Saturday, 17 September 2011

Jumbled thoughts and prayers...

It's midnight, Lord. I should go to bed, you know I should.

I feel so tired that I don't quite feel well, and I know why it is. Today you gave me such a wonderful blessing! A surprise that I had no idea was coming! You are so gracious and perfect, and I love your timing!

Today I discovered that you have opened my womb and begun to form a precious new person inside me! What a wonderful God you are! How I worship you, Lord! I am beyond joyful and excited, oh my heart just leaps about for joy at what you have done! My head is swimming with thoughts and feelings, and excitement and happiness top the list. But late at night is always the time when I am most susceptible to "thinking"....

I am so tired, and I know why. I know that the tiredness will get worse, and the nausea will begin. It's Saturday and I know that tomorrow my sweet lovely husband will let me lie-in. But if I think like it's a weekday tomorrow morning... then I feel nervous. I think about homeschooling the boys, tired like this, and I feel nervous. I know that in about a week I will reach the stage where morning sickness kicks in, and then I wonder how on earth I will manage, Lord.

Last time I was pregnant, school ground to a halt for 3 months while I rode the waves of morning sickness and total exhaustion. I know that other mamas do this and they are encouraging and say it's just for a season. And homeschooling allows us to be flexible. But I am nervous, Lord. I feel I can't let anything slow me down. We just got off the ground with homeschooling, and oh you know me Lord - you know how hard I find it to get organised on ANYTHING, and how I have never ever, in my own strength, managed to stick to ANYTHING that takes perseverance. There's always "something" that interrupts and I get off track again very easily. My own strength and effort isn't enough. But this time, I can't fail, Lord, I can't. I must continue with school, and I wonder how I will do that.

I praise and thank you Father, for my children! I thank you for pressing homeschooling into my heart and CALLING me to do it - ASKING it of me. And I have. And I will! As long as you still ask me to do it, I will do it with great delight, because I want to do your will, and because I LOVE it. I love not sending my children to school, I love being with them all the time, I love being the one to teach them. So I praise you for homeschooling, and the gift it is to my family.

Please help me, Lord! To get up every morning with strength and determination, and with a good attitude. To persevere and really develop character through it. How my character needs work! I know it. Thank you for this opportunity to really stretch myself. But God, I know I am going to fall FLAT on my face unless you enable me. Once I am exhausted and sick and struggling, how am I going to make meals for my family, keep some sort of lid on the laundry and housework, wipe bottoms and change 3 sets of nappies several times a day, stay on top of naps and routines around them, homeschool the children who are needing school, discipline little ones appropriately and endlessly every day, and be NICE to my children hour after hour?! How can I do it, Lord?! I know the answer - I totally can NOT. And that's what worries me. But you know I promised you I would not worry about stuff... I am trying, but it's hard when the habit is so ingrained.

I am worried that I am bleeding, and whether that means I will lose this baby, or just do my "usual" early pregnancy bleeding and all will be okay.

I am worried that I can't be a good mummy to six small children aged 7 and under.

I am worried that we will not have "enough" - money, space... our home is small and we really can't afford to move anywhere close enough to where Neil works...

I am worried that my milk will dry up too soon, and I don't want to wean either my 8-month-old OR my 2-year-old...

I am worried that I can't homeschool because I just won't be "enough".

I am worried that I am going to get a lot of flack for being pregnant again, from various sources.

I am worried that something will be wrong with my baby. I only just now started to take my pre-natal vitamins, and I took a not-safe-for-pregnancy medication once, a week or so ago.

I am worried about getting the boys out for air and exercise when I palpitate just getting up from sitting to standing, and then have to sit back down again to rest from that exertion! Lord, what shall I do?!

But. 1 Peter 5: 6-7 says this, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

So:

I thank you that this baby is fearfully and wonderfully made! And that I am too!

I thank you that you chose to bless us AGAIN! It makes me laugh for joy every time I think of it!

I thank you that the Bible says I should not lean on my own understanding, but to TRUST in the Lord with all my heart.

I thank you that I can find so much encouragement in your Word!

I thank you that my husband is happy that we are having another baby, and my children are so excited to meet the baby already. I thank you that my husband is WONDERFUL, so supportive and lovingly helps me so much with the little ones. Thank you that he's a great daddy! Oh how you've blessed me!

I thank you that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! I thank you that I don't HAVE to be enough - that's the whole point - because I'm NOT, and can't ever be. If I am enough, it's evidence of your power in my life, and I know that you can make me able.

I thank you that you will not call me to a task or purpose that you will not equip me to do.

I praise you that you consider me enough and love me enough to want to bless me with opportunities to refine me. This is another one of them! I am so glad to know that some serious dross is about to be burned off me in the process! :) Remind me, help me remember that, when it's hard, Lord.

Thank you for LIFE, for life growing inside me! Please help Neil and I to spend time praying together every day about each day ahead, and about our growing family. It's so hard to carve out the time, and it's easy for it to be forgotten, but it's life-giving and essential. How we NEED you Lord!!! How we need you. More than ever, I want to press into you and seek you, and find your peace when I am afraid about things.

Amen.

This is random, and I am tired, but I needed to write this prayer, so I could sort out the jumble that is my head tonight. A precious new baby brings me right back to my knees before God - the reason and the source, and the way forward. I need God more than I ever did! I love Him more than I ever did!

I am so blessed to be mummy to six children. I count this little one even now, so early, so in-the-balance, because he or she is HERE and alive. I just praise God, and I'm overwhelmed with His goodness to us, and His love for us. So happy! :)

I am pregnant! Expecting my sixth baby on May 23rd 2012! What a wonderful surprise! So much to look forward to, and pray about. God is so good to me!

[note: please do not mention at Facebook if you know me there, yet! Thanks! :) ]


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Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Link to a breath of fresh air :)

I rarely link posts at my blog (though I probably would do if I was writing here more often! I READ tons of wonderful blog posts regularly, but it's my own blog that gets neglected!). After my post yesterday, the timing was SO perfect for me to read Sherry's post at Large Family Mothering. It just really uplifted me to read it at this particular time, so I wanted to link it here, for my own reference as well as anyone else's.

But, not too bad today! Less yelling than usual, and I'm remembering the verse about "a soft answer". Thanks for the comments on yesterday's post - I so appreciate them! xxx

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Monday, 22 August 2011

A soft answer...

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

Oh, chip away at me on this one, Lord, because you know I need a chisel more than a gentle moulding here! Help me talk KINDLY to my children at all times, ALL times, because it's not right to do anything else, and in any case, a harsh word stirs up anger.

A bit disappointed with myself lately. Maybe I'm tired? Not an excuse. But something seems to be making my patience thinner than ever, any time a bookcase gets emptied out... or a child dashes in the kitchen while I go to the toilet, to mix the last of the milk with raisins, tomato ketchup, honey and custard powder... or at least two voices mingle distortingly in the high-pitched whiney nasal tone I hear every few minutes throughout the day (it seems!) to tattle on each other for something miniscule... or someone intentionally blocks the toilet AGAIN with an entire loo roll... I just lose my patience easily. Not my TEMPER so much, just patience. I get irritable, as whiney as my children (ugh!) and yell at them. Yuck.

