Photos at last! :)

Soooo, a photo entry! Long overdue, so some of these are a couple of months old. I am not sure how many I'll post, but I'll just keep going for a while. I'll probably also write some newsy stuff too here with the photos, so a good old-fashioned "diary entry" for me then, after such a long time without those! :) I am happy at the prospect! After that I need to finish the Tesco order online that has to be done before bed (being delivered tomorrow between 10 and 12! How I love getting my food shopping delivered to my door!), and then I'm hitting the hay. Arthur's cold is horrid tonight and he's a bit miserable and wakeful this evening.

Today I'm really tired, but doing fine! Things with the boys are still difficult but I'm handling things easier, and starting to react differently to them (as in, compared with the way I WAS reacting to them in anger). I still lose my temper with them sometimes because they drive me CRAZY right now with the way they are behaving! But I have been feeling better about it. I started praying every morning before I get out of bed. It just happened spontaneously one morning and was JUST what I needed - I was able to refer back to it and keep praying over it throughout the day and things went a LOT better, so I purposely started doing it every morning. That first morning when I woke, I just felt such a sweet peace in my spirit somehow (thank you for the prayers that I know some of you must have been lifting up to God! It is certainly not natural for me to wake up like that!) and started to sing a worship song I haven't heard or sung for a long time (I googled and the lyrics are by Sandra Corbett-Wood):

"I worship you, Almighty God
There is none like you
I worship you, O Prince of Peace
That is what I want to do
I give you praise, for you are my righteousness
I worship you, Almighty God
There is none like you"

And then I just started praying that God would clothe me in his righteousness today and bless me with PEACE - peace in myself, and peace towards my children no matter what they threw at me that day. I prayed that God would not let me shrug off that "clothing" like I might a layer that's getting too warm, or I'm unaccustomed to feeling it about my shoulders so I shrug it off without realising I'm doing it. And just that simple prayer and worshipping God made SUCH a difference to me! I felt it in my spirit from the moment I got up out of bed, and was able to remember it in the heat of the moment at various times throughout the day.

I'm a bit nervous as to how to proceed with the boys so that I don't cause MORE inconsistency due to any sort of change in the way I handle them! I totally get that, which some of you (Megan, for one) mentioned in response to my post a week ago. Right now, we have (following advice from MOMYS and some here) stopped using any sort of physical discipline with the boys, as much as we can (as in, we're not very good at it and occasionally smack before we remember we're not doing that any more), and are going for time-outs that have no time limit. Instead of the corner, they are currently having time-outs in a restricted space (they can't get out of it, unlike the corner or the "naughty step" approach) because then it removes them from the scene so that I can calm down without them further winding me up and playing off each other, and it enables me to fully seperate Arthur and Matthew (again so that they don't play off each other and just spend ages in what is supposed to be a "discipline" situation yelling and being as rude and disrespectful as they possibly can, and encouraging each other to out-do the other one, urgh! That used to make it really hard for me to keep my cool. So it's a solution for ME, to practise on the not getting angry (or dealing with my anger) situation, and it works for them. No yelling from me is necessary, and no smacking either. Arthur's time-out zone is the porch with the door locked. He comes out as and when he's ready and willing to obey/listen/apologise, which is totally up to him from that point on, and sometimes he takes a short time, and other times he's in there for 30 minutes or more before he's willing and not being rude to me any more through the door! Matthew's time-out zone is strapped into his booster seat in the kitchen, in the middle of the floor so he can't reach anything and break it! He HATES this and soon relents and listens to me - often they won't actually listen to me as I'm trying to explain why they need to be disciplined, so it helps me to be able to put them somewhere out of the way until they're ready to listen, then talk to them calmly when they're ready, and then they have the consequence of whatever they did - time-out where they are (on top of the time they took to decide to listen to me in the first place!).

Anyway, so that is helping LOADS. I also remembered someone's advice (could have been at MOMYS, I can't remember where!) about the fact that some children will endure almost any sort of unpleasant consequence just to get a reaction out of you. This immediately made me think of Arthur in particular - that's just exactly how he is. So, I know I have to stop the reactions. I have tried before and not succeeded consistently because sometimes I just can't seem to cope with how angry he makes me, and I lose it, even after a while of managing to keep a lid on it! He is extremely persistant, and 30 minutes of continuous rudeness, noise and physically pestering me for a response eventually gets the better of me. That's why it's so helpful to put him AWAY from me with a DOOR between us that he can't get out of right now! Anyway I have been getting angry a fair bit these last few days, and once or twice smacked him too hard. Both times I instantly cooled it the SECOND it happened, and asked his forgiveness. I told him I didn't like that I did that, that God didn't like that I did that, and I needed to ask God's forgiveness too. Then I straight away prayed right there with him, confessing that I'd smacked Arthur in anger and I was sorry, asking God to forgive me. I asked God to help me not to get angry with Arthur and to discipline him well. It felt GREAT to do that actually with Arthur (thanks Michawn for the suggestion!), which I have done in the past but for some reason not done so for a while now. Anyway it was good to do that, and it held me accountable too. The second time I had to stop and pray with him like that, he commented that God wasn't doing a very good job helping me! :S I told him that it was just that *I* wasn't doing a great job of letting God help me, but I was going to keep trying and asking for God's help.

