Well, I did it....

This morning I got out of bed, took a deep breath, and re-opened the box with my new Sony Alpha 300 DSLR camera inside. This time I actually used my recently acquired knowledge (!!) and put the battery pack into the camera! ;) Then I switched it on. It did a little busy sound, and I panicked and switched it back off again, haha! I had a read of the manual and identified all the dials and buttons and so on, and then I switched the camera on again. I had no memory card in it yet (hadn't read the 3 pages devoted to putting that in, hehe!) but I put it on auto with no flash (I know, I know, I'm supposed to get into manual mode and not waste time with automatic!), and pointed it at the unmade bed, just as something to point at. And then I pressed the "shoot" button. The camera made this LUSCIOUS sound that was somewhere between a crisp crack and a softer "chunk" sound, and I instantaneously fell in love. I nearly tore open the memory card packaging with my teeth, haha! I ran (okay, lumbered) downstairs in my nightie with "B is for Bump" and a picture of Mr. Bump on it, and scoured the house for the children. I had a lie-in because it is Saturday and my husband is wonderful. :)

So, they were out in the garden, and I couldn't exactly run out there in said nightie, so I threw open the kitchen window and sat there taking photos of the boys and learning how to focus and fiddle with various settings while I did it. I also got a book from Amazon a few days ago which I finally picked up and read (skim-read) most of this morning, called "Photographing Children" (a Photo Workshop book). It took me HOURS to research which book on that subject to buy, reading review after review on different books, and so on. I'm glad I got this one! It looks great, it will teach me sooooo much about photography in general and I love the major focus on photographing little ones (which is what I'm most interested in, obviously!), and it's so inspiring. I think if I really get the hang of using this camera and keep as much passion for using it as I have started out with today, I will likely be seriously interested in taking photos of other people's babies and children semi-professionally. IF I get good enough, that is! I already feel excited about it enough for that to be a possibility, if I work at it.

So, today was my first day using my new camera!!! I had so much fun, and honestly could have shot photos all day long. I had a rare haircut today (and thus an afternoon being pampered (somebody else washing my hair with gorgeous-smelling shampoo while I closed my eyes! Scalp massage! Drinks with ice and lemon brought to my side! Neck rub! Haircut and blow-dry! Blissssss!!) and shopping and eating a mint choc chip ice cream cone all by myself! Neil said I should do this kind of thing more often, but honestly I don't desire to. I make a hair appointment once every 4 months, and that's when I have my one afternoon to shop without little ones, use stairs and escalators instead of lifts with huge queues of pushchairs and tired children, and eat a treat in a completely leisurely manner, lol! ALL the rest of the time, I want to be with my children. Even when they drive me crazy sometimes! ;)

So I ran late getting ready for my hair appointment because I was STILL standing there in my nightie taking photos of the boys (Nathan now up from the nap he had been taking) and completely unable to stop myself! Neil kept saying to stop and get dressed, haha! I wanted to pick the camera up again the moment I got home. I think I took 200 photos today, but I tossed a lot of them straight away (which I read is a good idea!). I have a LOT to learn about light and exposure and so on. I tried to switch to manual after a while but couldn't figure out how to use it or why everything was too dark, so for the time being I switched back to auto. I'm really not doing too much more than pointing and shooting so far, but I'm getting used to things like rotating the lens to focus the shot, and also starting to fiddle with the white balance and so on. I have sooooo much to learn yet! :)

So far, I am hooked! The moment that gorgeous sound came from the camera. That was it. I love my camera!! I can't wait to learn how to use it properly! Here are some of the million billion photos (or so it felt when I was uploading them to edit!) that I took today - they look kind of small here to me, but if you click on them they show up BIG and in much more detail.

The boys were playing in the garden together. Matthew noticed me at the window with the new camera, and struck several poses without me asking, telling me to do "a angwy one!" or "a BIG one!" hehe! Meanwhile, Arthur was lying on the grass calling Matthew over and over and OVER to come back and finish the game. He got so grumpy about it, and ended up face down on the grass in despair while Matthew posed for me, haha! Even worse, Matthew then stopped the posing, and lay down in the sand-and-water table (as you do) instead of going back to poor Arthur! Arthur did come and join him in the end though.















Arthur, realising I was pointing the camera at him. It works sooo much better if he doesn't know I'm there! *sigh* See Matthew ready to stone him for his uncooperative behaviour? Haha! ;)



Back in the house, after the boys came inside and Nathan woke up from his nap. Nathan has a new lovey! He has SUDDENLY become inexplicably attached to Monkey, a stuffed toy that Arthur received as a tiny baby and who we thought Arthur might get attached to (he didn't!). Nathan started picking Monkey up and joyfully hugging him a week or so ago, and that led to him seeking Monkey out to hug or hold. Once he seemed to be obviously attached to Monkey over any of the other stuffed toys or dolls, I let him take Monkey up to his cot for naps. He was so delighted! The first thing he does when he groggily wakes up from sleep, even if he's crying, is to pick up Monkey before he's lifted out of his cot. These last two days, we're having trauma at mealtimes because Monkey must be prised out of Nathan's grasp in the highchair in order to serve him his food! He cries and leans out and reeeeaches for Monkey (who goes to the living room for a little rest!). He sleeps with Monkey at night and his "going to sleep" mannerisms now include lying on his tummy and stuffing Monkey underneath his tummy as his little eyes roll shut. It's so sweet! During the day, he seems to be walking around with Monkey dangling from one hand a lot, and if he puts him down to play with something, he will retrieve him as soon as he finishes. He often gives Monkey squeeeezy cheek-to-cheek cuddles with a wiiiide-open-mouthed joyful smile and squeezed shut eyes. He's just the cutest pie!!

Here are some photos I got of him today, just up from his nap. I LOVE how much more clear and crisp this camera gets the photos! And how eyes seem to stand out beautifully without me actually having a clue about what I'm doing (so it can't be my photography skills, lol!). I love the softer blurred backgrounds as well. I am going to learn more about those to make use of them more often (hides the detail of the clutter and mess around the house for one thing!).







Here's Matthew collapsed on the laundry pile (clean, I might add! At least there's that!) as Nathan climbed over him. I love this one of Matthew, even though it's upside down!



