Cold day at the park!

I have things to write about, but absolutely no time tonight! I just wanted to post these photos from our first family outing since Nathan was born! Well, we did have a family outing or two already – we went to Jove’s birthday party, in early March, and we went to my grandparents’ house shortly after that. And we’ve been going to church. But we haven’t been out anywhere, just US. The boys and Neil usually go to the park to burn off energy every morning. But the week before last, Neil decided to take the boys over lunch time instead, to have a picnic. We had had the first vaguely spring-like weather, so we were hopeful! I decided it would be great for the boys if Nathan and I came too! So we all went to the park together in our big 7-seater MPV! :)

Sadly, it was COLD and windy, and threatened to rain from almost the moment we arrived there. The boys had a great time nonetheless, and were completely used to the cold outdoors. Nathan and I, however, were not! Nathan HATED the outing!! Reeeally hated it. He cried and screamed most of the time, and when we finally sat down to eat, it was time for me to breastfeed him so I attempted it. The poor little boy couldn’t take his lunch, because every time the wind blew, no matter which way I tried to position us (it blew from every direction, brrr!) he would do these huge gasps as the wind blew on his face while he tried to feed, and eventually got MIGHTY cross and de-latched to scream and scream about it, while milk spurted down my front/legs/baby boy. Milk, which instantly went freeeezy-cold the moment it was on my bare tummy in that cold cold wind! Brrrrr! I had to take his coat off to feed him as it was too bulky (poor boy!) and then Neil suggested that he take a photo to mark the occasion of our first outing as a little family unit! Hmmm!

So, he got four great photos of me with the boys on the picnic mat. They are NOT great photos! But they are great for my memory Treasure Chest :) Because the perfect picture did not happen, but instead we got these four pictures of me being tired and windswept with a crying baby, a 3-year-old focused on eating rather than the camera, and a monkey toddler intent on escaping the scene! Picture #3 particularly cracks me up, hehe! I feel like I want to use that one as my main diary photo at the top – “Arthur’s Mummy” haha! This is my life now, and it is this frazzled all the time, and I really need to be an octopus (with 3 breasts and lungs for air, obviously) to have enough arms to deal with my little men. But I LOVE it all the same!

It was soooo cold and windy! Matthew ran into some mud right after those photos were taken (a LOT of mud) and we were pretty much ready to pack up and go home. I bundled Nathan up and put him in the tandem pushchair (he’s big enough for it at last, and doesn’t need to recline fully (though it’s better if he does), and he doesn’t appear to need the newborn head supports any more either! Yay!), and he was happier there. Still cold and gaspy with the wind, but not crying any more!

The boys walked and ran and climbed, and Nathan fell asleep in the pushchair as we walked, so it turned into a nice outing after all, if a little COLD!

The boys found a hollow tree stump on the way back to the car :)

We’ll do it again! I just hope the weather warms up SOON! It was still freezing cold and windy today, although we’ve had the odd sunny patch where you can tell the sun is warmer than it used to be. Now if only the cold wind would go away! I can’t wait for spriiiiing! :)

It is hours later than when I started this entry now, as Nathan woke twice, and it’s the middle of the night after nursing him now, so I’ll just post this before shutting down the laptop. Okay, make that THREE times now. Something is up with that boy today (and yesterday, for that matter) but I can’t figure out what (it’s not the immunisations because they didn’t happen – more on that in my pregnancy journal next time I update there!). Anyway. I’m going to bed! But not before I post this one last thing – Nathan now fits all his 3-6 month clothes pretty well! His adjusted age is 2 months old, so he’s doing great! I found the “onesie” that Lisa sent me for Matthew, amongst other things – the baseball one that I LOVE! So I put Nathan in it, and took his photo. I just wanted to post a photo of him in it, and the comparison photo of Matthew in the same outfit! I just wish I had one of Arthur in it, but never mind!

Here’s Matthew at 7 weeks old, wearing this sweet little onesie (I forgot how dark his newborn hair was, now that he’s so fair!):

And Nathan, at 13 weeks – adjusted age would be 8 weeks, so pretty much where Matthew was in age:

They’re quite similar, aren’t they? But plenty different enough as well. It was one of my favourite photos of Matthew. I wish I had got Nathan to smile and relax a bit more for his one, but never mind! Anyway, I am going to bed! Will write again soon, as I have a ton more photos, and also a couple of little video clips (if I ever get them uploaded!). Thanks so much for the lovely comments on my last entry! :)

Arthur's sayings, and lots of photos of the boys

Urrrghh, just spent TWO HOURS on an entry and then my internet connection cut out (we're having that trouble a lot lately, for some reason) JUST as I tried to post the entry! Thus, bye-bye entry :( It's so annoying because it was late when I started it, and now it's ridiculously late, BUT it was the type of entry where I wrote down some things for my memory's sake. So, I know I'm being idiotic to decide to redo the entry in the middle of the night, but phooey! I don't know when I'll next get chance to write those things down, and I feel sure I'll forget some of them in the mean time. So I'm DOING it! Now. Unless Nathan is wakeful (he's stirring a bit because he just woke and fed for a while - hopefully he's settling back down to sleep).