I'm getting in a bad habit of being impatient at times - too often. I don't use soft words, and guess what? The anger level is rising in my children! I love how WISE the Bible is. The annoying thing about me is that I realise the problem, fully see the solution, and yet PERSIST in the type of behaviour I KNOW causes the problem!!!!! Aaaaargh!! >:-/ (a cross face, if that wasn't clear before now, lol!) I get myself stuck in a rut and then when I WANT to change it, I struggle terribly to do anything about it. It's like the boys provoke me to yell more than ever before, when I am actually trying to stop it! ;)

This morning - and I am NOT proud of this - I had a bad 5 minutes. Or maybe 10. Urgh. Arthur and Matthew were causing trouble and then being rude to me over their consequence. To which I, being the responsible and mature adult that I am, responded by yelling at them. And, angered, they yelled back. Seeing my mistake and the fruit of it, I - nope, don't be fooled, I was a TWIT and yelled BACK some more. Ugggghhh. *sigh* Then I picked my crying baby up off the floor and swept off upstairs to put him down for his nap (which I had been trying to do when the ridiculous arguing started in the first place - what, am I EIGHT YEARS OLD?!?!! I'm so annoyed with myself for being so childish!!!).

Whilst breastfeeding Samuel on my bed upstairs, I had time to cool off, and the more I cooled off, the more I cringed at my behaviour, and the more wretched I felt! I just kept thinking, "WHY can't I pull myself together?!" By the time Samuel was asleep, I was praying about it - a step in the right direction.

I am so helpless over all this parenting business without God. I may love being a mummy and I may have always wanted to have children instead of anything else in the world, BUT that doesn't make me a "natural" or a "super mum"! I am SO. VERY. FAR. from that mark. Naturally? I am too lazy and self-centred for parenting. I have the organisational skills of a turnip, though I love to aspire to great things. Turnip, in reality. Turnip parenting 5 children, as loving a vegetable as it might be (!!) NEEDS the power of the Holy Spirit to enable it to do the job!!! ;)

Often I pray such blando prayers that I know God hears, but I guess if they're bland, my heart isn't IN it enough? I don't know. This morning, with my sleeping baby on the bed and my children squabbling and building dens downstairs, I started a blando prayer and I guess the Holy Spirit showed up because before I knew it, there I was on my knees on the bedroom floor, crying, my WHOLE HEART in my words, "I CAN'T DO IT, LORD! I NEED YOU, LORD!" And oh how I meant it! I prayed for a while, and then got up, with ZERO confidence in myself (nervous to even go downstairs, lol!) but, comfortingly, with every confidence in Christ who strengthens me (and He does! Hooray!), and went back to my children. Matthew had emptied the bookshelves over the floor. He did not get lunch until he put them back. I did not yell! :)

I did yell some more this afternoon, but there were SO very many occasions where someone small would scream in my face about something, and my anger would rise and then suddenly a small word pressed into the back of my eyes, "soft..." and I did not yell. I got down to his level, took his hands in mine, and used a softer voice than my normal speaking voice to explain that screaming is not nice, Mummy doesn't like it, and he needs to apologise to me for it. The DIFFERENCE! Immediately, soft calm eyes looked into mine, and with a relaxed body, the little person nodded and said, "Sorry Mummy." Quiet, relaxed, and OH SO RIGHT in my spirit. So easy to move onto cuddles, and it's exactly as I WANT to parent them. I do, sometimes. I just seem to yell more lately, and I want to get back to NEVER yelling. It is not in my own strength that I was able to do that this afternoon (trust me, I have tried it in my own strength and not managed), and I am so grateful to God for the glimpse of the fruit that can be gained from absolutely submitting to Him in my mothering, and not allowing myself to go my own way. I just haven't been turning to God enough recently, and I need to change that.

Tomorrow the challenge begins all over again, because I'm just as weak and wretched for the task tomorrow as I was this morning. But I have hope! I have Jesus! And so long as I submit to Him, I KNOW He will enable me. The task I am carrying out is the very one He has called me to, Himself! So He is sure to enable me, if I am leaning on Him and seeking Him.

I love what I do! I love it so very much. I love Jesus more, though. :)


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Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Keeping up....

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

I need some sort of cuckoo clock with this verse popping out every 5 minutes around the clock. Seriously.

I am really struggling lately with carrying out this verse in my role as Mummy to my five little men! I know what the "good" is that I am meant to be doing. It varies depending on the age and personality of each child, and the season of parenting I’m in. Right now one of my biggest sources of weariness is Benjamin’s shrill screaming tantrums that he gives us many times each day, lasting at least 20 minutes straight and often longer. He screams and won’t be calmed down by anything (or nothing at all!), until he’s a quivering, crimson mess with hair sweated through to the tips. It’s honestly worse than a pneumatic drill for decibels and distraction! The boys are fed up with it, I’m fed up with it, and we can’t hear ourselves or get anything done. I should have nipped it in the bud earlier than this, but it started a couple of weeks or so before I got a kidney stone which has led me a merry dance for a month now – finally resolved last week though (SO THANKFUL!!!) and I already have half a post drafted about it, for my records. Will finish it and post it soon! So Neil went back to work today, having had to look after the little ones for WEEKS on holiday time from work, and now I must deal with the issues at hand!

Mucho training is needed in so many areas! I’m not feeling defeated or overwhelmed by the task, for once! I am digging deep into Scripture and finding strength where I should always be looking for it in the first place (*sigh* I am such a s-l-o-w learner!). But off the top of my head, here’s a rundown of the things I know I need to tackle imminently. Not sure of a game plan yet, but I know God will help me with that:

Benjamin’s tantrums

Teaching sweet attitude and first time obedience to Benjamin. These are biggies, but bare essentials, and I left it WAY late to even attempt these with the others (with continuing consequences). I know from other wise mamas online that I have ALREADY left it late with Benji, though he's only just two. Onward, though! :)

Teaching sweet attitude and first time obedience to Nathan. Oh, and Matthew and Arthur while I’m at it. *sigh* I really wish I had been diligent in the earlier years. I am ongoingly tackling this with the boys now, but it’s endless and usually seems fruitless, and can become extremely wearing – hence the need for the cuckoo clock as mentioned above!

Well I thought I would have a load of things on a list, and there really IS so very much to do, but now that I am looking at my list, I can see that ALL of it springs from the basic need for my children to obey me and have a good attitude about it, 99% of the time. A tall order, yes, but I am not a slave driver in my approach, just firm. And I know that little children can and do learn these things when taught diligently, so I have hope and press on.

Sometimes though, I struggle with working Galatians 6:9 through. I start to question myself on things when I'm tired and three children are crying at once, and I'm not talking about having a quiet cry about something for a few minutes! ;) I'm talking about one irate tantrumming child, one hungry or tired baby crying to be picked up, and one child who is angry because I'm the world's worst mummy right at that moment to him, for a temporary specific reason. Loud, emotionally loaded, and incessant crying! In that moment, when I am unsure which child to deal with first, and I choose (for example) to continue consistent discipline with my toddler who, when reminded that we don't throw XYZ toy, yelled at me, "No way! I corn lis-nin!" (I can't listening, otherwise translated as, "I'm not listening!", and yes, Benjamin has picked this up from one of two older brothers who no longer say this after what feels like months of continuous discipline over it) and needs to apologise before anything else happens (breathe, long sentence!), I end up second-guessing whether I'm doing the right thing, in the midst of the moment. I can't think straight sometimes, and my efforts seem to make things worse sometimes, and I think that really I'm just totally GUESSING at the "good", the RIGHT thing to do, sometimes. Then I think of the verse, about how we should not grow weary of doing GOOD, and I think, "But what if the GOOD I'm persevering with ISN'T the GOOD I think it is?!" What if I'm doing it all wrong?! I want to persevere with good as a parent, but then I have moments where I come unstuck and have NO idea what is good and what isn't!