Arthur and his daddy! They rub noses sometimes, just to be sweet :)





Nathan, "hiding" behind the ball blast game. He loves playing hide-and-seek at the moment, especially with his brothers (mucho squeally excitement):





Another one of Mathie:



Nathey and Daddy! I just took photos of everything that usually goes on at any given moment, which is all of the above. Neil was originally trying to just have a bit of a rest in the armchair, but little boys kept climbing on him :) I have purposely NOT included the many photos of Arthur and Matthew sitting on poor Neil and each one of them picking one of Neil's nostrils as they cracked up hysterically! ;) I love the one of Nathan and Neil where Nathan is making his "Ooooh" sound that he does, and Neil was doing the same back. Nathan is always soooo intense in his facial expressions with his vocal sounds, especially the "Ooooh" and the "Doh" or "Dah" ones! He really doesn't have many words at all yet (maybe 3 in total, even). He just started to say "Uh-oh" for when he drops something from his highchair, or a train falls off the track on their wooden railway set, but he says it, "Ooo-ooh!" with a very serious expression, and he places the two syllables soooo carefully with his lips all pursed out - it's soooooooooo cute! :) He says deh-deh for Daddy, and he says "Ah-sah" for Arthur, and he roars like a lion for ALL animals, haha! He shakes his head when he doesn't want something, and he says a VERY clear, "Yessss!" (this is sometimes pronounced "Yeshhh!") or "Yeaaahhh!" when he's urging us for something and we ask him if he wants such-and-such and get it right! ;)

Oh yes! Photos! ;)








These photos must be larger files than even my previous camera (which I thought had HUGE files since they seemed to take so long to upload everywhere!), because they are taking forever to upload to blogger. Hmmm. I'm just typing all the stuff while they load, but it could be a bit of a nuisance sometimes. Also, I hope this doesn't mean the page takes AGES to load for anyone reading! :S

Well it's getting late and I'm so tired from all the walking round town and shopping! :) I bought some of Matthew's birthday presents, and also enough birthday cards and wrapping paper to see us through the May, June and July birthdays in the family! I will be glad of that when I'm even more pregnant and newly postpartum! It was a bit crazy buying the birthday cards, because my niece Emily turns one in June, my niece Thea turns two this week, Matthew will be THREE (yikes!) in June, and my niece Ella will turn four the same day! And then we'll have a new baby in July! :) Lots of little ones at this stage, in my family, which is lovely! I can't believe Matthew is going to be three. He seems SUCH a little one still, even though he's starting to really change physically, getting longer limbs and slimming down even more (he was always a lean boy, but he's losing his toddler shape, boohoo!). His talking is still so chipmunky and cute, and his pronounciations soooo adorably toddlerish! He's ever so cuddly and affectionate, and little for his age. He still nurses at bedtime and I love that lingering bond with him still. He loves his stuffed toy Puffin so much and that just turns my heart to mush for some reason. I nurse Puffin before bed as well ;) Matthew ALWAYS lets Puffin breastfeed first, such is his love for the sweet little bird! I have to take some photos of Matthew with Puffin. He sleeps clutching him in one hand under his chin all night. *sigh* My children are so adorably precious!

Okay, I will be back soon, probably with a crazy ton more photos! :)

Haircuts (Nathan's First!)

Now, nothing at ALL whatsoever to do with my brief loss of sanity back there where I put Nathan's hair in pretty bunches (!), but the very next day, we took the boys for haircuts! ;) We haven't had a good time with normal hairdressers for the boys, so after some research we have been using an excellent children's hairdresser for the last year-ish. The only down side is that it's a bit more expensive, mainly because of the location. We take them to Tantrum Hairdressing in Chelsea (west central London), and that's inside the congestion zone (only just!) so we have to pay that charge. And parking is crazy expensive. We usually go only on Sundays because then there's no congestion charge and parking is free, but this Sunday (today) we're going to a party, and we wanted the boys not to be shaggy-looking for that! ;) We've been poorly for a few weekends running (really! It's crazy how long/bad this cold has been!) so we haven't been so that we wouldn't pass it on to others.

So, yesterday we finally went! It was Nathan's First Haircut! Waaaah! :( Arthur sat in the red racing car and watched Toy Story and had his hair cut with nooo problems in super quick time. Matthew is usually okay having his haircut there (he's the reason we had to find a children's hairdresser!), but yesterday there were a few other children there and some where having their hair blow-dried, and he freaks out at blow driers (and hoovers!) and other such sounds, so he was not too happy and wouldn't sit in a chair to have a haircut. Nathan, meanwhile, sat happily in the red fire engine for a couple of minutes with Neil showing him the steering wheel and such. He beamed and steered importantly, and I thought we were going to be okay! But as soon as he wanted to get out (about 90 seconds after getting in), and people tried to encourage him to stay, he was NOT happy! After that it was really hard work the whole time. Matthew did eventually consent to sitting in Arthur's red racing car after Arthur was finished, and had his hair cut. But Neil had to stay next to him, and so I went downstairs to a quieter area with Nathan, and attempted to contain him on my lap, squirming and screaming for the whole 20 minutes that it took to just try to trim his hair! We both got COVERED in hair, snot and dribble! Yeurgh. It was not too easy to hold him writhing and changing position on me like that for so long, with my big baby bump, and my back hurt, but we plodded on!

I asked them not to take too much off because he's my BABY and I couldn't bear losing too much hair at the first haircut! I can never bear that with my babies! They started out fine, but he was so writhey when they were trying to do the back neckline. They got the clippers to make it quicker and easier, but because he was moving so much, they would keep missing the spot they aimed at and so it would get shorter and shorter and they'd keep having to even it up! So, he has a reeeally short hairline at the back now, haha! It's even, pretty much, but he looks a little bit like a monk (without the bald patch on top)! He does look very sweet though, and SO much more like a real little boy all of a sudden. Even when I gaze at him sleeping in his cot, he doesn't look so much like a baby in there as he did before, just with his haircut. *sniffle*

I would have liked Matthew's hair a bit shorter, because his grows sooooo fast and I know it will be back to mop-like before I can blink! But oh well. Here are a few hastily shot photos of the boys (hasty because they wouldn't keep still, but I wanted to record the haircuts, especially Nathan's!). They're not the best photos of them, but oh well, they were not co-operating with having their photos taken too much! Especially the one of all three together, which is very blurry as Arthur and Matthew are moving and talking, but I included it to illustrate the fact that I have three little boys! Not so much two little boys and a baby boy, but THREE LITTLE BOYS now! Wow. It just really struck me as I watched them playing after their haircuts yesterday. Time for a new baby! ;)













Right, now I must hurry up and shower and hope to find something maternity-wise to squeeze my enlarging self into (struggling with that lately, especially with the change of season clothing!) for the party. It's the first time we've been to visit Cameron's family in a couple of years! It's his dad's birthday and they invited us to a family birthday bash, so that should be lovely. They didn't know I was expecting again so they were pretty surprised about that, having felt sure they only received Nathan's birth announcement in the post, ohhh, a couple of months ago! ;) Hopefully it will be a lovely afternoon and not rain. Cameron will be missed, of course. He would be 17 in July!!!!! Is that not crazy?!?! I miss him.