Thank you so much for the sweet comments on the little video of Arthur that I posted last entry! I'm super fond of that boy, so I really appreciated the comments - reading them really made me smile! Thank you! :)

Okay, so it's the second week of the month, which means all my little boys are about to turn another month old! Arthur will be 3 years and FIVE months old tomorrow, which is almost 3 and a HALF!!! Whaa?!?! Where did half a year go since his birthday?! I can't believe we're almost halfway to his fourth birthday already. Craziness.

Matthew will be 22 months old next week. It's only about 9 weeks until his second birthday!!! I just can't believe it. Nathan is 12 weeks old now, and turns 3 months old this weekend. My little niece, Thea, has her first birthday next month! Babies grow up soooooo fast.

I have a lot of photos to post again, but I also wanted to write down some things that Arthur has been saying, things that I want to keep preserved and not forget. So, just for me really, here are some of them!

Last week he was cutting out lots of pictures of ducks and geese and chickens, etc, from a big fact sheet poster that my Granny gave us (it was free in the paper). He loves cutting things out, and he learns about each one as he cuts them out. Anyway, out of the blue a couple of days later, I asked him how he thought ducks had babies. I know he knows about eggs and ducks laying them, but I just wanted to hear how he explained his view of the process. Anyway, when I asked, "Arthur, how do ducks have babies?", he answered, "Well, Mummy, why don't you whizz away and find out?!" hehe! He got that line from "Big Cook, Little Cook", I should think!

Also, Matthew is really getting into cheeky giggling and whispering with Arthur these days! It's so cute. They are so full of mischief together (slightly unnerving!). Matthew doesn't really "get" a lot of what Arthur whispers to him, but he LOVES copying Arthur. Whatever Arthur is doing, if his eyes are lit up, Matthew is interested and copies everything Arthur does! He especially likes to get involved with anything cheeky, energetic, noisy, or giggly!

A few days ago, Arthur and I made lemon cakes with real lemons, and iced them with lemon juice icing. We decorated the icing with bits of candied peel. It was lots of fun! He is getting much more into baking - he can stay focused on each thing longer (whereas he used to focus for like 0.6 seconds and then randomly grab things like broken egg shells, or something, and fling those in the mix too!). He is breaking eggs for me, mixing, measuring and counting, etc. We sometimes do baking for "school", which is still otherwise mostly crafts and things when we have time to do it.

Anyway, so we made these cakes. I told him that they could have a cake each for pudding, after dinner. So, as dinner came to an end, Nathan woke up and needed soothing. Neil went upstairs to start the bath running (our bath fills SLOWLY! We have to start it before the end of our family meal time in order for the boys to have their bedtime bath early enough!), and I went into the living room briefly to settle Nathan a bit. Matthew and Arthur sat at the table still (I think Matthew was just finishing up his dinner). Arthur STILL barely eats anything I cook (though he finally declares my spaghetti bolognese "yummy and mmm-mmm delicious!!" and eats it all up AND a second helping! So we have that every Monday now, yay!) so he wasn't doing much at the table. The cakes were on the kitchen counter, and Arthur's strap on his booster seat broke a couple of weeks ago, so he can now get down of his own accord. I was rocking Nathan in my arms when I heard a sort of hissing sound from the kitchen. I got nearer to the door and heard the two of them whispering and scheming together, hehe! Their little heads were bent together in secrecy overy Matthew's highchair tray. Arthur was whispering, "Hee hee hee!" and Matthew was replying in a gleeful whisper, "Hee hee hee!" Then Arthur would whisper things I couldn't make out (except for the name, "Mummy" now and again - uh oh!) and Matthew would pause to listen to him and then whisper, "Yeh! Hee hee hee!" It was so cute and funny that I didn't interrupt them for a while, but finally I stood in the doorway and they both looked delighted that they'd been "caught" scheming about something! Arthur lost no time in telling all - "Mummy, the boys have made a naughty plan!! AND, the naughty plan is that Arthur gets down from the table and (hunches shoulders with EXTRA glee) gets a cake for the boys, while Mummy isn't looking!" Their eyes just shone with mischievous delight at this revelation! Hehe! Then Arthur added, "I checked with Mashew, and he agreed!" hehehe! I'm not sure how much (if any!) Matthew understood of this squeakily whispered plan, but he LOVED being part of the mischief with Arthur. He just beamed at me the whole time Arthur was telling this to me, eyes shining with monkeyness! Arthur often refers to himself and Matthew as "the boys" in conversation. Like, "The boys cer'nly (certainly!) were hungry!" when they rapidly polished off their sandwiches after a long walk at the park. Or, "You know, I think these boys are being a bit of a monkey!" hehe! Sometimes he does seem to talk of them as one unit. They are "a monkey" together. I find it sweet how he will say "these boys" referring to himself as one of them! :)

Here are a few photos of Matthew and Arthur playing "Boo!" with a bath towel a week or so ago. Matthew LOVES this game and could play it all day if he had a willing partner! Arthur was actually watching a DVD at the time, but he indulged Matthew very sweetly all the same!

Here are my little boys running around in some garden space at my grandparents' house. How I wish we had a garden with that much space for them! Oh well. One day! And we have a great park nearby so it's not so bad.