I also had an amazing moment one time where I stood in the porch with Arthur just waiting his behaviour out. I wanted to tell him without raising my voice why I put him in the porch, before leaving him there for a bit, but he was yelling in my face and kicking at my legs and horrible stuff like that. I reminded him that I had prayed that God would help me not get angry, and told him I was not about to, that I would just WAIT for him to be ready to listen however long it took. Then I assumed my most neutral-calm face and looked at the walls, the door, anywhere but at him. He lay on the floor and thrashed about and so on, and after a while pulled up on me yelling and waving his hands in my face. Then I would say, "Are you ready?" and when he didn't do anything different, I said, "Oh, you'd better sit back down then till you're ready" and just firmly sat him down again. He stood up 3 times like that in a row, and then started kicking harder at my legs, so I figured I should leave. I told him, "Oh dear, you're really not ready to listen to me. I'll go out and you can call me when you're ready to listen and have your consequence." Right away he said he was ready to listen, but cut me off mid-sentence with more rude yelling and stuff, so I left. I was AMAZED at how totally and utterly calm I felt, not an OUNCE of irritation at all! It's sooooooooooooo not in me to do that, at ALL, so I know it was absolutely given to me by God, to be able to do it. If I ever get anywhere remotely near to that kind of state in that kind of situation (which is still a long way from how I felt this time!), it's extreme mind-over-matter effort on my part. But this felt effortless, and like I was surrounded by air that was extra rich in oxygen or something (I know that sounds weird), or I suppose, extra rich in PEACE. Which is what I prayed for. So I am encouraged and will keep praying! :)

So, that's where we are with that, right now. It's going better. They are not behaving any better, but it's GOING better.

Okay, some photos! Here are two of Arthur and Matthew a couple of months ago, having a free-painting session with added glitter and pasta! ;) They love this kind of thing, as you can see!





I have a million squillion photos of baby Nathey-noo! I guess he's easier to photograph than the other two lately, and soooooooooo appealing all the time! I sometimes feel like I shouldn't still be calling him "baby", but I DO! He's still my "baby lamb" and he's only 15 months so really he is still a baby. I totally don't see him as anything else, but the only thing that sometimes makes me feel awkward about it is the whole thing whereby I'll be giving birth to another baby in 2 or 3 months! It's feeling very SOON now, and it shouldn't affect whether Nathan is still a baby, but sometimes it makes me wonder if I should still call him one? Anyway, I do. I can't help it! He's still a baby, and I love my lil baby-loo-boo (floo!)! I'm completely and utterly besotted and sopping over that boy! He's so scrummy, and such a delight all the time. He has just recently started throwing some major tantrums that are definitely NOT of the baby variety, much more of the toddler/small boy variety, and he keeps those up for a good while! I ignore them at the moment and just stay available for cuddles should he change his mind and accept them! ;) If he throws himself down on the floor dramatically when Matthew won't let him take the toy he's playing with, Matthew watches him for about 3 seconds, looking concerned, and then says (with a sigh), "Ohhh, alll-wight!" and hands him the toy he wanted! Matthew is such a sweetie! He is easily won over by Nathan and I think I will need to step in more if it starts to be that Nathan gets his way too much and his brothers are a bit soft with him! I love that they're concerned and willing to be generous, and I always try to encourage them in that, but I don't want Nathan to feel he can get their toys by screaming and being dramatic till they give in! Of course he's instantly calm and content with the toy in his hands! ;)

So, photos of Nathan! Starting with more Nathey-in-a-box photos - cardboard boxes are still his favourite place to be! He has a really dog-eared battered one that's lost a side now, and it's just such a favourite toy that we've kept it out! He reminds me of a man in his favourite comfy chair, hehe! He sits himself down in it to eat a snack, or play with a toy that he's decided he really wants to examine carefully for a while :) He's always so happy in a box! Here he is in a less dog-eared box at 13.5 months old:








Arthur took this photo of Nathan and me one morning. I feel like I've posted this before, but I can't find it - maybe it was Facebook? Anyway. No, I had not brushed my hair yet that morning! ;) Nathan was looking for something in my hand, I think. There's good old Tesco's website on the laptop - I must have been finalising an order! :)



Helping with the laundry (he loves to hand me stuff to fold!):



Being a monkey-moo - this was his favourite hysterical game about a month ago (14 months here, almost), to get as cloooose to my face as possible, then put out his tongue and slooowwwwwly get nearer and nearer to my nose! Any closer than where he was in the photo, and he starts to giggle and giggle more and more, all the while still trying to keep his tongue out. If he gets right to my nose he'll try to lick it, and literally fall about belly laughing, because he knows it's mischievous (I make a big thing about it that makes him giggle)! Such a sweetie-bean!



Nathan in Arthur's winter hat! He was giggling and pulling it on and taking it off by himself, then taking himself for little walks around the living room wearing it (the boys were in the garden at the time), and the light was JUST SO for once, so I took a lot of photos, and these are some of my favourites:











Never mind the mess in the background there! :S

Here's my little binky-boo being thrilled to get his hands on the computer keyboard (13 months and 3 weeks old) :)




Isn't he irresistable?!?! I know I'm horribly biased, but still, hehe! ;) Here are the last couple of Nathan, at 14 months old. I haven't uploaded any more recent ones, or else not had chance to take them for some of the past month! I hope I find I've taken more than I think! I can't bear the idea of a whole month in his short little life with no photos of him! There might be a good few in the "The Boys" folder though, of all 3 together :) I'll have to post those another time, as I've already posted so many and it's really getting late now. I still need to finish the Tesco order, aaaargh! This post has actually taken me ages to write - Arthur woke twice and needed Calpol one of those times, and Nathan stirred and was chilly so I put blankets on him. I adore my little boys! Here's my littlest (to date!):




Today we had 3 more viewings for people to see our house - no contact from the estate agent since then so I presume nobody else made an offer. We have a new viewing for Tuesday evening as well, just after Neil gets home from work - a hairy time of day with the boys, but oh well! We have to make a decision about the offer this first guy made. We do not want to accept it and then go back on our word. Neil needs to meet with our mortgage company to find out what we can actually afford to buy if we accept the offer, and thus whether we can accept it as it is. I think we can, but just about, depending on what the mortgage people say.

The boys (all three!) are desperately needing haircuts - Nathan's first one! We go to a children's hairdresser in central London so we always go on Sundays to avoid the congestion charge. Last Sunday was Easter so they were closed, but now Arthur is streaming with cold I don't feel right to take him there to spread his cold about, hmmm. We might have to wait till another weekend, I think, and just have shaggy boys a little longer! ;) I LOVE Nathan's baby hair because he has CURLS!!! Curls, curls, curls, people!!!! Arthur has loose waves which used to curl more than they do now. Matthew has straight hair. It's my Daddy's gene which I have somewhat lazily used, having only a fatigued wave myself, haha! If it's humid or the hairdresser ever blow-dries it with a diffuser or whatever it's called, it naturally curls up into ringlets and halves in length! So the curl is there, I'm just very lazy about using my gene, lol! I adore curls, and Nathan is the curliest baby I have had so far, which I'm thrilled about! His baby hair at the front and sides is soooo fine and fly-away, and very straight. But it's thick low down at the back, and it curls like crazy. I've been so enamoured with it, and excited about the prospect of a curly boy, that I've taken photos since his very first curl appeared at 11 months old! Here's the evidence, in chronological order:

11 months:




12 months:



13 months:



Here's a comparison of Nathan's front and side baby hair at 14 months. It's so fine and barely-there! And straight. You can just about see his curly bit at the nape of his neck. This is one of the photos of him and Matthew spontaneously sitting together "reading" through a pile of books - they're so grown up and serious about it for a 1-year-old and a 2-year-old! ;)



14 months - he had a little row by then which would curl up TIGHT after a bath and couldn't be prised down! It was so sweet - I was taking a photo of Nathan's curls at the back and didn't even see Matthew coming over, so when I snapped I captured Matthew giving Nathey a kiss! Such sweeties! :)




14.5 months, right after a bath and hairwash one evening. His hair had juuust got long enough to give him his first lil ringlet there! I am just totally enamoured with his curls, and fiddle with them way too much, haha! I probably need a daughter or something! ;)




I'm sad to cut them off, and really hope they grow back! But he needs a haircut now - his hair is growing fast suddenly and the fine stuff at the front is starting to get in his eyes.

Okay I MUST post this and go to bed! After the Tesco order :S I'll be back to post again soon, and finish getting caught up on photos!