Mama needs a daughter...

The boys are driving me batty today. I neeevvvver get the laptop out in the day time any more, but I took a couple of photos with the old broken camera (still scared of the new DSLR!) and so they had to be uploaded before I even switched the camera off, to be sure they didn't get lost!

The boys are being BOYS today, and for some reason I struggle with this! I need to let go more, but it's so unnatural to me (I'm a GIRL, remember?! ;) ). They are constantly yelling and shouting and bashing things. They are also being really rude and disrespectful to me today, so they've spent a good amount of time already in their various discipline zones, while I've pumped up some louder-than-average volume Chris Tomlin worship and tried to down out all the RUDE RUDENESS being yelled at me through the porch/kitchen door. *sigh* But, they stay till they are willing to cut that out, and apologise, and even then they stay a good bit longer till *I* feel like letting them back. The worship music helps me. Otherwise I get so pull-my-own-skin-off-ish with their antics!

We built a huge wooden train track and they played with that for a long while, and Nathan is learning to drive trains around the track and through the tunnels (much to the older boys' relief!). After that, Arthur and Matthew wrestled and wrestled and wrestled on the sofa, and seemed so aggressive that it bothered me! But, where's the line? I know NOTHING about parenting boys, it seems, even though I have amassed a good few of them as my own! ;) If they start to wrestle even a bit, my gut wants to tell them to stop being aggressive with each other. But, I recognise that they're boys and they need that kind of play. I just have nooooo idea of where the line should be, or if there should be one. And I have to work on de-jangling my nerves while they do it, if I'm going to allow them to! It drives me crazy! I can't bear aggression around me, even play aggression! I need to learn to live with that, I think!

So, this morning, the boys wrestled for an incredibly long time, testosterone could practically be scooped out of the air, and meanwhile I slowly lost my remaining thread of sanity and put Nathan's hair in pretty bunches.

Yes, folks. It can't be denied any longer. This mama needs a DAUGHTER (even though she adores her little boys!).

Bleurgh

Thank you for the comments on the photos of my little boys! :)

We have had a couple of rough days. Arthur's cold that he caught at the midwife appointment last week has wiped the floor with us, seriously! He had a nasty cold, and I thought, "Poor Arthur, he DOES get things badly..." but now that all 5 of us have been/are still wading through it, I see that Arthur actually had it sort of moderately really, not terribly! Neil got it by Sunday and had to take Monday and Tuesday off work. He has the most awful chesty cough right now that is triggering his never-really-there asthma - I've never heard his chest sound like this, so I hope it will hurry up and clear up, and not be something he has to go to the doctor for. Nathan had an evening of pitiful screeching every 20 minutes or so on Sunday, and we felt sure he must have a sore throat. Sure enough, he was really poorly the next day and is still producing unforseen quantities of snot today even. Monday I came down with it, and until that point I had (shamefully) been somewhat implying that Neil was dealing with a case of "man flu", such were his complaints about what seemed a simple cold (not a nice cold, but still "just a cold")! Then I discovered exactly what he was complaining about, ugggghhhh. It really is just a cold, but I can't believe how awful it has been, for "just a cold"! At least nobody has been feverish, thankfully! But yuck. No little person could sleep well at all until the achy nastiness started to ease after the first 2 days. Neil and I have had our worst trouble with sinus pain (the kiddies didn't seem to have this trouble, but I've read that little ones don't, since their sinuses aren't developed like adult ones are). I haven't ached so much since I last had real flu.

I also have this REALLY annoying thing where sore throats affect my sleep big time. I have no idea why I must react so over-sensitively to sore throats! I never used to! Tsk. So, a sore throat means I can't sleep. It just keeps me awake. This time the sore throat wasn't severe enough to do that, thankfully! But then, every single time I have a sore throat like before a cold kicks in, it eventually turns into a gritty scratchy throat as it heals. And for some reason this makes me gag and my eyes water and it's absolutely unbearable EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I swallow. It's more bearable during the day because I guess I am eating and drinking and talking and moving about and upright and so on. Upright has a big part to play in how manageable it is - the SECOND I get horizontal it's impossible to cope with, I swallow and swallow to keep from gagging but it gets the better of me in about 4 swallows, by which time my eyes are running from the gritty gaggy thing, ugh. I haaaaaate it, and can't figure out why it affects me so, since it never did before my teens.

So, the scratchy "healing" part of the sore throat always (always) lasts about 36 hours for me. If I'm unlucky, that will cover 2 nights and the day in between, not 1 night sandwiched between 2 days. This time it started at bedtime last night, so I had not one wink of sleep last night, and was constantly rushing down to the kitchen with watering mouth and eyes, to boil a kettle and gulp down water as HOT as my throat would bear it until the gaggy scratchiness eased off. So not fun. Hot water is the only thing I have found to ease the gagginess instantly (well, by the end of about a cupful anyway). Then I have 5-10 minutes to fall asleep before it wears off and I need more hot water! I did not manage to fall asleep that fast any of the times I tried it last night, so I got no sleep. Nathan had a better night though, because I was awake next to him anyway, and thus was able to attend to him the INSTANT he stirred, so that he didn't wake right up and get upset and start coughing. He needed settling in that way maybe 5 or 6 times last night, and woke up really upset at 5am even with me trying to settle him before he woke up fully. He's too congested to breastfeed which is such a shame for the poor little man!