I really want to reap a harvest with my children! Basically as little ones, they have two commands in the Bible to learn and follow, and we learned this verse as our first memory verse last year:

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honour your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with a promise; that it may go well with you, and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Ephesians 6:1-3

They need to learn to obey us. Obeying means doing as they are asked:

Immediately
Cheerfully
Completely

And they need to learn to honour us, which means respecting us, not being rude or answering back or having a bad attitude towards us.

There are too many families online for me to even link to (though I should give it a go sometime for the encouragement of others who might read this), who raise their children in this way from a YOUNG age, kindly and lovingly, and these children are a delight to be around, well adjusted, joyful and confident. Family life is much more calm and less chaotic than ours, and I know I need to press on in these areas to see this kind of fruit. I wish I had learned this stuff earlier! Now that we're working on it, and have been for quite a long time - a year or more? - it is hard going! I don't know whether that's just normal and you just press on? Or if it's evidence that things need tweaking to be effective and lead to good fruit and a more harmonious family life?! I have no idea what I'm doing, but for the first time I feel like I am aiming in the right direction. I was always so frustrated before, having no idea but ALSO not knowing what my goals should be or why! I honestly feel like the most DENSE parent out there, lol! I know every parent has their moments, but I feel such a twit, as far as parents go! ;) I feel like people knowing about this would be rolling their eyes saying, "And she's got FIVE?!?!"

Well, this post was really to just sort of to write about my journey of cluelessness, um PARENTING, haha! So that I don't forget, and so that I might even learn from it, and look back someday and go, "Ahhh, that's where I turned the corner!!" or, "Ahhh, THAT'S where I should have tried X, Y or Z instead! Oh dear!", hehe!

I just wish I had some sort of accountability from WISE WISE persons, who actually do know all the answers from experience, and who have set about raising their children exactly the way I want to, and who can tell me if I'm on track, or veering waaaay off course. I know that God is my source. I pray about it a lot. But often still feel a bit lost on what I should be doing. I do feel that God leads me to wise advice when I ask him to help me and give me wisdom though. If it's of God, it's nearly always confirmed around that same time with a Bible verse. Ahhh, I don't know! Sometimes I just feel so lost in what I'm trying to do that I don't know what I'm doing, HOW to do it, or even if I should be doing it at all!! I think this is a better way of describing the way I was feeling when I wrote my last blog entry in JUNE (gasp, way too long ago!) about having so many children that I didn't know what to do!

It really isn't the number of children, although I am noticing that having more children forces me to face up to things that I must deal with as a parent but which I could (and probably would, knowing myself!) let slide if I was under less pressure with fewer children. It's the parenting of them and not knowing how, or what I'm doing. The number of children means I have more plates spinning, which is a bit overwhelming sometimes.

You know what? On my worst days where I feel the most overwhelmed, I never, not once, ever feel like I have "too many" children. I have five wonderful, darling, precious children. My children are all boys. I would be a rich, rich woman if I had a pound for every time someone said the words, "All boys?!?!" to me now, lol! Ohh I've heard that one a lot. Everyone wants to know if we've been trying for a girl, or longing for a daughter. You know what? I've never been more thrilled to have five boys and NO daughters. I would love a daughter. I'm girly. I want hair to French plait and pink glittery crafts and ohhhh, girly bedding and sweet little sundresses!!! It's possible to feel that way without the slightest pang whatsoever when I think of my houseful of little boys and the distinct possibility of always being the only girl in my houseful of boys! :)

I love having boys! I love having babies! I love having children. I would joyfully and gratefully welcome more of them, if the Lord was pleased to bless us that way. Lately, with my health having a "moment" with the kidney stone, losing a ton of weight, and generally getting run down - it's been a bit scary at times for me. And that has made me nervous of pregnancy and more babies. I get panicky and think, what about my body?!! Will it cope?!! But when I fix my eyes on Jesus and I trust God with my body, and my womb, and thus my babies, the fear evaporates. Slowly, sometimes! ;) But it does. And that's kind of a marker for me to know what's the right thing to do. Fear isn't of God, and looking at my fertility in a "worldly" way, for want of a better description, worrying about the physical side of things, whether it would be daft and overwhelm us, and alllll the other possible concerns with having more babies - none of those bring me peace. The only peace to be gained for me there is taking control of it all by preventing the chance of any more babies, and that's the same kind of feeling of "peace" I used to get when I was a teenager, deathly afraid of vomiting and carrying around a pack of tummy pills in my bag. They were my security because if I felt anxious and queasy for any reason, I would PANIC. But if I had my pills - just to peek in and look at them in my bag, a sense of calm would come over me. They were there if I needed them.

There's a great verse in the Bible that a Christian counsellor once shared with me that transformed my thinking over many things in my life at that time:

"But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment." Isaiah 50:11

I light my own fires when I try to control things myself, when I make my own security by setting things up just so. It's freeing and releasing to give control of BIG things to God - big things rightfully belong in God's control anyway. I know from experience that it's torment to try to hang on to control of such things myself. Greater strength is needed to keep hold all the time, and greater is the anxiety over it. Letting go is NOT my forte! ;) I struggle with that immensely, BUT it's worth it. The feeling of worry over babies and the future, and wondering about preventing more of them felt EXACTLY like that previous experience of trying to control things, feeling a sort of sense of peace, but that peace just masking the torment. So I am not going to do that.

Well, I could write all night, but it's getting late and Samuel is now stirring awake for a feed. I love that sweet little baby! I have so much to write and so many photos to post! I really will try to get to it soon! I'm just glad to start a catch-up on thoughts and things - important for future reference. Back soon, I hope! :)






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Wednesday, 1 June 2011

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe...

... who didn't have THAT many children in the grand scheme of things (and was also not as old as all that, and her shoe looked like a regular-shaped house), but nonetheless had absolutely no IDEA what in the wide world to do.

*sigh*

Can't really elaborate, nor post on Facebook. Not really looking for advice, just completely overwhelmed to the point of despair and wanting to make note of it here for future reference.

Please help me Lord!


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Wednesday, 18 May 2011

My Second Little Pair...

Benjamin will be 2 years old in just 7 weeks!!! I can not believe it! He is 22 months already! He is lately becoming more of a little boy - though definitely NOT one yet, as he's still such a baby one. He is so chubby and squidgy and toddley and GORGEOUS! He's hard to photograph, very assertive, sings to himself (whilst swaying happily, bless him!) more than any of my other children have at any age. He talks a lot, mostly stringing a couple of words together or pointing out one-word items. He is saying the odd 3 word sentence now and then. I wish I had more time to update here with his progress as it's the kind of thing I love charting! :(

But for now I just wanted to update with a set of photos. As he gets nearer to age 2, he is closing in a bit on Nathan - the gap in size is closing a bit (Nathey is so tiny, and Benjamin bigger than average I think). For the first time amongst any of our children we have had people asking if they are twins, but only when they're in the pushchair. Nathey is still taller by a fair bit. When you see them play it's obvious Nathan is older too.

They pair up a lot now, to do things like rough-and-tumble. It's so sweet to watch them because they're such a happy little pair, and I love the fact that they are my SECOND such pair of little boys! :) Today Nathan was "reading" a story to Benjamin on the sofa, and then Benjamin started wrestling with Nathan afterwards and sitting on him, etc, hehe! I took photos and wanted to share them here. Benjamin is getting so big now! Nathan has such a mop of dark hair, and I gave Benjamin a haircut while he napped on the sofa last week (the only way still!). Must do the other boys next!












