready of the attempts to take a photo of the boys for sending out with the Christmas cards (sent 21 cards out today at LAST! Woohoo! Now only another 30 to go...), but there are LOADS of them and I really just meant to pop on here and write a LITTLE entry (haha!) and one photo and then go to bed! I will update again with those photos very soon - maybe tomorrow even? And I had an antenatal appt yesterday so I want to update my pregnancy journal about that too.

Today I am writing here because there are a few things Arthur has said this week that I didn't want to forget.

He's SUCH a boy, with such a gross sense of humour at the moment! Sometimes it really makes me chuckle, and other times I just want to put my head in my hands, wonder where I went wrong, and pray for guidance on how to bring him up right! Here are three examples, all from the same day, of the kind of humour that characterises my 3-year-old son at the moment (wait, oh my gosh, I have a 3-year-old son!!! I never write it like that! I feel so mature, haha!) - I jotted them down in Word so I wouldn't forget them at the end of the day:

Looking in Neil’s mug of tea (still with a teabag in it) this afternoon: “Is that a poo?”

To Granny when they visited us briefly tonight: “It’s BOGEY time, everyone!” (much giggling). Sticks finger in nose and runs about madly, giggling and squealing.

After covering the Christmas cake with marzipan with me this afternoon:
Me: “You can make the spare bits of marzipan into shapes if you like!”
Arthur: (fiddles with marzipan for a moment, then starts giggling)
Me: “What have you made?”
Arthur: (barely able to get the words out for giggling) “It’s a marzipan willy!! Hahahahaha!” (hysterical laughter and waving about of said marzipan appendage continues for a good few minutes)

This too shall pass, right? ;)

But, the next day when we had finished making the cookies for my grandparents and my parents for Christmas, Neil took the boys over to my grandparents' house to deliver the cookies for them to take to France that day. I was going to go with them, but I had a sore/scratchy throat yesterday, and did not want to give them a cold or whatever it might be, to take to France for Christmas! So I decided to stay home and make dinner ready for the boys when they got home. Arthur was disappointed that I wasn't going with them, so we explained that I didn't want to give them a sore throat if I went to see them.

Arthur listened and then thought for a moment and said, rather shyly, "I know, why don't we pray for everyone to stay healthy?" He has never suggested praying like that before, and he seemed kind of shy about it, but we were so thrilled and proud of him. We sat with him and prayed right then and there, that everyone would stay healthy over Christmas, naming all the family one by one :) What a sweet boy!

He is really pushing boundaries at the moment, testing us a LOT with the discipline. Sometimes he feels like REALLY hard work right now, but he's also just completely delightful and I love him so incredibly much. I can't believe how fast he's growing up. It seems slow sometimes until I step back and look at him and then I realise, WOW, he is shaped like a little boy and not a toddler, he talks fluently and not like a toddler, he moves like a little boy and soooo much less like a toddler (*sniff* I really miss his little toddler strut!), he is learning and developing and understanding and changing at SUCH a fast pace! He tells us when Matthew is "doing something weally dange-wus!!" so we can dash in from the kitchen or down from the toilet and scoop that binky boy from where he's standing on the back of the armchair flicking the light switch on and off! He's kind and generous and affectionate.

Tonight he brushed his teeth in the bathroom in front of the mirror, standing on his potty/step-stool combo thingy. He usually just sits wherever and brushes his teeth a bit and then we finish off. It's HIGH time he was brushing his teeth more like a big boy, so we finally got round to standing him at the bathroom sink to brush and spit properly and see it all in the mirror. He loved it! Meanwhile, Matthew and I were in the bedroom doing Matthew's teeth. After I brushed them for him, he had his turn with the toothbrush, and went over to the bedroom mirror. He watched himself brushing his teeth in the mirror for ages, breaking off from it now and then to smile at himself and look VERY pleased with what he was doing! He has never done that before. BUT, he does copy everything Arthur does at the moment. He didn't see Arthur in the bathroom though so it was a coincidence.

Anyway, Arthur came back in and saw Matthew brushing his teeth (read: chewing his toothbrush!) in front of the bedroom mirror, and RAN up to him excitedly! When he got to Matthew, he leaned right into his face and said to him, "Mashew! You're brushing your teeth in front of the mirror! Well done! I'm so pleased with you!!" :) Then about 2 minutes later, Matthew tipped all the cars out of their box (we had just told Arthur that, no, he could not get the cars out now because it was bedtime, and Arthur had protested at first). Arthur looked satisfied and said, "I'm SO pleased with Mashew again!" hehe!