Matthew finally succumbed to the cold yesterday - he played with the same toys as Arthur on Wednesday and has been totally exposed all this time, but he has always had a stronger immune system than Arthur and Nathan (his licking the floor thing as a baby, perhaps?! Or just made more like I was as a child (didn't catch things easily, got them mildly), rather than Neil (caught everything, and badly)?). Anyway. He's streaming and definitely not well, and fell asleep as his lunch was put in front of him yesterday afternoon, bless him! But otherwise trucking on much better than Arthur (or the rest of us!) did. He's also being quite a man about it and refusing to acknowledge that he's ill at all, hehe! If I ask him, "Matthew, are you poorly today?" He will say cheerfully, "Dope!" (nose full of goop!), or if I ask him, "Have you got the cold as well, Matthew?" then he answers, "Um... doh! (no)" whilst wiping his nose on his sleeve, haha! He won't admit to having a cold at all!

Arthur and Nathan have been waking and coughing a lot the past two nights, but Arthur has only stirred briefly once so far and coughed a little, so I'm reeeeally hoping he's almost better, and that the rest of us will follow suit quickly! Neil came home after lunch today and worked from home this evening (bless my lovely husband!) because I had had no sleep the night before and was not well at all still. I have no idea how I got through the morning and lunchtime with the boys, but somehow I did. They were not too well behaved at all though, especially Arthur. We haven't done any reading lessons while we've been poorly, but we'll get back to them as soon as I feel up to it (hopefully tomorrow if I get any sleep tonight!). I was supposed to sleep this afternoon once Neil was home, but my throat was too gaggy once I lay down and tried to sleep. It's still scratching and gritty and horrible right now at nearly 2am, and tonight I decided I was not going to lie in bed and gag and let my eyes water and feel dreadful in the dark and keep on running to boil a kettle. That sucked last night, so tonight, though I am dizzy with exhaustion, while my throat is scratching I am sitting up downstairs (upright helps, though I have never been able to sleep upright, unfortunately!) and reading books that I have wanted to read for ages (I read the whole of Supernatural Childbirth, Meg! Will comment on it at my pregnancy diary next time I update!) and updating here. I haven't been online for a couple of days so I had a bunch of blogs to catch up on reading! I would SO MUCH RATHER be asleep! But oh well. I pray God blesses me with supernatural energy tomorrow! ;) I will need it. We had two viewings for tomorrow but we cancelled them because the house is, well, a house that was not in any sort of clean order to start with, but which has since had 2 adults and 3 very small children with a virus ailing in it, and no tidying, cleaning or anything in that time! I haven't got the energy to do a thing about it for tomorrow, so it had to be cancelled.

We did get a good offer made on our house and we accepted it, but now we are not sure what to expect, because the guy who made the offer is still viewing other properties and has also put an offer on another place! He hasn't retracted his offer on our house, but he has put a new one on another house, so I am less inclined to trust his offer really. We'll just see how we go. We are not stressed about who, when, where, and why, etc, because we know God is in control and his timing is best. I'm beginning to want to stay here for the next few months at least, because I'm only 11 weeks away from my due date (can you believe it?!) so I'm starting to want to nest down and get ready to give birth and have a newborn, etc. I don't really want to be moving house for a while now! We'll probably take the house off the market by June if we haven't sold by then, to have our baby boy and get resettled after his arrival, and then we'll put it back on again. We're not anxious about it at all. God is handling it :)

My digital SLR camera arrived, and I'm SCARED of it, haha! Seriously! I don't know how to TOUCH it, let alone use it! ;) The manual is like War and Peace, and so far I have read 7 pages on how to charge the battery, so I'm nearly ready to do that part of "photography", haha! ;) I have no idea how to even turn the thing on, let alone take a basic photo, and I don't know how to find the time to figure it out! I have been back to the old broken camera and taken a couple of pictures, and just tried to make sure I upload them the INSTANT I take them, without turning the camera off in between so that they don't get mysteriously deleted. The boys have free rein with that camera now - it's theirs! Matthew and Arthur like taking photos with it a lot, and videos (Matthew is improving at pointing the camera at the thing he wants to actually photograph!), and Nathan loves to hold it and press the buttons. He has taken quite a lot of photos with it, but really just of his feet and stuff - he's only 15 months old! ;) It gets drooled on a lot more than it ever used to, but oh well. It's theirs to use, though I won't let them bash it about or anything. It's sure to snuff it pretty soon, but they're having fun with it for now! I just need to learn how to use my new camera with its ENORMOUS lenses and scary million buttons and labels and dials! I took one look at it when I got it out of the box and knew I could not possibly use such a camera without learning to use it properly and justify its purchase! It's a professional camera, and so I need to learn how to take professional (ish!) photographs. I soooo want to, and I'm excited about it, but the gap between here and there is too far to see across right now, and I'm nervous!

Okay, I think I will have a hot drink and try going to bed. I'm too tired to stay up, and I suppose if I really can't sleep I can always get back up and read. Arthur's up coughing at the moment, but he sounds "drier" than he has, so that's good. Little Nathan has been so congested that I put a pillow into his cot for the first time. Just over two nights he has really taken to his pillow and he looks so much like a BIG BOY in his cot now :( It makes me feel such a pang of something, and just wistful, when I look at him. He always lay on his tummy with no pillow as a baby, just sheets or blankets on him, and following the "feet to foot" rule, low down in the cot. Now, almost overnight, he is sleeping with his head on a pillow which is up at the TOP of his cot like a real bed, either sprawled on his back or on his side. He seems to have outgrown his covers at the same time - they don't cover him up enough, or else they quickly get thrown off when he moves about (this boy is a MOVER in his sleep!). So I have had to get out the bigger cot bedding and the cot duvet! He looks so grown up, and I feel sort of sad about it! :( He is breathing lots better with his head on the pillow though, and when I put him down for his nap lower down than the pillow, he sort of wiggled his way up the cot, raised himself up onto all fours for a moment and then flumped his face down onto the pillow, surfacing to snuggle into that spot with a big smile :) He seems to love cosying down into softness, and thus really enjoys his new pillow. My big boy. Waaah! :(

The boys' new bunk bed is arriving the day after tomorrow!!!! I'm excited! When they're set up, they can move right in if they want to, but I am not sure if Matthew will want to give up his toddler bed yet. He has been in that (or the conversion to a cotbed) since the night he was born! I can't imagine him just hopping out of it and into the bunk bed merrily one night. He's still so tiny and that bed suits him so well. BUT at the same time, we're hoping to move Nathan into it within the next couple of months, even if we have to convert it back to a cotbed for a while. I hope that won't be a problem for either Matthew or Nathan.... Baby boy #4 will need Nathan's cot! But if we had to, he could sleep in the Moses basket for a while, or right in bed with me, to give Nathan more time. I don't know. Anyway, that's the plan! I hope it goes okay!