Love my little two! I can't wait to have a 3-year-old and a 2-year-old again! I love those ages, even with all their challenges. So much fun! :) Also, HOW wonderful it is to have little ones close in age! They are so blessed, as you can see in the photos! :)

I NEED to update with so much more stuff, and photos galore. I don't know when I'll have time. But for now, I had a moment to post this, so here it is! Hopefully I will be back to post again soon!

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Saturday, 9 April 2011

Comparing my babies at three months old!

If you've been reading my blog for a long time then you'll know that I have a kind of tradition when my babies get to be 3 months old. When Arthur was 2 and a half months old, I took a photo of him wearing a white sleepsuit with little green stars on it, lying on a homemade changing mat cover. For comparison, I took a photo of Matthew wearing the same outfit on the same changing mat cover, at approximately the same age. It was amazing to see how very different they were as babies, comparing those photos! So, when Nathan reached that age, I did the same thing with him, and again with Benjamin. I think Benjamin's was slightly later (almost 3 and a half months) because I couldn't find the changing mat cover and spent a while procrastinating while I looked for it! I gave up in the end and took the photo with him on a towel, but this time with Samuel I have found the original cover! :)

Samuel is now 3 and a half months old, and the comparison photo was taken a few days after he turned 3 months old. The sleepsuit got a LOT of wear from Benjamin for several months after Benjamin wore it for his photo, and usually my babies don't wear that one much, but it fitted Benjamin SO well that he wore it a lot! Thus it is baggier than it used to be, sadly! And has a LOT of staining on it, hehe! But I'm glad to have the traditional photo of my newest 3-month-old in it all the same, for comparison.

Here are the usual line of photos, starting as always with Arthur, and in chronological order: my baby boys at 3 months of age, give or take a week or two! :)

Arthur:



Matthew:



Nathan:



Benjamin:



Samuel:



I still maintain Samuel looks ever so like Matthew, and there's also some resemblence to Nathan too, but he's also just "Samuel" in his look too. He's SUCH an incredibly lovely baby, and I am just so blessed to have five (FIVE!) sons!!! I am so grateful to God for blessing me so abundantly with little boys! :)

I have such a lot more to write about Samuel, as he's growing and changing so fast, but said little treasure is rolling around next to me on the bed, looking as though he would like me to pick him up and snuffle his sweet lil neck, so I will go! :) Hopefully I'll post more soon!

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Monday, 28 March 2011

Definitely a boy...

[See my new header that Nicola made for me as a present! :) Didn't she do a great job?! Currently working on new photos for a "new" one but this one is perfect for the interim! Thanks Nicola!]

Last week Samuel wouldn't settle one evening, and ended up coming downstairs with us. He's SUCH a good sleeper, though he wakes at night a couple of times to feed of course, but he goes off at bedtime easily and is out for the night. He sleeps all evening every single day without exception, until last week this one evening. Neil was watching some extreme sports programme and Samuel had the privilege of sitting up with Daddy. Even at his tiny age he was so precious about it that I took photos! See the bags under his little eyes, bless him! He was so happy though! :) He is 2 months and 3 weeks old here.

"I'm with Daddy!"



Watching the racing (absolutely riveted!)







SO VERY EXCITED!!! :D



Oooh, extreme water sports!...



Having such a great time with Daddy! :)



He got too tired after a few more minutes, and as soon as Neil stood up with him, he went straight off in his arms. Sweet little pea pie! I love that baby boy so much!!!



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Monday, 14 March 2011

Apparently....

... I seem to be completely unable to "sort it out" and am continually treading water since January started!! Aaaaaaaaaaaarghhhh! We are doing school but yet AGAIN not consistently, because Benjamin had Rotavirus for an incredibly lonnng week in February, and now it's mid-March (already!!!) and everyone has a horrible cough/cold/fever thingy which may actually never end, ever.

Aaaaaand whilst writing this (breastfeeding upstairs), Arthur arrives to tell me that Matthew let Benjamin in the kitchen gate and he has made a "foody mountain" on the kitchen floor out of various contents of packets from the kitchen cuboard. I can cry a bit now, yes?

Longing to post properly soon! :S

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Sunday, 30 January 2011

My boys....

.... are growing up so fast! I took a few photos of them this evening, having finally found my camera charger (though I have lost my special lens!!!), because the light was nice just before sunset and they were playing around near the window. Looking through them makes me really see how each boy is getting "older" as well as bigger, even though they're all still so little.

Baby Samuel (not at the window, but still from today! :) )...



At almost 6 weeks old he is getting so big and sociable lately! He is smiling (contrary to the above photo, hehe!) and cooing all the time. He is outgrowing his 0-3 month baby clothes and I have started to put him in 3-6 month baby clothes in the last few days (like the outfit he's wearing in this photo). I have no idea what he weighs right now but I guess I'll find out in the next week or two. He's BIG! That is all. He's GORGEOUS, and ohhhhh I love him!



Little Benjaminny is 18 months old. I love him completely completely completely. He's still breastfeeding a LOT (not at night though) and is very giggly and cuddly. He is lately spicing that up with a lot of stubborn screeching, hitting his brothers, and full blown tantrums. Fun times! ;) He is cutting his first set of molars right now - the top ones are through and the bottom ones halfway. For a month now he has spent ALL DAY LONG with one hand or other in his mouth, whether he's talking, playing, even eating sometimes, poor love! He's very cheerful though, and not too symptomatic other than that. He has only got 2 little bottom teeth other than the molars, and 4 at the top in the middle. Sweet baby! He plays with vehicles non-stop:



Here he is at the window, looking at birds (they were all flying west for the sunset - Arthur calls it "the evening line of birds" - and they enjoy seeing them every day):





Laughing at Mummy! :)



"Helpfully" trying to put the lens cap back on my camera as I take his photo! ;) Yes, that is a small part of a day's laundry folded on the school table.



Benjamin and Nathan play together a lot now. They all play together, and there's no particular cliquiness between any pair or threesome. They just play, sometimes individually, sometimes all four, and sometimes just three of them or in various pair-combinations. Nathan and Benjamin have lately been doing a lot of rough-and-tumble play and do NOT know when to stop, being so little and inexperienced! Urgh! Here they are looking at a CD case together for some reason!



Nathan is 3 (I still have to say it to believe it!), and he's just precious. VERY stubborn these days, and although he's small for his age, and such a very LITTLE one for a 3-year-old in many ways, he is very strong-willed and assertive with his brothers (and parents!) and has no problems standing his ground during play times. He is testing the waters a LOT lately with saying no and refusing to obey and things like that. He is also whining like crazy which drives me up the wall, but unfortunately for Nathan, I simply do not understand a single word spoken in a whiny voice and cannot do a thing about it unless he uses his "normal voice". So that helps! ;) He's picky picky picky with food and has the sweetest mannerisms and STILL such a tiny chipmunky voice (much to my delight!). He still keeps his monkey and blankie near him most of the day, and walks around the house with them sometimes too. He is lately very shy about having his photo taken - either he stubbornly WON'T, or else he gets bashful to the point of being upset and doesn't want me to even point the camera at him. I am not getting many photos of him these days therefore, so the ones today were actually taken by whipping the camera in his direction, focusing and clicking in a split second! I have a few from today where I took about 2 seconds to click, and by then he had already dipped his head shyly, started saying, "Nooooo, I don't wannnnnt you tooooo!!!" or moved away from the shot. So these few were QUICK FIRES, haha! They just happened to come out nice, which I am happy about! :)