I often try to take photos of all three boys together, but you know how easy that is, right?! I figure that if I take millions and millions (!) of photos, I will surely get one or two decent ones at least?! My poor children, hehe! Actually they are often the ones to request that I take pictures of them together, which is helpful! Matthew asks by getting in position and then saying, "teeez!" (cheese!) and giving me a pointed look! I never set up the scene nicely or anything though. If I see two of them next to each other being relatively motionless, I frantically grab the third and put him in the shot, and start snapping away, hehe! Matthew thinks the job is done after 3 seconds, and immediately gets up again or moves away. It's so frustrating! It takes me like FOUR seconds at best to get the camera focused and press the button! So he's blurry in a lot of shots. Here are a few of our recent photo sessions!

Hmmm, that went well, didn't it?! ;) Here's another try:

Okay, time to end that session then! ;) I did persevere, but I ended up with a lot of pictures of a cream fleece blanket with the occasional head or limb at the edge. And a slightly confused-looking baby in the middle, hehe!

One morning, Matthew lay down on the sofa and said his oft-heard line, "Die dow, Ninny!" Since Ninny (that little nickname seems to be sticking a bit, but I am not intending to use it much if I can help it!) was not cross and crying, we lay him down with Matthew (staying close!) and took a photo. Arthur got upset that he wasn't in the picture, and since there was no room for the three of them to lie in a row (which he really likes!), Neil put him in the shot where there was "space"! :)

Sweet little boys! :)

Oh! I just remembered another thing that Arthur said recently. He was sitting resting against me on the armchair, and looking around the room. Then he said, "There are lots of boys here, aren't there?!" I said yes, and asked him if there were too many boys for him. He looked at me like I was nuts! And he said, "Nooo!" I asked him if he would like more little boys around the place, and he said, "Yes!" I asked if he would like some little girls as well, and he said, "Wellll, the little girls would have to live at the girls' house, and the boys would live here at the boys' house." hehe! I told him that ALL our babies will live in the same house, here, boys or girls, because we are all a family together. I said that God may yet give us more babies, and he said, "I hope God gives us lots of babies...." I told him I hoped so too! :)

Then a couple of days later, Arthur and I were browsing through the local property paper. He stopped at a picture of a huge house - actually it was a newly built building made to LOOK like a massive house, but it was 9 purpose-built flats. Anyway, Arthur pointed at it and said in a very serious, thoughtful tone, "I think we might need to buy that house." I asked him why, and he said, "Because God might give us lots of babies - " and then he broke off suddenly and glanced sharply at my tummy. He said (somewhat suspiciously, hehe!), "Are there lots of babies growing in your tummy right now?" And I told him that as far as I knew there were not any babies in my tummy yet! He resumed his sentence, "God might give us lots of babies, and I think we'll need to buy this big house, just in case...." :)

Here are a few photos of Arthur loving his baby brother. The feeling is mutual, as you can see! :)

Today, Arthur hurt his foot as he was running in the living room. He ran over a toy fire engine and grazed the side of his foot a little bit. It bled a couple of tiny spots, and that was all, but Arthur had a huge freak-out panic about it. He does seem to have anxious tendencies, and I soooo hope he isn't going to have issues with things like that. He did seem to make WAY more of it than he needed to though. He moaned for ages about how he couldn't walk! And he did a lot of forced shaking while I was consoling him. So, some of it isn't blind panic, just allowing himself to really "make the most" of the situation, if you know what I mean! But he was scared about the bleeding.

Tonight at bedtime, he got all upset about it again because he was convinced his foot was still bleeding. I assured him that it wasn't, and it turned out quite an educational experience (!) because I taught him about clotting and scabs, and how God made our bodies able to mend themselves when they get hurt (and isn't that amazing?!!!), etc. He continued to whimper about it a bit, so I suggested he come out of bed for a cuddle (I was sitting in front of Matthew's bed, as he needs preventing from getting out till he calms down for sleep, otherwise he gets out every 4.5 seconds and jumps all over the room emptying drawers, etc!). He came down for a cuddle and I asked if he would like to pray about his foot. He said yes, and then said urgently, "I wish Jesus was really here!" I told him that Jesus IS really here, even though we can't actually see him. He said, "But I can't see him, so he CAN'T really be here!" It's so hard to explain things like this to little ones! I'm not even sure if it's possible for him to grasp the concept yet. But I'll persevere all the same. I just told him again that Jesus is always here if we need him. Arthur did a big sigh and said, "I reeeeally NEED Jesus!"

I know it was just about wanting a quick fix for his little foot, and he really doesn't have any idea yet about the BIG need for Jesus in our lives, but OH how my heart soared hearing those words come from my own child's lips! How I hope and pray he'll continue to think and say and PRAY those words, in a bigger context, as the years go by, throughout his life. When all else is stripped away, that's all it boils down to for me, and I find myself with nothing I can pray except, "I really NEED you, Jesus!"

I am a bit anxious about the day when Arthur asks Jesus to heal him of something and he doesn't get healed. I don't know what to say to him when he asks me, "Why didn't he heal me?!" Because I don't know the answer, and I am afraid of handling it the wrong way and rocking the boat where his interest or faith in God is just beginning to emerge.