My head is stuffed right up and I can't breathe, and the worst thing is not being able to take decongestants and such because I'm pregnant. I can take paracetamol (which, let me tell you, is not touching the sinus pain!) for aches and pains and I have been, but nada for the congestion. I can't hear properly and I really don't like the "I can't breathe!" thing when it's accompanied by the "I can't breathe!" thing of the 3rd trimester of pregnancy! It makes me feel sort of panicky and claustrophobic. BUT, I can sleep with congestion, pretty much. Just not the throat. By morning it should be all better, so at least tomorrow night I should be able to fall over and sleep like a log till I have to get up! I will try going to bed now and hope I can sleep for a bit. I must update with more photos soon - I have such a backlog! I have a few emails that I'm behind on, which I will get to as well - I just haven't been online for a couple of days and I promise I'm not ignoring you if you were wondering! :)

Photos at last! :)

Soooo, a photo entry! Long overdue, so some of these are a couple of months old. I am not sure how many I'll post, but I'll just keep going for a while. I'll probably also write some newsy stuff too here with the photos, so a good old-fashioned "diary entry" for me then, after such a long time without those! :) I am happy at the prospect! After that I need to finish the Tesco order online that has to be done before bed (being delivered tomorrow between 10 and 12! How I love getting my food shopping delivered to my door!), and then I'm hitting the hay. Arthur's cold is horrid tonight and he's a bit miserable and wakeful this evening.

Today I'm really tired, but doing fine! Things with the boys are still difficult but I'm handling things easier, and starting to react differently to them (as in, compared with the way I WAS reacting to them in anger). I still lose my temper with them sometimes because they drive me CRAZY right now with the way they are behaving! But I have been feeling better about it. I started praying every morning before I get out of bed. It just happened spontaneously one morning and was JUST what I needed - I was able to refer back to it and keep praying over it throughout the day and things went a LOT better, so I purposely started doing it every morning. That first morning when I woke, I just felt such a sweet peace in my spirit somehow (thank you for the prayers that I know some of you must have been lifting up to God! It is certainly not natural for me to wake up like that!) and started to sing a worship song I haven't heard or sung for a long time (I googled and the lyrics are by Sandra Corbett-Wood):

"I worship you, Almighty God
There is none like you
I worship you, O Prince of Peace
That is what I want to do
I give you praise, for you are my righteousness
I worship you, Almighty God
There is none like you"

And then I just started praying that God would clothe me in his righteousness today and bless me with PEACE - peace in myself, and peace towards my children no matter what they threw at me that day. I prayed that God would not let me shrug off that "clothing" like I might a layer that's getting too warm, or I'm unaccustomed to feeling it about my shoulders so I shrug it off without realising I'm doing it. And just that simple prayer and worshipping God made SUCH a difference to me! I felt it in my spirit from the moment I got up out of bed, and was able to remember it in the heat of the moment at various times throughout the day.

I'm a bit nervous as to how to proceed with the boys so that I don't cause MORE inconsistency due to any sort of change in the way I handle them! I totally get that, which some of you (Megan, for one) mentioned in response to my post a week ago. Right now, we have (following advice from MOMYS and some here) stopped using any sort of physical discipline with the boys, as much as we can (as in, we're not very good at it and occasionally smack before we remember we're not doing that any more), and are going for time-outs that have no time limit. Instead of the corner, they are currently having time-outs in a restricted space (they can't get out of it, unlike the corner or the "naughty step" approach) because then it removes them from the scene so that I can calm down without them further winding me up and playing off each other, and it enables me to fully seperate Arthur and Matthew (again so that they don't play off each other and just spend ages in what is supposed to be a "discipline" situation yelling and being as rude and disrespectful as they possibly can, and encouraging each other to out-do the other one, urgh! That used to make it really hard for me to keep my cool. So it's a solution for ME, to practise on the not getting angry (or dealing with my anger) situation, and it works for them. No yelling from me is necessary, and no smacking either. Arthur's time-out zone is the porch with the door locked. He comes out as and when he's ready and willing to obey/listen/apologise, which is totally up to him from that point on, and sometimes he takes a short time, and other times he's in there for 30 minutes or more before he's willing and not being rude to me any more through the door! Matthew's time-out zone is strapped into his booster seat in the kitchen, in the middle of the floor so he can't reach anything and break it! He HATES this and soon relents and listens to me - often they won't actually listen to me as I'm trying to explain why they need to be disciplined, so it helps me to be able to put them somewhere out of the way until they're ready to listen, then talk to them calmly when they're ready, and then they have the consequence of whatever they did - time-out where they are (on top of the time they took to decide to listen to me in the first place!).

Anyway, so that is helping LOADS. I also remembered someone's advice (could have been at MOMYS, I can't remember where!) about the fact that some children will endure almost any sort of unpleasant consequence just to get a reaction out of you. This immediately made me think of Arthur in particular - that's just exactly how he is. So, I know I have to stop the reactions. I have tried before and not succeeded consistently because sometimes I just can't seem to cope with how angry he makes me, and I lose it, even after a while of managing to keep a lid on it! He is extremely persistant, and 30 minutes of continuous rudeness, noise and physically pestering me for a response eventually gets the better of me. That's why it's so helpful to put him AWAY from me with a DOOR between us that he can't get out of right now! Anyway I have been getting angry a fair bit these last few days, and once or twice smacked him too hard. Both times I instantly cooled it the SECOND it happened, and asked his forgiveness. I told him I didn't like that I did that, that God didn't like that I did that, and I needed to ask God's forgiveness too. Then I straight away prayed right there with him, confessing that I'd smacked Arthur in anger and I was sorry, asking God to forgive me. I asked God to help me not to get angry with Arthur and to discipline him well. It felt GREAT to do that actually with Arthur (thanks Michawn for the suggestion!), which I have done in the past but for some reason not done so for a while now. Anyway it was good to do that, and it held me accountable too. The second time I had to stop and pray with him like that, he commented that God wasn't doing a very good job helping me! :S I told him that it was just that *I* wasn't doing a great job of letting God help me, but I was going to keep trying and asking for God's help.