His little feeties! :)



Matthew-Binks, ohhh my sweet little Matthew! He is growing up too fast! He is 4 years and 7 months old, and suddenly growing longer - I don't mean taller, although he IS growing taller at a faster rate now, but more that his arms and legs are having a growth spurt, so his porportions are becoming so much more BOY than little one. He's a serious monkey and life is never ever dull with Matthew around. He's energetic verging on the "that can't be normal!" degree, and I frequently have to give him quick fire exercises to do just to take the edge off, you know after that 3 hour walk he just came home from! ;) He will jog on the spot for 5 minutes and giggle the whole time for some reason, saying he will NEVER get tired, lol! He's difficult and delightful. I do not know what to DO with him, but I do not know what to do WITHOUT him. I love him! He starts school tomorrow and he can't wait! :)

Matthew NEVER lets me take a decent photo of him because by default he pulls some appauling face and won't make any sort of normal face. The only chance I have is when he's laughing so much about the face he just made! So I have lots of laughing photos of Matthew! ;) I sometimes bribe him and Arthur (ohhh they are a real pair, those two!) to give me ONE normal face if I take a bunch of photos of them turning their eyelids inside out and that kind of thing (yeurgh!)! Sometimes that works. Today I just about gave up - the nice light was almost gone, and he was still just making crazy faces. I got a couple of him looking at the birds, and then that was about it!




Silly sausage! :)



Arthur - look at my BIG boy!!! How did he get this grown-up and big?! He looks even more grown up after the haircut I gave him last week. He seems so tall lately too (even though he's still little really). He is 6 years and 2 months old, just about the best big-brother-to-many in the world, and beginning to be ever so helpful around the house. He thrives on housework, lol! I should have known he would - there were early signs! ;) He is excited to start back to school tomorrow, and is basically just enthusiastic about everything, except obeying (unfortunately). He continues to be VERY difficult, behaviour-wise, and we just find ourselves at our wits end, but everything about him is intense, including the GOOD stuff. He is so lovely! I'm excited about his next year of learning, to see how he grows and develops. He also does not let me take nice photos very often, and the best ones of him are usually the ones where he's laughing at Matthew (this constantly occurs at our house!):



After that, the sun set, and it was so pretty tonight! I wish we didn't have so many BUILDINGS in the way of seeing a beautiful sunset! This was the best view we could get, from the front window. When we move, I hope we'll find somewhere somewhat less built-up and with more green space outside. Anyway, pretty sunset! :)



Oh what a hard job it is right now, to raise alllll these little boys who are still so young! But I wouldn't change a THING, not one tiny thing. Well, except that if I could go back and do it again I would be more effective and consistent with discipline starting much earlier than we finally got around to it. We are reaping the consequences and it's so so so much harder to try to nip things in the bud now that they are older. Heed the warning! ;) I LOVE my job! It's the most rewarding thing in the world, and ohhh the bonuses and perks are like nothing else! I feel so blessed right now to have all these different stages of childhood under my roof. I have an inquisitive 6-year-old, learning and growing at a fast pace, excited about getting his first wobbly tooth (not happening yet!) and so on. But I don't have to just remember the earlier stages that I loved. I still have a fun, energetic 4-year-old who is excited about starting school, loves painting and gets into all sorts of mischief. But I don't just enjoy these two and remember wistfully the sweet earlier stages they went through. I still have a precious little 3-year-old who pronounces things soooo sweetly and comes out with funny phrases, who snuggles and loves his Monkey and Blankie, and still looks like a baby when he sleeps.

How blessed I am right there!! But I don't just enjoy my three treasures and think back to the baby days and miss them. I still have a darling 18-month-old who squeals with glee at games of peek-a-boo, and his favourite story books, still snuggles up to me to breastfeed, and is busy cutting teeth, starting to do that cute bobbly toddler run, and say all sorts of new words. Such a precious stage! Growing and changing so fast and not so much a baby any more. But I don't have to feel wistful about that because I still have a sweet newborn baby to cuddle and smell, and nurse and dote on, and enjoy all the smiles and coos, and look forward excitedly to when he learns to do all the things his big brothers are doing at their various stages.

I. Am. Sooooooooo blessed. Seriously, I can't get my head around it. I have to pinch myself sometimes, and wonder that God has chosen to bless me this way, with five children, five sweet little boys. I feel sort of guiltily greedy praying for more, but ohhhhh I do! With everything in me I am longing for more! I love this journey so much, I love being mummy to each of my boys so very much, and I can't wait to start the journey all over again with another sweet little boy (really, I can't imagine we'll start having girls all of a sudden, now - can you?!). I don't know what lies ahead beyond a 6-year-old, having no experience of parenting children older than that, but I'm excited about it! And wonder what fun it will be to be enjoying all these stages with my little ones and to throw a 7-8 year old into the mix as well! :)

Well, it is getting late and I need to make sure I have everything ready for tomorrow before going to bed. Samuel is 41 days old tomorrow and by law I have to register his birth within 42 days. I completely forgot!!! I did have the odd reminder from the Health Visitor and such, but promptly forgot as soon as she'd left, so whoops, I need to go to their drop in appointment when they first open in the morning! Then on Tuesday morning, Samuel and I have osteopath appointments at the same place where Benjamin was treated. Just an assessment for him, and HELP! for my pelvis and back for me. So very glad the time for our appointment has arrived! I will try to update again soon! :)


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Monday, 24 January 2011

An attempt to catch up! :S

Well, it's about time I updated my blog, don't you think?! ;) It has been over 3 weeks since I last updated, and I have been increasingly wanting to get the chance to update with a load of thoughts and plans in my head to write down. So much is happening in my days now that my head sort of spins on its axis (I know! Who knew my head had an axis?! Apparently so.) and so I never remember a THING from day to day what with all the round-and-round-and-round-and-round that my head is doing all the time. Best to write it down when I get the chance! So here I am :)

I am sort of keeping up with updating my pregnancy blog about Samuel's early weeks. He will be 5 weeks old tomorrow, which is amazing to me. How fast that has gone! He's so lovely, and we all love him completely. The boys' only complaint about him is that they don't get to see him enough because he's upstairs napping for part of the day! Benjamin turns out to be a wonderful big brother, at 18 months old right now. He has not been wary of Samuel at all, just like the others have not been with the sibling right below them when they were his age. I LOVE this age gap! :) He is so gentle with Samuel, and often stops as he passes him in the bouncy chair to stroke his head or put his arms around him in the chair saying, "Cuddoh!", or to give him a kiss with a sweet little peck sound. He hates it when Samuel cries, and fetches nappies for him when I ask him to, and brings him his own favourite toys often. I love watching Benjamin be a big brother! :)

Ohhh there's so much to "make note of" that I think I will just have to do a quick summary of each thing as I come to it, and then start another seemingly random subject in the next paragraph, otherwise I'll never get much of it written about before I have to stop for today!

Nathan turned 3 this month, on January 12th. I just can NOT believe that tiny boy is three! For a few weeks there I had three children aged 2 and under! :) So much fun! Neil had to work on Nathan's birthday, but he had a good day because that week my parents were here to visit, as it was Neil's first week back at work after paternity leave. They stayed with my grandparents and came to visit for the whole afternoon every day for 6 days. They played games with the boys and read stories, brought me lunch every day, and generally were lovely to have around!