Okay, that's all from my frazzled memory banks for now! Glad to have downloaded some stuff before it is buried in the mists of time and forgotten. I MUST get the photos from Arthur's birthday up. I know it's crazy late, but I need to post them just for my own sake if nothing else. If I leave it much longer, I'll forget the details of the day and never have it recorded for prosperity. I must do that soon. I still have a few left to resize, so I'll try to get to it.

Tomorrow we are beginning to clear the small bedroom out for transitioning the boys to a shared bedroom - eek! I'm nervous. But I asked around and so far people online are saying it'll be okay. Anyone here have experience with transitioning two toddlers to sharing a room, where both have been co-sleeping of sorts (well, Matthew less so, but right next to my bed and he knows I will respond to him instantly if he wakes in the night because I'm right there), but not in the same room as each other?! Is it toooo close to the arrival of a new baby? We have to have them in a shared room, otherwise we won't all fit in our tiny 2-bedroom house! Also, we have no car that will fit us all. We are just praying that we'll be able to quickly sell the car in January, and that we won't be without a car at any point (unlikely??) while we search for/buy a bigger car, which somehow has to cost the same or LESS than what we got for our already very second-hand too-small car!! Hmmm! But God can provide, even in unlikely circumstances!

Neil's latest sense of direction for a career - he is looking into working for the church, OUR church, specifically. But he may well need a ton of training first. He is going to talk and pray with our good friend Gordon tomorrow, who happens to be one of the leaders at our church. I'm excited and happy about this yearning of his. It keeps me here where I'm comfy :) And I love that he may work for the church. Love it! We are praying about it a lot at the moment.

Okay, MUST go to bed! I can't believe I wrote this much for a "quick" diary entry late at night!

Mr. M. Binks...

No, Binks is not our surname! "Matthew-Binks!" is what somehow pops out of my mouth when Mathie is being a monkey, which is how he is a LOT these days! He's just pure mischief sometimes, but cheeky fun mischief more than anything else :) He's such a sweetie pie! I haven't had chance to resize the photos I meant to get up here, but I have two photos of Matthew, in a particularly "binksie" light! ;) These are two faces that I see a lot. One is just boyish total mischief. And the other one is when I know he's about to do something monkeyish, or even that he's thinking about it, and I might say to him, "Matthew-Binks?! What are you up to?!" and he gives me this look:

I love it because he's being a sweetie with total mischief around the corner at any second. Which is Matthew all over! And I love the little sort of pursed smile he gives me ONLY on the occasions where he is thinking of doing something cheeky, and he knows I know it! I love him soooo.

Here's his other frequently-worn expression at the moment:

Just monkeyness! He was playing a game where he shut the door, waited for us to wonder where he was, and BURST into the room beaming at his own clever joke! Arthur used to love that game too - I think I have a picture of him playing it behind Nana and Grandy's floor-length curtains in France, but he was younger than Matthew then - almost 14 months. I'll see if I can find it....

Here it is!!

I can't believe how much I've forgotten! He was such a chunky little cutie! SUCH a different shape to Matthew, oh my goodness! And how scarily grown up Matthew's photo suddenly looks against tiny monkey Arthur Boo! Matthew has lately become a real little boy in many ways, and he really isn't looking so much like a baby anymore. Neil keeps on mentioning it to me, and I'm seeing it more too. I'm excited to see him grow up! But really sad and wistful to pack his babyhood into a treasure box in my memory banks. I just cherish each moment with that tiny binksie boy! I love him so much. Same goes for Arthur of course, but I'm just writing about Matthew for now :)

Okay, it's late again. Arthur and I made sugar cookies today - 40 of them in the shape of Christmas trees! They are our Christmas present for my grandparents and my parents - my grandparents are setting off for France tomorrow to spend Christmas with my parents, so we baked them today and will drop them off tomorrow before they leave. I'm bummed that we ran out of time for Arthur to help me decorate them, as he would have loved that bit (and my family would have loved the results too!), but it got to bedtime, and anyway we have another SEVEN DOZEN to bake for the rest of the family on Boxing Day! He'll have plenty of chance to decorate some then. I decorated them this evening, and also made chocolate-covered marzipan sweets with little sugar flowers on top! That was a bit ambitious of me, but they turned out fine I think. My family love marzipan :)

Anyway, it's late and I STILL haven't finished the Christmas cards!!! Tomorrow morning I have an antenatal appointment, so I am going to bed for now. I just wanted to post some pictures, and to write about LOVING my Mathsie-Boo-Bean! And also, thank you for the lovely supportive comments about our homeschooling plans! I kind of opened my comments with baited breath and one eye closed, you know?! ;) But everyone was lovely! Thank you!! xxx