I also had an amazing moment one time where I stood in the porch with Arthur just waiting his behaviour out. I wanted to tell him without raising my voice why I put him in the porch, before leaving him there for a bit, but he was yelling in my face and kicking at my legs and horrible stuff like that. I reminded him that I had prayed that God would help me not get angry, and told him I was not about to, that I would just WAIT for him to be ready to listen however long it took. Then I assumed my most neutral-calm face and looked at the walls, the door, anywhere but at him. He lay on the floor and thrashed about and so on, and after a while pulled up on me yelling and waving his hands in my face. Then I would say, "Are you ready?" and when he didn't do anything different, I said, "Oh, you'd better sit back down then till you're ready" and just firmly sat him down again. He stood up 3 times like that in a row, and then started kicking harder at my legs, so I figured I should leave. I told him, "Oh dear, you're really not ready to listen to me. I'll go out and you can call me when you're ready to listen and have your consequence." Right away he said he was ready to listen, but cut me off mid-sentence with more rude yelling and stuff, so I left. I was AMAZED at how totally and utterly calm I felt, not an OUNCE of irritation at all! It's sooooooooooooo not in me to do that, at ALL, so I know it was absolutely given to me by God, to be able to do it. If I ever get anywhere remotely near to that kind of state in that kind of situation (which is still a long way from how I felt this time!), it's extreme mind-over-matter effort on my part. But this felt effortless, and like I was surrounded by air that was extra rich in oxygen or something (I know that sounds weird), or I suppose, extra rich in PEACE. Which is what I prayed for. So I am encouraged and will keep praying! :)

So, that's where we are with that, right now. It's going better. They are not behaving any better, but it's GOING better.

Okay, some photos! Here are two of Arthur and Matthew a couple of months ago, having a free-painting session with added glitter and pasta! ;) They love this kind of thing, as you can see!





I have a million squillion photos of baby Nathey-noo! I guess he's easier to photograph than the other two lately, and soooooooooo appealing all the time! I sometimes feel like I shouldn't still be calling him "baby", but I DO! He's still my "baby lamb" and he's only 15 months so really he is still a baby. I totally don't see him as anything else, but the only thing that sometimes makes me feel awkward about it is the whole thing whereby I'll be giving birth to another baby in 2 or 3 months! It's feeling very SOON now, and it shouldn't affect whether Nathan is still a baby, but sometimes it makes me wonder if I should still call him one? Anyway, I do. I can't help it! He's still a baby, and I love my lil baby-loo-boo (floo!)! I'm completely and utterly besotted and sopping over that boy! He's so scrummy, and such a delight all the time. He has just recently started throwing some major tantrums that are definitely NOT of the baby variety, much more of the toddler/small boy variety, and he keeps those up for a good while! I ignore them at the moment and just stay available for cuddles should he change his mind and accept them! ;) If he throws himself down on the floor dramatically when Matthew won't let him take the toy he's playing with, Matthew watches him for about 3 seconds, looking concerned, and then says (with a sigh), "Ohhh, alll-wight!" and hands him the toy he wanted! Matthew is such a sweetie! He is easily won over by Nathan and I think I will need to step in more if it starts to be that Nathan gets his way too much and his brothers are a bit soft with him! I love that they're concerned and willing to be generous, and I always try to encourage them in that, but I don't want Nathan to feel he can get their toys by screaming and being dramatic till they give in! Of course he's instantly calm and content with the toy in his hands! ;)

So, photos of Nathan! Starting with more Nathey-in-a-box photos - cardboard boxes are still his favourite place to be! He has a really dog-eared battered one that's lost a side now, and it's just such a favourite toy that we've kept it out! He reminds me of a man in his favourite comfy chair, hehe! He sits himself down in it to eat a snack, or play with a toy that he's decided he really wants to examine carefully for a while :) He's always so happy in a box! Here he is in a less dog-eared box at 13.5 months old:








Arthur took this photo of Nathan and me one morning. I feel like I've posted this before, but I can't find it - maybe it was Facebook? Anyway. No, I had not brushed my hair yet that morning! ;) Nathan was looking for something in my hand, I think. There's good old Tesco's website on the laptop - I must have been finalising an order! :)



Helping with the laundry (he loves to hand me stuff to fold!):



Being a monkey-moo - this was his favourite hysterical game about a month ago (14 months here, almost), to get as cloooose to my face as possible, then put out his tongue and slooowwwwwly get nearer and nearer to my nose! Any closer than where he was in the photo, and he starts to giggle and giggle more and more, all the while still trying to keep his tongue out. If he gets right to my nose he'll try to lick it, and literally fall about belly laughing, because he knows it's mischievous (I make a big thing about it that makes him giggle)! Such a sweetie-bean!



Nathan in Arthur's winter hat! He was giggling and pulling it on and taking it off by himself, then taking himself for little walks around the living room wearing it (the boys were in the garden at the time), and the light was JUST SO for once, so I took a lot of photos, and these are some of my favourites:











Never mind the mess in the background there! :S

Here's my little binky-boo being thrilled to get his hands on the computer keyboard (13 months and 3 weeks old) :)




Isn't he irresistable?!?! I know I'm horribly biased, but still, hehe! ;) Here are the last couple of Nathan, at 14 months old. I haven't uploaded any more recent ones, or else not had chance to take them for some of the past month! I hope I find I've taken more than I think! I can't bear the idea of a whole month in his short little life with no photos of him! There might be a good few in the "The Boys" folder though, of all 3 together :) I'll have to post those another time, as I've already posted so many and it's really getting late now. I still need to finish the Tesco order, aaaargh! This post has actually taken me ages to write - Arthur woke twice and needed Calpol one of those times, and Nathan stirred and was chilly so I put blankets on him. I adore my little boys! Here's my littlest (to date!):




Today we had 3 more viewings for people to see our house - no contact from the estate agent since then so I presume nobody else made an offer. We have a new viewing for Tuesday evening as well, just after Neil gets home from work - a hairy time of day with the boys, but oh well! We have to make a decision about the offer this first guy made. We do not want to accept it and then go back on our word. Neil needs to meet with our mortgage company to find out what we can actually afford to buy if we accept the offer, and thus whether we can accept it as it is. I think we can, but just about, depending on what the mortgage people say.