All I can tell him is that God IS real, and he DOES heal today. I am so thankful that I can be a living example of this to my kids, and I can tell them about how God healed me of M.E. quite miraculously. You don't get better overnight from M.E! I had been housebound with it for two years leading up to that evening when I was healed. And I've been healthy since. I feel slightly squeamish linking to such an old entry from my VERY old diary! It's been a long time since I acknowledged the existance of that diary here! It's so long ago. It's before I had children. It documented SUCH a very difficult time for me. Some of my readers here have followed me allll the way from back then, but most don't know about that diary. So I feel weirdly self-conscious about opening up that can of worms to people who didn't know about that part of my life! But anyway. It's amazing what God did! So I don't want to hide it away :) God DOES DOES DOES heal today. He IS real. I know him, like I know Neil or Arthur. He touched me and healed me. I don't pray to the air, I talk to someone I have a relationship with. I love my God!!

Okay, I'm sure there was something else I missed from my original post, but it's sooooooo late (I know, I'm daft), and I must go to bed. Nathan is sleeping pretty well tonight, but he's due to wake again soon, so I'll get myself into bed before that happens and be ready to nurse him when he wakes :) I have more photos and plenty of new ones on the camera too, but I'll get to those when I can. I'll be back soon!

Leaning on God, loving my littlies, and photos!

It's late so hopefully a short entry, but you know how I am with that kind of thing?! ;)

I'm relieved that the last cold was a "normal" one for us. The boys were actually fine during the day except for the odd sniffle, and kind of miserable for 2 nights (better after Calpol though), and that was pretty much it. We didn't have to wade through the snot-trenches or anything, and my version didn't progress beyond the sore throat (I heart my new bottle of mega-dose Ester Vitamin C!). Nathan hasn't seemed to have much more than a slightly congested night and a little extra fussiness. I'm sooooo glad. The cold before that was horrible and it made me worried, the next time we caught one! But it was fine after all :)

But, both Arthur and Matthew are having alternating constipation and diarrhoea - what is up with that? For weeks now, really. They are both constipated (with some drama and difficulty) so we are trying to really focus on their diet to help them with that. Problem is, they are both SO PICKY with food at the moment. Arthur, as you know, always has been. Matthew has always been a great eater, but has recently started being really picky, as bad as Arthur lately. Which is probably just an age thing for him (I hope!). Anyway that won't help the constipation issue. Arthur is having diarrhoea now and again, and Matthew isn't so much - I would say he is having "teething poo" rather than constipation. Talking of which! AT LAST, alllll this teething and the many bottles (!!) of Calpol he's been through over the past few months - finally I see his first two canines about to break through! I'm soooooooooooo relieved! It actually looks like he's going to get all four together, but two of them are slightly ahead. They are both on the same side of his mouth, on the right side (looking at him). The top one is going to come through first, I think. It looks pretty close. Both my boys have had the teeth on that side break through first, before the other side.

Anyway, yay! Productive teething at last! Not all that long now before we start it all over again with Nathan! Arthur and Matthew both started miserably teething (needing us to help them bite on cooled teethers, etc) from about 11/12 weeks old. Nathan is 12 weeks old tomorrow, but he's 4-5 weeks behind because he came that early. No signs yet!

Matthew's canines will quite change his smile. I am so used to his four top and four bottom teeth filling his smile, with that characteristic gap either side where the canines are missing. I am excited to see those gaps filled in and a more "grown up little boy" smile as a result, but sort of sad to see the end of this stage that will never come again! I am enjoying my children so much at the moment. I cherish it all!

I am SO thankful to God for blessing me with my husband home all the time - never mind the complete and utter lack of money (and did I mention roughly £30,000 of credit card debt (should I say that online??) as a result?!), I am just so glad and grateful for our situation all the same. We are in some serious financial poo, but completely and utterly trusting God. I KNOW he has the right job planned for Neil, at the right time. He is also our Provider, so we will not be in want.

The other day Neil and I were praying together after the boys were in bed, and feeling slightly desperate about the total lack of jobs presenting themselves when Neil searches, and the scary money situation, and oh! I wanted to write about it at the time it happened! I just remembered that. Oh well. I had a really vivid "vision" running through my mind as Neil was praying, and it was sooooo awesome and encouraging. It's long and drawn out, and quite personal (revolving around me), but basically it pointed us to God, and ONLY God. To forget the "world" and what it represents. I had to get into ORBIT in my little vision, in order to get away from the "worldly" view of things, seriously! I look through worldly eyes too easily. The sun represented God in my mind. Staring right at it (in orbit, no less!) should burn my eyes right out, but it didn't. Everything else paled in significance against the sun, the source of power and heat to everything around me. The sheer incredible size, and the intensity of the light and heat. Still, even despite that, I kept on looking over my shoulder at the earth when thinking about our situation. I felt that I heard God say to me to keep looking at Him until I don't even know if it's day or night, such is my focus on him. That really challenged me. It's so hard to maintain that kind of focus! I said, "But Lord, what about the fact that life is knocking my body and mind about, all the while I'm trying to focus on looking at you?! It's distracting me!" and instantly saw myself (in my mind's eye) suspended in orbit, my eyes fixed on the sun. A meteorite came whizzing in and WHACKED my body. I still kept my eyes fixed. Another came from the other side and broke my body (like in those horrible slow-motion safety videos where dummies get hit by something at 60mph). Then my body fell off me! It just fell right out of the picture, and I still remained. And I "felt" God's simple reply to my question - even if life's blows break my body, it doesn't change who I am in God. That part of life is fleeting anyway (the bit with the body around me, that is!). Living it for God is so important. There's nothing else anywhere NEAR as important. I have to keep that perspective.