Here's my daddy reading a story to Matthew, Nathan and Benjamin (they were forever presenting him with books to read - this is how all the boys are generally. They NEVER get tired of being read to, which is lovely!). Benjamin sees me! ;)



While he was doing that, my mummy was playing a fun geography game with Arthur (which she gave Matthew for Christmas, and he loves it too, but Arthur is intensely interested in geography so would play this at any opportunity!):



And Samuel was in the bouncy chair for a moment while I took photos! :) He was sleeping (2-and-a-bit weeks old here):



On Nathan's birthday they brought him a present and he had fun with them here. We had birthday cake (he asked specifically for a chocolate cake with chocolate icing and Smarties, and it had to have a James (from Thomas the Tank Engine) theme). I made him a cake with James copied onto it with ready-made writing icing. I wish I could have made a James-SHAPED cake but it was too much with everything being so new and exhausting that week! I also forgot to take a photo of the cake :( It's on video but I haven't uploaded it to see if there's any sort of evidence of it yet. I made Smarties into the number 3, so that incorporated his Smarties wish! :) Nathan got a few Thomas-related presents like stickers and a Thomas memory card game. He got some jigsaw puzzles - he LOVES doing those. He is putting together puzzles of up to about 30 pieces now, and those challenge him enough for now. Matthew is putting together 50-60 piece puzzles and can do those fine but will ask for help and think he can't manage without it! Benjamin is putting 2 pieces together, that sort of thing! ;) And Arthur is doing 150-200 piece puzzles, which he really enjoys doing. He sits and sings and hums and clacks his tongue and so on, happily in his own little world, while he puts puzzles together. Arthur's favourite puzzles are the world map with flags, or ones with lots of dinosaurs on, hehe! Nathan's are vehicle or Thomas related, but he'll do ANY puzzle because he so enjoys putting the pieces together and completing it. Matthew seems less enthusiastic in general about jigsaw puzzles than Arthur and Nathan, but still does them eagerly.

Oh yes! Nathan's birthday! Off on a tangent there! ;)

Sooo he is three! Officially a "big boy" in our family - this is the age we make a big thing about reaching. He has been quite happy to be a little boy until this month, and reminded me often that he and Benji were still "little boys". He is telling me how he weew not ever sit on a potty, but that he might do that when he's a big boy! I think that's why he's been reminding me such a lot that he's still a LITTLE boy, hehe! But now he is a big boy! We don't start potty training our boys until age 3 and a quarter at the earliest. Matthew was not ready in the slightest until a YEAR later than that. He is now 100% potty trained in the WEE department. He very rarely has an accident and can hold on if he needs to. He is still in nappies at night (we haven't even considered night time potty training yet for him), and he is NOT there with his poos yet. He still does all of his poos in a nappy. He just tells me when he thinks he needs to do one and asks for a nappy, so I put one on him. He has done a few on the big toilet and gets mightily rewarded for doing so, as per the consultant's recommendation last year! But he mostly opts for the nappy. He is still anxious about it, but we're just playing it cool and trucking on. The consultant he saw said that he is sure that Matthew doesn't have any physical problems, and that he'll get the hang of it eventually. He had a follow-up with a community support team but it was scheduled for Jan 11th and I could not manage to get all the little ones out to it so soon after having Samuel with Neil not here to help me, so I postponed it until March. We're not concerned about Matthew at the moment, and it's really just an appointment for reassurance. I know he's 4 and a half and "late" for potty training (he would be halfway through his first proper year of school if he wasn't homeschooled! Can't imagine putting him through that without being fully potty trained), but I know he'll get there in his own time.

Sooo, pretty soon I will start floating the idea with Nathan. If he asks sooner than April then we'll try it sooner. I think he'll be more ready than Matthew was, and it won't be such a difficult process this early. He DOES have major issues with poos, and has done for at least 6 months now. He won't do them. He holds on for several days, getting more and more miserable and worried in the last couple of those days, and then finally poos with much tears and screaming. We pretty much have to help him most of the time, because he resists the whole time and clamps his legs together. So that part might not be so good for the potty training! But hopefully it will be a different story on the potty, who knows? I am not feeling impatient at all about getting him out of nappies. I feel in NO hurry, and it's another thing that signifies him growing up so I am kind of sad to think of it, in all honesty! I have also been changing nappies without a break for 6 years, and 3 different children in nappies for the last 3 years, so I am 100% used to it now, and it will feel strange one day not to change a bunch of nappies all day long, lol! I actually like it. I know I'm probably strange, but I don't mind it at all. I do not miss cloth nappies one bit! ;) We used them for 3 years and now we have used disposables for 3 years and I have not looked back once, which surprises me. I did LOVE cloth, but I really really don't miss it. I like the ease of disposables, and with four kiddos in nappies I NEED that ease right now! ;)

We are back to school for the first time in MONTHS next week!!! So exciting! I set the first week of February as the time we'd start back up, because that would give me 6 weeks from having Samuel, and that's what the wise advice was at MOMYS. Also I had planned last summer that we would change our academic year to match the calendar year, instead of starting in September like the schools do. We were behind because I had been morning sick and we'd done very little school during that time. We did school through the summer and then stopped in September to do the Big Bedroom Swap and lay laminate flooring in the living room. That dragged on (ohhh did it drag on!) and then we sort of blinked and Neil was starting a new job at the beginning of November, which was a big change for us all. I reached full term in my pregnancy at the same time and, well, school didn't happen in the autumn after all. We did a loose school schedule and based it on an autumn theme, doing autumn crafts and learning as much about autumn-related things as possible from books. I like what we did so much that I am going to make a seasonal box for each season, to pull out when a new season starts! I got a lot of things for our autumn theme - squirrel, leaf and tree shaped cookie cutters, primary school age books on squirrels, hedgehogs, and seasonal changes for autumn, autumn stories and poems (lots of these!), and collage items, craft ideas, and printouts with an autumn theme. I think I will box all those things up together and bring them out next autumn, because it will be fresh and exciting to open it all up again by then, and I will have a bunch of ready-prepared things to get stuck into for the preschoolers (which will be Nathan and probably Benjamin by then as he'll be 2 and a quarter and will probably go for the crafty stuff!).

Anyway, so that was "school" in the autumn. We had a total break from the very end of November and haven't done anything since. Except that we've given the boys a free rein to explore and learn about anything they're interested in. I have been guilt-tripping all winter about it, hehe! But how surprised I have been, because Arthur has learned so much more in the months that I haven't done school with him, than when I was doing school before that! He wasn't reading as such before, when we were still doing our Rocket Phonics reading lessons. He COULD read the exercises in each lesson, so I guess he was reading. But he couldn't pick up an easy reader lying about the house and read it. He couldn't read Green Eggs and Ham yet or anything like that. Then I stopped teaching him. And now he's reading! He just taught himself, and I started to notice that he would tell me something he'd seen on a world map, and I would ask him how he knew it, and he just said, "I read it." So I began to wonder if maybe he could read more things than I thought he could. Over time he has become more and more fluent at reading, and sits reading the animal encyclopedia, the main encyclopedia and the children's atlas, usually at least a couple of hours a day in total. He used to pick up those books and beg me to read him facts from them, but I couldn't keep doing it for as long as he wanted me to! So in the end he seemed to just determine to read it himself! And he did!