The boys (all three!) are desperately needing haircuts - Nathan's first one! We go to a children's hairdresser in central London so we always go on Sundays to avoid the congestion charge. Last Sunday was Easter so they were closed, but now Arthur is streaming with cold I don't feel right to take him there to spread his cold about, hmmm. We might have to wait till another weekend, I think, and just have shaggy boys a little longer! ;) I LOVE Nathan's baby hair because he has CURLS!!! Curls, curls, curls, people!!!! Arthur has loose waves which used to curl more than they do now. Matthew has straight hair. It's my Daddy's gene which I have somewhat lazily used, having only a fatigued wave myself, haha! If it's humid or the hairdresser ever blow-dries it with a diffuser or whatever it's called, it naturally curls up into ringlets and halves in length! So the curl is there, I'm just very lazy about using my gene, lol! I adore curls, and Nathan is the curliest baby I have had so far, which I'm thrilled about! His baby hair at the front and sides is soooo fine and fly-away, and very straight. But it's thick low down at the back, and it curls like crazy. I've been so enamoured with it, and excited about the prospect of a curly boy, that I've taken photos since his very first curl appeared at 11 months old! Here's the evidence, in chronological order:

11 months:




12 months:



13 months:



Here's a comparison of Nathan's front and side baby hair at 14 months. It's so fine and barely-there! And straight. You can just about see his curly bit at the nape of his neck. This is one of the photos of him and Matthew spontaneously sitting together "reading" through a pile of books - they're so grown up and serious about it for a 1-year-old and a 2-year-old! ;)



14 months - he had a little row by then which would curl up TIGHT after a bath and couldn't be prised down! It was so sweet - I was taking a photo of Nathan's curls at the back and didn't even see Matthew coming over, so when I snapped I captured Matthew giving Nathey a kiss! Such sweeties! :)




14.5 months, right after a bath and hairwash one evening. His hair had juuust got long enough to give him his first lil ringlet there! I am just totally enamoured with his curls, and fiddle with them way too much, haha! I probably need a daughter or something! ;)




I'm sad to cut them off, and really hope they grow back! But he needs a haircut now - his hair is growing fast suddenly and the fine stuff at the front is starting to get in his eyes.

Okay I MUST post this and go to bed! After the Tesco order :S I'll be back to post again soon, and finish getting caught up on photos!

House things and other quick stuff :)

Just a quick fly-by (really, I will try!), because it's late and I'm about ready to go to bed. I just wanted to quickly post to make note of a few things:

* We had our first viewer today to see our house! He made an offer!!!!! I'm soooo surprised, because I had a very firm mindset of expecting NOTHING from the first, ohhh, DOZEN viewers, lol! And thus not having any stress over people viewing and not showing interest. The house is so cluttered and messy and curtain hems hanging down where the boys have picked at them, crayon on the walls, laundry piles everywhere, etc, etc. I just tidied and cleaned this morning best I could, saying over and over to myself (out loud where necessary!), "I don't mind what they think, they take it as they find it." It helped me stay sane this time (I went a little bit stressy-nuts last time we had a viewing booked, to the point that I cancelled it and got all tearful!). Anyway, yay! We have two more viewings booked tomorrow, plus the partner of this guy who came to see it today. The offer is for £10,000 less than the value price, and we really want/need to get as close to the actual value as possible, but we can just about go with his offer if nobody counters it over the weekend. Aaaaaaaahhh, we're really moving house!!!!! I have just realised how little I have believed that would actually happen! ;) Suddenly I'm nostalgic and wistful and wishing we didn't have to leave the place where Matthew was born and sooooo much has happened. *sniffle*

* I rest my case on my last post where I ranted about playgroups and germs! I had a midwife appt on Wednesday (28 weeks!!!) which I MUST write about in my pregnancy diary, but anyway - it was at the Sure Start centre where they have a playgroup. I had to take the boys this time and Arthur and Matthew played in the big hall while I took Nathan in with me to an adjoining room to see the midwife. It's a GREAT layout and I love it! There are so many fun toys for the boys to explore and play with. There's a "stay and play" programme that runs in the mornings and afternoons 3 days a week, and mine was a lunchtime appointment so we happened to miss the playgroup that ran in the morning. They played with all the toys but there were no other kids, except some big kids who were playing pool with it being Easter holidays. The centre manager stepped out of her office to sit and play cars with my boys the whole time I was with the midwife - so lovely of her! Anyway, so today Arthur has had a sore throat since he got up this morning and is sneezing his little head off. He has woken a couple of times this evening, streaming with cold :( I can't believe we'd go to a playgroup setting with NO CHILDREN and still catch something from the toys!! Tsk! Sick kids were clearly present that morning, even though they'd left by the time we got there. It's the first virus we've had since before Christmas! Thank goodness it's just a cold though and hopefully we'll all just throw it off fast! But, I rest my case. ;)

* Arthur had his first outing to the theatre!! My grandparents were sweet enough to book tickets to a local children's theatre that they used to take ME and my brother to when we were little! I used to go there a lot as a child because it is a FABULOUS place. I had a birthday party there once, and also went to some of the children's workshops in the holidays. It's so nostalgic for me, seeing Arthur go there now! Granny and Grandoug took him on the "big bus" (he has been scared of double decker buses for years, just because he doesn't like the noise close up and the size of them), but he was excited to go on the top deck this time :) He had a great time. The play was aimed at 4-7 year olds so he's at the young end, and my grandparents didn't know if some of it was beyond him, but he kept up with it fine and enjoyed it. He said he was scared of the wolf and the giant though, bless! He had chocolate ice-cream during the interval but he couldn't finish it all. It was REALLY STRANGE with just Matthew and Nathan here! Matthew missed Arthur and was a bit serious. He asked a few times where Arthur was and when he was coming home, and if it would be his turn to go out for a treat next :) He spent a little while at first being a bit mean to Nathan for some reason, poking him and stuff. He went in his chair in the kitchen for that, and then when he came out he seemed to decide to play with Nathan properly, and engaged him eagerly. He does play with Nathan a lot normally, but I think he felt a bit lost without his MAIN playmate! ;) Nathan already plays-with, even at 15 months. He doesn't play alongside or independently only, like I heard 15-month-olds do - perhaps it's because he has his brothers around all the time? Arthur did that only playing alongside other toddlers or just playing independently, but I don't think Matthew did as much. Nathan totally plays WITH his brothers, interacting, trying to talk to them (total babble, he really has no words as such, other than Arthur and Dah (daddy)), and communicating desperately with his eyes (and very expressive eyebrows, so funny!). He will do stuff they ask him to do, if he understands it, and he tries so hard! He loves to play with them! So, he lapped up Matthew's advances, and they sat and played duplo and bricks and stacking things for AGES. Matthew seemed so delighted - he kept calling out to me, "Look Mummy! We playing NICE-Y! We playing TOGEZZER!" Sweetie pies! :)

