February!

It's February, yay! I love having another winter month behind by this time of year! Tonight it started snowing - we really haven't had any significant snow yet this winter - and there's a good inch covering everything now. I'm really excited about it because the boys are SO thrilled with snow, and they have no idea about it because it snowed after they went to bed. Tomorrow morning, I plan to actually organise myself (!!) and get us all out early to the park so they can really play in the snow before it melts. I'm not sure if it will melt tomorrow though. The high is going to be 2 degrees (celsius) with 70% chance of precipitation, so probably it will just snow more and the stuff that's there won't melt. Yay! Should be fun, if a bit COLD!

I have a new fondness for January, given that I've now had one of my precious babies in that month! My own birthday is in February (21st) and I will be 33. Nathan was DUE on the 10th of February, so I did have a lot of excitement and joy about February once upon a time, haha! He came a month early, of course.

Now that it's February, it means that I only have 5 months till my next baby is due! This month I will reach the halfway point in my pregnancy, have my Big Scan (18th) and hopefully confirm whether or not this baby IS a boy (which, he is!) and be able to call him by name after that. It's passing so fast!

In my post early in January, I mentioned that I have decided to have a few New Year's Resolutions this year (which I NEVER do), to get things on track where they have been slipping (or simply inadequate for years). I write a list of "Five Things" each day that I want to make sure I do. It always starts with getting washed and dressed, because it's, um, still not a habit for me after just not seeming able to get that done for ages and ages, and so if I make it a goal that I can cross off a list, it helps me to get it done each morning! I did have to add "in the MORNING" because sometimes I was not finding time to get washed and dressed till the afternoon. *sigh*

Anyway, I am happy to say that I'm still keeping up the Five Things lists every day - I write them before bed each night and haven't missed a day yet. Two of the things are always goals for my children (reading with them, taking them out, reading the Bible with them, etc), and two are always housework-related, and the other is getting myself washed and dressed. I have only ever done all five things ONCE! But the happy news is that I'm not beating myself over the head about it. I still see 3 as good, 4 as very good, and 5 as excellent. I was sooooo pleased the day I got all 5 done, last week!

Last week was a weird week. The first half was unusually GREAT, I took the kids to the park, made great, tasty, nutritious meals from scratch, handled the discipline, naps, meals and nappy changes without trauma, and kept up better than usual with the housework. I felt good, and I was happy and still able to function in a useful manner (!) when my husband got home from work in the evening! I say all this so you know that it's NOT a usual thing! I need and want sooo much to improve on all these things. Anyway. Then the second half of the week (particularly Thursday and Friday) were DREADFUL. Absolutely dreadful. I somehow ended up on Planet Hormone and it was not a fun trip. I also had lots of dizzy/faint spells and felt completely exhausted for no reason at all (except for the small detail of growing another human being), and the boys were just unbelievably horribly behaved for like 48 hours straight. Well, the older two anyway. Nathey is just a precious little pea-pie still, and apart from his new extreme climbing thing (!) and the disturbed nights, he is such an easy-going baby and not remotely hard work at all. Anyway, they did not let up, once! I was reduced to tears by the afternoon on both days, which is something that never happens to me, even when they're extremely difficult. I absolutely felt unable to cope with them at all, and had no idea what to do or which way to turn. I felt like they were being purposely MEAN to me and it just felt like I was at school being bullied! I'm sure that's due to hormones though, that perspective. I also suddenly had zero tolerance for the slightest irritation (not a great combination with kids who are behaving horribly all the time!) and spent way too much of my time angry and shouting at them, and disciplining them inappropriately, etc. Which left me feeling unhappy and self-loathing - another bad result! Ugh, what a mess!

I truly hope that was 99% due to hormones and that it has all blown-over now! I haven't had the same pressures with Neil home over the weekend, so I really hope that I'll be back to normal when he goes to work tomorrow!

Some other things I had on my New Year's Resolutions list were reading goals. I set out to read a book of the Bible each month, and also to read a book a month about parenting, Christian living, or some similar subject, something that would teach, challenge or uplift me in a godly way. I started a list of books that I wanted to read, but only had 7 at the time. I have a few more now that I know I want to read.

My book of the Bible for January was Ephesians, and I have read that now. I am starting Galatians for February. I read The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, for January. I wasn't very organised with my reading, so I ended up having a 3rd of the book left to read on January 31st!! Hopefully I'll learn from that for future months! ;) The book was WONDERFUL! Thank you again to Mallory, who sent it to me as a complete out-of-the-blue surprise, all the way from the US, last January. I will say that the whole book was very interesting and challenging, and I learned things I did not have a clue about before - important stuff about how my kids tick. I identified Arthur's primary love language as quality time, but physical touch is RIGHT behind that for him (I think that's why his need for very extended breastfeeding was so intense). This is SO helpful to know! My own primary love language is quality time, without a shadow of a doubt. It's clear as day to me from my own childhood, but also now, in my relationship with Neil. I can't quite identify Neil's very well, but I THINK it might be words of affirmation. I need to work on that! Matthew and Nathan are too young really, to have a primary love language, but Matthew definitely seems to be consistently focused on both giving and receiving words of affirmation. He's SO affirming to others in his speech, always praising his brothers for drawings, constructions, walking or getting down safely, etc. He always says, "Good boy!" or "That's briwant!" in a very excited tone. He told the midwife "Good boy" when she wiped the gel off my tummy after listening to the baby, haha! He glows when I tell him I love him or I'm proud of him, which I do pretty frequently, mainly because I am totally in love with his precious reaction when I do so! :) I do the same with the other boys, of course, but Arthur doesn't receive it in the same way that Matthew does. A very helpful and insightful book!