When my parents came over, my mum brought some Oxford Learning Tree readers that she had found at the studio (my dad's business just closed - he ran a studio that made audio books, and when they cleared it out they found a TON of children's books and things in the book archives). She wondered if they would come in handy somewhere down the line. I don't know anything about that range, even after googling, because I couldn't seem to find out much about what sort of ages or abilities matched which books. The books she gave us were the complete set of level 6 and level 7 - very good to have! When I looked at them, the stories seemed way too hard for Arthur. I didn't KNOW that but I just thought they looked complicated. They had most of the different phonics combinations, silent letters, long words and so on, so I figured he would not be ready for that for a while, even though he's reading. I told my mum I was planning to do some sort of assessment on his reading when we started school again, so that I could see where I should pick up in his curriculum. Nice confident plan, but actually I had NO IDEA how I was doing to assess him or how I would know what to do next! Sometimes I wonder why on earth I am trying to teach my own children at home! ;) I really have no clue what I'm doing, do not be deceived if for a second you ever think maybe I do, hehe!

Anyway I put the books on the stairs to take up with me later in the day. Arthur saw them after my parents went home that day, and asked if I could read one to him. I told him they were readers, which he would read himself one day, and he was excited and wanted to read one RIGHT NOW! I told him he wasn't ready for them yet, because I thought the words inside were too hard for him right now, but that we'd learn more with Rocket Phonics soon and then he would be ready to read them in a few months maybe. He was determined to prove me wrong, and said he WAS ready and he was sure he could read them. He was so persistant that eventually I said he could try reading a Level 6 book. He chose the last book in that series and brought it downstairs to me, absolutely bristling with enthusiasm!

He read the whole book, cover to cover, fluently without a break. He did not struggle with silent letters or words with phonics sounds like "ou" or "ai" in them, or longer words like "adventure" or "dangerous". He asked me a couple of times what a word said - "light" was one of them, and I think "thought" was another. I was just speechless, because I totally did not have any idea that he could read like that! I knew he was reading stuff but I had never heard him sit and read a story to me, especially one that was quite a hard story for a young reader! It just wasn't something I expected, that's all. Soooo, now I don't know what to do with his phonics lessons! I am going to read through the Rocket Phonics curriculum this week to get an idea of where I should pick up lessons with him. Or whether it's possible that continuing the curriculum would be a bad idea? I don't want to be pedantic and boring about it, if he's chomping at the bit to devour stories and can do so much more than the curriculum is offering him. He still needs some instruction on various aspects of phonics though, so I am not sure how to play it really. For now, our reading lessons (when they start) will be Rocket Phonics for Matthew, and listening to Arthur read one of these readers every other day. They're quite long and he was tired after reading the last one, so I think half a book a day would be a better pace. It will help him build up his reading stamina in any case.

We are all eager to start maths again! It seems a long time since we've done that subject now, and the Right Start Math curriculum is SO much fun! I can't wait to start that up again with Arthur. He is about 8 or 9 lessons from the end of Level A, and we have Level B set up and ready to go. I will pick up where we left off with Arthur, and begin at lesson one of Level A with Matthew on Monday! How exciting!!! Matthew gets all breathless thinking about it, and his eyes shine, and my heart just melts when I see him look like that! He's such a sweetheart, and I love his excitement over starting school. He is in awe that he'll actually be allowed to start proper maths!

The only other academic thing I plan to focus on is writing. Just the 3 "R"s this year, and the rest child-led. Child-led has astounded me, but I get too nervous to actually pursue "unschooling" completely! It is just incredible how much Arthur knows for his age, and NONE of it has been taught by me. It's completely led by Arthur. He is passionate, and I do mean PASSIONATE about geography. He has several intense interests (animals, science, dinosaurs, history and geography - none of which are "subjects" that we've ever done at school yet) and spends time every day learning stuff about them. I absolutely cannot stop him, even when I WANT to (and sometimes I do!). He seems to me to particularly favour geography-related things. I asked him recently which of those subjects made him the most excited, and he said that was a difficult question to answer but he would have to say "the world" was his favourite thing to learn about. I asked him why, and he said, "I don't know... It's just so.... so INTERESTING!"

He has a globe and a children's atlas, and we look at online maps and things. He has books about animals that have information about the part of the world they live in, and so on. He remembers everything he is told, the first time he is told it. He has an amazing visual memory and if he sees a country on a map, and I ask him about that country at a later point, he'll trace the shape of it in the air with his finger as he's trying to describe it to me, so I know he "sees" it in his visual memory even having just seen it once.

He's especially interested in animals that have become extinct, and can tell me a lot of different animals that I've never heard of and the years they became extinct. He knows random facts about the world like Greenland is part of the Kingdom of Denmark, and there's a river dolphin in India (I forget its name, but Arthur doesn't!) which is critically endangered and there are only between 100 and 500 of them left. He can tell me all these distinct differences between dozens and dozens of different kinds of whales and dolphins (from a book) and how each one breaches and whether they're shy or inquisitive, endangered or locally common, and what exactly it is that is threatening their numbers. He knows all his continents and oceans, and can name pretty much any flag of the world by sight. He LOVES flags! :) My mum got him a Flags of the World sticker book for Christmas, and he has put all the stickers in place and now just sits reading it. From that book he has started to tell us the exact DATE this or that country adopted its flag!!

I am not remotely trying to brag about my boy here, but I am honestly just astounded by him on a regular basis. I also desperately want to record all this kind of thing somewhere so that I have reference of it as he learns more and gets older - stuff to look back on, and something to chart his progress sort of. I have been longing to write stuff here for a couple of months, but never found time. It is going to sound like I am showing off the stuff he can do or the things he knows, but I DON'T want to do that, because I don't care what other people think in any case, and also I can't stand it when other people do that about their kids! I would not want to. I just want to be transparent and honest about my thoughts about him, and also be honest about how excited I feel that he's so bright and learning at such a pace with such enthusiasm! I also LOVE how it's nothing to do with me, haha! I can't boast in anything, other than the LORD who gave him the brain that he's got. I'm proud of him but I really can't take any PRIDE in it, you know? And that's good for me.

Also I should probably be honest and say that a lot of the time I really struggle with having an Arthur around when he's zinging with information! I LOVE having my Arthur around, of course, but it's the part where he never switches off for a millisecond, from waking at 6.15am or so, to falling asleep at 8pm or so. Random and quick example: last night I tucked him into bed, put my arms around him and told him for the 7th time to stop talking and asking me questions because now it's time to go to sleep. There was finally quiet for about 30 seconds. I pulled back from him and stroked his hair off his forehead and whispered, "Night night lovey. Have sweet dreams." He replied, "What's 12 and another 12? I can't remember, and we haven't done maths in AGES so it's not adding up right on the abacus in my head." I feel WEARY sometimes, and I feel guilty for that because it's TOTALLY AND UTTERLY A WONDERFUL THING that he's like this, learning and eager and never wanting to stop. I should embrace it every single second and give give give to him at every opportunity, no matter if it's starting to frazzle my brain or tire me out. I shouldn't think, "Oh please just STOP telling me facts! Please BE QUIET about the bowhead whale! I really just don't CARE any more about when Macedonia adopted its flag! NO MORE QUESTIONS, PLEASE!!!" And I certainly shouldn't think that on even a semi-regular basis. I feel guilty. But honestly it does drive me absolutely batty a lot of the time. He is so intense! Everybody comments on it, EVERYBODY. My dad says he's glad that Arthur is being homeschooled because he thinks Arthur would have a hard time from other kids at school, and be bored senseless in any case. That sounds a bit extreme but I believe he's right because it was my own experience and Arthur is uncannily like I was at his age, in the same ways too. My grandfather thinks Arthur is "exceptional" and therefore should have the benefit of being in school. *sigh* I think I am doing a good thing for him, and depsite my struggles with his intensity sometimes, I do love teaching him new things and hearing his enthusiastic chatter. I love seeing him learn and grow and change, and I consider it an incredible privilege to be the one to share it with him, to be involved entirely in every aspect of his learning. I would NEVER rather send him to school, even for the "break". I can't fathom having or even wanting a break, physically, from any of my kids! Mentally, maybe, for some quiet-head time, but I wouldn't want them away from me just for the sake of me. It seems sad to me when I hear mothers saying they don't know what to do with their kids because it's the school holidays, or bad weather - are they so unused to the constant company of their children?! How sad, if so! :( Or the other one about not being able to wait until school starts again so they don't have to have the constant company of their children! It seems almost universal too. I do not get that at all, and it makes me feel sad.