Right after we prayed and I shared the vision in my mind with Neil, I just felt my heart SWELL with joy and thanksgiving and praise to God. I just thought - we have SO MUCH!!! We lack for absolutely nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. All we really need is to feed, clothe and shelter our children, and ourselves. We have food practically at the click of our fingers - failing that, a car and fuel in order to transport us the incredibly short distance to the local supermarket, which is just groaning with a million foods to sustain and nourish us. God blesses us through my wonderful parents, who are currently paying for ALL of our grocery shopping. Thank you, Mummy and Daddy. Thank you God! We have a home. It's smaller than we would LIKE it to be now that we have all these tiny energetic male persons around the place, but oh how blessed we are! It's a warm, comfortable, happy home! A shelter is constantly over our heads, and we have warmth all the time, no matter the weather outside. We have special rooms to sleep in, cook in, and get clean in. We live in absolute luxury! We are so over-run with clothing for the five of us, that it is really time we downsized and decluttered a bit. I buy almost everything second-hand, and we lack for nothing.

We lack. For NOTHING. Because we are so very blessed. We have HUGE-O debt. But we have such a faithful God, and I know he will provide an income for us again. He knows what is best for us FAR better than we can know, so what good is it to strive and worry, and think we can figure out a better way that will fix things quicker. No, God knows best. I just pray I can keep this attitude through the rest of life's trials! I feel like maybe it's easy enough for me to have faith over something like our financial situation (is it?!), but maybe I would TOTALLY stink at holding the same faith in God if my children were deathly ill or something. With all my heart, I would WANT to hold firm to God without wavering, but I am anxious that I won't. Well, I will just pray, and I know God will help me, because I surely cannot do it in my own strength.

After Neil has a job, we will be making a debt relief plan, and turning the whole thing over to God (we already are, really, but we can't do anything to our debt without an income, yet). I know he'll help us climb out of it.

We ended up realising that we just have soooooo much to be grateful for - yes, RIGHT NOW! The rest paled into insignificance. We are still praying for a job for Neil soon though! There's no harm in that! He is waiting to hear back on a job (which has been soooo long coming that it's probably not going to amount to anything), and has just heard of a new opportunity in the company he LEFT last summer! The one he'd been working for these last 10 years, and finally escaped from to the new (sucky) job that didn't last. It's different from what he was doing, and at a different location (central London, urgh), but he's interested. And it would pay well.... and he knows he can do it, and so do the company. So, I think he is going to apply. God is in control.

Lately I have also been joyfully praying about the six children that I'm longing to have. Every time I think about it, my heart just leaps for joy. I absolutely beam from ear to ear as I pray about it, and God knows my heart. I begin to wonder if my desire to have six children (and I will so gladly take more if he chooses to bless me that way!) is possibly something God has actually put on my heart, to be lived out? It's just that I have never, ever, had such a huge pressing desire in my heart for anything. It's not a number I chose, or a number I necessarily intend to stick to. It's just THERE. I clearly remember being six years old and having some time to myself just thinking about what I wanted to be/do when I grew up. I just wanted to have six children. But I really thought about it. And I've been referring to that moment all my life, to other people. I remember telling my family and they just laughed and said I would see, when I really did have children - I would NOT want six! I remember being in my teens and thinking about having all those children soooo often. My desire increased and I wondered if I would actually prefer to have 8 children even more than having 6. I remember talking to friends at school about it and getting severely laughed at once again! Everyone said I was nuts - affectionately so, but still!

I didn't stop thinking about it and dwelling on the dream happily, after leaving school. Since it was ALL I wanted to do, I discovered I did not want to do a single other thing, which led to some serious depression and lack of direction for a while, till I became a Christian. And met my husband, hehe! At that stage it seemed like a dream of having six kids was just crazy imagination, and not rooted in reality at all, so although I still dreamed about it in the back of my mind, at the forefront, all I wanted to do was just "have kids". My husband said he only wanted 2 or 3 anyway.

Now I'm having the kids, ohhhh how I'm longing for more. My desire for the bunch of kids I always dreamed of is increasing all the time! In fact, I am not sure how I will ever be comfortable with STOPPING having babies! I'm sure God will enable me to be at peace about that, once I have had the number of children he has planned for me to have, though. As we trust him for our every need, I think God is relaxing Neil over the issue. I'm so excited about the now quite REAL possibility that maybe I will really and truly get to have the six children I have always longed for in my heart. I'm excited at the thought that maybe I could even have more than six! But I guess time would not be favourable for that (I'm 32 now, with 3 kids, and expecting to be pre- or peri-menopausal by the age of 40, like my mum (and her mum) was).

Every time I gaze at my new baby and praise God for him, I just FILL with the most incredible joy! When I think about my THREE little boys.... when I say thank you to God for my three precious babies, I find myself always saying, "Oh for three more, God!" and my heart about bursts with excitement! I don't know why. It just makes me wonder if this is a sort of "God-calling", rather than a personal desire that I thought up originally, or something, you know?