Nathan went for a nap part-way through Arthur's outing, and then I had the wonderful opportunity to have some good 1-on-1 time with my sweet second-born! But he rejected me!!!! We got a pile of lovely stories to cuddle up and read together, but he wanted to sit and read them over by himself and if I asked him if I could read them to him, he said, "Um, no. No shanks." I felt sad about it, because I wanted to spend the time with him and he was busy doing his thing! Oh well. He did let me give him lots of cuddles just the two of us, when he wasn't "reading" his stories, so that's something! He was sooooooo beamingly joyful to see Arthur as he came through the door when he got home! He kept yelling, "It's Arsur, yaaaaaay! It's Arsur!!!" over and over again, and barely gave Arthur enough room to get in the front door for crowding to get near him! Granny had bought a programme at the theatre and Matthew sat "reading" it really seriously for ages after Arthur was home. If I tried to ask him something or get his attention for something, he just told me, "I busy reading Arsur's book right now." and look back to it!

Sooo that was different. It was less chaotic with Arthur gone for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Less noise and clamour. Only two small children to cater for! The weirdness of only ONE when the other was napping - that's so strange to me now, which is odd because of how it still seems so recent that I only had two, and Matthew was a baby so frequently napping! It was so much quieter. But - I didn't like it. Matthew didn't like it either. I was glad when Arthur came home. It certainly was easier and less hectic, and we enjoyed the different-ness, but I wouldn't like him to be gone on a regular basis like that! I love having them all around all the time :)

Arthur has been reading a 3-word "story" for 3 days running now, in his reading lessons! He was so excited about the first one, because I told him before we started that he would be reading a STORY that day. He could barely wait through the exercises and word reading, and I had to cover things up so he wouldn't skip ahead too much. Finally we were on the page before the story, that is, the story was on the other side of the page we were reading. We had an exercise to do that was just sounding out letters - or sounds, as they're called in the book. It's an easy exercise, and the story was next. He really surprised me! He saw the large print of the three words of the story THROUGH THE PAGE we were reading, and said, "Oooh, that must be my story!!!" I started to say that we'd get to that next and draw his attention back to the sounds, when he put his finger to the paper and said, "It says, "Ssseee, meee, eeaat! - See me eat!" The thing that boggled me is that it was through the page, so the words were back to front, obviously. I didn't even know if he could read the words yet without assistance, let alone grainily through the other side of the paper and back to front!!!! I had absolutely nothing to say, and eventually stammered about finishing the sounds, and when we turned the page I asked him to go through the steps of reading the story he'd already read, haha! He giggled at that, like he'd done something mischievous. I can't believe how fast he's progressing, and I'm so encouraged by his enthusiasm! I really like making note of things here because I haven't really got a place to note them as he's learning, and there's a lot that I want to make note of which I hadn't anticipated. I'm actually not trying to boast in him, honestly! I just want to make note of where I'm particularly surprised by something he does or encouraged (or if there's a difficulty anywhere). Maybe I should start a paper journal for those things? Hmmm.

Okay this is NOT the fly-by I promised, haha! No real surprise there, then! It's so late, but I'm happy that it's the weekend! Neil worked late tonight and getting the boys dinner and ready for bed was easier than last time, which was easier than the time before. They were all in bed asleep or working on it by 7.30pm, so I felt good for that! Matthew was asleep by 6.50pm! He actually needs that kind of bedtime every single day. He really needs his 12 hours of solid sleep. Arthur is less so inclined (takes maybe 10 even if he's tired and needs more, and tends to stir or wake in the night), and Nathan is starting to sleep better too. He settles himself for naps and bedtime, since I've been basically leaving the poor chap to fuss and cry till he goes to sleep! :S I hate doing that, but he hasn't really been hysterical about it. If he does that then I go in and resettle and leave again. He is usually fussing and crying, lying down and trying to sleep, fussing and crying again, etc. If he's irate and miserable and never trying to sleep, I rescue him :) His night wakings are much improved this week, though it always (always!) gets worse after I post that kind of sentence, so I won't hold my breath! Also he's likely to get a cold from his brother so that could be thrown off a bit soon. But the last two nights I have woken more than Nathan, which is a first! I'm now woken more by my FOURTH son than my third, haha! If he rolls into a different position (the one in my tum, this is) in the night, it often triggers a SEARING ligament pain on that side and I wake sort of writhing with it till it subsides. And I'm waking to pee twice a night now too. It's frustrating to wake, tired, and see my sleeping baby there NOT waking me up - but I'm up anyway! Tsk! ;) I've discovered that Nathan DOES stir a lot but is rarely/never fully waking up! One or two times in the night if I'm awake when he stirs, I pat his bottom a few times if it's a "I'm about to wake up!" stirring, and he settles back into a deeper sleep without ever really coming out of it, so that's good. That technique was what started him sleeping better in the first place, I think. That and the daytime/bedtime self-settling. So that's good!

I'm sure there was something else.... Loads else, probably. My parents came over from France for a DAY yesterday! Daddy had a meeting at his studio that he HAD to attend, and Mummy came with him to see her grandchildren! They got the overnight ferry here, she spent the morning with us, had lunch with Daddy, and then the afternoon with Thea and my brother before going home to France on the night ferry again! I think they are coming back (another meeting) the week after next, so hopefully we'll see them again. The boys LOVE Nana and Grandy and it's always wonderful wonderful WONDERFUL to see them! I love my parents, and really miss them now they live abroad. We don't see them very often - sort of when I have a baby and once or twice in between! ;)

Okay, that's it for tonight! I have photos, but once again they're not at my fingertips to post since I just meant to type a quick post! I'll get to them soon!