Samuel just woke for a feed and it's getting late now so I will have to stop. Oh but the other aspect of school this year is going to be Bible-based, and general focus on learning about God (and living for Him), and some Scripture memorisation too. I want to do much more than we managed to do last year, because it's more important than all the academic stuff put together. I'll also build in a part of our school morning for them to learn about anything they are interested in, since that seems to be going so well! I also want to start preschool as a regular block in the morning before school, with Nathan and Benjamin. Just motor skills and stuff like cutting, sticking, colouring, jigsaws, crafts, etc. I can't WAIT to really get stuck into school this year! Next year we'll start science, geography and history as subjects, definitely with a curriculum for science (I'm pretty set on Apologia Science so far but will wait to buy it until nearer the time, in case I find anything I somehow like better (but I doubt it!)), and maybe a curriculum for the others, if I find one I like. So far I think I may end up just doing geography and history "off the cuff" (!!) instead of from a curriculum, as I think that will suit us better. Music! That's the other thing! Oh but no time to talk about it now, tsk! Must go to bed!

Other things to mention another time (so I don't forget!):

* Photos! Loads to post.
* New vehicle! Trading in our Citroen C8 (7-seater minivan) for a Renault Trafic (9-seater minibus) NEXT WEEKEND!!!
* Benjamin's stuff - speech, mannerisms, sweet little habits, things he's doing now, etc. Loads of changes for little Benjaminny! Love that sweet little manny!
* Haircuts - just starting another round of much-needed haircuts! Have done Nathan's last week, and need to do the other three this week. Benjamin first (gulp! Not sure he'll tolerate it!) because his is actually getting in his eyes.
* More school-y waffle, hehe! Thoughts and plans and ideas! I'm just so excited about it!
* Neil's work - going well! Good things in the pipeline perhaps, too!
* Moving thoughts - we need to move this year.
* Just waffle about being Mummy to my five littlies :)
* Probably tons more but I am forgetting it all now. Must go to bed!

Hopefully I will update again soon!

Oh and thank you Annie for the links you keep posting! :) I DO like you to post them, and am definitely still interested in adoption blogs! Thanks for taking the time to tell me about them! I haven't looked them up yet but I will do!

It's Neil's birthday tomorrow, although he'll be at work. Today the three eldest boys each made a card for Daddy - Nathey is doing great with scissors and glue, I am noticing! A first for him today! We also made a birthday cake together in the afternoon, so it has been a fun day. Benjamin and Samuel took their naps - I have no choice but to make SURE they coincide, which is very helpful for the other three doing "big boy" activities while they sleep (and school, next week!). So tomorrow we'll do cake and presents at some crazy hour (7am? Earlier?!) before Neil has to go to work. He gets home right as they are about to get in bed, so it can't really be done then. It's a long day without Daddy for the boys :( But I hope he has a good birthday, and I'm glad he'll have cake to take with him! And the boys are SO excited! They love a birthday! :)

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Friday, 31 December 2010

A Lovely Year!

It's New Year's Eve and there are about 20 minutes left before midnight. I just felt like briefly reflecting on things, because that's what happens as you wait for one year to end and another to begin, isn't it?!

Oh I will miss 2010! I have loved this year, and I feel sort of sad to see it come to an end. I love the even number (petty detail I know!). Neil spent most of the year out of work and I guess it could be easy to see the negatives from this past year, but honestly I can only see the blessings. How wonderful it has been to have him home from work all the time for such a long time! He has been so great with the boys and so helpful to me around the house. And how God has blessed us by providing for us along the way - we somehow scraped by! And then by blessing Neil with a new job to keep us going in November. And he really likes his job, which is great!

In March, I got pregnant with Samuel, and so I have spent basically the whole year pregnant. I LOVE being pregnant! :) It's such a blessing (yes, I think I will be using that word a lot this entry - I just feel like I have a LOT of them to count right now). Samuel was born on December 21st at 1.41pm, in my bed at home! He weighed 9lbs 9oz and was 59cm (23.5in!) long!! My biggest baby by far! There are photos and such at my pregnancy blog but I will try to get some photos up here too soon. Right now he is 10 days old and Neil is still at home on paternity leave. It is unpaid so we'll feel the pinch of that pretty soon, but never mind. He was not eligible for paid paternity leave because he had only just started the job, but they were very willing for him to take the time all the same, and we felt it was important enough to take the financial hit. Thankfully Christmas and New Year are falling right within the 2 weeks he is taking, which is wonderful for our time as a family over the Christmas holidays, but also there are 2 Bank Holiday Mondays within it, which save him taking unpaid leave on those two days! :) He is going back to work on Jan 4th, which is coming up pretty soon actually! I am resting completely, mostly in bed nursing or napping. Last time we discovered it was the best way for me to be the most efficiently recovered by the time Neil went back to work, and this time it seems to be working out that way too. I feel very well rested already, and am eager to get stuck into the housework (of which there is PLENTY building up, yikes!) and my days raising FIVE little boys now.

I am so very blessed to have five children, and five sons at that! I feel somewhat nervous about the task ahead of me, especially getting used to juggling five and sleep deprivation and homeschooling (though I am not turning my thoughts to school until the end of January, to give myself chance to adjust first), and alllllll the constant discipline and so on that's involved in mothering so many little boys! I am pretty sure I am completely inadequate to the task, but THANKFULLY (oh so thankfully!!!) I have Jesus. And I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Pheweee. Because otherwise I would be toast! But I've got to remember to lean on Him and not try to do it in my own strength all the same, because if I forget to do that, I will also be toast. Yes.

I always miss being pregnant when I'm not, and that has kicked in already! So I'm sad to leave 2010 behind and move on to a new year. Since 2004 I have been pregnant every year:

2004 - Arthur was conceived and born.
2005 - Matthew was conceived.
2006 - Matthew was born.
2007 - Nathan was conceived.
2008 - Nathan was born, and Benjamin was conceived.
2009 - Benjamin was born.
2010 - Samuel was conceived and born.

How BLESSED am I?!?! Just looking at that list fills me with such joy! Now 2011 would feel strangely empty without some part of a pregnancy in it, and I am praying that God will bless us again later this year. I don't think I could ever get tired of having babies. Raising them is much much harder, but I would not want to be doing anything else all the same.

Well there are 4 minutes to go until midnight. I am sitting up in bed with my laptop, and Samuel is sleeping next to me in my bed. We have no TV so I can't count down and see Big Ben's "bongs", but oh well. I hear fireworks already all over the place. Right after this, I will snuggle down with my tiny boy and he'll probably wake and I will nurse him and fall asleep with him. I love my life. I am so happy and feel so blessed. I'm so thankful for this past year, and feel excited and eager about the year ahead. Nervous, if I forget to look at God, but otherwise just happy and excited. Thank you Lord! I love you!

Happy New Year everyone! Be blessed and healthy in 2011!

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