Wow, I'm rambly tonight! ;) It's been ages since I have really rambled aimlessly like this in my diary. I miss it! I'm a rambler by nature :)

I have a few photos to post! First, here's one of Matthew and Nathan that is a video about 1 second long, haha! Matthew asks to "die dow, Ninny" ("lie down with Nathan" - see how fast his speech is suddenly improving?! I had expected as much, when he was ready to do it!) a million times a day at the moment. He lies down on the sofa and says the above phrase, and then I am supposed to lie Nathan next to him. He isn't pleased if I don't! As SOON as I lie Nathan down next to him, Matthew says, "teeeez", hehe! He completely expects me to produce a camera and snap a photo of them, hehehe! You KNOW I do it, don't you?! Any opportunity I get :) So, I took what I thought was a photo, but the camera was still set to video, and so I got a 1 second clip of my littlest boys! If it had been a photo I would have reeeally wanted to post it, so I'm posting the "video" anyway. I love it as a photo!

Here are a few photos of my beautiful boys, from the last few days:

Those are like just the TIP of the iceburg, when it comes to all the gazillions of photos I've taken this week of the three boys together! Now that Nathan is able to be put down with them for a bit longer at a time (like on his playmat, lying down with them, etc), I'm snapping photos like crazy! The boys move so much that at least one or two of them is blurry in about half the photos I take! I just snap and snap, because if I take enough pictures, I will eventually get a few good ones. I hope! So I have a ton more to post from various little photo sessions, but not tonight. I have only uploaded a few of my favourites tonight, to cut time.

Here's a photo of Mathie - I love this one of him under a towel! It's totally blurry but that's half the charm of the photo if you ask me, hehe! He was playing "boo" under the towel. Neil was whipping it up and putting his own head inside to say "boo!" to Matthew, who LOVED the game! One time he popped his head inside, he took the camera with him :)

Here are a couple of sleepy photos - Matthew sleeping after he'd fallen out of bed on two different nights (top half on Neil's mattress on the floor in the first photo, as he had obviously fallen out of his own bed and found the nearest comfy spot to lay his sweet little head!) - he does fall out quite a bit, but we have a folded duvet on the floor next to his bed. He rarely wakes from falling out of bed, and he isn't falling out quite so much as he did at first, now. And then a photo of Arthur sleeping late in the evening, because, well, Matthew was getting all the photo attention!...

Last but not least, I have a rare video to post (gasp!)!! I remembered a good long while ago, that Andrea (and somebody else, I can't remember who!) asked me to post a video clip of Arthur talking (something about a cute accent, which only seems normal and flat to me!). I really haven't been able to get much on video of Arthur talking clearly enough, but today (or was it yesterday?) I took a little video clip (on the camera) of Arthur lying with Nathan on the playmat. It's only about 45 seconds long, because the camera video clips are HUGE files and take forever to upload, so I'm trying to keep them short. So here's just a little tiny sample of my chatty boy doing what he loves best! ;)

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

There are ENDLESS things I keep wanting to update about, that Arthur has said. I often want to just log into Diaryland and write out a conversation we just had, or some sentence he said that made me chuckle, right there and then when he's just said it. But I don't, and so I forget. I don't want to forget the things he says! I will try to do that once in a while, to preserve my memories a bit.

Today at bedtime (we often have quite profound conversations at bedtime!), he said that when he grows up he will have breasties and then he will need to wear a bra! I told him that only girls have breasties (for some reason this is what we call them - it came about earlier in our breastfeeding relationship, I know not quite how) and he is a BOY, and so he will never have breasties or wear a bra. He has one of my old nursing bras in bed with him to snuggle (aww!) which he has named "Snuggly" :) So I think that's where the conversation arose from. But anyway. He said, "Okay, so when I grow up to be a GIRL, I will have breasties and wear a bra." I said, "Um, no. You will grow up to be a MAN because you're a boy." He said, "Well, some boys grow up to be a girl and have breasties...." (!!!!!!). I told him that only very RARELY does that happen, but that it isn't how God meant it to be!

He is also thinking a LOT about the concept of birth (conception even - existance versus non-existance) and death lately. A lot of our bedtime discussions are about this. Some of his questions are SO hard to answer! Even if I think I may actually know the answer to one or two of them (!), it's so hard to figure out how to word it and explain it in a way that he can relate to and understand.

Also, this boy's memory continues to astound me. He has such a long-term memory of random things! Yesterday he randomly said, "You know... We used to have a diesel car, didn't we?" I had to think about that one! Yes, we did, briefly. It's the one Neil was driving when he was involved in a big car crash on the motorway, driving up north to his dad's funeral. The car was totalled. I'm still so thankful Neil wasn't even injured! Anyway, so I said to Arthur that, yes, we DID use to have a diesel car. He mused, "Yeees... But we haven't got it any more because Daddy crashed it." He was only 16 months old at the time!!!! Neil says he thinks he has talked about that car and what happened to it since then, but not for many many months now. But to remember that it took diesel fuel?!?! Mind you, Arthur is very into anything vehicular. He refers to cars on the road by their names, like "Look Mummy! There's a Chrysler!" etc.