Also, the chapter on Love and Anger reeeeally opened my eyes to a bunch of stuff. Arthur has a lot of anger, that I am NOT dealing with well (now that I see so from reading the chapter). So that is VITAL for me to have discovered, and now I can start to fix that. I also realised that I have way too much of a problem with anger myself, and I can't parent my children effectively - especially help them to deal with their own anger healthily - until I become more mature in my own dealings with anger. So, tonight I bought Gary Chapman's book called Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way (it's the 2nd book down). I see it as high priority so I'll probably read that book right after I finish the February one, after it arrives in the post. So that was soooo invaluable.

My book for February is Passionate Housewives Desperate for God by Jennie Chancey and Stacy MacDonald. I've been interested in reading this book since it was published over a year ago, but finally I bought it a couple of weeks ago and because it's a NEW book for me, I'm too impatient to wait any longer to read it! ;) So it's my February book. It's only the 1st of February, but I've read the first 3rd of the book already, and it's refreshing reading so far. I'm reading it with a discerning heart and much prayer, because of the mixed reviews, but it's what I'm about. I just WANT to be a housewife and serve my husband, raise a bunch of kids (as many as God will allow us!) in godly ways (NOT doing this too well as yet...) and keep house. I am so far not raising the kids as I want/need to, most definitely not keeping the house in any fit state for any family member, and not doing as God would have me do in terms of the way I think or act towards my husband. I HUGELY want to change all these things, in fact, it's my passion to do so. I KNOW without a doubt that this is what God is calling me to do with my life. I have always wanted it, intensely so, even from a very young age, so I know that is God pressing it into my heart. I'm so blessed to be actually living it out all these years later, to have been blessed to find my sweet husband and marry him, and to have my sweet children and a womb filled with another, and the prospect of more in the future! God has been so gracious and so good to me. But I am not living out the life he's blessed me with like I know he wants me to. I know he doesn't condemn me, but I really WANT to improve things in all areas. So, this book is something I want to read. There are plenty of other sources of biblically based encouragement and inspiration, that I go to on a regular basis, and I read my Bible, though not so much as I would like to (till this last month). Anyway, that is why I am reading this book. I think I will finish it way before the end of February, in which case I'll start another one right away - maybe the Anger Management one, if it arrives quickly?

One blog that inspires me regularly (amongst many others!) is Biblical Womanhood, which I've been reading for a couple of years maybe? There is sooooo much helpful stuff on home-making there, and organisational stuff in the home particularly, which I REALLY need to hear about! Recently, Crystal (the author) started a Spring Cleaning project based on an e-book (Spring Cleaning for Normal People from Simple Mom). I decided to join in! At first I thought there was NO WAY I could actually do it, so I didn't intend to even begin. Then I figured the e-book was only $7 and I could use all the helpful resources I could get on organising and decluttering my home! So I bought the e-book (my first e-book!). And Crystal is in her 3rd trimester of pregnancy with two little ones at home, so she's taking it super slowly, and that suits me well. I started to believe I could actually take part, and maybe see some good results! So I am joining in! :) Here's hoping and praying that I'll actually stick with it and see it through to fruition.

This past week was Assignment #1, to read the first 16 pages of the e-book and throw out all visible trash in the home, and also to put any visible items that were to give away or sell, into their respective boxes. So, I have read the 16 pages, thrown out trash, and put all visible "don't want it"s into a charity bag. I haven't made a sell box because I know I will never get round to selling stuff, especially with the local post office now closed down. I'm really pleased to have completed this week's assignment!! :) They're posted on Mondays so I made it in time! Yay me! I decluttered the bottom step of the stairs this week and ordered a slim bookshelf from Ikea to go in there against the wall. It arrived and I put it up, and it stores all the boys' boxed jigsaw puzzles and games perfectly! It looks soooooo much neater than before, and I have a place for all those things, yay! I also got two pine boxes from eBay this week. One is now storing ALL the toy cars and trains and vehicles, which has freed up two battered cardboard boxes that were holding those things on the living room floor before. That also looks MUCH better! The other box I am not sure about. There's no room to put it, though I definitely have things I want to put in it. I think I want to store the art supplies in it, or at least the paints and glue and craft stuff, because I have no place to put those things and they're multiplying as the boys get older and can use more different types of craft things. I have a ton of bulk-buy (thus CHEAP) paints coming in the post from a school supply shop online, and I have no idea where to put them!! We will definitely use them, but ugh, where to store them?! The box would help a great deal if I could find a place to put it. Our house is so tiny and all the space is used up. I need to downsize and declutter a great deal. At the moment, I have done so many small decluttering projects in January without expecting to, that we're currently reconsidering our plan to hire a professional declutterer. Because MAYBE I can do it?? I don't know, it's the most enormous mountain, you wouldn't believe it. The house is a total state, and the clutter insurmountable, or at least it feels that way. But maybe.... For now, we'll see how my continued efforts go, and this Spring Cleaning project, and reassess at the end of February.

Okay this is a long and waffly post, and it has become very late, so I must go to bed! It's still snowing!! I see a good couple of inches on the car and the roof tops out there! Neil says there's a weather warning for London overnight tonight and tomorrow, for the snow. We never get this much snow! :) I wish I had time to post a few photos, but I'll do that next time. For now I just wanted to update a ton of stuff that I want to keep account of, and record my thoughts on. Back soon!