At bedtime I now breastfeed Matthew with the lights out. We all sit on Neil's floor mattress. Matthew nurses, and I have the other breast ready too, in case Arthur wants to nurse. He is anxious that it will make him sick, bless his heart. So he often declines milky at bedtime now. I can see in his eyes how much he wants to, but he keeps on saying that it might make him sick :( It breaks my heart. I cheerfully tell him that it won't, and suggest he has a tiny bit if he's worried about having a lot. I always tell him it's okay if he doesn't have milky any more. I don't think he feels ready to stop though, and I'm sad that anxiety and vomiting turns out to be the deciding factor in our 3+ beautiful years of breastfeeding!! He still asks to nurse at least 3 times during the day, and I will let him one or two of those times, depending on what the other little boys are needing from me. I have added a snuggle time with Arthur at bedtime, just me and him. He LOVES it. I am hoping it's enough to replace the closeness of our bedtime milky. He lies next to me and beams continually, gazing into my eyes and saying softly, "I love snuggling with you!... I love spending time with you!... I love you so much!!" and other heart-melting things like that :) He's so gorgeous!

So at bedtime I nurse Matthew with Arthur close by. I pray aloud as usual for the boys. Then I tell them I am going to sing a worship song now. I like to expose them to our worship to God in the home, not just at church. I want them to SEE us loving God and living for him. I want to be a good example for my little loves. I want them to WANT to choose God too, for themselves. I can't decide that for them, but it means so incredibly much to me that they DO, so I want to encourage them and be an example to them. Also, I am finding that I love to worship God with my little ones gathered close to me! It's so precious. A couple of nights ago, one worship song turned into four, and as I nursed my sweetie boy with Arthur curled up at my side, I really did just PRAISE God. I sang the songs that were the simplest in terms of their words, for the children to understand what I mean when I sing to God. And partway through singing, I just wanted to raise my hands to God in worship. I don't think I ever have with the boys, at home. At church, but not at home. So I did. They were so quiet, watching and listening. I felt a little hand gently touch the palm of one of my outstretched hands, and then disappear again. After I sang that song, I asked Arthur if he would like me to sing another worship song. He said, "Yes, please sing about What a Faithful God You Have." I loved hearing him suggest a song, because it had to mean something to him for him to suggest it. I haven't sung that one (What a Faithful God Have I) in ages, but I did so for him. I like that he thoughtfully remembers certain lines from it, like, "Lord of mercy, you have heard my cry", and he talks about the part where God is there for us in the storms of life. There is nobody in the world who I LONG to be a light for Jesus to, more than my own children. I just love them so!

Well, it's getting incredibly late again, so I must finish this and go to bed. Is it weekend again already? I can't keep track - the days and weeks are just zipping by! I have more photos (and endless flotsam in my head!) so I'm sure to be back again soon :)

Poo :( And photos!

Thank you so much for the lovely comments on my last entry! :) It's actually a really good thing I wrote that entry, because I NEEDED to go back to look at it several times over the next couple of days, due to the boys just behaving atrociously, urgh! I still love them though.

Tonight it's late, but I am here anyway, for a few minutes. I am SO peeved. It's 1.15am and Arthur is currently awake and sobbing (Neil is with him). He was awake sobbing 5 minutes ago, 10 minutes before that, and Matthew was awake crying 5 minutes before that, 10 minutes before that, etc. They are both FULL of cold, and I mean chock-full. Ugh. That will explain why Matthew has been clingy and whiney for a couple of days, and why Arthur had a runny nose when I tucked him into bed tonight. Uggggggh. And, furthermore, it MIGHT explain why Nathan has been inexplicably screechy and inconsolable most of today. Ugggggggggggh.

Nathan has been snot-free for exactly ONE DAY, from the last cold (he's only 2 months old!!!) which lasted him THREE WEEKS! These things last sooooo long in small babies. The boys are so miserable. Arthur can't breathe and he gets a vacuum when he swallows, which is making him cry like his heart is breaking. And he doesn't want us to blow his nose. Matthew has been conked out since we gave him Calpol 40 minutes ago (even through Arthur's crying), but Arthur doesn't want Calpol.

I think I will just take Nathan to bed with me in a minute and not bother transferring him to the cot (he's asleep on the sofa next to me). If he gets congested in the night, there's nooooo way he'll sleep in that cot. He really isn't sleeping in it at all well at the moment. I was so looking forward to getting stuck into Baby Whisperer type stuff with his night sleep and naps (there are no such things as naps as yet - it's all random so far), but I had to wait till he was past the awful congestion from his cold. He can't figure out mouth-breathing, he's too little. So a cold is MISERABLE for him. I can't understand where they caught a cold though. I guess the only place it could have been was at church on Easter Sunday. But there was no creche and I don't recall them having contact with toys or direct contact with other kids. So it's a mystery to me.

I'm so fed up about it! I hate it when my sweeties are poorly, and it's especially hard to bear to see my TINY baby with a cold. It lasts so darned long and he can't breathe to feed or sleep, and thus I will not get sleep till like next week. I will have to hold him on me sitting up to help him breathe. I can't sleep sitting up (I'm just rubbish at that in general).

I'm just being selfish really, thinking of how tired *I'll* feel and how *my* back is going to ache, and how *I* might end up having another cold when *I* have only just started to get proper energy back from the last one which kicked my butt. Neil is still feeling kind of weak and tired from the last cold, because he had it last.

THANKFULLY, a new bottle of 1000mg Ester Vitamin C arrived this morning (eBay). We ran out right before the last cold, and this eBayer took AGES to send the new bottle I won. So we didn't have any Vit C when we were poorly last time. I'm soooo hoping it will make the difference for Neil and I this time.

*sigh*

And now, to cheer myself up before I head to bed, I will post a photo of my sweet boys (the older two!). They are being pulled on a "boat" across the "sea"! They LOVE this game. Matthew is waving bye-bye to me (blurry hand):

Also, the boys looking at the CBeebies website together on the laptop:

And drawing together with crayons (YAY! Matthew has finally reached the point where he can do this activity with Arthur! He's interested in drawing, and not eating the crayons ALL the time!):

Yay, I'm glad to have posted those! I think I have actually caught up with all the photos outstanding! I have a few new ones on my camera from the last couple of days, so I'll try to keep up with uploading and posting more regularly now, so I don't have such a backlog (and thus such a huuuge task to do!).

Um... I'm trying to think of something happy and positive to end on!

Sarah and Thea came round today to visit! Bennie (my brother) had to work. They hadn't met Nathan before (well, Bennie has) so it was exciting! Thea is 10 months old now. She's so big! She is crawling and pulling to standing on the furniture, and she's just gorgeous, so smiley and cheerful all the time. The boys LOVE her. Arthur helped to change her nappy and put her coat on when it was time for them to go home. He spoke to her like I do to the littlest ones, in the same sing-song tone, hehe! He was saying things like, "Come on Thea.... Let's put your arm-y in.... Let's just do your zippy up!" etc! I am so nauseating for the -y endings on words when I'm feeling mushy towards my little ones. It's an affliction. I soooo hope we didn't give her this new cold. *sigh*

Oh. Arthur is maybe sort of kinda starting to potty train. But only because we are having a Huge Poo Crisis and the potty is saving his bottom from getting toooo sore if he does it there instead of in his nappy. He's perfectly ready. We are just run off our feet and not finding time to start potty training him. And he doesn't seem to WANT to, which is fair enough. But right now, given the option of pooing (he's horribly constipated and starting to hold it in and not tell us when he's been, etc, thus the nasty rash and mucho pain when pooing) in his nappy, where we then have to clean him up amidst screaming and thrashing of limbs (and resulting poo EVERYWHERE and snapping patience), or in the potty, where he doesn't have to go through quite the same ordeal afterwards, PLUS we praise him and he gets Smarties - he is choosing to go on the potty. He would rather not, until we remind him that it's not so nice to have his pooey nappy changed these days, and ask him if he wouldn't rather do it on the potty. He ALWAYS tells us he has to poo before going. He sits and poos. No problems. He wore big boy pants yesterday because I casually wondered out loud whether he might like to wear pants which would be easier to pull up and down (subtle!). He said no, until I reminded him that he has some Roary the Racing Car pants put away somewhere, and then he said yes with shining eyes! And wore them for an hour, me reminding him every 10 minutes to tell me/get on the potty if he felt he needed to wee, and asking him if he needed a wee yet, etc. He said no every time, including about 60 seconds before he peed through the Roary pants and onto the carpet. So, not to great on the wee front. And no pants today, but he can whip his nappy off and sit on the potty easily enough to try to poo. He wees in the nappy without much thought. He DOES wee on the potty too, if he happens to be sitting there already. But his main progress on the potty is doing a poo there, which is great!

Anyway, potty training is by no means official, but he's doing things on it to save his poor bottomm (and our poor frayed nerves!).

And that is all for now. I will take my tiny boy up to bed and catch the sleep I can get before the sleeplessness kicks in. Ohhh, Matthew is awake and crying :(

I Love My Boys

Arthur.

I love your sparkle and your sense of humour. I love your determination and your confidence. I love the moments when you are not sure, also, and let me in to your struggles. I love our talks and our close cuddles. I love your smile – it lights up the ROOM, let alone your face. I love your brown eyes and your loose curls – a combination of my own mummy and daddy’s features. I love your kind, generous nature, and your sweetness towards your brothers. I love watching you learn and grow. I love you more than you’ll ever know.

Matthew.

I love your mischievous nature and your playfulness. I love the way your enthusiasm for life is infectious. I love your tenderness and gentleness towards your brothers. I love your sweet precious face, your grey eyes and your fair hair. I love the way your eyes look when you are about to do something cheeky. I love hearing your voice as you learn to talk, and seeing your body change as you learn to get about with increasing speed and become more like a little boy and less like a toddler. I love your very confident and determined personality. I will never tire of hearing you laugh. I adore you.

Nathan.

I love your precious newness. I love your sweet little face, and delight in your new smiles and the way you try so hard to talk to me. I love holding your gaze with mine. I love breastfeeding you. I love your snuffles when you wake and look for me. I even love your angriest cry! I love the way you smell. I can’t get enough of your sweet soft cheeks and the incredibly soft rolls on your little chubby thighs! I love watching you smile at your brothers. I love seeing how desperately you want to interact with Arthur, how much you want him to look at you sometimes. I love you more than words could describe.

I am just bowled over. I love my children so much. I could never have imagined how blessed I would be.

Thank you Lord.